Friday, January 05, 2007
Baby Mama Drama: Meeting His Kid
I became the NEW girlfriend about three months ago, my boyfriend who is absolutely wonderful had been with his ex-girlfriend for three years and have a one year old. My problem is, that they exclude me from everything, like her birthday. I mean should I be invited? His parents think I'm ridiculous for thinking I SHOULD! The thing is, I know he is worth it, but the girl unfortunately is 17 and not going to remove her fangs from me. I try to be very much like you said, respectable, treat her child with respect but still maintain my distance from their child and how to raise her. I just didn't know my first relationship would be so full of obstacles, I'm just wondering if you think I'm being totally out of my bearings here or what? I know at the end of the day it's whether I want to deal with this or just try to find an easier "fish". But the thing is, he's great and treats me like a queen. I've never been more confused about things, all I do is pray but my heart doesn't find answers.
Okay...the part of your question dealing with whether or not to leave him, I'm going to leave that up to you...but I will address the other parts of your question. You sound young...early 20s, but pretty much sure about certain things, like what you want in a relationship and how you expect to be treated. However, when does being assertive become too pushy?
First of all, relax! You've only been dating him for 3 months. If you had a child, would you introduce every single guy you dated to your child? Think how impressionable children are and how quickly they form lasting attachments. He's probably not sure you are going to stick around for the long haul, and he's wary of introducing his child's emotions into the fray. That should be a sign of a good parent---so don't take it personally.
I know that you want to show your interest in him by extending the emotions to his offspring, and this will all be taken care of in due course. My thinking is, if your relationship hasn't hit a certain level of commitment that is beyond just dating, then he is protecting his child's interests. He's doing the right thing.
The baby mama will always be in the picture. And even you know it. She's young, she's immature right now, but she'll learn and grow. I know it's irritating that he spends all this time with her and his child, birthdays and some of the holidays, leaving you excluded, but you should use the free time as your personal ME time and stop anguishing about it. At least for right now.
If you are concerned that he might be interested in resuming a relationship of sorts with her, and using that 'family time' to get closer to her, then bring up your feelings to him in a reasonable debate and listen with your sixth sense. Allay your fears and precede from there. However, if you are 100% sure that he's devoted to you and wants to be with you---why are you creating fracas where there isn't any?
His child is going to be in his life the rest of his life. So if you are going to be in his life the rest of his life then eventually you will be in his/her life too. You might even develop a relationship with his offspring that exceeds anything you've ever expected.
If the relationship progresses---say you are talking about settling down together and he still hasn't let you meet his child, then I would totally freak out...but until then just hold on to your horses and enjoy the sweet romance that you have right now.
Labels: Ask Vixen, Baby Mama Drama
Posted by Vixen @ 11:39 PM ::
0 trainees letting it rip!
Talk to Me!