Thursday, January 12, 2006

The Art of a Giving a Woman a Blowjob

I've spoken to a few guys that have reported that women don't like receiving BJs. Ummm, yeah okay...whatever. She probably told you this because you totally sucked at it and the pain wasn't worth the hassle. The reason that we say we don't like receiving BJs from guys is that most of you don't know what the hell you are doing when you go down there and end up just irritating and frustrating us than anything else.

In my experience, only about 20% of guys know how to go downtown properly and that is a gross exaggeration. Some guys just make up excuses and don't even attempt it, so bear in mind that you can't get an F for trying. Cunnilingus is definitely an art that you need practice and education to master. But it can be mastered.

Sometimes, your babe might be too shy to properly direct you in the proper ettiquette of female pleasuring, but have no fear, the Bad Girls are here and we will happily oblige. Here are some tips to keep in mind when you go downtown.

1. It's Not a Penis: Yes, I know that you think because our noses and fingers are the same, other parts of us probably work the same way too...alas hun, it's not true. The clitoris, (the part that sticks out) comprises of thousands of super sensitive nerve endings. That means that every feeling down there is amplified a thousand times. I'm not telling you that we are super fragile, but stop trying to pull it out. It's not going to come out. It's firmly attached and doesn't grow like your weiner does. Understand?
2. Positioning: For the guy that complains that he gets a crick in his neck from the position, my suggestion would be a pillow under the hips of your lady. Or have her sitting in a chair while you are on the floor. It's doable, so this is no longer an excuse not to go downtown!
3. No Biting/Chewing Allowed!: Imagine your girl going down on you and chomping down with her canines...yeah, that would totally suck, wouldn't it? Well the same theory applies. When you bite...we feel it most excruciatingly. So stop with the biting already. I cannot even begin to comprehend why you would be chewing, but I've heard it happen. That also is not allowed.
4. Accessories: For this quest, use of your tongue and lips are preferred. No teeth please. Your fingers of course to hold your place and other sundry things. The power of the heat of your breath against her bared flesh shouldn't be ignored either. Bear in mind the most important of them all is the tongue. Licks rule.
5. Beard Burn is a No no: Shaving is very essential. Remember how sensitive we are down there and proceed accordingly. If you have very coarse hair on your face, you should probably deal with that before you try to visit us down there. We do NOT enjoy rug burn, razor burn, the five o'clock shadow or anything that isn't soft and pliable meeting our privates. So don't forget to shave!
6. Pick a Home Base: I know that you really haven't gotten the dynamics of the vagina down, but the most important thing is to stay in a general area. Although sensitizing other areas is encouraged, my suggestion is to always come back to the home base. For some, it's the apex of the clit, for some the inner walls and for some the outer. Your girl can tell you where her fav masturbation spot is, that would probably be your best bet for home base.
7. Intensity: Being that I ruled out biting and chewing, you might think that I have severely restricted your options. However, with intensity you have to focus on gaining momentum. The more you sensitize the nerves, the more pressure you will need to help her reach fulfillment. In plain English, start slow and gradually build up the pressure. Your first licks should feel like butterfly kisses and the intensity gradually grows from there.
8. Pay Attention: If a woman knows her body like most of us do, she already knows what needs to be done to get the deed accomplished. Listen to her moans and pay attention to her body. If it's hurting, you have to be able to tell that as well. If she clamps down, keeps squirming away or bolts her thighs, chances are you are hurting her really bad. Some ladies might hold your head to direct you, just follow her cues and you should do ok.
9. Tips and Tricks: The Alphabet: I have friends that swear on this so I figure I should pass it along to you. If you run out of moves or if you want to try something fresh, use your tongue to write the alphabet (upper and lowercase) over her entrance. With each letter you sensitize a different spot and this leaves many a girl craving more. Humming: Apparently the vibrations of the tongue when you are humming a song feels like a mini vibrator. Hum a song, she'll like it. Circular Motions: Big circles, small circles, any circles. Draw circles with your tongue.
10. We Aren't Going to Pee On You: You may have this irrational fear. However, science has proven that the fluid that comes out during an orgasm is not urine. Plus, we aren't afraid that you are going to pee on us when we give you BJs....so get over it already.
11. Stop Being Afraid: The vagina is beautiful, it is the core of our feminity and it's what makes us a woman. Every vagina is different and yet so very similar. It doesn't bite, you aren't going to lose your tongue, pussy juice isn't going to drown/choke/poison you, and your rewards will be totally worth it.
12. What To Do When She Orgasms: For every woman, they want something different. Most prefer you to continue until her orgasm peaks, while some want you to stop while she just rides it out. Refer to number 8.
13. Attitude: If you are complaining about going downtown, or making it a chore versus an adventure, your babe should beat your ass treat you accordingly. The correct attitude is ENTHUSIASM! The same enthusiasm that we show every time you whip out Johnny. For what you lack in skill, you can always make up in enthusiasm and willingness to learn.

Another thought that came to my mind is that not every woman orgasms when receiving cunnilingus. For some, it's their sexual makeup, they just aren't hard wired that way. Others might just see receiving a BJ as a form of foreplay and prefer to come during sex. I know some women that stop their guys right before so they can share in the experience, it all varies. Don't be all upset if you didn't make her come, however, you should take it as a challenge to at least try.

Ladies, did I leave anything out?

Labels: All About Sex, Foreplay

Posted by Vixen @ 4:21 AM :: 14 trainees letting it rip!

Talk to Me!

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