Bad Girl's Guide

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Phone Sex

What is your opinion on phone sex? My boyfriend and I are both busy and see each other once or maybe twice a week and generally when we talk on the phone it sometimes gets a little raunchy and he always is up for phone sex but it's really not my thing. I tried it multiple times but it really wasn't enjoyable and i was totally uncomfortable. I'm up for getting freaky anywhere any time but I feel like since we don't see each other that often maybe I should be inclined to phone sex or have a more positive approach to it. So what do you think, and why do guys enjoy it so much?

You would think because they are visual creatures, it wouldn't be an arena that would be stimulating enough for them, but we have found out that's not the case. I think the reason is that men have dirty, dirty minds. They have alot of fantasies and thoughts just swimming in those dirty minds of theirs and no outlet for it. Add the fact your boyfriend doesn't get to see you as much as he would like and so he's needing some kind of outlet. It gets old beating off in the shower by yourself while your girl is unavailable. The situation isn't something that can be avoided, however the physical urges can be alleviated slightly and phone sex is one of the ways to do so.

Masturbating by yourself can get boring after a while. But add in the sultry, sexy voice of the object of your desire and your passion is greatly intensified and amplified. He sees it as a win-win situation, it's as close as he's going to get to have sex with you by having a mutual encounter over the phone. However I do agree that it's hard to get comfortable and enjoy it however if that's not your cup of tea.

Alot of people find actually communicating your erotic thoughts and fantasies to your partner quite challenging. Keep in mind that you should tell him your fantasies as if he was right there. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate or corny, or even over the top freaky---just you, telling him that you wish he was here and what you would like him to do to you if he was and what you would do to him if he was. He wants to be with you but he can't. So you are trying to alleviate his distress. That's all there is to it.

My suggestion for you would be to either write out your erotic thoughts and read it to him, or choose a book or erotic poem that is scintillating enough to get his juices flowing without putting you on the spot. Read slowly and provocatively, drawl your words, act it out, insert sound effects and moans. All he wants is the sound of your voice and the illusion of being intimate with you. It's not as good as the real thing, but it's enough to tide him over until you see him again and rip all his clothes off.

In addition, you could introduce a webcam into the mix. Instead of only just talking to him, you can do a strip tease for him over the computer. This might be enough for him and will make you feel more involved. It might even get your juices flowing. Incorporate lingerie, soft lighting, foods like chocolate and bananas into the mix to amp it up.

If you need more convincing, head over to the Mistress Lounge. She has written a very titillating post on cross country phone sex with her lover and how rewarding it was for both of them. Check out Telephone Tryst pt. 1, & Telephone Tryst pt. 2.

If you could move your schedules around a bit more to see each other, that would be fantastic on both ends. Have you tried spending the night over at his place? That's like 2 nooky sessions in less than 8 hours;) You could do alternating nights, and that way end up seeing each other every other day. That might help a tad and cut down on the phone sex.

I hope this helps. Good luck.

TECHNORATI TAGS: ///////////

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Posted by Vixen @ 12:17 AM :: 2 trainees letting it rip!

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Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Hot Seat Tuesday

Hey everyone,

It's time for another really blazing scorching round of Hot Seat Tuesday. However, I'm going to spice it up a little bit. Instead of asking for questions/responses...I'm posting a very, very HOT story for you to read. It's not safe for work. I repeat, it's NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

It's not safe for any public place. It's not safe for shared computers. It's not safe for anyone under fact, not even under 24. It's not safe for anyone who blushes when they read the following words: pussy, cock, fuck etc. It's not safe for virgins to read (don't want to corrupt you or anything like that).

It's not safe for anyone who feels that sex is a topic not discussed in open forums. It's not safe for you unless you are a big ass freak, or a big ass freak in the closet. It's not safe for you if you know me personally or are a member of my family.

This is the final disclaimer. Don't say I didn't warn you.

If you think you can handle the heat, step into HERE.

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Monday, February 26, 2007

The Sex Bible

Go get this book. RIGHT NOW. This very second. I'm not done reading it...not even halfway through, but I just had to stop to tell you this. Go get this book. RIGHT NOW!!!

I can't even do a proper review, it's that amazing. Perhaps when I recover from the sexual high, pure connectedness and unadulterated passion that this book propelled me to this weekend, I might be able to legibly write something.

If I was to compile all the sexual knowledge that mankind has attained over the years from everyone in every single sphere, it wouldn't even fully complete the scope of this book. Just reading it makes you horny---that's how good it is. The pictures are amazing, the ideas presented in a fresh new way, and the techniques are straight forward and not that difficult to master.

All I have done was read the first 2 chapters and I had the most passionate and connected sexual experience that I've ever had in my life. I'm not saying that it's not because of this book. It's mostly because of my fabulous and gorgeous man, our wonderful relationship and of course my extremely passionate self;) But there is something in here for everyone, men, women of all races and cultures. Even I picked up so many tips, tricks and ideas...all in the first twenty pages.

If you want to learn more about every sphere of sexuality, from toys to talking dirty to dildos to tantric sex and massage techniques...from dressing up and fantasies and flirting to getting down and dirty....from menages to improving your stamina to all the positions that you could do...from what to do to put your mind in a sexual frame and how to have multiple orgasms every single time you have sex---then this is the book for you. No matter where you are on the sexual spectrum, it will enable you to take things to a whole new level.

For those of you who feel you know everything there is to know about sex and don't need some 20 dollar book to tell you anything---then you will be missing out. Even the pictures evoke feelings, ideas and emotions you never knew you had. That's how provocatively sexy it is. It's a great coffee table book and conversation starter as well.

They don't call it the Sex Bible for nothing. Once you read, let it marinate and put it to practice, you will become a sex god/sex goddess. Order it now. You won't regret it. I promise. It has the Vixen Stamp of Approval. Ten out of five stars....all the way.

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Posted by Vixen @ 12:11 AM :: 1 trainees letting it rip!

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Friday, February 23, 2007

Top Reasons Why Your Guy Will Never Make a Good Woman

Being that today I'm suffering from the exhaustion and delirium of staying up 24 hours without a wink of sleep, there is no way I can write anything sufficiently coherent. Here is where my lovely readers come in. Let's do this great meme for a weekend listing a whole bunch of reasons why our men, as darling as they are, will never make good women. I'll edit the list from the comments so add your comment and join in the fun.
  1. He doesn't understand why shopping is therapeutic.
  2. He can't comprehend why we need multiple shoes in the same color.
  3. He doesn't think chocolate is nearly as delicious as I do.
  4. He can't see the dust.
  5. His idea of a home-cooked meal is ordering a pizza.
  6. He doesn't realize the difference between painting your walls "orange sherbet" or "cantaloupe".
  7. He will never honestly tell you if it is indeed making your butt look big.
  8. He can't hem your pants.
  9. He BITES his toenails.
  10. Uses SOAP to shampoo his hair
  11. Cries like a bitch when you try to tweeze ONE hair on his face
LMAO...too funny! Keep 'em coming!

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Thursday, February 22, 2007

Not Too Late....

When given the opportunity to review this, of course I jumped at it, being a total Norah Jones fan. The first single was a hit on iTunes, and I was looking forward to something along the same lines of her previous albums. Not Too Late did have the wonderful melodious voice that is NJ’s signature, yet for me, it lacked the emotional depth that is often expressed in all her songs. The hodgepodge amalgation of different topics that she sang about didn’t allow me to connect fully as I normally do.

Usually I can listen to any of her albums all the way through without skipping any tracks however in this one there are a few tracks that I just had to keep skipping over. I guess I’m just not on the same page as she is with this one. Rosie’s Lullaby, Wish I Could, & Thinking About You are my personal favorites. There are a more wonderful tracks on this album though, so I’m glad I have it in my collection.

For ranking this album with her previous efforts, it comes in last place for me. However, as a stand-alone ranking I would have to give it props for the wonderful acoustic soothing feel and her beautiful voice.

Album dropped January 30th, check it out yourself and let me know your thoughts.

“Thinking About You” Full Length Audio Streams:
Windows Media


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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Insecure Relationships Affect Your Health

A study done at the University of California in Berkeley with a sample size of 61 healthy women showed a link between attachment ability and your immune system. The researchers found that "those who had difficulty establishing close, trusting relationships showed signs of weaker immune function. Specifically, lab experiments showed that the women's "natural killer" immune system cells were less lethal compared with those from other study participants."

It doesn't mean that being in an insecure relationship will kill you---but it does negatively affect your health. See insecurity leads to you being stressed. And chronic stress affects your immunity because it compromises your body's ability to fight infection. Your body's natural killer cells don't pep up when they are attacked because they are depressed.

The researchers also found a direct link between certain health problems and women who had attachment issues. These include plaque psoriasis, a condition where scaly patches form on the skin, and alopecia areata, an autoimmune disorder that causes hair loss. Ugh!

So in a nutshell, in order to further improve your health, stay out of relationships that have you feeling insecure. The right relationship for you should yield more endorphins and good energy than stress, negative emotions and sadness. Keep your head up.

Do you see any correlation between the two? Have you noticed a decline in your health in the past when you were in a stressed out relationship like migraines, colds and the like?

You can read the article in it's entirety HERE.

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Tuesday, February 20, 2007


Big shout out to Vics who helped me figure out this permalink thingey. Thank you so much darling, I"ll be sure to bug you with any other tech support


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Monday, February 19, 2007

Men Marrying Virgins

This is a question totally directed to the guys. Why the fuck do you want to marry only virgins? And not just any regular virgin---oh no, she has to be a virginal courtesan tutored in the fine art of sucking cock and freaky sex. She has to be a virgin with an adventurous side, who will totally rock your socks off in the bedroom. She has to be a virgin who isn't scared of the 'one-eyed monster' and who will let you cum all over her body and enjoy swallowing.

I'm not saying being a virgin is a bad thing---far from it. If that's your thing, more power to you honey. I'm just sick and tired of hearing guys whine and complain about how they want a virgin like a knight searching for the Holy Grail. Particularly since they have succeeded in popping multiple cherries in their heyday. It's unrealistic and retarded to expect a standard from us women that you have no intention or willpower to maintain. Especially since you have no compunction in sleeping with as many women to assuage your 'male urges'.

The whole archaic double standard of sex drives us liberated women crazy. You want us to know how to please you incredibly, but at the same time, you want us to be pristine and *untouched* by any other man.

I know it has something to do with your whole male pride issue, but get over it already. It's 2007! Just because we've had other guys (and liked it) isn't the end of the world. If you know how to work it in the bedroom, there is nothing to be insecure about. Women have been having sex since the dawn of time and most of us enjoy it. There is no way in hell I'm going to whip out a chastity belt complete with chains just to assuage your ego, especially since everyone knows your ass has been fucking every girl from here to Timbuktu since you were 15!

Here are a few responses I got from males when posed this question:

"I feel more special because she's waited just for me."~ You should be feeling special because I let you into my pussy and for no other reason. If that doesn't make you feel like a sex god, then something is wrong with you---not me. That's a problem you should deal with in your own time and space. Go work on that.

"With a woman it's different, you are letting the guy into you." Yeah...and your cock was in a dozen women (or more), and still capable of catching STDs and AIDS...what's your point?

"Well, it's not just sex for women--it's emotional too." Not always. Sometimes it's just a good ol' booty call, fling, casual encounter or one night stand. We are capable of having and enjoying no-strings-attached sex so get over that illusion. And even if it is emotional---it's in the past, before you ever came into the picture, so what are you worried about?

"I just don't like the fact that my girl was promiscuous." It's not slutty to enjoy sex. It's freaky. Learn the difference. And I don't like the fact that my man was a man-whore either but that's life. Deal with it.

"At least if you were I virgin, I could teach you what you need to know and you would know how to pleasure only me." in a few years. Even with the best tutor, it would take a woman about 2-3 years to feel sexually confident and lose all inhibitions. Do you plan on having sucky, mediocre sex until then? Do you have the willpower to stay committed to her and deal with her anxieties and insecurities surrounding sex?

"If you were a virgin, I know that I could trust you." Hahahaha, I'm rolling on the floor laughing at this one. Having hymen doesn't automatically make you trustworthy. Besides, your virgin hasn't sown her wild oats yet and is more likely to cheat on you after the fact. Classic example..Jessica Simpson.

Unless you are a virgin, don't think that you should marry one. Because if you do, all that's going to happen is that a few years (or months) down the road you are going to start wishing that you a tigress in your bed instead of a shrinking violet. So you'll be miserable and not sexually fulfilled. A few more years and then you will start cheating on her anyway, with a big ass freak. So why not just start out with one and save yourself the trouble and bad karma?

FYI: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FREAKY VIRGIN. It's a myth, plain and simple. If your *virgin* is a big ass freak, chances are she was having sex a long time before you buddy. Oh..and yes, oral sex & anal sex...still sex.

What do you guys/women think? Is this a ridiculous double standard that should be outlawed or made reciprocal? Which way do you stand on this?


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Friday, February 16, 2007

Technical Question

Hey peeps,

I need someone savvy in HTML to show me how to add permalinks to all my posts. I used to have it on my old Blogger template, but this new one doesn't come with permalinks and apparently that's a problem for people. So...any tips?

In addition, I'm thinking of somehow changing my archive list---it's getting way too long. I was thinking of a drop down box, any ideas on that?

PS: I know you are are going to refer me to the Blogger forum but that ish is way too confusing for me and might just mess up my beautiful template more. Plain English!


Posted by Vixen @ 1:06 PM :: 1 trainees letting it rip!

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Thursday, February 15, 2007

Living Life and Falling in Love

I recently came across a new dating website called Lifeknot. You are probably wondering...why would someone start a new dating website when there are a bajillion other dating websites out there like Match, EHarmony & Myspace that have already cornered the market?

Well, the people at Lifeknot have come up with a really interesting niche. They believe that you should just live your life and pursue it to the fullest extent of happiness and love will follow. It's based on the premise that when you pursue your hobbies, interests, lifestyle and beliefs, you will eventually find someone that shares one of your interests and this creates an instant bonding platform. According to their user friendly website:

"Online dating sites rush people into the relationship stage of a friendship and social networking sites link you to so many people that the intimacy of establishing a few close friends is lost. Lifeknot’s combination of personal and activity profiles strikes the perfect balance between the two.

Lifeknot members frequently suggest new activities as they seek people that share their interests and passions–passions as diverse as sled dog racing, sushi, scrabble, sailing, shiatsu, hiking, home brewing, horseback riding, biking, beekeeping, body surfing, and belly dancing to name a few.

Lifeknot Activity Profiles permit people to show a side of themselves that isn't conveyed through traditional personality profiles alone. As a result, people feel more comfortable contacting each other; activities shared serve as icebreakers and provide the reassurance that interests are other than skin deep."

The website has over 1200 activities that people are enrolled for. The best part is that it's totally FREE! You can find activities in your area, or try activities while in another city. There are over 1200 categories and they are all user suggested. Which means if you don't find something that fits you, you can also make your own clique. How cool is that?

If I were single, this would be one avenue that I would give a whirl. So here's to all my lovely singletons---try it out and let me know what happens. You will probably have the time of your life!

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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Male Sweat Makes Women Horny

The very industrious scientists at Berkeley just released a study saying that a chemical in male sweat can boost mood, brain activity and sexual arousal in heterosexual women. Is that the great big secret of AXE body spray?

Apparently androstadienone, a compound found in male perspiration and other bodily secretions turns women on. The cortisol levels in their sample size was measured 15 minutes after they smelled this compound and were significantly increased for up to an hour. They also discovered that blood pressure, heart rate and breathing increased, mood improved and sexual arousal was boosted.

So pretty much, the study says that all you need to get your lady in the mood is to let her smell your pits? You've got to be kidding me.

I'm going to test this theory out by taking whiffs of my sweaty sex god in a minute and I will report back to let you know how that works out. It might not be for a few hours though, I might be so overcome with desire from the andorsta---what-cha-ma-call-it. The things I do for this blog.


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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Girl on Top Cowgirl Sex

According to sex researcher Beverly Whipple, coauthor of The Science of Orgasm, girl on top positions are the all time best positions for women reaching orgasms. The reasoning is that with you on top, you get to direct the pace and depth of penetration. In addition to that, his cock is directly rubbing against not only your clitoris but your g-spot as well. Your hands get to be rubbing all over his body driving him wild, and at least one of your greatest assets (your boobs and your butt) are in his line of sight.

It's a total bossy move, you are in control and it's guaranteed to drive him wild (especially when you flip it to reverse cowgirl to have him stare at your sexy butt instead).

The only few drawbacks from girl on top positions are that:
  1. You are the one working it: For a few minutes, you might be able to handle this position--but if you are out of shape, it's going to be obvious that you are once you hit the 5 minute stretch. Your thighs start burning and you start breathing harder...and it gets uncomfortable and you lose your groove. The best way to handle this is to lean forward and put some of your body weight on your arms (just like the guys do). Be sure to work those thighs and legs out when you hit the gym to build your muscular endurance. In addition, have him thrust from below to decrease the amount of energy you are exerting. Try bumping and grinding against him instead of thrusting, it's just as effective and doesn't burn your thighs as much. Lean forward or backward to rest your quads while thrusting---a little angling goes a long way.
  2. You might get self conscious: Okay, I know not all of us can totally lose our inhibitions in the boudoir and this is where riding dirty might get dicey. Instead of concentrating on what he thinks of your chubby thighs, rounded belly, orgasm face and flopping breasts focus instead on reaching your multiple orgasms and driving him wild. He's just happy to be seeing you NAKED and he loves the fact that you are riding him---in fact, he's not noticing any of those things at all. So stop denying your own pleasure by focusing on them.
To spice up this awesome move, feel free to whip out your vibrator and slip it into the mix. The reverberations add to the sensations on both of you and takes it to a whole new level. Play with yourself, or encourage him to play with you. Don't forget to keep thrusting/bumping even when your orgasm hits, remember, you are the one in control here. It would totally suck if you were orgasming and then stopped before you hit the plateau.

So---what's stopping you? Climb on top of him tonight.

Your thoughts?


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Monday, February 12, 2007

Reclaiming Your Inner Freak

I am 27 and just coming out of a four year marriage. The relationship was one in which, I wasn't valued sexually. We went almost a year without having sex-11 months and 14 days! Believe me, I was keeping track. It was the longest 11 months of my life! I never found out why he never put out. It's funny because you always hear about it being the woman who doesn't want to do the deed after she's married. It was quite the opposite in my case.

Anyway, I'm with someone new, and he's amazing in bed! I want to make him feel the way that he makes me feel. I'm getting back into the swing of things in the bedroom, so to speak...but my forced celibacy seems to have had a lasting effect on me. Especially when I am on top-I freeze up. I didn't used to be this way. Pre ex-husband, it was one of my favorite positions. I don't know what happened! Vixen, how can I reclaim my inner freak? I miss her.

You poor baby! First of all, I'm not going to go on a rant and tell you the obvious---if your ex wasn't getting it from you, he was definitely getting it from somewhere else. I'm sure your smart sexy self realized that.

Now to the question at do you get your inner vixen back? It's really not that hard, she's not dead, just gone into hiding during your forced celibacy. It's a coping mechanism, probably a way to prevent you from going crazy from horniness while you weren't getting laid. Here are a few pointers off the top of my head and I'm sure the lovely ladies here will chime in with more.
  1. Fall in Love: Fall in love with your body all over again. Take a few minutes out of everyday to admire how beautiful you are and complement your hotness. Stand naked in front of a mirror and strut your stuff. Appreciating your inner glow and radiance is what will awaken the fiery temptress within.
  2. Get Comfortable: Get used to your body. Get comfortable with it. Masturbate!! Learn your favorite spots. (That way you can be sure what you like and don't). Touch yourself. When your mind is running with naughty thoughts, indulge in the fantasy and don't shut it down. Watch your lover as he moves and gaze at him with that secret & sexy look in your eye. Lose your inhibitions. Stop thinking that he's judging you, he's just happy to see you nekkid.
  3. Start Slow: As with everything, starting slow is the key. Great sex begins from within, so you have to do whatever you can to get your head and heart in the right place. Read some erotica and love poems to your lover. Even a sexy romance novel will do. Write your own sexy love scenes. Watch sexy love scenes in movies, or even all out porn.
  4. Play Games: Games in the boudoir are the most fun kind, mainly because there are no losers! Play strip tease, strip poker or strip gin. Roll a pair of dice. Get a sexy board game and play in bed. Break out the scarves. Challenge yourself to never, EVER do the same thing twice. Try new places, new rooms and new furniture. Bring in props.
  5. Role Play: This is one of my favorite things to do. Talk to your lover to find out what fantasies he has and then enact them. Share with him some of your own. Be open and honest, even detailed as to how you want him to touch you and what you want him to say.
  6. Talk Dirty: Covered extensively HERE and HERE, enjoy letting your wild side out.
  7. Make Some Noise!!! I'm sure the neighbors will hate you for this, but let your inner freak loose. Start with small moans and break all out into louder ones. The more noise you make, the more turned on you both get.
  8. Spank it Up: Okay I must say there is something really provocative about a well placed tap in the right moment.
  9. Variance: Stray away from the more conventional sex positions and styles and try something new. A quick search on the internet will yield you dozens of positions that will rival those of the Kama Sutra.
  10. As for the Cowgirl Riding part of your question...I promise to address that in the next post;)
Good luck!


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Saturday, February 10, 2007

Little Sister

In my quest to get everyone I know into the blogosphere, I've finally nagged my other sister to start a blog. It's amazing what a little blatant coercion can yield. Hopefully she won't spill my, as if I had any!

It's been up for a couple of weeks now, and with every single post I'm amazed. I didn't even know she had such depths to her. It's a mixture of thoughts, poetry, rants and other musings that goes on through the mind of my kid sister, aka the Family Genius. Enjoy.

Her other blog (such a copycat!) deals with politics, a field that I rarely step into on any of mine so it's a fresh angle. Anyway, here you go.

I did state how fabulous you guys were and that you would flood her blog with comments and hits so please, pretty please with shortbread on top, don't make me out into a liar. Thanks!

PS: When your family learns more about you reading your blog than talking to you---does this mean your fam is internet savvy or strange? Just wondering...

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Friday, February 09, 2007

Giving the Perfect Blowjob

Ever wondered how to give your guy the most perfect blowjob he will ever experience? One that will have him remembering you as the babe who ruled the Guinness World Book of Blowjob Records? Well, Moxie has a great post on her blog about it. It's called the Cheat Sheet and it's a list collated from tons of experienced men and women who love giving and receiving blowjobs. I've tried most of the items on the list, but even I picked up a few pointers. It's a long read but well worth it.

Remember, the most important element to the perfect blowjob is ENTHUSIASM! You have to show up, get on your knees and suck him off hard-core. Act like it's a do-or-die affair and it's the last cock you will ever suck. If you aren't into blowing his socks off, he's not going to enjoy it as much. Sure, he might still cum, but that doesn't make records.

The energies to a perfect blowjob is multi-layered and directly proportional. The more you are into it, the more he enjoys it. The more he enjoys it, the more excited you get. The more excited you get, the more turned on he gets. The more turned on he gets, the more sounds he makes.The more sounds he makes, the more surge of energy you get. Having him totally at your mercy turns you on even more and leads you closer to your own orgasm. It's a win-win situation.

Anyway, head on over there and read the Cheat Sheet. It's a worthwhile read and great information to file away for future and (hopefully timely) use.

Your thoughts?

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Posted by Vixen @ 11:51 AM :: 4 trainees letting it rip!

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Thursday, February 08, 2007

Why Do Men Ignore Relationship Problems?

Even the most perfect relationship eventually hits a few snags due to either life complications, external factors, stress, or the inability of one party to meet the other's expectations. When we ladies hit a relationship hurdle, we want to talk about it, analyze it and hash it out to death. Being that your guy doesn't adapt the same philosophy, you might get the idea that he doesn't care or isn't affected by the problem but this isn't true. He is affected, just not in the way that you are.

See most men are problem solvers. They love to take things apart and fix it whether it's a computer, car or piece of electrical equipment. It's a worthy past time to them to figure out how things work and how to fix it when it's broken. They apply this same scenario to every single area of their lives and have managed to live it with much success.

Women on the other hand are more emotional than analytical. Our feelings and emotions get involved and we can't think as objectively as we would if we didn't have feelings. As wonderful as feelings can be, it does get in the way of problem solving. We want to express those feelings and how the situation is affecting us. They just want to find the problem, come up with a viable solution, fix it and move on.

So how do we cross the great divide?

Instead of ranting and raving for hours about how the problem makes you feel, cut it down and condense your expression. Save the "Oh my feelings are in a uproar and I don't know why," conversations for your girlfriends. We are good at helping you break it down, after all, we're all going through similar scenarios.

Once you've sorted through those emotions, tell him in a short discussion what your issues are and what you think will help. The way you approach the conversation should be more apt to keep his attention than have his eyes glazing over in confusion. Stop asking redundant or rhetorical questions. It's just a waste of time!

Instead of "Why don't you flatter me like you used to?"
Try "I feel like you don't appreciate me anymore. Keep the compliments coming baby!"

Instead of "Why don't you spend time with me?"
Try "I need more quality time with you. Can we stay home tomorrow night?"

Do you notice the difference? Identify for yourself the actions that you think will make things better and it is this plan that you steer the conversation towards. He will be interested in things that he can change and work on, not things that cannot be fixed or have no bearing on the price of tea in China.

What are some other ways that you have used to communicate relationship issues and reach a good resolution?


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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Essence Magazine Interview

For some reason all week my Stat Counter has been steadily increasing. It wasn't until I checked my email yesterday that I realized why. I got interviewed last October for an article written by the ultra fabulous Nina Malkin for ESSENCE magazine on current dating trends. The article came out in February's issue of ESSENCE and I'm quoted all through.

WOOHOO! Break out the bubbly...

In fact, Nina was gracious enough to include a link to the blog in the very first page, and I guess that's where all the hits have been coming from. For everyone who hasn't seen it...go get your copy of ESSENCE right now! It's going to become a collector's item...(after I write my New York Times bestseller) so you might want to hold on to it;)

The article starts on page 179 (pay special attention to numbers 2, 7, 8, 9, 11, 12, 21, 22 & 28!), and it's a great read for singles in the dating game and couples looking for new ideas to spice up their relationships.

Guess I'm officially in this writing thing now...I started doing a jig right at the supermarket counter...and have pretty much been on cloud nine ever since.

So a hearty welcome to all the peeps who read ESSENCE and stopped in to check out this blog. And great big hugs to everyone who's been reading my little corner of the blogosphere whether since it's inception or just a minute ago. Thank you all.

Okay, now it's time to celebrate!!

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Posted by Vixen @ 10:01 PM :: 4 trainees letting it rip!

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Monday, February 05, 2007

How Shy Girls Spice it Up...

Question: I've been in a relationship for about a year and a half, my boyfriend and I get along great and have an amazing connection, he's a sweetheart. Our sex life was never bad but recently it hit me in the face that we pretty much do the some thing in the same place all the time and I really wanted to spice it up a bit. My boyfriend is happy with whatever action and tries to attempt new things, but its me that's being more reserved. I love the idea of sex but I'm not sure how to come out of my shell and let loose, any advice? I want to surprise him, I bought a very scandalous red corset/lingerie piece for our after Valentine's day fun, I want that night to be perfect, romantic, and extreeeeeeemly passionate ;) and not in the making love type sex. I just really don't know how to go wild, I mean I'm comfortable with my body but when it comes to talking dirty or anything non conventional I'm a bit shy and I hate it. Any advice?

Did you read this post on Talking Dirty yet?

Well kudos to you for deciding to spice it up. For starters, you have to dissociate unconventional sex with negative emotions. There is nothing wrong with letting it loose and going crazy in the bedroom, in fact, that's where you are supposed to go crazy!! Why do you think you are having a block when it comes to letting it get freaky? Do you have something in your past--a previous rejection, your upbringing or a personal history that makes you think that it's weird? Perhaps you should think about it and find the source---it might not just be shyness. That way you can identify it, deal with it and move on.

Remember, your guy adores you. He's been with you for over a year (which is eons in a man's world) and you two have an amazing connection. He's also very attracted to you and treats you like a gem. There is nothing you could do in the bedroom that will scare him away. Most men are freakier than us girls, so know that he's just waiting for you to open that door.

Pretty much, you want him to fuck your brains out and not make love to you? Honey, steel yourself, because as much as the red lingerie will get his engines running, he's still going to need a firm push to get him in the direction you want him to go. Especially since all you guys have been doing is the conventional stuff.

During this session, you will tell him what you want and how you want it. Emphatically. Leave the murmured avowals of love at the door and just voraciously attack him with a single-minded purpose. Fucking begins in the mind, so make sure you mind is right before you start. Read some erotica, watch some porn, get yourself wet...whatever it takes to get you in the mindset to take charge. Pick a room that isn't the bedroom or somewhere that you've already had sex. It could be a hotel room, the living room, dining room, patio, or my personal fav....the kitchen.

To warm up, start with a strip tease. Wear your lingerie under layers of clothes and shed them slowly one by one to a saucy anthem of your choice. It has to be something with a pulsating rhythm and sexy lyrics. You can watch Carmen Electra's Strip Tease video for some great ideas on stripping.

When you are in nothing but your lingerie, give him a lap dance, complete with rump-shaking, bumping and grinding. Maintain eye contact and give him sexy glances, flip your hair and touch yourself while he's watching. You can even have some dollar bills on hand for him to slip into your underwear for effect.

Next, initiate a hands-off policy. Which means he's not allowed to touch you at all unless you give him permission to. (I would whip out my handcuffs at this point...but that's me;) Trail your body all over his, slowly, one inch at a time. Let him feel the satin of your lingerie against his skin. Shed the top sensuously, but keep your thong panties on. Rub your hard nipples against his skin, on all the sensitive spots like his thighs, arms, sides as well as his ball sac. Stick your ass in the air and wiggle it as much as you can. Arch your back. Play with him. Tease him. Torture him...and enjoy every single minute of it. His ardor increases just by watching you enjoy yourself.

By the time you put him in your mouth, he will already be heated to the point of pace him/you slowly, taking breaks to cool him down. Keep at this for several minutes. Try different blowjob techniques, like your hands in a different position, fisting, the corkscrew and other sundry moves. Ask the Over-Educated Nympho--she has some great fresh blowjob ideas. He's going to notice every single new thing you do and probably ask you to do some of them again.

When you finally release him from the hands off policy he will be ready to fuck you. Not make love---fuck. This is when you turn around and let him go at it doggy style. This is the position designed for fucking. It's carnal, erotic and passionate. Don't forget to participate, thrust your derriere against him hard over and over again until he starts to work that hard rhythm as well. Don't let up on the heat...keep it there by moaning, talking and groaning like you were auditioning for a sex video.

If you are ready to lose the shy girl side, welcome to the club. Read this, this, this, and this to get you started. I hope this helps. Remember, he will only push the envelope as much as you let him, so relax and let him keep pushing. If you think that you don't like what he's doing, give it another minute or so. If you still totally abhor it, then tell him to cease. At least you tried---and no one ever faults a Bad Girl for trying.

Good luck and I'm sure the other ladies will chime in with more tips for you.

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Posted by Vixen @ 11:54 PM :: 0 trainees letting it rip!

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Thursday, February 01, 2007

Re: Nice Guys are Creepy

Scared Bunny wrote a really great post on his thoughts on nice guys and why they usually end up getting screwed. I tend to stay away from nice guys---not because of the 'Bad Boy' syndrome but because I'm too opinionated for my own damn good and end up walking all over them. I'm not saying that nice guy = wuss but I'm saying that if a nice guy had an edge to him, and some cajones then he would have a better chance with the average girl.

I'm not going to copy everything he says...go read it, it's eye-opening, but both guys and ladies alike can learn from this post. I've set in bold the parts that resonated with me.
This guy picks a single girl and is loyal to her even though they have never gone on a date. This guy will treat a girl like his girlfriend within hours of meeting her, instead of getting to know what she’s like. This guy thinks that telling a woman everything about him on their first date and thinks that makes him “open and honest”. A “nice guy” thinks it’s the end of the world when a woman he has never met breaks her promise to call. This guy is the reason roses are so fucking expensive and cliché, making it harder for the rest of us to send flowers. In short, most "nice guys" seem like they are one bad day away from becoming stalkers.

Guys, I have been a “nice guy”. I even got dates while I was a “nice guy”. Do you know what happened? I attracted women who were either so damaged that I was suddenly expected to be a “support system”, or they were scammers who knew they could take me for every cent I had. Normal women didn’t want to have anything to do with me because I seemed desperate and pathetic. And, frankly, for a while I was.

“Nice guys” are always talking about how women do them wrong, but if you have been “burned” 20 times in 2 years, don’t expect sympathy from me because someone who keeps doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is a fucking moron. The reason you get burned is because 1) your behavior is attracting the wrong women and 2) you have way too broad a definition of “burned” and you take things way too personal.

Now, here is the problem. People seem to have a misunderstanding of what nice is. Nice means that you are not an asshole. That is all that it means. All those women you see dating assholes that convince you that only assholes get girls? They are the female equivalent of “nice guys” and they are attracting the male users because a user is going to want someone they can use. You aren’t noticing the girls that are attracted to normal guys because they don’t interest you. You like damaged women. And the only damaged women that will date you are not the kind that date assholes.

If you want to stop this cycle, you are the one that has to change. Until you start admitting you are the one at fault, you will continue to get screwed over, and you will continue to be unhappy.
And the people around you that know you are “nice” are going to get sick of hearing your sob stories, and you will start to lose friends too. Plus, you run the risk of turning in to one of the “assholes” because of all the anger built up in you. And, trust me, karma catches up with everyone eventually, even if you don’t realize it.
Man...I don't even have anything to top off this. Just a huge thumbs up to Scared Bunny for eloquently hitting the nail on the head with this one.

Do you agree or disagree with this?


Posted by Vixen @ 1:33 AM :: 4 trainees letting it rip!

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