Saturday, January 28, 2006

The Girl Code: Dealing with Friends and Lovers...

Now according to Special Dark, the Guy Code says it's OK to ditch your friends for your new fledgling relationship. However, we all know that in Girl Code, there is no way in hell that that would go over well on your girlfriends. First of all, that breaks one of the fundamental rules of the Girl Code. Chicks before Dicks, every single time.

For some, it is harder to balance time spent with your girls and the time you want to spend with your new beau, and they end up in Couple Never land, where your girlfriends never see you emerge unless there is trouble in your relationship or you break up with him. Managing and prioritizing time with your friends is very essential and many a good friendship has been ruined because you let a man get in the midst.

Here are some basic rules to keep in mind, to keep your friends happy with the new man in your life.

Let Him Know Off the Bat the Hierarchy: Most of the time, the new guy in your life might want to monopolize all your free time. After all, you are utterly fabulous and he can't help himself, he wants to spend every moment he can with you. When it comes to your friends, you have to be the one to put your foot down. Let him know that your friends are super important to you, and let him know where he stands in the totem pole. He is not going to ditch you because you put your friends first, in fact, he will respect you more for it.

Keep the Girl Rituals: If every Saturday night, you and your mates head out for a night on the town, don't jilt them just because you have acquired a new boyfriend. Keep the shopping sprees, the Sunday morning brunches, the fortnightly sleepovers and girls night out. Let him know what is going on, and that you are going to be occupied during those hours. When you are with your girls, give them your undivided attention and fully engross yourself in all the activities. Have fun, people watch, get your manicures and talk, watch the chick flicks and act like your carefree, zany self. Do not keep checking your watch, calling your man, or sending him SM'S messages while with your friends. This just makes them feel like they aren't important even when they are with you and will indulge him and lead him on certain expectations.

Set Boundaries: In order to keep both spheres of your social life content, you have to set boundaries with them. Let your friends know that when you are with your man, you might not be fully accessible to their every whim, and for them to hold off calling you unless it's an emergency. Likewise, let your man know that he needs not to call you every 15 minutes when you are out with the girls because he wants to find out where you are and what you are doing. If you normally talk to your man at 11pm every night, let your friends know this so they won't keep calling you then, and if you chat with your friend during her lunch break at work, keep the same ritual. The boundaries can only be established by you and you have to communicate what they are to both parties.

Don't Expect Mutual Affection but Demand Mutual Respect: For some reason, your man might not like your best friends and vice versa. There might not be a concrete reason to this, and you shouldn't expect them to like each other because you like them both. People are different and can react to each other differently and you have to bear this in mind. However, you should expect mutual respect. Do not accept him belittling or criticizing your friends, and don't let them rag on him (too much). To maintain the status quo, don't diss your friends in front of your man and vice versa. They will treat each other in public, the way they see you treat the other in private.

What to Do When They Have to Mix: If for one reason or another, all of you are invited to the same social function, the rules are simple, you have to give both sets attention and affection. Avoid spending the bulk of the night with either your friends or your man. When you arrive at the party, introduce your man to the host/hostess and a few people that he might find something in common with. Once he has started mixing, go hang out with your girls for a few minutes but keep an eye on him. You might have to rush to the rescue a few times, and after a while feel free to bring both parties together. Keep everyone in the conversation and flit around the party like you normally would. Another great technique is to keep your man close-by, and just circulate through the room.

Displays of Affection: This is the part that will irk a lot of your single friends. Avoid being all lovey dovey with your guy in their presence. A quick peck, or short kiss, hand holding and an arm around his waist is OK, but flat out making out with him in their presence is crude and rude. When your friends are present, both of you have to curb down your carnal appetites and save that stuff for when you are alone. Capishe?

Become a Tight Vault of Secrets: If you and your man click, you might wish to confide every single thing in your life to them. However, it is not your man's business that your girlfriend had an abortion. Anything your friend tells you in confidence must remain in confidence. Do NOT tell your man without getting her permission first. The same applies to your man, anything he tells you is not meant to be shared with your coterie of female friends during girls night out. If it is difficult for you to keep secrets, get their permission to spill it first. If that doesn't work, make it a hypothetical situation, or keep it anonymous.

Dealing With Money: When you are out with your man, he might want to automatically pay for everything. However, if it's him with you and a bunch of your friends, don't expect him to foot the bill. That is not polite and will only help to alienate both parties. Let everyone pay for their meal/tickets and keep all the money separate. If your man doesn't have the cash (for one reason or another), don't expect your friend to float him. You float him...or walk with him to an ATM.

The Third Wheel: If it just happens to be your best friend and your guy, you have to walk a fine line to avoid either of them feeling like the third wheel. The third wheel is the unwanted, un-needed person. Keep the conversation on topics that both can participate in, don't gang up against one or the other, and skip the inside jokes. If you do have an inside joke that you simply can't skip, let the other person in on it without them asking.

Prioritizing in Times of Distress: Occasionally, you might come across instances where both your friend and your boyfriend need you. How do you pick which one needs you more? First of all, emotional needs should trump physical needs. If your man just got fired, or if your girlfriend just got dumped, they need more emotional support than say...girls night out, or a romp in the sack. Another good thing to keep in mind is a slight rotation. If you have spent the whole day with your friend...then save the evening to spend with your man. The person that saw you last automatically sees you the next time, unless they need you emotionally right now. It's also good to keep the person that you are leaving out in the loop, so that they understand that you just didn't flake out on them, but that your friend/man really needed you.

So, this is Girl Code to friends and lovers laid out in black and white. Learn it, understand it, and apply it.

Culled from Baggage Reclaim

Labels: Girl Talk

Posted by Vixen @ 10:53 AM :: 4 trainees letting it rip!

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