Bad Girl's Guide

Friday, June 30, 2006

Justifying

Do men justify like we do? And if so, in what capacity?

I take it you mean justification in the way of rationalizing wrongs to make it seem right. Am I correct? I think everyone justifies, it's a way to silence that inner voice and make yourself feel better even though what you are doing you know is totally wrong. Women tend to justify alot especially when we are coming up with excuses of why we should put up and stay in toxic relationships with bullsh*t men.

In my experience, I think that the guys who end up doing all kinds of bad things to women on a constant basis are actually over the whole 'justification' thing. See, the first few times a Player runs his game he might feel bad but after a while, it becomes second nature and no longer a bad thing. He'll say stuff like, "Play or be played, it's the nature of the game," all the while knowing fully well that he's breaking hearts for no good reason other than to assuage his ego as a compensation for what he lacks in other realms. ~~~ Damn, that was good;)

Hope that answered your question. Anyone else, please feel free to elucidate.

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Posted by Vixen @ 12:23 PM :: 8 trainees letting it rip!

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Hip Hop

My best friend is flying into town today and I'm giddy with excitement. I haven't seen her in about 18 months and she's staying for a whole whopping 10 days. Being that I'm all in a tizzy and can barely come up with a coherant thought let along string a whole blog post together, I'm going to let my darling readers come up with fodder to last us a week. I need questions, topics and fun things to write on.

For today however, one of our male readers (not Andy;) has a question that boggles my mind. So I'm turning the salvo to you. I'm sure with all the 300+ smart girls/guys on here we can come up with a decent answer. For the uber sensitive ones---don't you dare turn this into some slanging match. Remember, it's just an opinion and inquiring minds seek edificiation. So help the man understand....please!

Here it is:
Since you are a black woman, and so might have some deep intrinsic understanding of these things that I lack, please explain something to me. The R&B and hip-hop culture is responsible for the trend of calling women 'females'. Now white people are doing it as well to be cool. I never understood this. I'm a white guy, I don't like R&B (and saying that it stands for Rich & Beautiful brings up a gag reflex), and to me 'female' sounds like it's a little vague in regard to the species. Now, either rappers have all gotten PhDs in biology and have retained some of the jargon, or they fuck females of other species. A human female is called a woman. Is there a good reason why 'woman' isn't enough? Or is 'female' used to emphasize the woman's function as a sperm receptacle? ~ Alex
I am a Black woman, but being raised in Africa and not listening to mainstream 'secular' music until my 20s really limits my scope. Do not confuse R&B with HipHop Alex, they are quite different forms of music. When you think of R&B you should be thinking Luther Vandross, Marvin Gaye, Aretha Franklin etc. from the old school and from nowadays I actually only classify singers like Javier, Maxwell, Craig David, Alicia Keys and other soulful crooners as R&B. Everyone else gets lumped into HipHop. I can dig some HipHop but I do have alot of umbrage with the way the music has gone from the original beats when HipHop first came out to the sucky, mediocre stuff that's being pumped out right now.

But that isn't answering your question---honestly, I have no idea!

Help!

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Posted by Vixen @ 2:07 AM :: 6 trainees letting it rip!

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

A Classic Tale of Pushey--Pulley

Failure to Launch (Widescreen Edition)
by Tom Dey

 Tripp (McConaughey) is a 35 year-old who still lives with his parents. Desperate to help him leave the nest, they hire the beautiful and charming Paula (Parker) to lure him out. But when Paula falls for Tripp instead, all bets are off in this romantic battle of wills.

Even though this was touted as a romantic comedy, for some reason the premise of this movie didn'’t sit well with me and I refused to see it in the theatre. When given the chance to review it on here, I jumped at it even though my initial wariness was still there.

The plot is as close to what you see in the trailers, and without leaving any spoilers the story ends in your normal Hollywood ending. There wasn'’t much drama or excitement, but then again, it'’s a rom-com, so what do you expect? It does follow the chick flick formula almost to a T. The ends were tied up very neatly and the plot leaves you satisfied with the ending. I felt that the whole angst part went on for waaaay too long. "“Tripp, get over yourself already,"” I kept wanting to say! As for Paula (SJP), her pity party went on for way too long. It'’s really not that serious considering everything else going on in relationships to factor how they met as such a colossal and monumental catastrophe. Jeez. Cry me a river.

The storyline actually reminds me acutely of Hitch but without the funny aspect that Kevin James & Will Smith brought to that movie. Don'’t get me wrong, there were some moments that were definitely funny and that I laughed out loud at, but I felt that the humor was contrived and over-done. The whole "nature is against you"” theory was a creative way to throw in laughs but after the second incident, it wasn't that funny anymore.

I thought the actors showed much substance in their acting, and Sarah J. Parker did her thing! Even the sub-characters were very well developed and played integral parts in the story.The overall acting was very cohesive. There is alot of drool worthy moments in both Bradley Cooper and Matthew'’s visage without a doubt.

The DVD features alot of extra features thrown in there to be worth you while. There are several funny clips with the actors in Real Time and an expose that explains the Failure to Launch phenomenon. On the side note, if you do meet a guy that hasn't left home---please, for the love of all things good, don't expend all that energy trying to launch him! As you will find out, it's very futile. He has to make up his mind by himself that he wants to move. You can't force him to do it.

If you liked Hitch, Wedding Planner or How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days then this is definitely another one to add to your collection. It comes out on DVD today so head over to check it out. It's $29.95 but you can get it on Amazon for $15.99.

For fun, check out the animated Ecard for a funny joke on your single gal pals. You can even add an additional personalized message to her on the card. The card is really sassy and adorable, with sound effects. Check It Out HERE.

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Posted by Vixen @ 3:30 AM :: 3 trainees letting it rip!

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Monday, June 26, 2006

Dealing with Jealousy

Jealousy is an ugly emotion. It's an insidious emotion that first starts as a tightening in your belly, then progresses into something more....destructive. It's one of the seven deadly sins---and for a good reason. Jealousy has been known to drive the nicest lady into a wicked shrew and the sanest guy into a stalking menace.

The key to dealing with jealousy is pretty simple. Kill it. It serves no purpose other than to make you miserable, angry, accusing, stalking, crazy and neurotic and ruin whatever good you have in your relationship.

You flying into a green eyed rage at the slightest provocation just signals that there are deeper problems in your relationship. It says that even though you are in a committed relationship, you don't trust him. And what is commitment without trust? You should instead focus on identifying what the problems are instead of letting this jealousy flourish in your mind. There are many reasons that might cause jealousy and trust me, it has nothing to do with the fact that he smiled at the waitress. Examine the cause the treat appropriately.
  1. You don't trust your man (or maybe men in general). In this case, you aren't ready to be in a CMR anyway.
  2. You are insecure in your relationship. This is usually because you don't know how he feels about you or where this relationship is going.
  3. Your relationship is still not as defined as you would like it.
  4. You are harboring past pain from previous relationships where perhaps you were cheated on. Please, stop bringing old baggage into your new relationship. Just because your sucky ex cheated doesn't mean every man you meet henceforth is a cheat. All men are not dogs.
  5. It's a defense mechanism to ward off this boyfriend cheating on you like the last one did. You think that tracking him, reading his email, and snooping through his stuff will alert you in time to catch him before he cheats. However, this shows you don't trust him.
You have to keep in mind that jealousy will not make your partner not cheat. But it might drive him to cheat. Being accused of cheating every day will eventually make him just want to commit the crime if he's going to get punished for it on a constant basis.

Also bear in mind that, a guy isn't cheating on you if you aren't in a committed, monogamous relationship (CMR) with him. Meaning if you are his baby mama, friend with benefits, booty call, casual date or friend---he's not yet your man. Until he states that he's your boyfriend, thereby taking on all the full obligations that being in a committed relationship entails, he's not yet ruled to be all yours. So why the premature jealousy?

Instead of harboring that nasty emotion---focus on getting what you really want out of the relationship. Ask him what he thinks he is to you or what he wants out of a relationship. Ask him if he's your boyfriend. If he hesitates, or flat out tells you he's not--then state that you would like to be (if that is what you want). If he tells you that he's not interested, or he would like things to stay the way they are, please, for the love of all things good, let it go! Don't try to force your way into his life. Just chalk it up as his loss and find the guy who is right for you that wants to be in a CMR with you. Don't bend over backwards, doing everything you can to change his mind. Accept what he says as his intentions---you can't make him change his mind!!!

If you think that your boyfriend is cheating on you...then why the hell are you still with him? By all means, confront him about it. And if your intuition is telling you that something in his story isn't adding up then listen to your gut and end it. Do not engage in any form of Cheater's Purgatory whatsoever. That only makes the both of you miserable for an extended amount of time.

You deserve to be in a happily, secure, monogamous, loving relationship with a man that is faithful and loyal to you. Please, don't accept anything less.

Your thoughts?

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Posted by Vixen @ 2:29 AM :: 10 trainees letting it rip!

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Thursday, June 22, 2006

5. Good Housekeeping

Since no-one added anything else to the list over here, this will be the concluding entry to the series for this week on Catering to Your Man. I honestly don't know why Pops added this one on here, but it's supposed to be essential. Perhaps his thinking is that having a clean house will make your dude more inclined to come home than go chill at some bar. Perhaps he wanted me to pitch in with more household chores. Either way---he stressed it, so I'm tacking it on the list.

For starters, there is alot of things that fall under keeping a good house. I'm not suggesting that we slip into the Stepford Wife archetype that the feminist movement has taken us away from. However, I am saying that we should apply the same diligence and stewardship in our homes as we do in every aspect of our lives.

As single women who live alone, it's very easy to get into this regimented routine of living however you want, choosing to leave dirty dishes in the sink and cleaning up only when you feel like it. However, once you add a man into the mix, the whole dirty factor is going to be probably tripled (or quadrupled, depending on the guy!). In addition to the fact that most men (not all, but most), are notoriously not good housekeepers it will fall to you to keep things running smoothly in this domain.

Your home is your castle. Your abode. Your sanctuary. It's the only place that you have (besides your car) that is your own personal space, your oasis in this world full of 6 billion people. So why not put a little effort into keeping it shipshape? At the end of a long day at work, do you really want to come home to a crappy, stinky, dirty house? How is that supposed to help you relax in any way?

I'm not saying become a neat freak, germaphobe or obsessive-compulsive about cleaning, but remember that a little effort goes a loooong way---especially in cleaning house. Here are some tips to help maintain some semblance of order.
  1. Assign chores: Yes, it's archaic and childish, but assigning tasks have proven to work for majority of people. It's just like at work, the shit that gets organized and assigned tends to get done more often than the stuff that is just left to 'whoever'.
  2. Understand the Differences: Guys tend to move at a slower rate than we do when it comes to housekeeping. When you say, "Take out the trash honey," he might take it to mean take it out when you get around to it. As in when he's done with his game, TV show or when he just plain feels like it. You can't force a guy to do something that he's not ready to do, so it's good to specify WHEN you expect this to be done. And lay off the nagging please. That only pisses them off and won't get the job done.
  3. Break it Up: That way, the work load doesn't look so intense and burdening. My mom broke up house chores into bits and pieces all through the week. Everyday, there was something you were in charge of, and on Friday, well, that was super cleaning day. (I came to have a love/hate relationship with Fridays)
  4. Have Routine: Routines are good to maintain organization. Especially when it's 2 or more of you doing the cleaning. Honestly, how frustrating would it be to vacuum when your hubby did it yesterday and you didn't even know? In addition, routines promote structure. Most guys know that the trash must be on the curb every Tuesday and will eventually get to the routine and stick to it.
  5. Trade & Barter: Of all the household chores, I totally abhor mopping floors. I will sweep, dust, vacuum, do a trillion dishes and pretty much anything to get around mopping. The solution? Barter it off as his chore in exchange for something more tolerable.
  6. Get Geared Up: Having fun cleaning items like the Swiffer product lines, a spiffy vacuum (like the Roomba), Scrubbing Bubbles etc, all take the drudgery out of cleaning house. Sure they might be expensive, but at least you'll have fun right?
  7. Key Pieces: I once read this article that all you had to do to make every room look presentable was take care of key pieces. In the bedroom, make the bed (and shove everything else under it!) and close the closet doors. In the living room, straighten the couch & pillows, pick up bits of trash off the carpet etc. In the kitchen, hide the dishes in the dishwasher (or wash them!), wipe the stove down and sweep the floor. Once you take care of the key pieces, each room looks more presentable than before. Then you can take a break and sip a daiquiri~~~ or just finish it, heh!
  8. Good Smells: Invest in some nice potpourri, Plugins, sprays, aromatic candles and incense for your home. Not only do they help set the romantic mood, it also helps to associate that smell with comfort and happiness. Imagine, every time he smells anything remotely resembling Hawaiian Breeze he will think of your place. Remember that guys are more drawn to natural homey scents like cinnamon and vanilla than any exotic concoction. However bear in mind that there's a fine line between aromatic and nauseating.
  9. Clean Up After Yourself: Isn't this like the first housekeeping rule we ever learned? And yet, the one that people in their laziness and carelessness tend to break. Just pick up after yourself when you leave a room and avoid leaving a mess. That way, there's less to clean up.
You can actually get by without doing anything house wise for a couple of days with a little maintenance. But a couple of weeks? Now that's a whole new ballpark.

Your thoughts?

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Posted by Vixen @ 3:41 AM :: 7 trainees letting it rip!

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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

4. Good Body

Now this is the post that will cause alot of dissension in the house. For starters, you have to bear in mind that men are super visual creatures. They are attracted more to a woman based on her looks than to her mind or anything else. Sure, it's shallow, but if you ask 9 out of every 10 guys, the first thing they notice about a woman is her body, a facial feature, her booty or some other body part.

After the whole dating and courtship phase is over, it's easy for one or both of you to slip into complacency and 'let yourself go'. After all, you've attracted and landed the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, so why do you have to stress and keep gussying up?

If he can't love me when I'm fat then he's not the guy for me, you might say. Yeah, ok sweets, but honestly, if you have it in your power to keep your man attracted to you for a lifetime why would you give that up? He is in love with you, but he's also in love with your booty, your lips, your legs and your hair and everything else that makes the fabulous package that is you.

It's like cutting out your organs one by one. Without your spleen and pancreas, you can still live, but cut the heart, liver and lungs out--you're dead. That's how important attraction is. Taking bits and pieces off what initially attracted him to you might not affect you in the interim, but over time, and with you consistently slacking off, his attraction WILL turn to repulsion. There is a reason that during midlife crises alot of men tend to jump ship for the sexy secretary. It's not just because she's younger....it's because she's more toned, full of joie de vivre, more vibrant hence more enticing.

Honey, you have to keep yourself, your body and your beauty with the same care that you did when you didn't have a man. It's ok to slack off once in a while and parade around the house in sweats, giving little thought to makeup, perfume or deodorant, the former mainstays of your beauty. But when this slacking off becomes a habit, a routine for you, then you are slipping up in the catering aspect.

Yes I do agree that it's a shallow front we are catering to, and at the same time I do agree that there are some guys who actually don't care about looks. But majority of men do. And always will. Regardless of the fact that he's packing a beer gut instead of a six pack, he's going to want the babe on his arm to turn heads. And it's not only the men that are shallow, we women are too. We automatically pass judgment on ourselves, castigizing our looks, accessories and hair, making ourselves feel better that we look better than all the other women in the room. It's a vain aspect of human nature, but one that is there nonetheless.

So, even though you got your man, don't act like it's all over. Break out your sexy lingerie instead of the old T-shirt in bed a couple of times a week, keep wearing those thong panties instead of relegating them to the back of your closet and choosing your Bridget Jone's knickers. Keep the allure, keep the mystique, keep the effort to look fabulous. Keep on shaving your legs! In addition to actually garnering attention from your man, it has the added bonus of improving your self confidence and making you feel fabulous. So why give it up?

Keep your beauty routines, your hourly massage, your weekly appointments at the hair salon and manicurist. Dress up once in a while, go all out, even if you aren't going out, even if all you are doing is having dinner at home.

Don't use getting the rock on your finger as an excuse to cut lose and gain those pounds. Keep your gym routine, exercise and keep your body slim and trim. Even when you get pregnant, don't turn into the fat lady! Make healthy decisions while pregnant and only gain the required 20 lbs of pregnancy weight, something that you should try to take off when you do have the kid. It's hard with slower metabolisms and a more sedentary lifestyle to actually maintain the slim and trim figure you had in your 20s, but even if you are slightly off the mark, you've put the effort in, look fit, are healthy and you've come close.

My mom had four kids. Sure she never lost all of her baby weight, never got back to a slim 120lbs, but at the same time, standing next to all of us, she looks like my older sister. That's because she didn't let motherhood and marriage turn her into an old lady. Put care and dedication into your wardrobe. Still engage in those shopping sprees and keep up to date with fashion trends. Be the cool mom, who is always chic and stylish even with the passel of kids. Become a MILF (mother I'd like to fuck), gorgeous even in your dotage.

Keep your life! I cannot say this enough. Keeping your beauty routines, your therapeutic shopping sprees, your interest in fashion and beauty all add to your well being and happiness. That way it's not all about him. Or all about the kids. It's all about you as a family and how you are all growing together, even though sometimes you might be growing in different directions.

And while you are keeping yourself fabulous, a few reminders for him to do the same wouldn't go astray. Cook healthy dishes instead of zooming by for junk/fast food. Have family activities that involve going outdoors to play or a walk instead of just sitting around playing video games. Don't eat after 8 pm. All these are little steps, but when added together keep your family healthy and happy.

I'm not asking you to become a health freak or anything drastic like that, but be conscientious about your beauty, lifestyle choices, your body and your wardrobe. A little effort goes a looooong way.

Your thoughts?

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Posted by Vixen @ 12:50 AM :: 8 trainees letting it rip!

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Tuesday, June 20, 2006

3. Good Listener

Listening is a tool that is important and viable for every single human relationship. It is learned at a young age but eventually peters out as we start to filter as adults what we want to listen to. The construct of every being is that they want someone to listen to them, to hear their complaints, someone that they can vent to, offload problems on, share ideas with, debate opposite points of views and someone to share their day with. Everyone wants to feel like they are being heard.

My parents have been married for over 30 years and each day I’m constantly amazed that my mom can sit and listen to my dad repeat the same story over and over again. Despite the fact that he’s a great storyteller, I know that just hearing the story 394,038 times will make me cross-eyed. And yet she listens to him, sometimes interjecting and getting him to stick more to the truth and less exaggerations, but always with a pleasant smile on her face.

It should be the same with our guys. Even if we don’t want to listen to him, we should. It’s what couples do, you listen to him while he offloads, and then you get to rant and rave while he listens to you. Communication is a 2-way street. Sometimes we have to have the forbearance to listen to him tell the story over again. He’s excited about it and giving him the cut direct won’t help foster any warm connections between you two.

I used to date a guy that was a Sci-Fi fanatic. If given the chance he could talk about his passion all day long for the rest of my life and Sci-fi is something that I’m not big on. I remember telling myself to give him just a few minutes on his stand and then gradually steer the conversation on to more neutral waters before I thunked him over the head with my 3 inch stilettos. He finally figured out that he had about 5 good minutes before my eyes started glazing over so he started keeping his responses more direct, less convoluted which in turn helped keep me interested.

Another trick I’ve found out is to actually ask probing questions that get him talking on and on for several minutes. That way, I can actually let my mind wander to the last episode of Sex and the City and yet still have enough time to come back to the conversation and still make sense of it in time for the appropriate response to get him on another tangent.

When listening, you should also remember to maintain eye contact. Rummaging through your purse, using the computer, or doing any other activity while breaking eye contact suggests that you aren’t really interested in what they are saying but are just listening because you don’t have a choice.

I’ve found that I’m more interested in his passions if I do a quick Google search before I see him. Just remembering a few facts, anecdotes or history gets me more interested in the conversation and gives me a better reference point. Not to mention it also makes me sound incredibly well versed;)

If you felt like you’ve been listening forever and he still doesn’t want to shut the hell up, nothing works better than a little distraction. Seduce him and he will have his mind elsewhere. A suggestive voice, look, touch, tone will get his heart racing and his blood focused on other regions. This also gets to exercise your assertive boudoir skills.

However, if all of the above fails and he’s still talking about some subject that you aren’t even remotely interested in, then by all means, feel free to end the conversation. Just remember to do it nicely, with finesse and skill. Remind them that they have a game coming up, your mom is on the other line or “I’d really like to keep talking about this honey but I have to make an appointment with my OBGYN” tends to work like a charm in getting them to shut up.

Also bear in mind that sometimes you can be a good listener without any verbal dialogue. Communication is 90% non-verbal so a hug, pat, kiss and look often say what words cannot. That he has your support. That he has your affection. That he has your love. Gestures, touching, facial expressions all add significant points to the conversation. A whimsical or enigmatic smile will lead him to wonder exactly what it is you are thinking and might even take the conversation in other directions.

As Stuckey eloquently said, "Good listening does not just have to be during verbal dialogue. I'm not much of a talker, especially when I've had a bad day. Coming home to someone who is willing to sit quietly on the couch beside me is far more important to me than having someone start asking me what's wrong."

Cater to your man, be a good listener.

Your thoughts?

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Posted by Vixen @ 1:27 PM :: 2 trainees letting it rip!

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Monday, June 19, 2006

C Note's New CD

I had the pleasure of reviewing C Note's new album that releases August 17, 2006. At first, hearing that it was a Latino pop band I wasn't that impressed to do the review, but on actually going through the CD my thinking changed.

Not only do they have amazing vocals that surpass the vocal talents in the more common boybands of today/yesterday (think NSYNC, 98 Degrees etc), they also have intense and unique beats, amazing transitions, a very mature message and the ability to transcend all genres of music. There is a little in this 21 song CD for everyone, from the hard core Latino flavors to pop, hip hop and even some dance beats thrown in. My favorite songs were ballads like Forgive Me (11), All of Me (5), Show Me(2), The Way I Gotta Be (14), & Still (16) . By the way the tracks were untitled on my album so I'm not sure if these are the real titles or not.

There is alot of Latino words, mixed Spanglish and phrases layered through all the songs, but even a pure Anglo as myself could make out the essence and meaning of each lyric. If you are into the Latino hip hop/R&B genre, singers like Marcos Hernandez then this one is highly recommended for your collection.

C Note Myspace page: www.myspace.com/cnotemusica

C Note Website: www.cnote.com

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Posted by Vixen @ 4:54 PM :: 0 trainees letting it rip!

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Sunday, June 18, 2006

2. Good Loving

Catering to your man with good lovin' is actually a topic that would make quite a huge study on it's own. First of all, bear in mind that sex is not the only part of good lovin'. Hugs, kisses, touches, massages and any other form of physical intimacy serve as other aspects to this multidimensional realm.

Sex has already been covered multiple times on this blog: Foreplay, Blowjobs from Girls, Blowjobs to Girls, Afterplay, Orgasmless Sex, Anal Sex, Reciprocity in the Bedroom, Spicing it Up, Talking Dirty, Fucking & Making Love, and sundry other topics, so I won't repeat what's probably already been said. However, I'm going to look at this from a whole different perspective.

With all the women & guys that I've talked to, we all have come to recognize that chemistry is the foundation stone of every good relationship. It's that initial zing, the fire, the attraction that calls you and excites, that makes you want to get to know the person better in every way imaginable. The term 'screw like rabbits' actually came about because during the honeymoon stage that seems like all new couples do.

In the earlier part of civilization, it was always thought that men enjoyed sex more then women while we just had to bear the act. It was preached that sex was for childbirth and once the heir was produced, all intimacies between couples would stop. It was thought that women never orgasmed at all, or could only orgasm *gasp* once! However, with the sexual evolution that has occurred over centuries, everyone knows now that this is not the case. Women love sex just as much as men do, and some of us even more! Every woman has an inner freak in her, the question is, how far down is the vixen? And what does your man have to do to get her out?

As with every facet of a relationship communication is key. You have to find out what he likes, what you like and everything in between. If he refuses to go downtown and expects a BJ every single day and this pisses you off, let it be known. Remember, men are not mind-readers. Most guys usually try what they used to do with their old lovers and figure it will pass muster with you. Being that every woman is different, has different spots, likes & dislikes it's hard for them to know what pleases you without some cooperation from you.

Don't just bear his mucking around with stoicism. Teach him, show him, tell him what you want and how you like it. If you are really shy about talking about it, send him over here to read a few posts;) Cosmo & Glamour have tips every single month on adding more tricks and techniques to your repertoire. Make a game of it. Introduce props. You can never go wrong with trying to spice it up. Sex should be enjoyable for BOTH parties. Explore, learn, discover your bodies together.

Sometimes, even the most highly sexual and passionate relationship can head for Slumpville. Either one or both of you is really not into the encounter, or you are sticking to the same monotonous routine that turns sex into a mundane activity that is inane and humdrum instead of thrilling and exciting.

First of all, you have to recognise that you are in the doldrums. Sure, we’re not expecting you to screw like rabbits 24/7 for the rest of your lives but if you haven’t gotten some decent action in a week or two (or more!), then consider this a wake up call. The excuse of having a headache or being too tired might work for a few times but eventually your significant other will start getting turned off and upset by your rejection.

“I’m not rejecting him, I’m just too tired or don’t have the energy,” you might say, but recognise that he doesn’t construe it as such. Saying no to sex constantly tells him that you aren’t as attracted to him as he is to you. Since guys equate attraction with love this also sends alarm bells in his head that you aren’t really that in love with him. He might even start questioning your motives or if you are cheating on him. Sure in our world, it’s not logical, but that’s the way they think.

You might say that just because you don’t feel like it you shouldn’t have to do anything you don’t really want to; or that ‘faking sex’ is worse than not having any at all however bear in mind that you are dealing with the male species. The average male thinks about sex about 72-206 times a day, it’s that important to their well being. So not getting any action for a significant amount of time is bound to drive him bonkers!

So what if you truly are genuinely tired? You want to have sex with him, but by the time you are done with your busy, long work day, errands, TV and dinner you just want to fall asleep! It’s hard enough waking up early in the morning around 6am but then waking up after not getting enough rest the night before is waaaay worse! You’ve tried to but it’s just not feasible during the work week to add anything else into the mix without ruining your day.

For starters, you have to reschedule your day. You already make the things that are important to you a priority and sex should rank right up there with the other basic needs. You might have to TiVo/videotape your favourite TV shows to enter the boudoir earlier. You might even need to schedule it in for a few regular nights a week. Scrap all evening plans that you normally have and spend the evening chilling with your man. Sure, it takes a bit out of the spontaneity angle–but at least that way you can plan around your busy life and keep both of you happy, connected and sexually satisfied.

Or you could be like my friend Jade and have sex in the morning instead of at night. “It’s actually a more satisfying encounter. I set my alarm for about 45 minutes earlier, go to bed earlier and wake up with enough energy to have several bouts of love-play. It’s a great way to start the day and leaves me smiling for the rest of the day.” Yeah, there’s the whole morning breath factor but I’m sure that you are smart enough to figure out how to deal with that;)

Good Loving ranks right on top of the list. So let'’s stop slacking off and start catering more to our men. Remember, if you don't cater to your man's needs, there is some other girl out there quite willing to oblige him. So ladies, take care of your man.

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Friday, June 16, 2006

1. Good Food

In this day and age, it’s getting easier and easier to actually go through life not knowing how to cook. Our mothers were installed in the kitchen at an early age and can whip up meals that leave our senses reeling and have the magic touch with every dish in the kitchen.

Cooking is an essential tradition passed down from mothers to daughters since the dawn of time. It’s actually a rite of passage in some cultures that the females should know how to cook before they reach maturity.

There is the adage that says, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” and other sayings that tell us what we already know. Men love to eat! Christine mentioned something else that was totally relevant, "The Man-Stomach thing is an incredible phenomenon. However, if you do it too soon or before he cooks for you or at least several restaurant meals, he will see you in a role that you may not want or have time for. This could lead to disappointment later. You thought you were doing something nice and he thought after the courtship was over you're his mama. Been there, done that and eeewwwww." So don't break out the mad cooking skills too early in the relationship. Especially not on the first date. Or second for that matter.

Some of us are practically 5 star chefs in the kitchen, while others can only get by. However, there is something about actually putting the effort in to cook a meal for you guy that says alot more than words could ever do. I like you. I really like you. I like you so much that I slaved over a hot stove for hours for you. I love you. I want to spoil you. I want to baby you. I want to whip up delectable dishes that leave your palate craving more. I want to rival every woman you've ever met in the kitchen. I want to cater to you.

Granted, it's kind of hard to whip up his favorite dish the way his mom used to do, but at least you get an A for effort, right? Keep in mind that simple dishes are often the most appreciated. You don't have to cook a 7 course meal of some unidentifible concotion that is eaten in Spain or France---just even the basics will do. Steak, chicken, pasta, rice, etc. Pick any staple and you already have your main course. Throw in a salad (they sell those pre-washed greens now, dice some tomatoes in it and sprinkle some cheese and you have your appetizer). In addition steam some vegetables for a balanced meal. You can always buy (or make) a dessert. Voila, you are done!

The question remains, how do you cater to your man’s appetite when you don’t know how to cook? Not everyone is fortunate enough to have Mother Dearest showing us the ropes in the kitchen. Some haven’t been taught or some taught very badly. Some girls have been tomboys all their lives and cooking was never something they were interested in. Some of us, even though we have the best intentions turn out to be utterly abysmal in the kitchen!

The basics of cooking are simple: Utensils, Heat and Ingredients, however it’s the mixing of these that causes the problem. Here are some tips to help you sassy divas manage to whip something up once in a while.

1. Get over your fear of the kitchen: Sure it’s a dusty room in your house that is rarely used except for your morning staples but that doesn’t mean that it should intimidate you. Decorate it with colourful towels, shiny appliances and nifty tools to make your cooking a pleasure.

2. Be your own guinea pig: Yeah, as much as your guy loves you, I don’t think he’s going to want to try your green eggs and ham after you just tried poisoning him with some toxic broccoli the night before. Try out your cooking on yourself first–does it taste good? Need less salt? Need more garlic? You have to be your own tester until you are more confident in your skills.

3. Learn how to cook the staples: Rice, pasta and potatoes are the staples that turn out to be key basics to every diet. Sure, they are all carbs but easy enough to cook. Get a rice cooker, follow the directions EXACTLY on the back of that pasta box or microwave those potatoes for 2 minutes each (after washing and piercing the skin) for a perfect baked potato. These are the staples to every meal and can be added with other options for a savoury dish.

4. Know how to cook 1-2 meals–Perfectly: I’m sure that you have your favourite dish that you can make with your eyes closed. It could be whipping up a cheese omelette, throwing together a healthy salad or some fried chicken, whatever it is, excel in it. Let this be your fall back dish, something that you know that you will never go wrong in.

5. Take Lessons: If you have extra money/time you can invest in a cooking class at the local university, a friend, your mom, some community classes at the YMCA or even a bonafide Cordon Bleu course. This might give you the added confidence you need in the kitchen and some more ideas to work with.

6. Shop for easy to cook, pre-packaged meals: Nowadays they make all kinds of dishes that are already pre-done found at your local grocery store. They have everything from pre-cooked meats, casseroles and pot pies. Sure it’s not original and authentic, but it’s edible and easy. Follow the directions on the back of the box exactly and you will get the desired results. If any catastrophic happens you can sue the company and make a load of moolah that you can use to hire your own cook. Either way, it’s a win/win scenario.

7. Get Recipes: The best way to enlarge your prowess in the kitchen is to cook, cook, cook. So look for recipes for different dishes on the Internet, try them out and then when you have it just right, serve it to your man.

8. Set the Mood: You might just be serving up a chicken/pasta dinner, but with the right ambiance, he will feel like he’s dining like a king. Plus, every woman glows under candlelight so feel free to turn up the Luther Vandross, turn down the lights and break out your ’special’ china/lingerie.

9. Back up Plans: If your meal doesn’t turn out like you planned, you might have to trash it or feed it to Fido before he comes. Make sure you have the number of the deliveryman ready just in case.

10. Don’t Knock Your Cooking: It’s all in the presentation. If you present the meal to him like it’s the best dish on the face of the earth, he has no choice but to try it and enjoy it. He knows that he can’t criticise you for trying and will in fact just appreciate the gesture rather than laugh at you. Or else....

Your thoughts?

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Thursday, June 15, 2006

Catering to Your Man

The next set of articles that I will be publishing have to do with catering to our men. It's been proven to us time and time again that landing a guy isn't the main problem, it's keeping him, that's when things start to get dicey.

When I hit puberty my dad dragged me into his office for a little speech. He told me that now that I was a 'grown woman' there are some things that I need to know about the opposite sex. He assured me that these tips he had given to many of his marriage counseling clients and they had worked to great success.

"There are five basic facets in holding on to a good man. If you do all these, you have a better chance of keeping him interested in you and keep your marriage solid," he stated. Why he was telling me, a 15 year old about marriage is waaaay beyond me but I'll let that rest.

Needless to say, a decade after the fact, even I have realized that some of the precepts he laid down to me that day were pretty insightful. So now I'm going to share them all with you. Here's my Dad's formula to hanging on to your good man. (Note the emphasis on the 'good man' part.)
  1. Good food
  2. Good lovin'
  3. Good listener
  4. Good body
  5. Good housekeeping
Yes, it looks pretty simple but apparently there's alot more to the basic formula. If any of you want to add another thing to the list that you think is imperative, do so here. Each point will be expounded upon at a later date.

Your thoughts?

"It seems very focused on the woman maintaining the relationship. Men need to step up and keep us interested and vested in the relationship too." ~ Andrea, Amen to that! I do agree that a guy needs to step it up as well, however, being that this blog caters mostly to women, I've decided to approach it from a a woman's perspective. The proof in the pudding of every good relationship is the level of reciprocity. If all actions aren't kept on an even keel, then someone is bound to get upset. Naturally, I would assume that guys know that they have to step up the game too---but I'll spell it out here because we all know how they can be!;) If you have a good woman fellas, don't let me remind you to not slack off once you think you 'have' her. It's that rapid chameleon change that irks alot of ladies causing them to give you the boot. Treat her with respect, love and the same level of romance you did when you were courting her, and you will be surprised at the level of reciprocity she shows in return. But this, is a blog post for another day.

"3 things i want to add: 1) Respect, 2) Trust,3) Communications" ~ Jas. Good point sweets however I'm focusing more on the actions that maintain a good relationship and not the elements that one would expect every good relationship to have. It's a minute distinction, but if I honestly was going to write about a good relationship----it would take me more than a short series. In addition to that, I'd be going on and on and on about my relationships, and we all know how tiresome that could be;)

Stuckey, I'll be sure to add those comments when I do the listening post.

xxx

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Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Why You're Not Getting Any

Now THIS is really funny---but so true! Here's the beginning, but I left out the most juicy bits so I want you to head on over there and read the rest. It's frickin' hilarious! Bear in mind that it's a guy that is noticing all this stuff about his male room-mate. Guess it just goes to show you that there are a few smart ones out there;)
Dear Roommate,

You went out tonight and had yet another dismal failure. The best thing that can be said about this date is that at least it was mercifully short, so thankfully she didn't have to put up with you for too long.

It's not that you're a bad dude. You're funny, smart, caring, and (to my male heterosexual eye) not that bad looking of a dude. The problem, roommate, is that you're just a fucking idiot when it comes to dating.

I've had to watch this sad charade for over a year now, and I've had to listen to your sob stories, this constant recounting of how you can't find a nice girl to get into a relationship with. I understand; dating is hard. I'm no magician myself and don't claim to be the all-knowing expert of wooing the opposite sex. I've tried to help you, but you won't listen. Now I'm on Craigslist because I just can't stand it anymore.

Roommate, please pull your head out of your ass. Here are ways you constantly fuck up. Fix these, and maybe, just maybe, you'll meet that nice girl you're looking for.

1. BE ON TIME. You fucking asshole, you are always late. ALWAYS. This isn't a big deal when you're just meeting up with me or your friends for beers at the bar, but it's goddamn rude when it's a girl that you're trying to impress, especially on the first date. The message you are sending is that you were doing something more important than making sure that you were on time for your date. As you get to know her better, maybe this can become one of your cute little "quirks," but being late right off the bat makes you look like a fucking dickhead.
Read the rest of it right HERE.

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

On Clearing the Field

You've been in the dating field for a few weeks/months now. Your intuition is sharpened and you are uncannily able to pick out the good guys from the bad guys. However, from the good guys you meet---none of them are exactly what you are looking for. Sure, they are great guys and would make someone else a perfect match, just not you.

So do you keep dating him/them? Or once you've realized that you two aren't clicking do you end all future encounters? After all Vixen, you told us to keep busy and stay in the dating arena...?

There is only one answer to that question. No, you don't keep dating him. If you keep biding time with the guys that aren't right for you, when the guy who is right for you comes along....guess what, you are already booked up.

So clear your schedule. Let go of the guys that you don't have chemistry with, the ones that you don't have a good vibe about, the ones that have proven to you that they aren't worthy of you. Let go of them, stop dealing with them and make way so that when your right guy comes along---you will have time for him.

I know that as ladies, in the guise of being 'nice' it's sometimes hard to let go of guys that we aren't just feeling. But we overly complicate it in our mind. Just tell him that you are no longer available for dates & such. And then stop taking his calls and replying his messages. He will leave you alone rather quickly after that (unless he's a Bugaboo and then you need to read THIS). See--guys don't like rejection and at the first sight of it they are quite quick to stop the pursuit. Of course, there are the rare sort that won't take no for an answer, and in that case, you just have to be firm. Don't give them a possible yellow light.

"It's just not working/I'm just not feeling you. Please don't contact me again." Yeah, I know, it's harsh but quite effective.

Further reading: Gentle Dismissals, Following Up

Your Thoughts?

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Saturday, June 10, 2006

Kids Do Know ALOT!

Here's a funny joke for the weekend. Enjoy!

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (written by kids)

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. -- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that -- Curt, age 7

(3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

(1) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. -- Theodore, age 8

(2) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (Bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. -- Ricky, age 10

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Friday, June 09, 2006

On Fucking & Making Love

As much as we might try to deny it, there is a difference between the two. As separate elements, they are both pretty great, especially if it's with the right person.

Making Love: is every single romanticized act in the bedroom. It's about the emotion that is shown in every facet of the act. There's lots of touching, kissing, deep soul searching looks. The eye contact is there, your fingers are entwined, you are murmuring loving words in gentle voices. There is a softer edge to the act, it's more one of connection than just an act. It's like your souls are merging and every single contact point is electrified. As Mitesh once eloquently said, "I look into a woman's eyes and feel her femininity. And she feels my masculinity. And if we just hold that gaze we have electricity. Those moments where we can breathe each other in. And my goal, well, my goal is to take her sexual energy and to open her to her beauty. To her heart. To feel her strength and grace."

Royally Fucking: It's all about the passion. This is more fiery, more raw, more basic, more ragged, more instinctual, more primal. It captures more of the passion, the pure unadulterated lust that sears to your very core. Fucking is kinky and over the top. It's the kind that makes you weak at the knees just thinking about it, causes liquid heat to pool in your core, sizzles your skin with just one touch. It's insatiable, it's never completed, it's an exhilarating conflagration of the senses until neither of knows where one is separate from the other. There's lots of dirty talk, lots of commands, lots of role playing. It's demanding, insistent, rough, a constant exchange of give and take. It epitomizes the edge we see in porn videos and the more hardcore sex scenes in movies.

Every woman wants a man that can make love to her. Every man wants a freak that he can fuck. The compromise? Mix it up. If you haven't tried either side of the coin make sure you do. You might even really, really enjoy it.

My advice: Mix it up, spice it up and savor them both.

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Thursday, June 08, 2006

Networking

I finally took the plunge and joined the Myspace generation. I've spent the last hour working on my homepage. I resisted the urge for pink and went with something a little more me. So feel free to add me as your friend, apparently currently I'm a loser who's only friend is Tom.

Join Me at Myspace

There's also a Add me link on the Sidebar, right in the Subscribe section.

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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

The Nagging Fishwife

I was at a party recently where a woman was talking, yelling at her husband. It was barely drizzling outside when we stepped into the foyer. Apparently he had forgotten the umbrella at home and so she was going to have to get wet the few steps it would take her to get from the covered front door to the car---that he was going to walk in the rain to fetch for her so that her Majesty wouldn't get too wet. However, this wasn't enough for the lady. The poor man, even though he went out of his way to rectify his mistake, had to listen to her scold and scorn him for several minutes. All in the presence of strangers. I felt sorry for him. How in the world did he end up with a nagging fishwife?

Above all things ladies, if you remember nothing else, remember this---A Bad Girl does not become a nag when she doesn't get her way. There are multiple ways to get the message across that you are not happy with a certain situation. Usually, just stating it once will do the trick. Remember to use those communication words, "I feel; It hurt me when; I'm upset because;" State the problem and then let it go.

Once he gets that and he's trying to make things right and appease you---why not just accept the apology/gesture and move on? Honestly, some things are just not worth the fuss and bother of getting all dramatic about.

Sure, if he's cheating on you and you caught him red-handed, then go ahead and have a dramatic tirade worthy enough for an Oscar nomination. But if you are just irked because he forgot to take out the trash or do the dishes, get over yourself. In the bigger picture, these petty little incidences don't even matter. Let it roll off you, like water off a duck's back.

At the end of the day, you have a man that loves, respects, cherishes and cares for you. So really, why should you throw a fit when he forgets to TiVo your show? It's not the end of the world sweets. Instead of using your energy to abuse and insult him, taking down his masculinity with a few well picked barbs-- you would be better using it to find a solution for the problem.

Guys are problem solvers. It's what they do, it's what they excel at. Fixing the problem makes them feel like they are being the providers and knight in shining armor. It redeems them in your eyes and alleviates your distress. Sure not every woman likes to play the damsel-in-distress card but if he's the cause of the distress, then go ahead and dump it all in his lap. "Honey, here's the problem. Can you fix it please?" would work out far better than, "I can't believe you, I told you 399 times to do this. You are a good for nothing lazy, SOB and----!!!" Do you get my drift?

Remember, you catch more flies with honey then vinegar. So the next time things aren't going the way you want them too and you are about to have a bitch fit---take a deep breath, count to 10 (or 100) and let him find a way to fix it.

Your thoughts?

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Monday, June 05, 2006

Re: I Want Love...Just a Different Kind

Moxie has this great post on her blog that struck a cord with me and I simply must refer you ladies to. Read the whole post HERE.

Love within reason - That isn't love. I think people think that love should fit some cookie cutter, fiction-inspired mold. Great dates, fun conversations, great sex, lots of laughs. That's not love. That's romance. What sustains a relationship is sometimes the hard stuff. The bad times. Because the harder you work for something, the more you realize how much it means to you. The more you value it.

"Okay! I get it! It's hard work. I'm ready!"

Really? Are you ready? Are you ready to turn your whole life over to someone else? Are you ready to put your dreams aside to make room for someone else's? Are you ready to shelve that idea of "perfection" and re-define it? Are you ready to tell someone how you really feel without worrying if they're going to leave you? Are you ready to fight and disagree and worry about someone other than yourself?

This idea that love should be "fun" is the exact reason why so many people are single. There's a lot of people out there confusing "romance" with "love." They're getting caught up in the courtship aspect and not prepared for the commitment part. Commitment isn't just about fidelity. It's also about stamina. No, not that kind of stamina. I'm talking about longevity.

I've brought these example sup so many times, and I'll do it again. My Dad used to carry my Mom from room to room so that she could see us open presents of Christmas Day. He slept on a cot in our porch so he could be near her at night. He didn't withdraw, he didn't run, he didn't detach. He didn't quit because it stopped being "fun." My sister laid next to her husband while he took his last breath. Do you have any idea what kind of commitment that takes? To sit there and watch your lover literally die in front of your eyes? That's love. It wasn't pretty or safe or easy. It can be painful and ugly.

You want love? Be ready to get your hands dirty. Be ready to get bruised and a little battered. Stop expecting it to be that fairy tale you read about as a child.

Please read the whole post from beginning to end---then let me know what you think.

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Saturday, June 03, 2006

What Kind of Bra are You?

You Are a Lace Bra!

Dreamy, romantic, and ultra-feminine
You're a womanly woman who makes guys feel like men
Your perfect guy is strong, determined, and handsome
With a softer side that only you can draw out

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Thursday, June 01, 2006

On Talking Dirty pt 2

Well, it seems that I might have looked at this from a different angle in part one. For all of you Women out there who don't get what the big deal about the last post was or just don't have the vibe of talking dirty, allow me to fully expansiate.

See, talking dirty isn't just the nasty words that I listed yesterday. It also includes alot of the other phrases we say in bed too. Probably the ones you say already. It includes stuff like the encouraging phrases like, "Yeah that feels good. That's my spot baby." To the more obvious commands/directions like "Harder, Faster. More to the left." It even covers fantasy phrases like the whole,"Aye Papi. Big Daddy. That's right Professor! to flat out exaggerations like "You are soooo big. That's the biggest cock I have ever seen."

So you see, you are probably already engaging in some form of dirty talk, though not to a hardcore extent like me and the other ladies in Part One. Now the reasons you might not be into the hardcore stuff are varied, but usually comprise of the few reasons examined yesterday. So how does a Woman who's not into dirty talk get into it? How does she get over that embarrassment, shyness and lack of know how? How does she even get herself into the mood for it?

First of all, you have to stop thinking that dirty talk is wrong. That's the kind of repressed thinking that leaves you wondering why your sex life is....umm, the humdrum way it is. There is nothing wrong with breaking out the nasty in the bedroom. It's empowering to speak your mind, it's liberating to be able to say how you want it and how you like it. It takes the technical element away from the boudoir and adds a little zing that you didn't even know you were missing. It enchants, excites and entices all with one turn of phrase. It amps up your sexual encounters from basic loveplay to sex that totally knocks your socks off and takes your breath away. It surprises your man, and opens you both up to whole new realms. It liberates you from conventional sex and conventional thinking. What's not to love?

There is a very thin line between talking dirty and sexual fantasies. Allow me to elucidate. Using dirty words = freaky sex = using dirty sentences = more freaky sex = telling dirty fantasies = totally mindblowing freaky sex. Get the picture?

Now if you are ready to take the plunge into this realm here are a few tips for you....
  1. Start slow. After all, Rome wasn't built in a day. Watch a few movies that have really good sex scenes. Like 91/2 Weeks, Basic Instinct, Taken or a few of your favorites. Watch those scenes that they are getting at it and take a few tips from them. If you think you sound stupid using those phrases, keep this in mind: They said it first and made millions off it. So Sharon Stone must have been doing something right.
  2. Read a few books. Yes, the best knowledge is still found in books. My personal favorite is Dirty Talk by Lynne Stanton. Follow some of the suggestions there. Get some erotica. The written word is so very powerful in all forms. Try out Zane books like the Sex Chronicles I &II. This should get your juices flowing. Those brazen vixens in the stories make my vixen-ish self blush. But I find that the more I read erotica, the more I take on these passionate tendencies. I envision the scenarios. I want to enact them. I use the words. Sparingly at first but eventually they become more commonplace in my bedroom antics.
  3. Add him to the fun. After all, you are going to be using these words with him. So leave a few books like this or just erotica lying around and his interest will be piqued enough to look. And you know how guys get when it's about amping up sex---they love it!
  4. Make it a game. Get those Sex dice and promise yourself that you will use whatever words thrown next time you have sex. Or play one of those Sex games you can get online.
  5. Read erotica to each other. Not only will it give you fantasies for days, it will bring you closer and open doors that you didn't even know existed. If you don't want to invest in a book, there are sex blogs out there. Now those are very, very easy to find. Or go to Literotica.com to read other ordinary people's fantasies. You just never know what might spark your inner verbose freak.
  6. Write it out. Sure, saying all the nasty things you want to do to him might make you blush so sometimes it's easier to write it out instead. An email, text message or letter just might do the trick. I write nice, long erotic blog entries on my personal blog and read it to my man over the phone. Just my voice reading something that I wrote is enough to send him hightailing in my direction.
  7. Be creative. Just because some people refer to it as a cock doesn't mean you have to too. Use words that you are comfortable with, even if it's just ones you made up. They can be another language, other nicknames that don't make sense or something personal between you two. Oh, and please don't make it a sissy name like Kate Hudson in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, for his member. That would be totally cruel. Hehehe.
  8. Have fun. Some people just aren't cut out for freaky deaky nastiness. Don't knock it until you have tried it (with the right person). But if you have tried it and still don't like it, don't sweat it. Some conquer Mt. Everest. Other's swim the English Channel. Just get your gold medal in another arena and keep spicing up that sex life.
Your thoughts?

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