Thursday, March 26, 2009
When He Doesn't Call: Again....
Here is a question that has been answered here
, here and here
, but I'll do it again just because darling girl sounds so utterly confused and new to this 'men not calling' phenomena.
I am seeing this guy who is really confusing me. We went out few times and it was great. I used to call him at least once at the beginning of the relationship but not often...but he used to answer and reply to my texts and also in return give me a ring but very rarely. it is the second day I have not called him and I haven't heard from him so I am thinking is he not into me at all. I did the same thing last time and he texted to asked why I have not called/texted and I said I was busy. I did that to make him miss me and call me and it worked at that time.
But i don't like games, if he is really into me i expect him to call me once a day at least. i feel like i am after him, if i don't call him, he wouldn't call or text till sometime. I know he likes me, when he is with me, he is too sweet and loving, he makes me feel really great!
How can i make him call me often? Because with me a relationship would only build with communication but if we rarely have communication i cant honestly develop any further relationship with this guy AND he is hurting and making me confused!
For starters, you are totally blowing this way out of proportion. This is a relatively new relationship, he's not obligated to call you everyday. Men don't use the phone as a social tool the way us girls do, for them, it's a means of communication period. "Hey, what's up. Let's plan our next date
" not "Hey, how are you? What did you do today? Really? What are you thinking? Did you miss me?
"....see the difference?
The fact that this is a new relationship and you are already psychoanalyzing and over-stressing can actually turn off the guy. They don't want a clingy, needy girl, and if you keep this up, you are heading down that road on a fast track. And please, drop the whole "I don't play games" shtick because if you didn't play games, you wouldn't have been playing the not-calling/I'm busy game
when in reality you are sitting by the phone waiting for him to call you.
What you have managed to do is create a mountain out of a molehill. First, there is no definition based on your description to this relationship. You met this guy who you dated a few times and that is it. For him you are probably viewed as a good friend. For you, it has become something else. Perhaps the fault rests with you and not with him. Who is pursuing whom? From my experience, if a guy really wants to get to know you, even if he is shy, he will take the extra step to call and make contact. You have managed to get yourself emotionally connected to a person who probably only views you as a) a good friend b) a cool chick he hangs out with or c) a good lay (if you have slept with him).
Men are not as complex as we make them out to be. If he wants to pursue a relationship he will let you know. On the other hand, be careful what you wish for. Some men become stalkers in their quest to communicate with you and get to know you it turns into "control freak-dom". Stop emoting your need for love onto a person who obviously isn't ready for that sort of commitment with you. Think of him as a friend, call when you can or text when you can, but don't think of him as exclusively yours because he has not voiced that to you. And you are not exclusively his either!If a guy wants to talk to you....he will call you.
If he isn't calling, it just means that he's not interested in talking to you, plain and simple. There is no if, ands or buts about it. Stop playing these games with him, and obsessing over his calls or lack thereof. All that is just a waste of time and energy...energy that could be best put to use going out with your friends, shopping or even washing your hair!
Labels: Relationship issues
Posted by Vixen @ 3:24 PM ::
0 trainees letting it rip!
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Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Book Excerpt: Will Marry for Food, Sex & Laundry
Okay, so I'm reading this refreshing new book by Simon Oaks titled "Will Marry for Food, Sex & Laundry." I just had to share this little excerpt with everyone because so many women send me questions on how to know if the guy is interested in you. I haven't finished reading, but I will be doing a 'proper' review in the future.
He Likes Me -- Doesn't He?
By Simon Oaks,
Author of Will Marry for Food, Sex, and Laundry:
How to Get Him -- and How to Keep Him
Times have changed. The days of Rhett Butler telling Scarlett O'Hara he didn't give a damn are long gone. That's a shame in some ways. At least it made dating simple. Nowadays, guys try to be considerate in an attempt to not hurt your feelings. His miscues make it hard to know whether he's really into you, just wants to be friends or would love for you to switch phone plans. While words might not be his strong point, his actions are. Keep an eye out for these kinds of behavior.
Copyright ©2009 Simon Oaks author of Will Marry for Food, Sex, and Laundry: How to Get Him -- and How to Keep Him
- He actively takes an interest in you and what you have to say. He's not just nodding and smiling and checking his watch every five minutes like you're trying to sell him life insurance. There's eye contact. He's actively listening. He's asking questions, relating things you say to his own experiences. If he's really good, he'll remember something you said and incorporate it in a future date. Try not to act too surprised.
- He's forthcoming. He wants you to know about him. This manifests itself in a bunch of ways. He'll share personal details about himself. He'll even be eager to cough up basic factoids such phone numbers, his address and place of work. If he isn't giving up this kind of info, then he doesn't want you tracking him down -- or he's Batman or Superman. So if he doesn't live at Wayne Manor or the Fortress of Solitude, give it up.
- He'll mark his territory. He won't pee on you or anything per se, but he will exhibit some animal behavior. If he's decided he wants you as his female, he won't want to lose you. If there's any chance that you might be snapped up by another male, he'll stake his claim. He'll be tactile with you, slipping an arm around you, possibly posturing and standing up when another guy walks onto the scene. Watch out for some regression to a more primitive man. If you hear grunting, don't panic. It's his way of saying he likes you.
- He calls you back. Despite the stereotype, he will call you back. If you're a girl in demand, he won't want you to be the one that got away, so he'll call you to set up the next date or ask how you're doing. If you're getting calls for no reason, that's a good thing. However, you may want to invest in a good phone plan.
- He'll check you out. You'll bring out his spy skills in a good way. He'll talk to your friends to get the 411 on you. He wants to know more about you -- your past, your present, your likes and dislikes, water hazards, etc. He's doing his homework because he wants to impress you. He's gathering this intelligence so he knows how best to woo you.
- He's flirtatious. Guys get playful around women they like. It's a little dance he's doing around you to show his interest and his daring. However, he's not just being flirty, he's also probing. He's putting on a little show for you to see if you'll reciprocate. The more you play, the more he stays. Now shake that tail feather.
- He's always planning ahead. If he digs you, he won't want you getting away from him. To make sure you aren't prey to some other guy, he'll be making plans for the next date before the current one is over. A full calendar is a good sign.
- He's attentive. He's been listening to you, and knows what you like and where you like to go. He treats you to your favorite things and places. He'll spring surprises.
- He'll blow off his buddies to be with you. It's always tricky managing existing commitments with burgeoning relationships. There are bound to be conflicts of interest at the some point. So take it as a good sign when he'll ditch going out with the boys to see you instead.
- Acts of selflessness. He'll take one for the team of you and him. These can be large or small acts. They can be as small as holding your hair back for when you've got stomach flu, or as large as suffering through a Celine Dion concert and pretend he's enjoying it because you're a fan. Now “that's the power of love.”
Posted by Vixen @ 2:25 PM ::
1 trainees letting it rip!
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Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Penis Size: Going from Bigger to Smaller
Is it possible to adjust to a small penis when your preference is a large one? Call me shallow, but I'm having trouble adjusting. Please enlighten me. Thanks in advance!!
Whoa...your question is one I haven't encountered before. In my experience, my penis sizes went up on the scale...not down! I hope the penis you are talking about is in the 4.5-6 inches range, with a decent circumference, otherwise, ummm, I don't know you will be able to deal. If his cock is about the size of any of your fingers, you might have to invest in some toys for both of you to play in bed with.
If he has a short dick, but it's thick, you should be able to enjoy him as is...most of the problem is in your head, not your pussy. You are mentally used to having a huge dick, so your brain is telling your body that this one is not cutting it. But like every habit, it's easy to re-train your brain. Just remember when this guy is consorting with you that you like him, he treats you well, and he's a great guy. I'm not sure if he's just your booty call or boyfriend, but either way, please cut him some slack---he's probably been criticized for his small penis all his life.
But thinking about it scientifically, as elastic as the pussy is, I think it's quite capable to adjust---as long as you haven't had kids yet. Have you ever noticed that when you don't have sex for a long time, like a few weeks/months, that the next time to you have sex your pussy is very tight? The pussy is like balloon, and when it doesn't get stretched, it shrinks. This is the theorem you will apply in this instance. Stop having sex for a few days (for me, it takes just 5-10 days to shrink down to my pre-Norio size).
Don't have any interactions, don't masturbate, don't get eaten out...nothing. Just go cold turkey off sex for a while. While you are sex-fasting, practice doing your Kegels. These exercises will help to strengthen and tighten your pussy walls (recommended for all women; exercise your pussy muscles!). Your pussy should reform into a smaller size--and be quite stronger. See Kegels help you to clench and relax your PC muscles, which will help your pussy hold on tighter to his cock during coitus.
The longer you remain celibate, the tighter your pussy will become. I've gone for months without sex before, and when you start again, it won't matter what size the guy is, it will feel phenomenal. Of course, you can't do this all the time if you are in a long term relationship with this guy, but once you have done it once, your pussy shouldn't expand too much again unless you pop a baby out or have sex with another 9 incher.
Let me know if this helps. It's just a recommendation, but if all else fails and you still can't deal, you can either move on to another lover or get this one a penis pump;)
Posted by Vixen @ 1:16 PM ::
11 trainees letting it rip!
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Saturday, March 07, 2009
When He Makes You Feel Not Good Enough: Meet Melanie
I got this question from one my fav readers the other day...
I've been having a really hard time and could use some advice or support. 7 months ago I randomly met an amazing guy and started dating off the bat. He is an incredibly smart dedicated individual. In terms of relationships his views were that a relationship should consist of two people working together to help each other achieve there goals. He is a workaholic and indirectly expects the same from me. While I see nothing wrong in working hard, I am the type of person who doesn't see anything wrong with putting work aside for a few hours and going to see a movie or having a nice dinner once a week. He honestly reminds me of a robot sometimes. The sex is very to the point and seems like its just completing the human cravings for sexual gratification rather than any amount of affectionate making love.
I am having a hard time especially when he brings up his past relationships. He went to a school with a high prestigious ranking and had serious relationships there with girls who dedicated themselves completely to what they were studying and what they wanted to do with there lives. Honestly as much as I love myself; sometimes it gets really hard not to feel insignificant and worthless especially when I get reminded how dedicated everyone he admires is. I feel like rather than motivating me to work harder or be better it brings me down because he approaches it in such a critical condescending manner from insulting my school to throwing it in my face that I'm not a perfect student. He says he believes I have a lot of potential and wants to see my succeed but I can't shake this feeling of insignificant.
Lately I've been having an even harder time handling everything and being motivated to do anything. I got pregnant and am going through a miscarriage 8 weeks into it and even at this point in everything rather than be supportive and understanding to the fact that I'm having a hard time because I feel like i have no control over my own body and my hormones fluctuate through the roof it's just been a series of more pressure to work work work. It's hard being told that he thinks im Bipolar when in reality my hormones went insane and I honestly couldn't help it
I don't really know what to do. I feel very alone....
Gosh...I've been seeing all the relationship status changes on your facebook and always wondered but didn't want to pry. I know that there are 2 sides to every story but this guy doesn't sound like the right person for you. What he considers motivating is being overly critical, and him rubbing his Ivy League overly pretentious and entitled ambitious friends and self into your face isn't helping you grow, it's really beating you down emotionally.
It sounds like you are on the fast track to an abusive relationship, he's emotionally haranguing you constantly and making you feel less than what you are. He sounds like a Type A personality, and you are too warm-hearted to be in this world. The longer you stay in it, the more hurt you will become.
You two have only been together for 7 months, and it just sounds like one hassle after another. Look at the red flags honey--he's doesn't make love to you, he is a workaholic and expects you to be one too, he doesn't know how to have fun, he criticizes you and he wasn't supportive through your miscarriage. How many more red flags do you need to see before you see the writing on the wall?
Get out now before you end up more broken.
Here's the part that's gonna hurt. Are you sitting down? This isn't about him and how bad he has been, and how he tricked you into believing he was one way or another, this isn't about his opinions of you and how he isn't being supportive this is all about you.
It's about your perception of yourself and what you think you deserve. You know your personality and how you are deserves a person who is supportive, inspiring and a source of motivation, not derision, criticism and rancor. You don't need a drill sergeant as a boyfriend; you were doing good all by your fabulous self!
No one can make you feel worthless except yourself. You are the one giving him that power. Take your self respect back! If you have the kick-ass self esteem that I expect every BAD girl at this point to have, you would have not taken his shit from day 1, and set the precedence that you don't exist to be under his rule and foot.
I think that all the talk about his Ivy League girlfriends feeds into your own insecurities and how you view yourself in relation to other women in his life. This shouldn't even be a conversation you should be having with any guy. It's wholly inappropriate and you have to stand up for yourself and set the boundaries. It doesn't matter who your man has been with in the past, and how you measure up. You should feel that you
measure up surpass them because he is not with them but with you.
You deserve a man that will cater to you, treat you well and respect you enough knowing that you are strong, independent woman. You've accomplished so much in your young life already, and have ambition and dreams about where you are going to go. You don't need a drill sergeant!
I think that what is going down deep inside isn't a question of whether or not you love him, but rather a dilemma of you not feeling like you deserve him. Sweets, let me tell you right now, you don't deserve him. He isn't the right guy for you. A man that talks down to you and makes you feel insignificant, who criticizes you and doesn't appreciate your successes, someone who doesn't support you in your difficult times---that is not the type of guy you deserve.
You can move on to the next level of self confidence by treating yourself to no relationship for a while. Try NML's No Contact Rule
for starters. Enjoy being single and enjoy being you and then once you have embraced that you are unique you deserve a great deal, once you have identified the true meaning of loving "myself" for me---then, and only then, should you venture back into the dating pool. You have to have the right glasses to see a man for who he truly is and reject those that come with drama, red flags and heartache.
You will never be able to change him. You can never change a man! A man will only change when he wants to. Did you really envision your life like this? Did you really think that this was the type of guy that was right for you? Seriously?
Get of this nutty roller-coaster. Heal yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and all the other -llys that he might have hurt. Remember he is the one that was lucky to have you in his life not the other way around.
Labels: Ask Vixen, Break Ups, Relationship issues
Posted by Vixen @ 1:54 AM ::
4 trainees letting it rip!
Talk to Me!