Monday, January 15, 2007

Dealing with a Man-Stealer

Definition: A man-stealer is that crafty hussy who blatantly makes a play (or several plays) for your guy even though she knows that he's in a committed relationship with you.

Usually when it comes to identifying a man stealer, your sixth sense is dead on. I'm not saying every woman that surrounds your guy is out to steal him, but there is an aura around a man stealer that really does identify her as a predator to watch out for. She's that bitch sashaying her hips right in front of your man in your presence, bending over provocatively and doing the hair flip. She's the coworker inviting him for happy hour every single day after work. She's an ex that is still calling, emailing and texting him. She's the girl in love with him even though he's not showing any interest in her. She's a *friend* who invites him to different events without an invitation extended to you. She's a man snatcher and she wants to be with your guy.

Most of the time guys are totally oblivious when it comes to identifying a man-stealer. The flirtations might be subtle and coy enough to be construed as innocent so he doesn't notice it. Some guys do notice, but allow the flirtations to go on because they lack the balls to do anything about it. Although he would never cheat on you, he might actually be getting a kick out of her antics. After all---everyone wants to be adored and appreciated by the opposite sex.

The problem here is that the constant flirtation is going to increase his level of attraction to her eventually. Most man-stealers just keep working on their prey until he breaks down and actually crosses the line. Emotionally cheating...and even mind fucking is still a form of cheating, in fact, this is where the root of all cheating begins. So you have got to nip this in the bud before it gets to another level.

So how do you effectively deal with a man-snatcher?

1. Talk About It With Him: As soon as you feel this might be an issue, bring it up to him. Tell him you've noticed her intent and put him on notice. Communicating your feelings on the matter will effectively bring it to his attention. He can't be caught unawares then, and knows to have his guard up when dealing with Ms. Man-Stealer. In addition, bringing it out in the open will eliminate the 'element of secrecy' that titillates and excites both parties. He should take steps to avert getting caught up in her web of seduction. Like avoid being alone with her, stop taking her calls and coldly breaking the banter (if they had any rapport)
   
2. Put Her on Notice: Now I'm not saying you get into an all out cat fight--in fact, don't do this. But let her know through your actions that you aren't afraid of her and that you aren't going anywhere. She can try to win him over all she wants, but he's with you and that's how it's going to be. Invite yourself along to these work/school functions. Walk over to speak to her with your man. Let her know that you are a couple and have been for quite some time. This shows that you are secure in your relationship and aren't afraid of her. Have some level of contact with him (holding his hand, his arm resting on your waist etc.) but don't be making out with him in front of her---this will just make you seem needy and insecure. Be nice and firm, tell her how it's going to be from now on. Don't beg her to leave your man alone, that sounds like you actually think she's a threat (which she will see as a sign of weakness and make her want to try to get him harder.) Just tell her emphatically, "Bitch, if I catch you calling my man again you will really regret it." That should work nicely.
   
3. Have Him Put Her on Notice: If she still keeps plying him with affection and calling him even after you've had a firm talk with her---have him establish that his isn't interested in her in any way, shape or form. A smart guy would have done this already...in fact, should have done this already--but some might need a little prod in that direction. He has to give her a strong red light, without the possibility of giving in to her pressure. If he's talked to her and she still doesn't disappear, perhaps firmer steps...like involving the law should be taken. Anyone can file a restraining order nowadays.

Last word of advice...don't make him choose. Ultimatums will only make you seem paranoid and psychotic and forcing him to pick you is sooooo high school. The guy who is right for you would never have you in a situation like this anyway. He would have taken steps to get rid of Ms. Man Stealer earlier on if only to make you happy. If you feel that he's slipping into her arms, realise that he wasn't the guy meant for you, cut your losses and move on.

Your thoughts?

Labels: Cheating, Relationship issues

Posted by Vixen @ 11:57 PM :: 10 trainees letting it rip!

Talk to Me!

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