Thursday, February 23, 2006
Hot Sex: Giving & Taking in the Bedroom
Compromise is a term that is important to every relationship aspect. In the bedroom, compromise plays a prominent role in overall satisfaction in the boudoir. I'm sure that you may have heard or had a few encounters with selfish lovers, the guys who expected you to please them and then fell asleep or left before even trying to do anything that you might like. Hopefully, you never had sex with them again and learned from such encounters.
Sexual liaisons should be all about give and take, a fair-minded approach that lets both of you enjoy the full delights of the bedroom. He should be the pleaser and the pleasured and likewise for you. If you find that you are constantly pleasing him and he rarely pleasures you, then there is something wrong with the picture.
With sex, you can only reach true pleasure if you know your own likes and dislikes. If you don't know your body like a map, don't expect him to intuitively know how you like to do it. Learn what pleases you, and don't hesitate to instruct him on how you like it. This will increase your enjoyment, and when you are liking it, conversely he will like it more too.
There has to be an equitable balance of power. If you both like to be the one in control directing the play of events in the bed chamber, then you have got to pass the reins to one another. If you're the submissive sort, you might actually enjoy being directed all the time, then this might not even be a problem for you at all. However, I've found it chafing when he feels that he should be the one in charge all the time and doesn't let me steer the course of a few encounters.
About positioning, guys generally prefer doggy style. 9 times out of 10, your guy will opt for this position before all others. Some women manage to actually have orgasms with this style, however, it's not that common. My suggestion would be to learn the positions that you most enjoy, and that increase your fulfillment with each encounter. Once you do, then you can ask him to switch positions whenever you want, to the one(s) that you most prefer. Invest in a good sex play book, like Cosmopolitan's Kama Sutra
or my personal favorite, The Good Girls Guide to Bad Girl Sex
. Invite him to see it as an adventure, as you work your way through the positions and suggestions in the book. It will definitely spice up your love life and give you ample knowledge to draw from for future encounters besides the basics that you already know.
If you want to soup up activities in bed, then surely go ahead with it. Initiate fantasies, toys, feathers, props, costumes and the like. Chances are your guy will be really into it, and just doesn't want to bring it up for fear of reprisals. Conversely, if he asks you to do something that you don't like, or absolutely abhor, just say no! For me, I have the policy that I try everything once, but if I don't like it, then nothing he can do or say will get me to enjoy it. And if I don't enjoy it then... why bother?
In the realm of oral sex, I've heard many a guy say that they do not go down
on a woman. This is an automatic disqualification in my book, especially if he does not want to learn. If he expects to be receiving blowjobs, then he needs to beef up his skills and practice in this arena. Don't give in to his wheedling and cajoling, oral sex should be a two way street. Even if he doesn't make you come, at least he should get bonus points for trying to please you. The same theory applies to hand jobs. Know what you like so that you can tell him what works for you. Most guys enjoy pleasing their woman, so don't hesitate to ask him to crook his finger and get to work.
Just remember ladies that sex is all about give and take. Be the giver as well as the receiver, and keep everything balanced. It's the only way to avoid dissatisfaction in the boudoir.
Labels: All About Sex
Posted by Vixen @ 6:00 AM ::
4 trainees letting it rip!
Talk to Me!