Bad Girl's Guide

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Vixen's Guide to: Public Displays of Affection

Spring is in the air and with it the young lovers of the day emerge from their winter hibernation and come out to play. There are couples everywhere, that sometimes it's so sickly sweet. There is a fine line between public displays of affection and public displays of lewd acts. Here are my rules that I feel most two-somes should adhere to in order to keep walking the line between cute and nauseating.

1. No Sex in Public: This includes oral, anal, vaginal etc. Get a friggin' room! No one wants to see your private bits as well as your wobbly bits in public. You might think that because you are at the back of the theatre it's ok to do the nasty, but trust me, most strangers know what you are doing, they are just too embarrassed to say anything about it.

2. No Sexually Suggestive Posturing: This includes but is not limited to dry-humping, the bump 'n grind as well as that bump, bump move on the dance floor. We know that you are getting laid tonight, no need to announce it to the whole wide world! Added to that, certain moves have the potential of making you look slutty and trashy all in one.

3. No Doggy Kisses: Ok, that is just downright gross! Please, don't lick yourselves in public, I can't harp on this enough---save it for private quarters. Licking the face and smearing saliva all over the place is liable to make me smash a bottle on my head just to focus my energies elsewhere.

4. No Grabbing Privates: I don't even know why I'm spelling this out. Of course it's not cool to cup your man's bits in your hand as you suggestively do #2 or #3. Likewise, his hands shouldn't be on your boobies...there are children about!

5. No Spanking: Some of you might argue that this is just a playful swat on the bum and can't be construed as a lewd act, however, if it's done in a porn video, it counts as a lewd act.

Accepted caresses to the general public that won't get you arrested, impaled by a stranger's rude stare or downright laughed at include hugs, kisses, handholding, arms around waists/shoulders and running your fingers through the other's hair. That's it. Anything else is going to get you fined in Vixen's Court of Lewd Acts.

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Posted by Vixen @ 11:44 AM :: 11 trainees letting it rip!

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