Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Nagging

One of the worst traits a long term girlfriend/wife has is the ability to nag. Men totally HATE that. Most of the time, nagging doesn't achieve anything than piss you off and irritate him. You might think that telling him a gazillion times to take out the trash is going to get him off his ass to do it, but most guys plan on doing the task.....eventually, and not at that particular moment when you want it done.

Before you start getting heated, I suggest taking a deep breath and counting to a hundred. Sloooowly. If you are still frustrated, do it again. Nagging him won't get him to do what you want to do...it's counter-productive. You might think that getting on his case will make him get up and do it just to get you to shut up...but is that really the reason you want him to comply with your request?

You cannot treat him as you would your child. Nagging them works because they fear you and the results of your ire. But a grown man will just tune you out and keep doing what he's doing until he's good and ready.

So how do you establish a household routine and help motivate him to get things done?

1. Plan together. As tedious as it sounds, assigning household duties helps both of you. It communicates exactly what needs to be done on a weekly/daily basis and proves in black & white that there is alot to keep a household up and running. He knows what needs to be done and prioritizes it in his mind as one of his 'responsibilities'. Guys are big believers in taking care of their responsibilities. At least the non-loser variety guys...
2. Let him chill. When he gets home from work, give him an hour or two to unwind before you load him up with chores. Remember, he just came back from an hour commute and at least 8 hours of mind-numbing work. The least he could expect is some time to relax and chill before getting laden down with more work. Of course, you might argue that once he relaxes he loses all motivation to get anything done, and this might be true.
3. Show your appreciation. It's easy to send daggers in his direction as he's playing the video game instead of helping you around the house/with the kids. But when he does something...anything at all to help out, do you notice this as well? Sincere appreciation bolsters affection and motivation. Thanking him nicely when he does do anything...even something that's *his* job still gets the message across that you value his contribution to your life. It's kind of like the Pavlovian theory...positive reinforcement yields positive results. One of the greatest complaints in a relationship is the feeling of being under-appreciated or not valued. Nip that in the bud daily...tell him how much you appreciate him, how proud you are of him/his accomplishments and how much you enjoy the fact that you have a man that 'takes care of business'.
4. Pick up the slack. Yes, we are living in the 21st century, but that doesn't mean that running a household doesn't fall with you as well. You are both partners in this, so help him out when you have time to spare or if you need it done so desperately. He will appreciate the fact that you helped out and it shows that you aren't a selfish taskmaster but a help-mate.
   

If all else fails, resort to sheer bribery and coercion. Remember, you catch more flies with honey then vinegar, so use your nicest voice, nicest apparel and nicest antics to keep things on course.

Your thoughts?

Labels: Relationship issues

Posted by Vixen @ 12:09 AM :: 3 trainees letting it rip!

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