Bad Girl's Guide

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Hot Seat Tuesday

Okay peoples, it's time for another scintillating round of hot seat Tuesday. Email me if you don't want to leave a personal question on here. Don't let me down...

While you are thinking, here's a question for you.

When was the last time you got royally in mindblowing awesome sex all over the house that had you screaming like a banshee, seeing stars and begging for more and more and to stop because my pussy hurts but don't stop give me more and more....???

Leave your answer and a tantalizing question of your own.

Oh...and my answer? Two hours ago.

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Monday, January 29, 2007

How to Make a Woman Feel Special

Although this question might seem rudimentary, it's come to my attention that there are quite a few guys out there who still have no clue how to make a woman feel special. Although us ladies like to think that we are complicated...(okay we are!), making a woman feel special really isn't that complicated. It just takes a little effort and one will reap huge rewards.

For starters, you can read this post on What Women Want. This will clue you in a bit. In addition to that article, here are a few tips that have been shown to yield excellent results.

Compliments: For some reason, we are a sucker for compliments. Whether it's on how gorgeous we look, how nice we smell, what great organizational skills we possess....anything that praises us makes us feel special. It shows us that you are paying attention to us and admire us for specific traits. Steer away from telling us guy-type compliments like,"You have fuckable lips," or "a nice ass". Although we might smile at this compliment, it's more likely to piss us off than anything else. Compliments that are unique and focusing on us alone are more likely to get you brownie points.

Show 'n Tell: Even though we might profess not to like this, us girls really do get a kick out of it when you talk about us to your friends. Just mentioning us in casual conversation to one of your boys is enough to get our juices flowing. Especially when you tell him how cool we are. We know how close your buds are to you, so when you talk to them about us it makes us feel special and noteworthy. Better yet if you have us meet your friends. If you proudly talk and show us off to your friends, you make us feel extra nice.

Reciprocity: Pay attention to the little things that we do for you and reciprocate in kind. Not because you are keeping score, but because you want to. Do things for us 'just because', you know it will make us smile. Like picking up after yourself. And making dinner. And tickets to the Robin Thicke concert that you know we've been dying to attend.

Anything Chocolate: It's not a myth, chocolate is truly a woman's favorite treat. We love, love, LOVE chocolate. Chocolate should be quantified as a vegetable, and very few women have the willpower to turn down chocolate. Even though we might eat only one piece or two, anything chocolate will get you into our good graces. Think chocolate drinks, ice-cream and sundaes as well as the chocolate hearts and kisses. Bonus points if you know our favorite kind, and what flavor.

Anything Aromatherapy: We love beautiful scents. For some reason, we adore smelling great....especially during our showers and baths. A quick trip to Bath & Body Works, the Body Shop or Victoria's Secret will give you a place to start from. Ask the saleslady for ideas. Try candles, shower gels, bubble baths...or a gift bag with the works. Elegant perfumes are also a great gift.

More Orgasms: I know I don't have to explain this one...but the more orgasms we have, the more special we feel. Although some women aren't hardwired for multiple orgasms, majority of us are. So buckle down and start shooting for more than the requisite one orgasm when we get it on. A little extra effort goes a looooong way, and our second, third and fourth orgasms are always more enjoyable than the first.

SHOPPING!!!: I really was trying to stick to cheap & easy things on here, but everyone knows that women dig shopping. Offer a spur of the moment shopping trip, and come with us. Although it might be boring to you, it's an experience for us, (kind of like you and Monday night football). We promise not to spend the whole day...only an hour or so. After all, marathon shopping sprees are really for us and the girls anyway.

Pampering: Be it at home, at a spa or at your place; an evening of pampering is guaranteed to make every woman feel like a princess. Cook dinner for us. Run a bath with candles. Break out the massage oil. Don't forget to have our soft soothing Sade/Maxwell Cd playing in the background.

Show Your Heart: This is the most important thing. We want to get to know you better, to feel like we have a connection with you that no one else has. We want to believe that under the game, masculinity, ego and testosterone there beats a heart that has the potential of loving us fully. Show us glimpses of it regularly and we feel like we are the only one with the key. Tell us how you really feel and you will indeed make us feel special just by getting to know you.

Okay ladies, anything else to add?


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Review: Under Cover Condoms

Undercover Condoms is a fully stocked online store for all your sexy protection needs. Whether you are looking for vibrating rings, flavored condoms, out of production condoms, international condoms or colored condoms--- you can find everything at this site. The products are shipped discretely to you in an unmarked package. In addition, they have major SALES going on right now, including a great free shipping order off purchases over $29.00. For those of us that run rampant through a regular box of condoms in a matter of days, you can order bulk stashes to tide you over even your most nymphomaniac moments.

The website is easy to use, and ranked pretty high with Bizrate on customer service and of course is fully encrypted so using your credit card is safe. Check it out HERE.

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Friday, January 26, 2007

Not Ready to Settle Down

I recently meet a gentleman who is 12 years older than me. He is already saying that he loves me. He is a really good man, very good to me. But I can't help but feel that it is entirely too early for him to be saying that he loves me.... And yes it has been less than a month that he has known me. So what am I supposed to do? I am young and although I want a relationship I am not sure that we are looking for the same things. I think he is at a point in his life where he is definitely looking for forever and I really can't see that far right now. What do you think I should do, I don't want to hurt his feelings, nor do I want to lose him because he has become special to me?

Well, you pretty much answered your own question. You are not as into him as he is into you. You are young and not ready to settle down. You feel that the relationship is moving quickly. You don't want the same things. He's 12 years older than you, which means he's in a different generation and pretty much has his life settled while you are still learning more about yourself and what you really want out of life.

However, he is a great guy, very special to you, treats you like a goddess and is very good to you. He's already told you that he loves you...albeit early, is possible that a true connection exists between the both of you. I know why you want to hang on to him...after all one doesn't
come across great guys every single day.

In my opinion, I would communicate how you are feeling. Unburden yourself, let him see your anxiety about this situation. Explain that you always want to maintain a friendship with him no matter what happens. Tell him that you both know that you still have some growing up to do and can't commit to forever yet. Pretty much state to him everything you've said on here. That way you are laying your cards on the table and being honest about how you really feel.

How he takes it from there is up to him. You have to respect his decision. If he's ready to settle down with someone, he will probably end the relationship regardless of his strong feelings and try to find someone who is ready to settle down forever too. That's the phase of his life that he's at and it's unfortunate that you both aren't on the same level there.

If he decides to stay with you and 'wait for you to grow up', be sure to express that you don't wish to be pressured to commit forever every single moment you are together. Realize that your relationship will probably either end up being an 'open-ended' relationship in the worse case scenario.

At the end of the day, you have to stand your ground and be true to your desires and what you truly want. Just as that is his obligation as well.


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Thursday, January 25, 2007

Attention Whores & Drama Queens

Definition: An attention whore is a drama queen who always has to have all eyes on her. She loves the attention, she lives for it. She's the friend who when you confide your problems to flips the script and all of a sudden makes everything all about her. She's the selfish lady that when you've just gotten dumped calls you to gush about this guy she's been dating. She wants everyone to notice her every single moment of everyday...everyone on the planet, from her peers to her superiors, her friends and even your own boyfriend.

She is the first to criticize anyone that even remotely tries to be better or do better, because she wants to keep everyone 'under her'. When you get a promotion, instead of genuine congratulations on your success, all you get is a derisive comment meant to shut you down or put you in your place. "Oh they only offered that to you to fill the minority requirement," she might snidely say.

In high school, she would be one of the Mean Girls. Perhaps that is where she cultivated her bitchiness.

At a job setting, she would be what is referred to as the Queen Bee, the popular girl that all the other women pretend to like even though they secretly hate. Meanwhile the men are all over her granting her favors while some are in awe of her. She's Veronica Lake, Naomi Campbell and Paris Hilton all rolled into one.

It's always about her life, her plans, her issues, her woes, her responsibilities and her drama. Noone else exists in her world except her. Anything outside of what's affecting her isn't 'her problem' so she doesn't even notice it. And when she does notice, she somehow manages to make a problem that isn't even hers all about her.

She's controlling, manipulative and egotistical. She's selfish, insanely possessive of her peons and feels that she 'owns' people. She plays everyone like pawns in her chess board. Anyone who objects or fights against her becomes an anathema.

When the light is taken away from her for a moment, she snatches it back with a comment designed to bring the spotlight firmly back in her direction. Without the attention, she becomes petulant and irritable, sometimes even falling into fits of anger and uncontrolled rage.

Although she might come off as arrogant and self-assured, all her issues arise from high levels of insecurity. The confidence that men thinks she exudes is all just a cleverly designed facade. She's probably more insecure than alot of people think. She gets power trips from her manipulations and this feeds her sense of self-worth.

I know as you are reading this, a few Attention Whores and Drama Queens have probably come to your mind both in your personal life and in the media. So how does a truly confidant Bad Girl deal with a Queen Bee?

Ignore her.

Ignore her Vix? Is that even a real strategy?

Yes. See the more attention you give her, the more you play into her games. The less attention you give her, the less power she has over you. You have to act like her antics don't affect or faze you in anyway.

It might be hard, especially since she's been the Queen Bee for years and you are just coming in as a rookie, but it is possible to get her to leave you alone just by not falling for her snare. Of course, she might try harder to get at you, and some of her comments might actually sting. But bear in mind that people only have as much control over you as you give them. Take that power/control from her and she has nothing over you. Nada. Zilch. Zip.

Wonder what happens when two Queen Bees are in a room together? Absolute mayhem...worse than something you would see on a soap opera. I was actually able to see it today and was quite caught up in the bouts of hilarity that assailed me. It was a power struggle of epic proportions, definitely something for the Guinness Book of Records.

Have you ever come across a queen bee/drama queen or attention whore? What is your story and how did you deal with it?

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Wednesday, January 24, 2007


One of the worst traits a long term girlfriend/wife has is the ability to nag. Men totally HATE that. Most of the time, nagging doesn't achieve anything than piss you off and irritate him. You might think that telling him a gazillion times to take out the trash is going to get him off his ass to do it, but most guys plan on doing the task.....eventually, and not at that particular moment when you want it done.

Before you start getting heated, I suggest taking a deep breath and counting to a hundred. Sloooowly. If you are still frustrated, do it again. Nagging him won't get him to do what you want to's counter-productive. You might think that getting on his case will make him get up and do it just to get you to shut up...but is that really the reason you want him to comply with your request?

You cannot treat him as you would your child. Nagging them works because they fear you and the results of your ire. But a grown man will just tune you out and keep doing what he's doing until he's good and ready.

So how do you establish a household routine and help motivate him to get things done?
  1. Plan together. As tedious as it sounds, assigning household duties helps both of you. It communicates exactly what needs to be done on a weekly/daily basis and proves in black & white that there is alot to keep a household up and running. He knows what needs to be done and prioritizes it in his mind as one of his 'responsibilities'. Guys are big believers in taking care of their responsibilities. At least the non-loser variety guys...
  2. Let him chill. When he gets home from work, give him an hour or two to unwind before you load him up with chores. Remember, he just came back from an hour commute and at least 8 hours of mind-numbing work. The least he could expect is some time to relax and chill before getting laden down with more work. Of course, you might argue that once he relaxes he loses all motivation to get anything done, and this might be true.
  3. Show your appreciation. It's easy to send daggers in his direction as he's playing the video game instead of helping you around the house/with the kids. But when he does something...anything at all to help out, do you notice this as well? Sincere appreciation bolsters affection and motivation. Thanking him nicely when he does do anything...even something that's *his* job still gets the message across that you value his contribution to your life. It's kind of like the Pavlovian theory...positive reinforcement yields positive results. One of the greatest complaints in a relationship is the feeling of being under-appreciated or not valued. Nip that in the bud daily...tell him how much you appreciate him, how proud you are of him/his accomplishments and how much you enjoy the fact that you have a man that 'takes care of business'.
  4. Pick up the slack. Yes, we are living in the 21st century, but that doesn't mean that running a household doesn't fall with you as well. You are both partners in this, so help him out when you have time to spare or if you need it done so desperately. He will appreciate the fact that you helped out and it shows that you aren't a selfish taskmaster but a help-mate.
If all else fails, resort to sheer bribery and coercion. Remember, you catch more flies with honey then vinegar, so use your nicest voice, nicest apparel and nicest antics to keep things on course.

Your thoughts?


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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Hot Seat Tuesday

I've decided to add a regular post depending on how well it goes, where I put myself in the hot seat for question time. And when I say questions...I mean Questions, stuff that you thought about but were hesitant to ask. It could be a personal question pertaining to a situation you are going through, or some probing questions trying to get more about of me or a general question for all the fabulous women that visit here.

I'll post the answers on a seperate post so you don't have to keep clicking back to this one. I expect to have a few intriguing questions by tonight, so don't disappoint peoples!

Fire away.

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Monday, January 22, 2007

Cheating in Marriage

The Mistress has a very interesting discussion in her blog about cheating and infidelity in marriage. The question asked men/women go into marriage having in their heads an 'out' clause that they might cheat in the future? Do they intend to eventually cheat, casting all the most sacred vows of marriage aside?

Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship. That means about 50% of couples are able to rationalize, justify or excuse cheating on their significant other, look them in the face, lie about it, sneak around and have sex with someone else. FIFTY PERCENT!

The reasons are sundry...and Mistress eloquently slashes every single excuse for cheating to shreds.

I’m sure I’ll snap out of this when I get married in 4-6 years (not a moment sooner dammit) but at this point, I can definitely admit that I’m incredibly idealistic when it comes to marriage. Marriage is SO SERIOUS! It’s the biggest commitment EVER outside of having a child (and we all know I want no part of that). Bottom line, I hold the institution in high regard.

I’d rather DIE than cheat on my husband (the one I don’t have yet), I think my relationship with him should come first no matter what, and I’m sure as hell not going to file for divorce the second he pisses me off. We are going to work on that shit TO DEATH before I submit to a divorce. That is a last fucking resort!

Is this a waning view or what? Why is the divorce rate so high? What the fuck is wrong with people? No one cares about commitments or fidelity anymore. I have countless friends whose marriages have suffered from infidelity....

It's a worthwhile read and thought provoking in the least. Feel free to join in the discussion there as well. Read the full post HERE.

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Sunday, January 21, 2007

7 Relationship No-nos

In December's Cosmopolitan aka, what Elle Woods calls the Female Bible, there's a really great article called, "What Smart Girlfriend's Never Do," by Gini Sikes. She interviewed Dr. Ablow, a psychiatrist who believes that familiarity nearly always breeds contempt or a loss of excitement by partners who assume that intimacy must mean letting it all hang out. According to them, there are 7 relationship no-nos.
  1. Giving gifts his mom would buy. You know how much you hate getting practical gifts from him? Like a blender or ice scraper? He utterly detests it as well, but won't tell you. His ultimate fear is that you'll morph from his lover to his mother. *shudder*
  2. Getting too comfortable in the bathroom together. Showers are cool, getting dressed in the morning is fine...but anything involving a toilet/sink should be done in privacy with the door closed. Although I do so love watching him shave.
  3. Drifting into a sex rut. You know I'm always harping on this one.
  4. Baring all, all the time. As in parading around naked all the time. Sure it's sexy to see your babe doing chores naked, but after a while it does get old. It might 'anesthetize your man to how provocative your nude form is.' According to Dr. Ablow, nudity should only be connected to sex and not housework/reading in bed. Okay, I wouldn't push it that far, but I do understand his point.
  5. Flaunting your flaws. Don't focus his attention on your imperfections. Self-confidence is sexy. Don't spend all day whining about how fat you are and how much you need to lose weight. Get up and actually do it.
  6. Dressing down. Okay, I'm guilty of this one. I love my comfy pants and wife-beater as my in home attire. But since reading this I've been making more of an effort to get dressed even when at home. I must say, it's really amped up his appreciative looks and total distraction whenever I sashay in front of him.
  7. Spending every night together. Oh no, there is no way I could not do this. I love sleeping with his arms around me. It takes me forever to fall asleep when he's not there. However, Dr. Ablow believes that personal space is great in keeping the passion alive and that 'too much togetherness is a surefire way to cool the romance.'
Are there any other No-nos that you have discovered in your relationships? What do you think of this list?


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Friday, January 19, 2007

More on Foreplay

There was an article I read in last month's Cosmopolitan that got me thinking more about foreplay.

When dating, foreplay is one of the mainstays of the dating relationship. However, once the relationship progresses to a long term committed relationship, foreplay is one of those things that invariably swings out the window. After all, you are both comfortable with each other now, know your spots and know what works yielding an orgasm in 20 minutes or less. So why bother with a lengthy foreplay session?

First of all, not only does foreplay totally get your juices revving, it also increases the passion when you actually have sex. It's like building a bonfire, first you start with an ember, which grows into a dull flame, a bright flame which grows into a blazing bonfire. Foreplay is that first spark, the ember.

There are oodles of ways to initiate foreplay without even going the more common routes of first, second and third base. Any subliminal message, even a subtle one is enough to send his mind in overdrive and his blood heading straight downwards.

A look, a touch, a seductive smile. A note tucked in the pocket of his suit. A kiss in the mirror after applying fresh lipstick for an instant imprint of your lips everytime he looks at the mirror.

In my book, the best foreplay is the kind that lasts all day long....

Your thoughts?

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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Eye Candy

Everyone is used to a certain level of eye candy. We are bombarded daily with images via the media, television, magazines and advertising of 'beautiful people'. We each have our own coterie of handsome/beautiful men and women in which we would drop everything for at a moment's notice.

With George Clooney the 'People's Sexiest Man of the Year' and everyone having idols from Beyonce to Angelina Jolie, how do you dissociate yourself from that when you are in a relationship?

Should you even want to?

Men are visual creatures, but then, so are women. In fact, it is human nature to look at what is termed 'beautiful'. We love to admire. We are all voyeuristic to a certain extent. Is it okay to admire celebrities from a distance while in a relationship, or is this some mild form of cheating?
If cheating begins from the mind first, and our thoughts lead to our actions, are we allowing these 'innocent' fantasies to lull us into thinking that it's okay to have another man on our mind instead of our sweetie? Isn't that where the first seeds of dishonesty begin?

Have you ever fantasized of another man instead of your lover, a celebrity or rock star, someone out of the 'normal' world you inhabit? Have you ever watched an actor on the movie screen and gotten warm just thinking about how utterly scrumptious he looks half naked? Does this constitute as cheating?

Where do we draw the line?


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Monday, January 15, 2007

Dealing with a Man-Stealer

Definition: A man-stealer is that crafty hussy who blatantly makes a play (or several plays) for your guy even though she knows that he's in a committed relationship with you.

Usually when it comes to identifying a man stealer, your sixth sense is dead on. I'm not saying every woman that surrounds your guy is out to steal him, but there is an aura around a man stealer that really does identify her as a predator to watch out for. She's that bitch sashaying her hips right in front of your man in your presence, bending over provocatively and doing the hair flip. She's the coworker inviting him for happy hour every single day after work. She's an ex that is still calling, emailing and texting him. She's the girl in love with him even though he's not showing any interest in her. She's a *friend* who invites him to different events without an invitation extended to you. She's a man snatcher and she wants to be with your guy.

Most of the time guys are totally oblivious when it comes to identifying a man-stealer. The flirtations might be subtle and coy enough to be construed as innocent so he doesn't notice it. Some guys do notice, but allow the flirtations to go on because they lack the balls to do anything about it. Although he would never cheat on you, he might actually be getting a kick out of her antics. After all---everyone wants to be adored and appreciated by the opposite sex.

The problem here is that the constant flirtation is going to increase his level of attraction to her eventually. Most man-stealers just keep working on their prey until he breaks down and actually crosses the line. Emotionally cheating...and even mind fucking is still a form of cheating, in fact, this is where the root of all cheating begins. So you have got to nip this in the bud before it gets to another level.

So how do you effectively deal with a man-snatcher?
  1. Talk About It With Him: As soon as you feel this might be an issue, bring it up to him. Tell him you've noticed her intent and put him on notice. Communicating your feelings on the matter will effectively bring it to his attention. He can't be caught unawares then, and knows to have his guard up when dealing with Ms. Man-Stealer. In addition, bringing it out in the open will eliminate the 'element of secrecy' that titillates and excites both parties. He should take steps to avert getting caught up in her web of seduction. Like avoid being alone with her, stop taking her calls and coldly breaking the banter (if they had any rapport)
  2. Put Her on Notice: Now I'm not saying you get into an all out cat fight--in fact, don't do this. But let her know through your actions that you aren't afraid of her and that you aren't going anywhere. She can try to win him over all she wants, but he's with you and that's how it's going to be. Invite yourself along to these work/school functions. Walk over to speak to her with your man. Let her know that you are a couple and have been for quite some time. This shows that you are secure in your relationship and aren't afraid of her. Have some level of contact with him (holding his hand, his arm resting on your waist etc.) but don't be making out with him in front of her---this will just make you seem needy and insecure. Be nice and firm, tell her how it's going to be from now on. Don't beg her to leave your man alone, that sounds like you actually think she's a threat (which she will see as a sign of weakness and make her want to try to get him harder.) Just tell her emphatically, "Bitch, if I catch you calling my man again you will really regret it." That should work nicely.
  3. Have Him Put Her on Notice: If she still keeps plying him with affection and calling him even after you've had a firm talk with her---have him establish that his isn't interested in her in any way, shape or form. A smart guy would have done this fact, should have done this already--but some might need a little prod in that direction. He has to give her a strong red light, without the possibility of giving in to her pressure. If he's talked to her and she still doesn't disappear, perhaps firmer involving the law should be taken. Anyone can file a restraining order nowadays.
Last word of advice...don't make him choose. Ultimatums will only make you seem paranoid and psychotic and forcing him to pick you is sooooo high school. The guy who is right for you would never have you in a situation like this anyway. He would have taken steps to get rid of Ms. Man Stealer earlier on if only to make you happy. If you feel that he's slipping into her arms, realise that he wasn't the guy meant for you, cut your losses and move on.

Your thoughts?

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Movie Review 'Step Up'

Incredible dancing and awesome music fuel STEP UP, the exhilarating and inspiring movie starring Channing Tatum (SHE'S THE MAN, COACH CARTER) who sizzles as Tyler Gage, a rough and streetwise hunk with raw talent. When Tyler finds himself doing community service at a school for the performing arts, he also finds Nora, a beautiful and privileged classically trained dancer who's searching for a temporary replacement for her injured dance partner. Spying Tyler's smooth moves, Nora decides to take a chance on him. But as they begin training, tension builds, tempers flare and the differences in their backgrounds explode — igniting this electrifying tale about not giving up on your dreams.
I had low expectations of this movie...even though Channing Tatum is rumored to be hot in it. The plot was somewhat predictable~ Bad Boy meets Princess, helps her out, falls for her and somehow learns life lessons and becomes a better person. The most interesting acts were the supporting actors...Mario actually filled his role excellently well...he does have some potential for rounding out as an excellent actor. The chemistry between him and Nora's BFF was intricate yet special enough to keep me interested.

If you are seeing this for the dance moves, try the extra clips in the bonus features. The competition held on Myspace to find dancers for Ciara's new video had some pretty talented people in it. Now if they had gotten a few of those contestants to choreograph the last dance number then I might have appreciated it a bit more.

All in all, this isn't an awful movie. I would give it 3 out of 5 stars. See it if you enjoy movies like Save the Last Dance, Raise Your Voice and Center Stage.


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Thursday, January 11, 2007

Dealing With the Ex-Box

Definition: The Ex-box is the sealed box at the back of your closet, where all the leftover memorabilia from previous relationships is least, the stuff you didn't sell off on Ebay or burn in retribution.

Not everyone has an official box. For some it's just a clutter of memories mixed in with your everyday life. For others, after each de-clutter and get rid of everything reminding you of your ex. And there are still others that hang on to everything, even the ticket stubs from the Led Zeppelin concert you both went to decades ago.

For each person, how they deal with their Ex stuff is different, however the question does remain---what do you do about your Ex-box when you are in a new relationship? Do you hide it at the back of your closet, in your garage or bury it; hoping he never stumbles across i? Or do you bring it out and show him bits and pieces, laughing together at the fact that you once dated a guy with bangs?

I've heard of some women flying into jealous fits of rage when they come across their boyfriend's stash of pictures of women he used to fuck with. My question is this...why are you pissed off? These are pictures and events that happened before you even came into the picture---so making a big fuss about it just makes you look like an insecure psycho. It's okay to express your emotions---we are human after all, but getting all crazy over a bunch of old pictures is utterly ludicrous.

I understand where elements of jealousy and insecurity might come in--especially if all his/her Exes are significantly hotter than you, but you still have to deal with it in a mature manner. Making him get rid of them and forcing ultimatums is not the answer. Your best bet would be to approach it with a sense of humor and a dose of self-confidence.

Here is what I think is cool about going through the Ex-box together---first, it is a bonding experience, another thing to share with your lover, another evening spent talking and getting to know each other better. Secondly, it shows that although you acknowledge that you have a past, you are still secure and happy in this current, new relationship to delve into each other's past without ill-will.

If he chooses to get rid of his Ex-box of his own free will, then more power to him, but this is not an issue that I would pick a fight about. Remember, you can't fault him for anything that happened in the past---what's done is done. Stay in the present. Presently he's with you. Savor that moment.

Your thoughts?


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Wednesday, January 10, 2007


Sorry to everyone that have been having problems posting comments/viewing my site the last 48hours. I just upgraded to the new Blogger and am still working the kinks out. However, I do believe everything is okay now.

Please let me know if you are still experiencing problems.



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To Swing or Not to Swing?

On a followup question to the Evolution of Sex post, a reader asked of my thoughts on swinging (couples with couples) to fix the problem.

To me swinging is like anal sex. It's good for some and bad for others. (And when I say others I mean a WHOLE lot of others!) It takes a really solid relationship with very clear lines of communication to be able to make it through a swing soiree and still keep the relationship intact. Usually one of the partners can't handle the pressure and it becomes a big fiasco that ends up fragmenting the relationship.

The pressure you are adding is a multi-layered sword. Even if you think you are an open-minded person, it could end up haunting you reflectively, even after the fact. No matter how 'advanced' you are as a couple, you are still humans and humans are prone to emotions that tend to grow out of control. You are introducing emotions and feelings into your relationship that might be detrimental. Jealousy, insecurity and doubt are very real factors that might rear it's ugly head. It might end up ruining the positive flow of your relationship. Why add more drama when there is none?

What if the other couple is hotter than you? What if one of them is psycho? What about STDs? What if he likes sleeping with the other Female more than you? What if she gives him better head? What if she's more experienced? What if they are more experienced? What if he starts fantasizing about her after the fact? What if his cock is bigger than your man's? What if you enjoyed the freaky sex with the other guy better? What if you aren't ready for that level of frolicking? What if you freak out... What if..., what if....what if....!!! Just thinking about some of the factors are already making me dizzy!

Some people are able to negotiate the waves of swinging with complete abandon. They can view it as 'just another sex-perience', something fun and different to spice up the bedroom. I once knew a guy that had a girlfriend for 7 years in which they swang regularly (several times a month). It was at his request, but she must have enjoyed it to do it so much right?

As adventurous as I am, there are some routes that I know I cannot take all in the name of improving sex. Swinging for me is definitely one of them.

Your thoughts?

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Posted by Vixen @ 8:14 PM :: 3 trainees letting it rip!

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Tuesday, January 09, 2007

The Sugar Spoon

On the Elexa Sexy Smart blog, Kellie wrote an interesting review for a new sex toy called the Sugar Spoon. Has anyone used this before? What do you think?
Picture this: the Sugar Spoon has duel rotation capability, meaning that the outer labia stimulator is set to a different track than the spoon, which gets inserted, therefore, you could set the outer affect to a fast pace while the inner affect goes very slowly. I’m talking about more than 300 different speed and rotation combinations! Its got a spiral shaft with a tip that is actually shaped like a spoon, so when its turned on, it moves not just in a swirl, but it scoops too. Party at your G-spot! There is also the obligatory clitoris stimulator, which to my relief, isn’t shaped anything like a dolphin or elephant or rabbit. And of course its waterproof, making bath time lots of fun.
Sounds like someone is trying to take the Dolphin thing to a whole new level. I haven't tried it, but would like to know if anyone else has. Read the full review HERE.

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Posted by Vixen @ 9:07 AM :: 0 trainees letting it rip!

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Monday, January 08, 2007

Playing Yourself

Last evening, I happened to hear a conversation between my Boyfriend and one of his boys. There is so much you can learn from guys when they think you aren't paying attention. They were espousing the 'lack of virtue' of a particular young lady that the friend had been dating. In his words, she's 'fuckin' hot, pretty cool out of bed too,' but not the marrying type or settling down type. His solution, even though he totally clicked with the girl and liked her alot, was to break up with her after banging her brains out for 3 weeks with some pretty harsh words.

Before we start male bashing here, let's examine things from his perspective. Here is where I think the lovely lady screwed up....
  1. She slept with him on the first night. And every night since then. That equals in his mind that she's easy, a tramp and not the marrying kind. Even though she might have just been hella attracted to him, he sees it as a negative thing, and not the kind of girl you bring home to mama.
  2. She kept dating/sleeping with several other guys, and he knew about it. Even though she is being upfront and honest, in his book, this is another strike against her. Even though men know about the whole 'thrill of the chase' thing, he doesn't want to chase her if he's not sure that she's totally into him, or having to beat off other men with a stick just to get to her doorstep. He'd rather find someone without a gaggle of guys hanging around her, someone that shows interest in him more exclusively. Yes, they do like the exclusive thing too...
  3. He feels he can't trust her. In his remarks, she's the kind of girl that might end up 'fuckin' around on you' and he gets hurt in the long run.
So how does a fabulous female in this day and age navigate the thorny waters of dating & sex without being labeled 'loose and unmarriageable'?

First of all, you have to know what you want. If you want to have a boyfriend, sleeping with him early isn't going to make him believe you are 'girlfriend material'. Most guys equate the ease of getting booty as some sterling quality, thinking that it's a direct correlation. 'The harder to get the pussy, the better she must be' mentality I guess. First date sex...hell no. Not even on the second, and better still be crossing your legs for the third. Of all the 'rules' I've heard of, this is the hardest to stick by and yet the most equitable.

Secondly, know if you are ready to settle down. Your mind and spirit has to be in a state that leaves 'playing games', the field and sowing your royal oats all into the yesterdays of your youth. If you are looking for something serious, be serious. If you are looking to get laid, don't all of a sudden start expecting more from the guy when all you did at the beginning was get hot and heavy in the sheets. Set your expectations on the level that you desire and act accordingly.

Last but not least, keep your dirty laundry yours. It's cool to confide in a guy that you like and want to get to know better about your past, but there are some topics that are just shark infested waters that automatically demerit you. Until you are sure that you can't get docked for your past liaisons and lifestyle, keep those secrets to yourself. And yes, you know which ones I'm talking about...

Your thoughts?


Posted by Vixen @ 8:37 AM :: 7 trainees letting it rip!

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Saturday, January 06, 2007

New Year Resolutions via Horoscope

Here's my top five new Year's resolutions based on my horoscope for the year. For some reason, it makes total sense.

Check yours out here.


(September 23 - October 22)
1) Stop - immediately, now - trying to be all things to all people. It's impossible, and it's stressing you out.
2) Cut loose the neediest of the needy, between January and March. You'll be doing them a favor.
3) Revive (or initiate) the intimacy between you and your sweetie.
4) In August and September, continue to convince everyone (but your partner) to live without you, and focus on your career.
5) Allow yourself to gloat - just a tad. And buy yourself a reward. Yes, really.


Posted by Vixen @ 12:05 AM :: 2 trainees letting it rip!

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Friday, January 05, 2007

Baby Mama Drama: Meeting His Kid

I became the NEW girlfriend about three months ago, my boyfriend who is absolutely wonderful had been with his ex-girlfriend for three years and have a one year old. My problem is, that they exclude me from everything, like her birthday. I mean should I be invited? His parents think I'm ridiculous for thinking I SHOULD! The thing is, I know he is worth it, but the girl unfortunately is 17 and not going to remove her fangs from me. I try to be very much like you said, respectable, treat her child with respect but still maintain my distance from their child and how to raise her. I just didn't know my first relationship would be so full of obstacles, I'm just wondering if you think I'm being totally out of my bearings here or what? I know at the end of the day it's whether I want to deal with this or just try to find an easier "fish". But the thing is, he's great and treats me like a queen. I've never been more confused about things, all I do is pray but my heart doesn't find answers.

Okay...the part of your question dealing with whether or not to leave him, I'm going to leave that up to you...but I will address the other parts of your question. You sound young...early 20s, but pretty much sure about certain things, like what you want in a relationship and how you expect to be treated. However, when does being assertive become too pushy?

First of all, relax! You've only been dating him for 3 months. If you had a child, would you introduce every single guy you dated to your child? Think how impressionable children are and how quickly they form lasting attachments. He's probably not sure you are going to stick around for the long haul, and he's wary of introducing his child's emotions into the fray. That should be a sign of a good parent---so don't take it personally.

I know that you want to show your interest in him by extending the emotions to his offspring, and this will all be taken care of in due course. My thinking is, if your relationship hasn't hit a certain level of commitment that is beyond just dating, then he is protecting his child's interests. He's doing the right thing.

The baby mama will always be in the picture. And even you know it. She's young, she's immature right now, but she'll learn and grow. I know it's irritating that he spends all this time with her and his child, birthdays and some of the holidays, leaving you excluded, but you should use the free time as your personal ME time and stop anguishing about it. At least for right now.

If you are concerned that he might be interested in resuming a relationship of sorts with her, and using that 'family time' to get closer to her, then bring up your feelings to him in a reasonable debate and listen with your sixth sense. Allay your fears and precede from there. However, if you are 100% sure that he's devoted to you and wants to be with you---why are you creating fracas where there isn't any?

His child is going to be in his life the rest of his life. So if you are going to be in his life the rest of his life then eventually you will be in his/her life too. You might even develop a relationship with his offspring that exceeds anything you've ever expected.

If the relationship progresses---say you are talking about settling down together and he still hasn't let you meet his child, then I would totally freak out...but until then just hold on to your horses and enjoy the sweet romance that you have right now.

Your thoughts?

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Posted by Vixen @ 11:39 PM :: 0 trainees letting it rip!

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Tuesday, January 02, 2007

True Connection

Definition: I choose to define connection as a complete melding of two people on every single plane imaginable. It's a compilation of traits and personalities that blends so effortlessly into a beautiful harmony. Connection is a bond between 'soul mates', that transcends every single thing you've ever known about love.

Having chemistry is just a small part of being connected. Being connected equals a compatibility that isn't just similar as is complementary. Where you are weak, he is strong. What he lacks, you fulfill. It's a synchronous combination of skills, character traits, personalities, attitudes and people into a beautiful blend of completion. A true connection flows naturally from the adjoining of two souls and does not require any contrived efforts. It is as if the two people were listening to the same radio station and are experiencing the same vibration at the same time. The essence of true chemistry is multi-layered, so the sense of connectedness is experienced regardless of the particular activity or circumstance the couple might find themselves in.

So how can you tell if you are in a truly connected relationship?If you are asking yourself this question then you are most likely not in a truly connected relationship. True connectedness is apparent from the instant you experience it and will make you feel overwhelmed with a sense of completion. While there are other types of relationships that can be quite positive and intriguing, there are none that will touch your soul so naturally.

Furthermore, true connections do really exist and can be attained but rely on a number of factors being in place. Both people must be in a place where they can be receptive and open to the connection. If someone is fresh out of a relationship and continues to carry previous or unresolved emotional baggage that would contradict the natural state one must be in to recognize the connectedness for what it truly is. This can lead to hurt if one person is in the state to experience the full magnitude of the connection and the other is in an altered state and thus either oblivious to it or simply refuses to accept it. The best way to find this type of connection is to get right within yourself before you pursue a relationship and out of a sense of wholeness within you find the person who compliments your true self.

So for those of us who are in a relationship that we feel right about but perhaps not truly connected, should we settle? It is entirely up to you and there is no rule about what relationship is right for you. There are many healthy types of relationships that can work out and provide us with a sense of completion and perhaps we do not feel as though we are settling. Even in the most connected relationship there will always be some challenges and obstacles to our contentment. That is why we desire to find someone who will be there through thick and through thin. This, however, does not mean that we can't get it right the first time. We need to get right within and find our partner not out of a sense of insecurity but out of a sense of self-love.

Yes, it is the epitome of a relationship, one that we wish we could all have. It's kinetic.

Your thoughts?


Posted by Vixen @ 11:00 AM :: 4 trainees letting it rip!

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Happy New Year!

Remember when I thought I was well, turns out that was just round one. I spent both christmas and new years in the hospital. I'm hoping yours was a hundred times better then mine!

Happy New Year Everyone!


Posted by Vixen @ 10:06 AM :: 3 trainees letting it rip!

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