Bad Girl's Guide

Monday, August 10, 2009

Self Sabotage in a Relationship

I had an interesting conversation with a friend a few evenings ago. The observation was that adults get so used to relationships not working out that when they do find a relationship that is good, one might 'self-sabotage' because you can't deal with not breaking up or having drama.

Personally, I used to feel that I had a relationship shelf life, which was around the 6 month mark. I never had a long term relationship, or one that extended past that time frame, and usually around the 6 month mark, there was always something the fractured the relationship.

I even brought this baggage into my present relationship, having the 'short-term' mentality and consciously making bad decisions because "this relationship isn't going to last anyway, so why bother?" The ironic part is that after passing the 6-month mark, I realized that this was the real deal, and I needed to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Norio saw the potential of 'Us' way before I did; and he was patient enough to keep it real, stay open and keep waving the flag of real love until I

The moment of realization led to other more complex ones, and I realized that if I wanted this relationship to be 'Real', I needed to stop self-sabotaging. I had to let go of my exes that I kept 'as friends', i.e. backup plans, I had to stop 'keeping my options open' and I had to let go of the mentality that this relationship was doomed to fail like all the others. It was only after passing this crux that I was able to achieve the intimacy, emotional connection and depth of a relationship that I've always instinctively longed for.

If you are so caught up in the bad habits of your past, are overly cynical and automatically assume that every guy is Mr. Wrong, even when Mr. Right is right in your face, there is the potential for you to intentionally, or unintentionally screw up the relationship if you don't let that baggage go.

Just. Let. It. Go.

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Posted by Vixen @ 10:41 PM :: 2 trainees letting it rip!

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