Thursday, February 08, 2007

Why Do Men Ignore Relationship Problems?

Even the most perfect relationship eventually hits a few snags due to either life complications, external factors, stress, or the inability of one party to meet the other's expectations. When we ladies hit a relationship hurdle, we want to talk about it, analyze it and hash it out to death. Being that your guy doesn't adapt the same philosophy, you might get the idea that he doesn't care or isn't affected by the problem but this isn't true. He is affected, just not in the way that you are.

See most men are problem solvers. They love to take things apart and fix it whether it's a computer, car or piece of electrical equipment. It's a worthy past time to them to figure out how things work and how to fix it when it's broken. They apply this same scenario to every single area of their lives and have managed to live it with much success.

Women on the other hand are more emotional than analytical. Our feelings and emotions get involved and we can't think as objectively as we would if we didn't have feelings. As wonderful as feelings can be, it does get in the way of problem solving. We want to express those feelings and how the situation is affecting us. They just want to find the problem, come up with a viable solution, fix it and move on.

So how do we cross the great divide?

Instead of ranting and raving for hours about how the problem makes you feel, cut it down and condense your expression. Save the "Oh my feelings are in a uproar and I don't know why," conversations for your girlfriends. We are good at helping you break it down, after all, we're all going through similar scenarios.

Once you've sorted through those emotions, tell him in a short discussion what your issues are and what you think will help. The way you approach the conversation should be more apt to keep his attention than have his eyes glazing over in confusion. Stop asking redundant or rhetorical questions. It's just a waste of time!

Instead of "Why don't you flatter me like you used to?"
Try "I feel like you don't appreciate me anymore. Keep the compliments coming baby!"

Instead of "Why don't you spend time with me?"
Try "I need more quality time with you. Can we stay home tomorrow night?"

Do you notice the difference? Identify for yourself the actions that you think will make things better and it is this plan that you steer the conversation towards. He will be interested in things that he can change and work on, not things that cannot be fixed or have no bearing on the price of tea in China.

What are some other ways that you have used to communicate relationship issues and reach a good resolution?

Labels: Relationship issues

Posted by Vixen @ 1:30 AM :: 2 trainees letting it rip!

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