Friday, January 26, 2007

Not Ready to Settle Down

I recently meet a gentleman who is 12 years older than me. He is already saying that he loves me. He is a really good man, very good to me. But I can't help but feel that it is entirely too early for him to be saying that he loves me.... And yes it has been less than a month that he has known me. So what am I supposed to do? I am young and although I want a relationship I am not sure that we are looking for the same things. I think he is at a point in his life where he is definitely looking for forever and I really can't see that far right now. What do you think I should do, I don't want to hurt his feelings, nor do I want to lose him because he has become special to me?

Well, you pretty much answered your own question. You are not as into him as he is into you. You are young and not ready to settle down. You feel that the relationship is moving quickly. You don't want the same things. He's 12 years older than you, which means he's in a different generation and pretty much has his life settled while you are still learning more about yourself and what you really want out of life.

However, he is a great guy, very special to you, treats you like a goddess and is very good to you. He's already told you that he loves you...albeit early, is possible that a true connection exists between the both of you. I know why you want to hang on to him...after all one doesn't
come across great guys every single day.

In my opinion, I would communicate how you are feeling. Unburden yourself, let him see your anxiety about this situation. Explain that you always want to maintain a friendship with him no matter what happens. Tell him that you both know that you still have some growing up to do and can't commit to forever yet. Pretty much state to him everything you've said on here. That way you are laying your cards on the table and being honest about how you really feel.

How he takes it from there is up to him. You have to respect his decision. If he's ready to settle down with someone, he will probably end the relationship regardless of his strong feelings and try to find someone who is ready to settle down forever too. That's the phase of his life that he's at and it's unfortunate that you both aren't on the same level there.

If he decides to stay with you and 'wait for you to grow up', be sure to express that you don't wish to be pressured to commit forever every single moment you are together. Realize that your relationship will probably either end up being an 'open-ended' relationship in the worse case scenario.

At the end of the day, you have to stand your ground and be true to your desires and what you truly want. Just as that is his obligation as well.

Labels: Ask Vixen

Posted by Vixen @ 10:22 AM :: 3 trainees letting it rip!

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