Bad Girl's Guide

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Interracial Dating

There's a great post on Smart at Love that focuses on Inter-racial dating. We've explored this before but now it goes into a bit more depth. This is my contribution to guest blogging Wednesday. (Yeah, I do realise it's Thursday!) When you guys have a moment, step on over there, take the survey and let me know what you think.

When the results of the survey are collated, we will be the first to know. So go help a sister out and let's know your thoughts on interracial dating.

Take the survey Here.
Read the article Here.

Posted by Vixen @ 12:54 PM :: 9 trainees letting it rip!

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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Vixen's Guide to: Public Displays of Affection

Spring is in the air and with it the young lovers of the day emerge from their winter hibernation and come out to play. There are couples everywhere, that sometimes it's so sickly sweet. There is a fine line between public displays of affection and public displays of lewd acts. Here are my rules that I feel most two-somes should adhere to in order to keep walking the line between cute and nauseating.

1. No Sex in Public: This includes oral, anal, vaginal etc. Get a friggin' room! No one wants to see your private bits as well as your wobbly bits in public. You might think that because you are at the back of the theatre it's ok to do the nasty, but trust me, most strangers know what you are doing, they are just too embarrassed to say anything about it.

2. No Sexually Suggestive Posturing: This includes but is not limited to dry-humping, the bump 'n grind as well as that bump, bump move on the dance floor. We know that you are getting laid tonight, no need to announce it to the whole wide world! Added to that, certain moves have the potential of making you look slutty and trashy all in one.

3. No Doggy Kisses: Ok, that is just downright gross! Please, don't lick yourselves in public, I can't harp on this enough---save it for private quarters. Licking the face and smearing saliva all over the place is liable to make me smash a bottle on my head just to focus my energies elsewhere.

4. No Grabbing Privates: I don't even know why I'm spelling this out. Of course it's not cool to cup your man's bits in your hand as you suggestively do #2 or #3. Likewise, his hands shouldn't be on your boobies...there are children about!

5. No Spanking: Some of you might argue that this is just a playful swat on the bum and can't be construed as a lewd act, however, if it's done in a porn video, it counts as a lewd act.

Accepted caresses to the general public that won't get you arrested, impaled by a stranger's rude stare or downright laughed at include hugs, kisses, handholding, arms around waists/shoulders and running your fingers through the other's hair. That's it. Anything else is going to get you fined in Vixen's Court of Lewd Acts.

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Posted by Vixen @ 11:44 AM :: 13 trainees letting it rip!

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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

More on the BS Meter

The question of the day: Why can't men say what they mean and mean what they say?

Answer: Actually they do, it's just that we are NOT LISTENING.

A guy will let you know the kind of person he is. The red flags start to show from the first date, when little subterfuges and lies send your Sixth Sense screaming. However, most of us project what we want to see and hear onto the guy and keep those rose tinted goggles on.

A man will tell you exactly the kind of person he is. You can tell from his relationships with other people, his mother and the way he treats the wait-staff. You can tell from how he interacts with children and animals. You can tell from how he is on the phone when he's dealing with Customer Service. You can tell when you go out and you see him rubbernecking. You can tell from what he's told you about his relationship with his ex. You can tell from his job. You can tell from his possessions. You can tell from the things you see in his apartment. You can tell from those ignorant, biased comments he makes about how he views the world. You can tell if he says to you, "I'm a jerk, I'm an asshole, I'm a dick, I'm a cheat, I'm a bad, bad man." He tells you everything you need to know about him.

We just need to start listening. We have to stop focusing so much on how we feel and how we think when we are with them. We need to listen to our sixth sense and trust our intuition. We need to stop letting sex cloud our judgement and alcohol impair our thinking. We need sometimes to listen to our girlfriends who see that something is wrong. We need to trust ourselves, trust our gut, trust our intuition.

Let's pick up those little red flags from the onset. Sure, some things are big enough to kick a fuss about, but when it's combined with something else, then something else; hey buster, 3 strikes and you're out!

If we listen more to our sixth sense we will be able to spot the heartbreakers a mile a way and steer clear. We will be able to weed out the Mr. Unavailables and the Undesirables. We will be able to find the man that is right for us and stop wasting time on riff-raff.

We need to start to listen.

Originally written for Baggage Reclaim. Have you been to Baggage Reclaim today?

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Posted by Vixen @ 3:57 AM :: 12 trainees letting it rip!

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Friday, April 21, 2006

The Girl Code

Here's a cool project for the weekend. Let's write out the Girl Code on Venus in black and white. Most of us know the rules of the Sisterhood, they've somehow been implanted in us since birth (even though some break/bend the rules) we know them. For some reason, guys find it hard to understand all the rules of the Sisterhood.
  1. As a member of the Sisterhood, you must love yourself, know yourself and be yourself.
  2. You should always love the sisterhood.
  3. Chicks before dicks. Every single time (my personal favorite).
  4. You must always protect your sisterhood and yourself from bad situations like date rape, the Undesirables and Heartbreakers.
  5. Keep secrets a SECRET! Never spill your sister's secrets even if you two have a fight or stop being friends. Secrets of the sisterhood are kept to the grave.
  6. Listen to your Sixth Sense. Let your woman's intuition be your guide, it won't lead you astray.
  7. Honor the Code. Do not sleep with/mess around with your sister's man/ex/booty call/baby daddy etc.
  8. When you do get a man, even if he is the best thing since Wonderbread, do not ditch your sisterhood for the guy. Keep your life.
  9. After your sister has been dumped, treatment includes but is not limited to chocolate, ice-cream, girls night in, chick flicks, girls night out, ceremonial torching (remember, safety first), therapeutic shopping spree and a coming out party. After the mourning period and when the time is right, encourage her to get an Upgrade.
  10. Anything you learn about sex has to be shared with the Sisterhood. This includes great tips on blowjobs, afterplay, sexual encounters as well as kissing tips. Don't hold all those juicy moves to yourself, share and share alike!
  11. Dissuade your sister from cheapening herself. Steer her away from destructive dating habits like becoming a psycho stalker, a crazy ass bitch, sex with the ex, being a rebound girl, the other woman or joining a harem.
  12. If your sister's man is cheating, please tell her. Don't let her find out months later when you could have spared her all those months of heartache and pain.
  13. If your sister tells you that your man is cheating, try to believe her. She usually wants what is best for you and isn't trying to make you unhappy. Listen to what she has to say and open your eyes! Don't take your anger out on her accusing her of being jealous of your relationship or casting aspersions on your friendship. Chances are...she's most probably right, you just have to open your eyes and see the red flags waving in the wind. Refer to rule #3.
  14. Assist your sister in times of distress. This includes but is not limited to emotional phone calls, breakups, shopping needs, when she's drunk, stranded or in some kind of relationship hell.
  15. Tell her when an outfit makes her look bad/fat/whatever and definitely tell her if her makeup is smeared or needs fixing. I HATE to look in the mirror and see smeared eyeliner knowing I've been with the chicks and NO ONE told me. ~ Overactive Imagination.
  16. If a sister is doing something incorrectly, like mispronouncing a word, or using a word improperly tell her. I work with someone who said the following in a meeting, "I want to share an antidote." An antidote? Why? Was I bitten by a snake? No one told her so my friend told her. It was making her look stupid, which she is not. I thought it was a classy move. ~Whoami
  17. Tell a sister the truth...if she looks like shit, her clothers too baggy or her makeup is running she needs to know. Can't let a sister walk around looking awful all night. Just ain't right!~ girlgoyle
  18. Always have your sister's back 24/7. If a sister is nervous about going on a date, plan ahead. Agree that you will call her an hour into the date and make up some excuse to get her out of there if she is uncomfortable. (Even if it means you are hypothetically stuck in Nowheresville because your car broke down, because the there was a spider in the car, because you tried to stomp on the spider with your shoe, because your arm is on fire [hey, it could happen]...either way, you are a friend in an emergency.) ~ Lemondrop
  19. I also think that sisters should support each other. If a sister wants to be a cheerleader and not a marine biologist and she is happy then support her! Even if you don't like cheerleaders. If she's happy who are we, as her sisters, to not support her because cheerleading is, well..stupid. ~ Whoami
  20. Even if you don't know your sister, don't assume the worst. Celebrate the fact that you're sisters and in this together. That being said, don't hate on her outfit, give her a mean look, steal a glance at her boyfriend/husband/date, and don't talk about her behind her back. All too often, we're so mean to one another, unprovoked. Play nice!~ Andrea
Ok, you guys get the drift...did I leave any out?

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Posted by Vixen @ 6:39 PM :: 18 trainees letting it rip!

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Thursday, April 20, 2006

When He Doesn't Return Your Calls

You happen to be 'seeing' this guy who you think you might have potential together. All of a sudden, he stops calling you. Of course, after a few of days, I'm sure that you take the initiative and call him back but you get sent to Voicemail. You try at different times of the day, trying to get in contact with him and leave a couple of messages to no avail. He's not returning your calls.

Now, first of all if I catch you sitting by the phone waiting for his phone call I will so get ballistic on you. Remember, you are a busy girl in high demand with lots of friends, hobbies, social engagements and personal time to keep you busy while your phone isn't ringing. If after you left a message or 2 he hasn't called you, emailed you, or sent a text to you back, chances are you've been ummm, deleted.

You might want to rationalise that maybe he's busy (we all are), out of town (not bloody likely), dealing with a family crisis (perhaps but still another excuse), is languishing in the hospital post an accident (you wish), got abducted by aliens or some other reason, but you have to look at the cold hard facts and see his refusal to make contact as what it really is. He's done, it's over, kaput. He doesn't want to have anything to do with you.

I know it sucks, rejection sucks all round, but it's better that you found out earlier on what a lily livered, yellow bellied coward he is than later on in the game. Here are some REAL reasons why he probably isn't returning your calls.
  1. His Ex is back in the picture. He might still have feelings for her, he slept with her and is having some guilt based on that or they still have unfinished business. Either way, you don't want to be the rebound girl, so it's best that he is on his way.
  2. He got a better offer. Yeah, sorry to say it like this, but some other chick got his attention faster than you did. This is probably because she put her booty on the table (and we all know which head controls the average male). There's nothing to do about this one; he would rather go for instant gratification than linger to develop a deep and genuine connection with you. Chalk it up as his loss and move on.
  3. He has caught feelings for you. And he's too scared to make any kind of commitment. So he's backing off before he gets in too deep with you.
  4. You have expressed your feelings to him. Or he has sensed your growing feelings. Once again, commitment phobia strikes and he bails.
  5. You aren't following the timeline. A lot of guys figure that if they are nice, pay up and act right, they should be able to score some booty by the 2nd-4th date. If you are way past that and still not giving it up, he's probably resetting his priorities and hustling to find #2. This works out better for you anyway...you don't have to waste time on a guy that only wants you for your smokin' hot bod.
  6. There is a Life Crisis. You fall sick, your sibling dies, his parents get a divorce. The loss of permanency and routine doesn’t always cause lovers to cling together. Sometimes it causes them to drift apart.
  7. There's a Lover's Holiday looming. Yeah, the great and almighty Valentine's day, Christmas, your birthday is coming up and he's broke, cheap or doesn't want to go through the hassle of finding/doing something nice for you. It's a cowardly way out and many a guy have been known to take it.
  8. He's a guy. Sometimes we don't understand why they do what they do. We just have to add it on to the idiosyncrasies of the XY chromosome and move on.
Now, if after a few weeks homeboy suddenly appears from the woodwork with one paltry excuse or another, listen to what your gut is telling you before you even decide to give him a chance. For me, not returning my calls to at least tell me what's wrong is a deal breaker in my book. Chances are if he's bailed out on you before, he will do it again. Hopefully by the time he comes back, you would have already found someone more worthy of your love and affection and won't even give him a second glance.

Originally written for Baggage Reclaim. Check out other Baggage Reclaim articles at www.baggagereclaim.com!

Posted by Vixen @ 3:50 PM :: 12 trainees letting it rip!

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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Re: In Adoration, What the Guys have to say

Well, at least one guy in particular. Check out Barclay's post on this same topic. He analysed our responses and came up with a most interesting conclusion! In fact, he added a few points of his own....of why the men absolutely adore us!

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Posted by Vixen @ 1:15 PM :: 4 trainees letting it rip!

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Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Setting Firm Boundaries

I'm sure most of us have come across alot of women who have problems setting boundaries with the different men in their lives. They might feel constrained by morality, past history, fear, cowardice; or just have a hard time saying no. Some are just nice, genuinely caring and like to do the whole 'mothering and nurturing' bit. Others feel that they have to do certain things to keep the man happy and get him to stay with them. We've also heard about the women that over-extend themselves to the point of breaking just to get a guy to notice them or to please him. Isn't that the core of every heartbreaking story?

Here's a classic example, the whole Spederline marriage. She pays all the bills, takes care of his every desire, buys him expensive gifts and trinkets, allows him to drop her money in Vegas on a whim and pretty much pays the way for his life, ambitions and career with her hard-earned money. Sure along the way she's found "love", regular sex and a cute kid but everyone knows that he is enjoying an easy ride and taking advantage of her every chance that he gets.

Then we start to bemoan the fact that he's not treating us right, he's cheating or that he's taking advantage of our generosity and love.

Sweets, open your eyes...most men aren't piranhas preying on weak and helpless women. They are just regular Joes that happen to find a cozy situation and choose to stay with it as long as they can. I'm sure if you got a sweet deal that you didn't have to lift a finger to work, got your bills taken care of, 3 square meals a day, your laundry done and your every wish granted you would do everything in your power to keep the status quo.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not taking the blame away from the guys for being snivelling, lazy wimps instead of the providers and caretakers however I'm saying that we should take responsibility for creating the monster. We are the ones that give them the leeway to take and take and take and take. We are the ones that keep giving and giving until our very essence is dried up.

Let's stop creating the monster. Stop letting your lazy ass fuck boy live with you rent free messing up your house and not even bothering to lift a finger to clean. Stop paying all the bills while he uses his money from his job at McDonald's to party with his boys. Stop messing with lazy, irresponsible boys that don't know how to care for themselves let alone the responsibility of someone else. Stop giving him money to support his habits and his irresponsibility. Stop borrowing him money that you know he's never, ever going to pay back. Stop sleeping with him as a reward for his laziness. Stop allowing yourselves to be used, manipulated and taken advantage of. If you don't stop the abuse, noone else will.

There are great guys who are financially responsible and looking for a great woman like you. So why are you wasting time with a boy that is hiding behind your skirts? Kick him out. Now.

Bad Girls don't play in the sandbox with little boys pretending to be men. We only date REAL grown, responsible men.

Your thoughts?

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Posted by Vixen @ 12:33 AM :: 10 trainees letting it rip!

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Saturday, April 15, 2006

In Adoration: Why We Love Men

Here's a little meme for the weekend. List 5 things that you absolutely LOVE/admire about the opposite sex. Only thing is, you can't list what has already been listed and you MUST list 5 or more. I'll start first and amend the list as necessary from the comments. Let's be more descriptive and insightful, stay away from the cliches and the adjectives and actually admire our men.
  1. The magical ability they have to extend their arm to form a nice soft cushion for your head. My arm isn't that long!!
  2. Their Know-it-all attitude. Even when they don't know it all--they love to act like they do!
  3. The fact that they don't ask for directions. They want to be the explorers and adventurers, searching and eventually (after many hours!) finding their way. There is something to be said for that.
  4. The ability of the male mind to compartmentalize. All our emotions run is a constantly flowing river but they can stoically associate/dissociate from any emotion when necessary.
  5. They act so surprised when someone is extra nice and sweet to them. As if they weren't expecting it. And tend to show their gratitude in so many varied ways.
  6. The way they just radiate heat; I love how cuddling against a man is always such a warm place to be.
  7. That deer-in-the-headlights look they give when they say or do something that changes a woman's mood. It's so endearing that they just want to solve the problem.
  8. Their fascination with (sexual) intimacy. I think often the confidence, affection, spontaneity, etc that they display in the bedroom are reflections of their character. And so is the way they approach (sexual) intimacy.
  9. That they don't hold grudges. Because I hate age-old problems being brought up on a weekly basis.
  10. How even the most macho man has a soft spot. How appreciative they are when you understand about it. ~Romancing Simplicity
  11. The way you feel "protected" in their presence.
  12. When you are important to them, you know it.
  13. When you get a look or touch from a special guy, it makes your heart skip a beat.
  14. I love when a guy chases me in order to win my admiration.
  15. The way I can say and do goofy stuff and they don't run away thinking I am as dumb as I feel. ~Jodi
  16. That spot right between a guy's neck and shoulder that's just so perfect for snuggling. :)
  17. The fact that bugs don't [usually] scare them in the least.
  18. The humor of seeing a bunch of dutiful men seated right outside of the women's fitting room.
  19. That the good ones actually REACH for your purse when they see that your hands are full.
  20. When, in the middle of a sentence, they decide to tell you how much they care about you. Gets me every time! ~ Nicole
  21. They are useful for lifting and moving heavy things;) ~ GDG
  22. I like the way the look on their faces show almost importance and macho pride when you ask 'em to do things like kill a bug, change a lightbulb or help check out who's throwing rocks at your window. ~Jo
  23. The way they smell when they get out of the shower and put on deoderant. It's so masculine.
  24. They way they proudly flaunt their bodies. Walking around naked, looking so ridulous with their penis's flapping yet they are so proud.
  25. The look on their face when you have to go somewhere dressed up and they see you all done up. They look like they forgot you could look so pretty but it makes you feel so good.
  26. How happy they get when their teams win. It's like they are little boys again.
  27. How so they make their arms so big? That is amazing to me and so very hot. Every guy is so proud when you ask to see their muscle. ~Whoami
  28. The way their arm/shoulder/leg never gets tired of you leaning against it.
  29. The way they think you are just as beautiful in an old tee shirt, hair sticking out 15 different ways and no makeup as you are when all dolled up.
  30. The way they appreciate it when you do put in the time to get dolled up.
  31. How easy they are to please with a meal, a kiss, or a striptease.
  32. How hard they fall, once they have found The One. ~ Tubawench
  33. Their smell - fragrance mixed with their own smell - it's just so nice and masculine.
  34. That they are bigger than me which makes them perfect for spooning.
  35. The way they get protective when someone hurts their loved ones.
  36. The way how helpless, honest and unprotected they are at the moment they orgasm.
  37. Their strong hands. ~ Hernes
  38. Men are always more relaxed than I am! They remind me to chill out and calm down when i'm having a prissy hissy.
  39. Most men I know are hilarious. Think about the funniest comedian you know. I bet it's a man.
  40. Men (well, straight men) LOVE women. They love our big booties, our boobs (no matter the size) and everything about us! I love men because they love us!
  41. Men are usually more honest. Sometimes you need the truth--without the sugar coating!
  42. One word: boners. ~ Virginia Belle

You get my drift ladies.

Your turn.

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Posted by Vixen @ 4:30 PM :: 15 trainees letting it rip!

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Wednesday, April 12, 2006

How Do You Know if You are in a Good Relationship?

Ok, I figured it out, sorry I was having an uber ditzy moment. Click on the links--it's should work now!

There's a great article on Smart at Love that addresses this question. Check it out HERE.

Posted by Vixen @ 4:22 PM :: 5 trainees letting it rip!

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Into a Guy's Mind: Meet Andy

Here's a comment left by an Anonymous male (we'll call Andy) on the joke post that simply demands attention. He's raised alot of valid points and I wanted to share it with you guys.
*coughs*
Speaking as a guy, I should mention that not ALL guys are as you describe.
Let me give you ladies some insight, if you will, into a guy's mind:
Guys compete with each other for women, as many times there are more guys then there are girls to be with.
Plus, we want the hot, sexy, fiesty, creative, FUN TO TALK TO, girl who can laugh at our stupid jokes yet still be a bit down to earth, who reminds us a bit of the best parts of other girls we knew, and who we can confide in without feeling guilty, and looks awesome, we want beautiful children who are self-confident and help offset some of our crappy genes.

Guys want a lot of things, we are as different from each other as women are, in a sense. Yes, guys want action but those of us who aren't horny teens, we want a bit more then that.

Do you want to know why most guys treat women like crap and act all outwardly-tough and such? Why they aren't the way you wish they were?
Guys want women, and most women go after the guys that act like that *points up*.

Got it?

I'm still single, and I have yet to find a girl who isn't going after guys like that, mr "pimps" and the wanna-be's. The "playa's" and guys that treat women like dirt, yet they still manage to find yet another stupid girl to date. Pretty yet stupid, they don't care as long as she's a good f-er. Use, abuse, and kick to the curb, and they are not lonely.

I'm tempted to become like the guys that do that, because I'm sick of being a nice guy and being alone. Most women DO NOT HAVE ANY CLUE WHAT THEY WANT from a guy. We're guys, spell it out a bit. Show us with your actions instead of whining and bitching about how guys are all animals.

It seems many young women today are cunning, sly, and manipulative. They know how to trick a guy to buy them everything, and guess what if you're a golddigger and expect a guy to pay for everything, you'll be the one kicked to the curb. This is the year 2006, NOT 1926. Women have independance and freedom, and we're more then happy to be gentleman and pay for stuff if you offer to pay for us once in a while, or help out in other ways. If we want a slut we'll pay for one, its a lot cheaper.

Flame, rant, whatever. Your actions determine your fate.
Bye.
Ok Andy, even I have to agree with some of the points you raised. It's a proven fact over and over again that the jerks and assholes get more action/girls than nice guys. However, this still doesn't diminish the fact that there are alot of nice girls getting nice guys. The purpose of blogs like this is illumination and education, to show that it's okay to go for a great guy and stop messing with the jerks and Undesirables.

As for the diss on how guys want women that's been known. Same way that you should know that we want MEN and not little whiny boys. There are alot of great women out there, who know what they want, have their own lives, aren't gold diggers and don't take advantage of men. I can give you a list of ladies that I personally know who are single, fabulous and fiesty that you haven't even discovered yet. I don't think you have to be a jerk to get a great woman, you just have to stop looking in all the wrong places and with the wrong criteria. It's a shame that you've met a few sour apples, but so have we all--that doesn't mean that there aren't good people out there.

It's a hassle that we tend to go through alot of riff raff before we find a true gem, but that will only help us appreciate your true love better. Until then you just have to open your eyes, open your heart and keep looking. I think that you have a better chance than the average male of even finding the woman that you want/need because you KNOW what you are looking for. Good luck.

Your thoughts?

Posted by Vixen @ 1:32 PM :: 8 trainees letting it rip!

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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Being You

As women, we have the power and the ability to change our attitudes and habits based on certain scenarios. We are more adaptable and flexible in our lifestyle--however this flexibility is often taken advantage of and thought to be seen as weak.

The thing about it is that, in the guise of holding on to a guy that you like, you might actually give away bits and pieces of yourself, the elements that make you YOU. And that is where the problem comes in. See, it's easy enough to give in to a small matter/habit, but the constant erosion and compromise turns you into someone else. You become the woman that He wants you to be, his idea of the perfect woman, and you become less and less of you.

The right guy for you is going to love you just the way you are; regardless of the foibles, habits, passions and attitudes you might have. He's not going to want to change you because there is something about you that makes him just want to be around you.

You will feel free to express yourself in every single facet and will not have to hold anything back. You can be an emotional wreck at times, and still he loves you. You can be a ranting hoyden, and he still doesn't flee. You can tell him your deepest, darkest secret and express the full depths of your vulnerability and he doesn't take advantage of that or throw it back in your face.

You won't have to change for the guy who's right for you. Just be yourself. You are perfect just the way you are.

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Posted by Vixen @ 12:53 PM :: 8 trainees letting it rip!

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Saturday, April 08, 2006

Joining the Harem

Definition: A harem is a group of women that provide sexual favors for One man. Usually the number of females in a harem is 2 or more. This could be knowingly/unknowingly on the females part. A modern day harem includes any woman that is his mistress, the lover on the side, the booty call, the ex, the baby mama, the wifey, the friends with benefit and any other lady who sleeps with this guy.

Now culturally or religiously, if a harem is something that your heritage and tradition accepts, then bear in mind that this is not knocking you.

However, I refuse to be part of a harem. Why? Because I'm utterly selfish. See, I want my man all to myself, I want all his attention, all his affection, all his devotion, all his sexual prowess, all his everything... and I don't share period.

Sometimes, the sucky part is that you might not even know that you are part of a harem. He might be one of those guys that has a girl in every zip code, a dame in every city--one of those guys that being a consummate liar/player is second nature to him. He might be able to pull the wool over your eyes for a hot second, but eventually, you sixth sense is going to start screaming that something is awry.

You might suspect you are in a harem if.....
  • You don't know his house phone (land line) number and only use his cell or beeper to contact him.
  • You only see him after it's dark usually after 10pm, and never in broad daylight.
  • He always comes to you freshly showered. A shower is the best way to erase his last lover's tracks.
  • You can only call him at work or during work hours.
  • A good sign that you are part of his harem is when he leaves your house wearing jeans and a red t-shirt and when he gets home he has a white t-shirt (and he didn't take any clothes with him to change).
  • The other sign (that also happened) was that he had women "friends" calling him constantly (What's the problem? Are you Psycho? They're my FRIENDS...)
  • Still another one sign of Haremhood is when his cell phone never works (as in: You called me 20 times last night? Your calls did not come in...). ~Carmenzta
  • He leaves the room to get a phone call so you can't hear what is said.
  • He has misogynistic tendencies and occassionally refers to women as bitches or cunts. these women are his mother and sister. Not a good sign.
  • He will disappear on you and you won't know where he is for a few hours because he won't answer his phone, he's not at work, he's not at home and his friends just play dumb when you ask them.
  • If lots of girls seem to know him and you see them flirting with him, but he fails to give you an explanation of who they are or why he knows them--he's very vague. You just met other harem members!
  • He comes on REALLY strong--wines and dines you right off the bat. takes you shopping, says I love you really quickly. Pushes you to get physical right away. He is trying to distract you from the fact that he is an ASSHOLE who is CHEATING on you. Don't fall for the smoke and mirrors.
  • His stories just make sense. His "shit don't add up"--if it doesn't sounds logical, girls, he is LYING.
  • His reputation preceeds him. If you hear about him (good or bad) before you meet him, that is is a bad sign.
  • You find an earring in his bed. It's not yours. He'll try to tell you it is his sister's. He is LYING. ~ Virginia Belle
  • A telltale sign is if you're relegated to a SUNDAY night or some odd night like Tuesday. If you never see this guy on primetime, i.e. Friday or Saturday night, then chances are you're not the only one.... by a longshot. ~ Eternal Freshman
  • When he seems determined to buy you a certain fragrance, regardless of your tastes.
    The two men who have done that to me were busy trying to put that fragrance on ALL their girls in the harem. ~annie
  • He won't tell you his last name and you always end up at your house- not his. ~ashburnite
Ok, you get the drift....I know there a whole bunch of telltale signs out there, come on ladies, share!

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Posted by Vixen @ 2:11 PM :: 12 trainees letting it rip!

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Thursday, April 06, 2006

On Premature Planning

Definition: Premature planning occurs when you meet your significant other and you are already seeing images in your head of the future, the huge house with the white picket fence, 2.5 kids playing with the dog in the backyard and pretty much what you've always imagined happily ever after to be.

The problem with premature planning is simple....you are really just building castles in the sky. You are fostering your emotions, feelings and dreams on this one person and that is guaranteed to be a hard burden to bear. You are leaping ahead to the future, planning your wedding and such but forgetting to actually focus on building the relationship and savoring the moment.

In our society, instant gratification is a constant habit that tends to erode everything in our lives including our relationships. You want him to be Mr. Right, so you leap forward pushing the 'relationship markers' with aplomb and bringing up 'The Talk' to get the status of your relationship as well as forcing him to disclose his feelings and intentions (when feelings either haven't developed yet or he's humoring you to get you to shut up).

What's the big hurry? What happened to the illuminating process of getting to know someone, the companionship that gradually develops over time and the love that slowly blossoms into something deeper? What happened to spontaneity, to courtship, to love growing over time? We have given it up, are giving it up, just to rush this 'dream guy' to the next level.

I agree that you should acknowledge and seek your true desires to be in a loving relationship that eventually leads to marriage (or wherever you want it to go). I also agree that sometimes these males might need a little nudging to get them headed in the right direction. However harping, nagging, manipulating, criticizing and forcing them is not going to lead to the end that you seek.

It's ok to daydream once in a while...what if you two got married, and other sundry thoughts. But sista please, ground yourself and pull your head out of the clouds. Savor the here and now, create those memories that will last a lifetime. Stop manipulating him to be what you have in your head that Mr. Right should be and rushing to the next milestone.

Kimo Paki said, "You can't bring back the past, and you aren't promised the future...so enjoy life now."

Your thoughts?

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Posted by Vixen @ 5:39 PM :: 11 trainees letting it rip!

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Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Poem

This is a joke I had in my inbox today. It's totally unrelated, not true of all populance, but funny enough that I couldn't help but share!

FEMALE POEM

I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I want him to be gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, be not annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind
And knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I want this man to love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

MALE POEM

I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac
with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.
I know this doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

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Posted by Vixen @ 10:50 AM :: 6 trainees letting it rip!

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Monday, April 03, 2006

Solitude

I'm a great believer in the fact that when you are in a relationship you still need time apart from your significant other--time to grow, time to nurture, time to cater to your likes and hobbies, time to rejuvenate your batteries and get reconnect with yourself.

There's a great prevalence that when you meet someone that you totally click with you want to spend every single waking moment with the person, talking to them, hanging out with them or just being in the same space they are. As difficult as it may be, I heartily recommend you to dissociate yourself from being conjoined twins and seek your personal growth. If you are constantly with the same person 24/7 eventually, they will start to bug, annoy and irritate you. The things that start bugging you are little things that in the bigger picture don't really matter and will cause tiny rifts in the relationship.

If you feel like you are being stifled and controlled by a overly demanding or overly protective significant other, then ladies, I strongly urge you to seize your ME time. You have to be the one to schedule it, plan it and adhere to it, noone is going to do it for you. He might balk at the idea that you are having fun without him, or just plain away from him--but eventually he will get used to it and begin to enjoy his Me time as well.

Personal time and space is essential to the growth of every relationship. Wouldn't you agree?

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Posted by Vixen @ 12:49 PM :: 16 trainees letting it rip!

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