Thursday, January 26, 2006
Vixen's Guide to: Keeping YOUR Life
When you do find a guy that you like and you two eventually become a couple, you want to merge your life to his as much as you can. It's a bonding thing, human nature to try and mesh lives. Sharing your life with another person can be very rewarding, however there are aspects in your life that you have to keep primarily to yourself.
The problem with totally enmeshing one's lives into each other is that sometimes...things might not work out the way you want them to
and he ends up being a total jackass
. Now you are stuck with a life that isn't totally yours, and you are trying to pick up the pieces of your broken heart as well as build up a new support system. It is a really tough cookie and just makes the break up waaay harder than it already is.
Here is my guideline to keeping my life mine.
First of all, your circle of life
must remain YOUR circle of life. He doesn't get to dictate to you who your friends should or should not be. He doesn't get to break up with your friends, or monopolise all your time so that you don't spend time with your friends. You have to maintain your friendships, even when you are in a relationship. Remember the number one girl motto, "Chicks before dicks." He may be your one and only, but your friends have been with you since day one. Don't jilt them for some guy...no matter how cool he is. Have both of you keep your friends seperate. I'm not saying that you shouldn't hang out with his friends and vice versa, by all means do. Just keep in mind that if it ever came to a split, your friends should remain....yours.
Secondly, you still have to maintain your social life
. Even though you are part of a twosome, you still need your own activities, hobbies and diversions to keep you energized and happy. If he's not into your Scrapbooking Club...don't ditch meetings to hang out with him. Tell him to have a good time while you are gone and enjoy the hobby you love. Of course, if he is interested in scrapbooking, do invite him a few times...just don't make it a regular item on the menu. Some of your hobbies have to be yours only, giving you time apart and enabling you to grow. It's good self care.
Your work life is another aspect that should be yours. Sure, bring him to the occasional holiday party or get-together if needed but don't let him take over the party. As women we tend to be more giving. Consider all the ramifications before you tell your boss that you aren't going to take that new promotion (because your boyfriend doesn't want you to), or that you are quitting your job (to stay home and clean his apartment). Whatever decisions you are making at work, should be made primarily by you. His input is appreciated, but it's your choice. YOUR CHOICE. Don't be the only one making sacrifices for the sake of the relationship.
Paradventure you have already made these sacrifices for the sake of your man. He couldn't get along with your friends, so you ditched them. He got a promotion and had to move, so you quit your job. You attend all his sports events and hostess for poker night, and rarely find yourself just going for Sunday morning brunch or shopping with the girls. If you have already sacrificed your life for your man, consider this your wake up call. Get it back.
Good self care is important to keeping you happy. Engaging in activities you like and hanging out with people that you like is good self care.
Bad girls practice good self care. Always.
Posted by Vixen @ 10:53 AM ::
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