Monday, July 25, 2005

Date Rape

Definition: Having a sexual encounter with someone that you would never in a MILLION years sleep with, due to threats, violence, coercion or blackmail.

First to clarify, in no way am I an expert in any shape, form or fashion.

As a woman in this day an age, have you ever been in a situation that with a guy, that you were in an isolated environment, and you didn't want to have sex with him, but you did anyway because he wanted to and you felt that that was the only recourse for you?

A college buddy of mine, got a call from the best friend of her roommates' boyfriend. Ok, long connection, but stick with me here. He was feeling out of sorts, depressed and upset and needed some company. She picked him up in her car, and they drove around campus. Bear in mind that this is a strict Christian college, curfew was at 11 and this was already after midnight.

They were in the car, just talking, and she parked still not noticing how deserted the campus was. He pulled out a Swiss blade from his pocket and started playing with it. It was then that she realized what a compromising position she had placed herself in. He said, "I'm so depressed, I want to kill myself. The only thing that can make me feel better is having sex right now."

Say what?

She complied. Till this day I don't know why she did it. She said she felt pressured, that if she didn't sleep with him, he was either going to stab himself or her. Classic date rape scenario.

Ok, so this isn't the type of thing that one would expect on an average date. However it does happen and more often than you think. Waaaaay more often than you think. Talk to your girlfriends, I'm sure several of them can give you examples.

How does a Baaaad Girl avoid such scenarios?

1. Don't think everyone is Mr. GoodyTwoShoes. It's better to expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised than to be caught unawares. Assume that every guy wants to sleep with you. The question is, do you want to sleep with them? If the answer is no, then you have to protect yourself.
2. Control the environment, the setting. Stay in a public place. STAY IN A PUBLIC PLACE!
3. Have a weapon with you at all times. My sister always took a sharp kitchen knife with her on first dates. My preference is a can of mace. If you know some martial arts that's good too. Check at your local police station. They sometimes have a list of stuff you can get and where you can get it from.
4. Practice and use your horror scream. Sometimes, just the loud scream is enough to ward off assailants.
5. Say no. Most of the time, we don't. We just go along with it to risk confrontation. Let him know that NO, it's not fuckin ok, and you don't want him to lay his grubby paws on you.
6. Use the tactics in BugABoo. I know I keep referring to this, but it's good stuff to know.
7. Stay alert. Don't forget to always make a note of your surroundings and your date's demeanour. Is he drinking? Is he depressed? Does he have violent tendencies? Has he ever called you names?
8. Make a BIG SCENE! Let the drama Queen run free. This has worked for me on a few occasions.
9. Don't go to his place unless you do plan to sleep/mess around with him. We may think that, "Oh, we are just going to hang out and watch a movie," but really this isn't what he's thinking. My male friends have told me several times that this is construed as an automatic green light.
10. Above all, be true to yourself. Even if you do like the guy, and you aren't ready to knock boots with him yet, be honest about it. If he is a great guy, he will understand and back off.

Don't Just Do It.

Labels: Girl Talk

Posted by Vixen @ 10:08 PM :: 11 trainees letting it rip!

Talk to Me!

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