Labels: Girl Talk
Since you are a black woman, and so might have some deep intrinsic understanding of these things that I lack, please explain something to me. The R&B and hip-hop culture is responsible for the trend of calling women 'females'. Now white people are doing it as well to be cool. I never understood this. I'm a white guy, I don't like R&B (and saying that it stands for Rich & Beautiful brings up a gag reflex), and to me 'female' sounds like it's a little vague in regard to the species. Now, either rappers have all gotten PhDs in biology and have retained some of the jargon, or they fuck females of other species. A human female is called a woman. Is there a good reason why 'woman' isn't enough? Or is 'female' used to emphasize the woman's function as a sperm receptacle? ~ AlexI am a Black woman, but being raised in Africa and not listening to mainstream 'secular' music until my 20s really limits my scope. Do not confuse R&B with HipHop Alex, they are quite different forms of music. When you think of R&B you should be thinking Luther Vandross, Marvin Gaye, Aretha Franklin etc. from the old school and from nowadays I actually only classify singers like Javier, Maxwell, Craig David, Alicia Keys and other soulful crooners as R&B. Everyone else gets lumped into HipHop. I can dig some HipHop but I do have alot of umbrage with the way the music has gone from the original beats when HipHop first came out to the sucky, mediocre stuff that's being pumped out right now.
Labels: Girl Talk
The plot is as close to what you see in the trailers, and without leaving any spoilers the story ends in your normal Hollywood ending. There wasn't much drama or excitement, but then again, it's a rom-com, so what do you expect? It does follow the chick flick formula almost to a T. The ends were tied up very neatly and the plot leaves you satisfied with the ending. I felt that the whole angst part went on for waaaay too long. "Tripp, get over yourself already," I kept wanting to say! As for Paula (SJP), her pity party went on for way too long. It's really not that serious considering everything else going on in relationships to factor how they met as such a colossal and monumental catastrophe. Jeez. Cry me a river.
The storyline actually reminds me acutely of Hitch but without the funny aspect that Kevin James & Will Smith brought to that movie. Don't get me wrong, there were some moments that were definitely funny and that I laughed out loud at, but I felt that the humor was contrived and over-done. The whole "nature is against you" theory was a creative way to throw in laughs but after the second incident, it wasn't that funny anymore.
I thought the actors showed much substance in their acting, and Sarah J. Parker did her thing! Even the sub-characters were very well developed and played integral parts in the story.The overall acting was very cohesive. There is alot of drool worthy moments in both Bradley Cooper and Matthew's visage without a doubt.
The DVD features alot of extra features thrown in there to be worth you while. There are several funny clips with the actors in Real Time and an expose that explains the Failure to Launch phenomenon. On the side note, if you do meet a guy that hasn't left home---please, for the love of all things good, don't expend all that energy trying to launch him! As you will find out, it's very futile. He has to make up his mind by himself that he wants to move. You can't force him to do it.
If you liked Hitch, Wedding Planner or How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days then this is definitely another one to add to your collection. It comes out on DVD today so head over to check it out. It's $29.95 but you can get it on Amazon for $15.99.
For fun, check out the animated Ecard for a funny joke on your single gal pals. You can even add an additional personalized message to her on the card. The card is really sassy and adorable, with sound effects. Check It Out HERE.
Labels: Relationship issues
Labels: Girl Talk
My parents have been married for over 30 years and each day I’m constantly amazed that my mom can sit and listen to my dad repeat the same story over and over again. Despite the fact that he’s a great storyteller, I know that just hearing the story 394,038 times will make me cross-eyed. And yet she listens to him, sometimes interjecting and getting him to stick more to the truth and less exaggerations, but always with a pleasant smile on her face.
It should be the same with our guys. Even if we don’t want to listen to him, we should. It’s what couples do, you listen to him while he offloads, and then you get to rant and rave while he listens to you. Communication is a 2-way street. Sometimes we have to have the forbearance to listen to him tell the story over again. He’s excited about it and giving him the cut direct won’t help foster any warm connections between you two.
I used to date a guy that was a Sci-Fi fanatic. If given the chance he could talk about his passion all day long for the rest of my life and Sci-fi is something that I’m not big on. I remember telling myself to give him just a few minutes on his stand and then gradually steer the conversation on to more neutral waters before I thunked him over the head with my 3 inch stilettos. He finally figured out that he had about 5 good minutes before my eyes started glazing over so he started keeping his responses more direct, less convoluted which in turn helped keep me interested.
Another trick I’ve found out is to actually ask probing questions that get him talking on and on for several minutes. That way, I can actually let my mind wander to the last episode of Sex and the City and yet still have enough time to come back to the conversation and still make sense of it in time for the appropriate response to get him on another tangent.
When listening, you should also remember to maintain eye contact. Rummaging through your purse, using the computer, or doing any other activity while breaking eye contact suggests that you aren’t really interested in what they are saying but are just listening because you don’t have a choice.
I’ve found that I’m more interested in his passions if I do a quick Google search before I see him. Just remembering a few facts, anecdotes or history gets me more interested in the conversation and gives me a better reference point. Not to mention it also makes me sound incredibly well versed;)
If you felt like you’ve been listening forever and he still doesn’t want to shut the hell up, nothing works better than a little distraction. Seduce him and he will have his mind elsewhere. A suggestive voice, look, touch, tone will get his heart racing and his blood focused on other regions. This also gets to exercise your assertive boudoir skills.
However, if all of the above fails and he’s still talking about some subject that you aren’t even remotely interested in, then by all means, feel free to end the conversation. Just remember to do it nicely, with finesse and skill. Remind them that they have a game coming up, your mom is on the other line or “I’d really like to keep talking about this honey but I have to make an appointment with my OBGYN” tends to work like a charm in getting them to shut up.
Also bear in mind that sometimes you can be a good listener without any verbal dialogue. Communication is 90% non-verbal so a hug, pat, kiss and look often say what words cannot. That he has your support. That he has your affection. That he has your love. Gestures, touching, facial expressions all add significant points to the conversation. A whimsical or enigmatic smile will lead him to wonder exactly what it is you are thinking and might even take the conversation in other directions.
As Stuckey eloquently said, "Good listening does not just have to be during verbal dialogue. I'm not much of a talker, especially when I've had a bad day. Coming home to someone who is willing to sit quietly on the couch beside me is far more important to me than having someone start asking me what's wrong."
Cater to your man, be a good listener.
Labels: Girl Talk
First of all, you have to recognise that you are in the doldrums. Sure, we’re not expecting you to screw like rabbits 24/7 for the rest of your lives but if you haven’t gotten some decent action in a week or two (or more!), then consider this a wake up call. The excuse of having a headache or being too tired might work for a few times but eventually your significant other will start getting turned off and upset by your rejection.
“I’m not rejecting him, I’m just too tired or don’t have the energy,” you might say, but recognise that he doesn’t construe it as such. Saying no to sex constantly tells him that you aren’t as attracted to him as he is to you. Since guys equate attraction with love this also sends alarm bells in his head that you aren’t really that in love with him. He might even start questioning your motives or if you are cheating on him. Sure in our world, it’s not logical, but that’s the way they think.
You might say that just because you don’t feel like it you shouldn’t have to do anything you don’t really want to; or that ‘faking sex’ is worse than not having any at all however bear in mind that you are dealing with the male species. The average male thinks about sex about 72-206 times a day, it’s that important to their well being. So not getting any action for a significant amount of time is bound to drive him bonkers!
So what if you truly are genuinely tired? You want to have sex with him, but by the time you are done with your busy, long work day, errands, TV and dinner you just want to fall asleep! It’s hard enough waking up early in the morning around 6am but then waking up after not getting enough rest the night before is waaaay worse! You’ve tried to but it’s just not feasible during the work week to add anything else into the mix without ruining your day.
For starters, you have to reschedule your day. You already make the things that are important to you a priority and sex should rank right up there with the other basic needs. You might have to TiVo/videotape your favourite TV shows to enter the boudoir earlier. You might even need to schedule it in for a few regular nights a week. Scrap all evening plans that you normally have and spend the evening chilling with your man. Sure, it takes a bit out of the spontaneity angle–but at least that way you can plan around your busy life and keep both of you happy, connected and sexually satisfied.
Or you could be like my friend Jade and have sex in the morning instead of at night. “It’s actually a more satisfying encounter. I set my alarm for about 45 minutes earlier, go to bed earlier and wake up with enough energy to have several bouts of love-play. It’s a great way to start the day and leaves me smiling for the rest of the day.” Yeah, there’s the whole morning breath factor but I’m sure that you are smart enough to figure out how to deal with that;)Good Loving ranks right on top of the list. So let's stop slacking off and start catering more to our men. Remember, if you don't cater to your man's needs, there is some other girl out there quite willing to oblige him. So ladies, take care of your man.
There is the adage that says, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” and other sayings that tell us what we already know. Men love to eat! Christine mentioned something else that was totally relevant, "The Man-Stomach thing is an incredible phenomenon. However, if you do it too soon or before he cooks for you or at least several restaurant meals, he will see you in a role that you may not want or have time for. This could lead to disappointment later. You thought you were doing something nice and he thought after the courtship was over you're his mama. Been there, done that and eeewwwww." So don't break out the mad cooking skills too early in the relationship. Especially not on the first date. Or second for that matter.
Some of us are practically 5 star chefs in the kitchen, while others can only get by. However, there is something about actually putting the effort in to cook a meal for you guy that says alot more than words could ever do. I like you. I really like you. I like you so much that I slaved over a hot stove for hours for you. I love you. I want to spoil you. I want to baby you. I want to whip up delectable dishes that leave your palate craving more. I want to rival every woman you've ever met in the kitchen. I want to cater to you.
Granted, it's kind of hard to whip up his favorite dish the way his mom used to do, but at least you get an A for effort, right? Keep in mind that simple dishes are often the most appreciated. You don't have to cook a 7 course meal of some unidentifible concotion that is eaten in Spain or France---just even the basics will do. Steak, chicken, pasta, rice, etc. Pick any staple and you already have your main course. Throw in a salad (they sell those pre-washed greens now, dice some tomatoes in it and sprinkle some cheese and you have your appetizer). In addition steam some vegetables for a balanced meal. You can always buy (or make) a dessert. Voila, you are done!
The question remains, how do you cater to your man’s appetite when you don’t know how to cook? Not everyone is fortunate enough to have Mother Dearest showing us the ropes in the kitchen. Some haven’t been taught or some taught very badly. Some girls have been tomboys all their lives and cooking was never something they were interested in. Some of us, even though we have the best intentions turn out to be utterly abysmal in the kitchen!
The basics of cooking are simple: Utensils, Heat and Ingredients, however it’s the mixing of these that causes the problem. Here are some tips to help you sassy divas manage to whip something up once in a while.
1. Get over your fear of the kitchen: Sure it’s a dusty room in your house that is rarely used except for your morning staples but that doesn’t mean that it should intimidate you. Decorate it with colourful towels, shiny appliances and nifty tools to make your cooking a pleasure.
2. Be your own guinea pig: Yeah, as much as your guy loves you, I don’t think he’s going to want to try your green eggs and ham after you just tried poisoning him with some toxic broccoli the night before. Try out your cooking on yourself first–does it taste good? Need less salt? Need more garlic? You have to be your own tester until you are more confident in your skills.
3. Learn how to cook the staples: Rice, pasta and potatoes are the staples that turn out to be key basics to every diet. Sure, they are all carbs but easy enough to cook. Get a rice cooker, follow the directions EXACTLY on the back of that pasta box or microwave those potatoes for 2 minutes each (after washing and piercing the skin) for a perfect baked potato. These are the staples to every meal and can be added with other options for a savoury dish.
4. Know how to cook 1-2 meals–Perfectly: I’m sure that you have your favourite dish that you can make with your eyes closed. It could be whipping up a cheese omelette, throwing together a healthy salad or some fried chicken, whatever it is, excel in it. Let this be your fall back dish, something that you know that you will never go wrong in.
5. Take Lessons: If you have extra money/time you can invest in a cooking class at the local university, a friend, your mom, some community classes at the YMCA or even a bonafide Cordon Bleu course. This might give you the added confidence you need in the kitchen and some more ideas to work with.
6. Shop for easy to cook, pre-packaged meals: Nowadays they make all kinds of dishes that are already pre-done found at your local grocery store. They have everything from pre-cooked meats, casseroles and pot pies. Sure it’s not original and authentic, but it’s edible and easy. Follow the directions on the back of the box exactly and you will get the desired results. If any catastrophic happens you can sue the company and make a load of moolah that you can use to hire your own cook. Either way, it’s a win/win scenario.
7. Get Recipes: The best way to enlarge your prowess in the kitchen is to cook, cook, cook. So look for recipes for different dishes on the Internet, try them out and then when you have it just right, serve it to your man.
8. Set the Mood: You might just be serving up a chicken/pasta dinner, but with the right ambiance, he will feel like he’s dining like a king. Plus, every woman glows under candlelight so feel free to turn up the Luther Vandross, turn down the lights and break out your ’special’ china/lingerie.
9. Back up Plans: If your meal doesn’t turn out like you planned, you might have to trash it or feed it to Fido before he comes. Make sure you have the number of the deliveryman ready just in case.
10. Don’t Knock Your Cooking: It’s all in the presentation. If you present the meal to him like it’s the best dish on the face of the earth, he has no choice but to try it and enjoy it. He knows that he can’t criticise you for trying and will in fact just appreciate the gesture rather than laugh at you. Or else....
Labels: Girl Talk
Labels: Girl Talk
Dear Roommate,Read the rest of it right HERE.
You went out tonight and had yet another dismal failure. The best thing that can be said about this date is that at least it was mercifully short, so thankfully she didn't have to put up with you for too long.
It's not that you're a bad dude. You're funny, smart, caring, and (to my male heterosexual eye) not that bad looking of a dude. The problem, roommate, is that you're just a fucking idiot when it comes to dating.
I've had to watch this sad charade for over a year now, and I've had to listen to your sob stories, this constant recounting of how you can't find a nice girl to get into a relationship with. I understand; dating is hard. I'm no magician myself and don't claim to be the all-knowing expert of wooing the opposite sex. I've tried to help you, but you won't listen. Now I'm on Craigslist because I just can't stand it anymore.
Roommate, please pull your head out of your ass. Here are ways you constantly fuck up. Fix these, and maybe, just maybe, you'll meet that nice girl you're looking for.
1. BE ON TIME. You fucking asshole, you are always late. ALWAYS. This isn't a big deal when you're just meeting up with me or your friends for beers at the bar, but it's goddamn rude when it's a girl that you're trying to impress, especially on the first date. The message you are sending is that you were doing something more important than making sure that you were on time for your date. As you get to know her better, maybe this can become one of your cute little "quirks," but being late right off the bat makes you look like a fucking dickhead.
Labels: Girl Talk
Labels: All About Sex
Please read the whole post from beginning to end---then let me know what you think.
Love within reason - That isn't love. I think people think that love should fit some cookie cutter, fiction-inspired mold. Great dates, fun conversations, great sex, lots of laughs. That's not love. That's romance. What sustains a relationship is sometimes the hard stuff. The bad times. Because the harder you work for something, the more you realize how much it means to you. The more you value it.
"Okay! I get it! It's hard work. I'm ready!"
Really? Are you ready? Are you ready to turn your whole life over to someone else? Are you ready to put your dreams aside to make room for someone else's? Are you ready to shelve that idea of "perfection" and re-define it? Are you ready to tell someone how you really feel without worrying if they're going to leave you? Are you ready to fight and disagree and worry about someone other than yourself?
This idea that love should be "fun" is the exact reason why so many people are single. There's a lot of people out there confusing "romance" with "love." They're getting caught up in the courtship aspect and not prepared for the commitment part. Commitment isn't just about fidelity. It's also about stamina. No, not that kind of stamina. I'm talking about longevity.
I've brought these example sup so many times, and I'll do it again. My Dad used to carry my Mom from room to room so that she could see us open presents of Christmas Day. He slept on a cot in our porch so he could be near her at night. He didn't withdraw, he didn't run, he didn't detach. He didn't quit because it stopped being "fun." My sister laid next to her husband while he took his last breath. Do you have any idea what kind of commitment that takes? To sit there and watch your lover literally die in front of your eyes? That's love. It wasn't pretty or safe or easy. It can be painful and ugly.
You want love? Be ready to get your hands dirty. Be ready to get bruised and a little battered. Stop expecting it to be that fairy tale you read about as a child.
Labels: Girl Talk
|You Are a Lace Bra!|
Dreamy, romantic, and ultra-feminine
You're a womanly woman who makes guys feel like men
Your perfect guy is strong, determined, and handsome
With a softer side that only you can draw out