Bad Girl's Guide

Saturday, October 28, 2006

New Digs

Congratulations to me. I'm staring at my newly signed lease and newly minted keys. The Boyfriend and I are moving in together this weekend. We did a little christening last night...started in the living room and went round the whole crib. ;) WOOHOO!!!

My internet is probably going to be really janky for the next few weeks, damn Comcast can't hook us up for a while. However, I will try to post often.

For those of you that check in during the weekend, here's a fun game for you. Don't get too addicted to it though. Have a fab weekend peoples.
You already know Mission: Impossible 3 is coming to DVD on Mission Monday, October 30th, 2006. Now there’s an amazing first person shooter M:I3 game online, where you can take on the role of an elite IMF agent!

In the M:I3 game, you must train and then go on a mission to kill a murderous arms dealer. The goal of the game is for users to kill all of the arms dealer’s henchman and then the arms dealer himself, while not getting shot themselves and racking up the highest accuracy possible. In the third level, the challenge ramps up as you must avoid killing civilians as well.

Check out the game here: http://www.missionimpossible.com/game/

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Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Men, Love & Sex

I'm reading this book right now by David Zinczenko, the editor-in-chief of Men's Health magazine. The book analyses a survey done on 5,000 people on what their views are on men, love, relationships and sex.

In addition, the questions focused on are from a woman's perspective because they also interviewed women as well to ask them the same questions from the other point of view. This book is for both genders and successfully crosses the great divide. The answers are quite candid, totally eye-opening and for me this book has successfully shattered all those dumb myths about men.

Take for instance the myth that men don't fall in love: According to the survey, they do, deeper and more intensely than most women's concept of love. Most guys were head over heels in love with their first love, and when their hearts got broken, they built the rest of their experience on trying to avoid such pain ever again.

"In order to get inside the minds of men, Zinczenko commissioned an exclusive poll conducted by the national polling firm Harris Interactive, and surveyed more than 5,000 men and women, asking them some intensely intimate questions—and eliciting some remarkably candid answers. In the survey men talked about love, insecurity, guy’s nights out, what they secretly want in the bedroom, their biggest gripes with relationships, and what women can do and say to make them happier. They also confessed the little things that destroy relationships, revealed what they are scared of and nervous about, and—most of all—they came clean with the truth about why they love and cherish women. The poll also found that while men and women in fact have extraordinarily similar desires, they have extraordinarily dissimilar communication styles thus making it hard for men and women to find happiness together."

Okay, I'm not done with the book, just half way through, but I've read enough to rave about it to all of you. I've called all my girlfriends as well to share the love. Go get this book right now! It's an easy yet extremely scintillating read. On every single page, I found something that made me either laugh out loud or nod in full understanding.

Each page had snazzy blurbs to keep it a fun read, here are a few examples:
Say This, Not That!
Say This: I'm so glad to be finally home!
Not: Work was awful and I've been in a bad mood all day
Because: Like you, he wants reassurace that you're happy to see him. (awwww!)

Male Mysteries Revealed: 54% of men say family is what defines them the most.

What It Means When:...He's still friends with his ex more than a year later
Take it as a positive that he's a good man, not as a negative that she's a threat. If their breakup didn't cause permanent damage, then chancess are that, one, he's mature enough to let relationships eveolve' two, he probably treated her well during their time together' and three, he didn't screw around on her. All good.

Wondering Woman asks: Why doesn't he go down on me more often?
If you lie back quieter than a college library on Friday night, he's not going to know what you make of oral sex. Groan, moan, yell "more" then tell him later that you're dying for a repeat performance. Once you open your mouth about what you like, he'll open his.
Every single topic we've talked about on this blog is covered, as well as subjects that are considered too intimate to share. Like how do guys really feel about penis size? And why do they have to play Joe the toolman when they don't know how to use a hammer? Why do they miss the toilet? What's the deal with guys & cheating? How does he really feel about your body? How can you tell if he's over his ex?

It's a refreshing dialogue with no holds barred responses. The answers are straight from a guy's perspective---straight from the horses' mouth. There are several examples of relationship questions with answers given by Zinczenko as well as direct quotes from all the 5000 guys that took the survey. In addition, there are so many pointers and tips that even I hadn't thought about before. It's taking male/female interaction to a whole new level, enabling us to be able to really understand and appreciate each other.

Go get this book now. Right this very second! It doesn't matter whether you are single, in a relationship or married, it's an important read for everyone. Trust me, this is one of those books that you will be glad you read. It definitely has my five star stamp of approval.

Order it from Amazon right HERE.


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Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Mission Impossible III


Movie Review:

Director J. J. Abrams (“Lost”,” “Alias”) brings his unique blend of action and drama to the billion-dollar franchise. Super-spy Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) has retired from active duty to train new IMF agents. But he is called back into action to confront the toughest villain he’s ever faced – Owen Davian (Philip Seymour Hoffman), an international weapons and information provider with no remorse and no conscience. Hunt assembles his team – his old friend Luther Strickell (Ving Rhames), transportation expert Declan (Jonathan Rhys Meyers), background operative Zhen (Maggie Q), and fresh recruit Lindsey (Keri Russell) – to travel the globe pursuing Davian and rescue Hunt’s love, Julia (Michelle Monaghan).

Before you sneer that I should have seen it in the theatres...yeah I know. However, I did catch it first chance I got, in all it's blazing glory. I just have to say that for the whole ENTIRE movie (well except for a quiet 2 minutes) I was at the edge of my seat. This movie should really be named Action Possible because it blew me away.

Alias lovers will be able to pick up the talented mastery that JJ Abrams put in to pull this off. There where alot of moments that I was having Alias flashbacks especially with the super spy theme that it had. If Mission Impossible was the foundation that built the franchise, MI:2 was the filler that tied it all in, then MI:3 totally set the roof on fire. This is one of those sequels that just keeps getting better and better.

Without giving any of the plot away, the story was utterly riveting, fully captivating and action packed with all kinds of fight scenes and of course technologically advanced weaponry. You got to see how those masks are made on site and Hunt finally found a criminal that he couldn’t easily outwit. There are plot twists all over the place and the main characters were multi-layered.

The actors did an awesome job, Philip Seymour Hoffman was the perfect villiam, Ving Rhames was his usual smart cracking sidekick, Laurence Fishburne proved once again that he’s not just Morpheus and Cruise proved effortlessly why he’s still box office gold.. The supporting characters did their thing as well, Maggie Q kicked major butt in a fight scene (it’s in the deleted scenes…why???)

This 2 disc edition is super packed with juicy commentaries, behind the scenes footage, 8 featurettes that explore everything from the creation of the mission franchise to a montage dedicated to Tom Cruise and his M-I ways.

So…is there going to be a Mission Impossible 4? That I don’t know, however if this really is the end for the Ethan Hunt saga he went out with a bang!

If you liked the other Mission Impossible movies, shows like Alias or other action movies like i-Robot, Matrix etc, then this is definitely another one for your collection.

MI3 comes out on DVD on October 30. Grab your copy:)

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Monday, October 23, 2006

Funny Sex Story Elexa Contest

Actually this was the only response I got. Which was surprising---did you bully everyone else not to reply? J/k. Anyway, sweets congratulations are in order. I found this quite hilarious---and can actually relate!
Not likely the funniest story in the universe, but here it is!
It was an exciting flight. We had met online and had chatted daily for several months. I was finally on my way to meet him. The hard part these days about landing is that there's no one there to meet you at the gate. The long trek from the plane to the point of meeting is torturous, especially if you're travelling internationally! But at that final moment, the chemistry was exceptional. He smiled, took my hand and led me to the taxi. We made out on the way to the hotel. It was steamy, to be sure and the night in the hotel was sensational, including the big private jacuzzi!

The next day, we went to his house. We had sex on every surface in his apartment. Day and night. For four days. One afternoon, he was paying some online bills and I came up behind him, reaching down and stroking him through his soft sweat pants. He hardened immediately. I swiveled his chair around, knelt down, pulled out his manhood and began licking and sucking. It didn't take long for me to notice I had some lint in my mouth. Now it's never easy to tactfully remove lint or pubic hair from your mouth whilst giving a blow job. But I'm pretty good at it. I soon realized that I was having to remove quite a bit of this lint as his cock was fairly covered with it! I just started laughing and said, "Okay, I can't do this!" He laughed so hard. He explained that these were new sweat pants and going commando in them was probably not a good idea! I tell you, lint can create quite a barrier on a man's cock!
After that, when we would talk online or on the phone, he would sometimes just say "pffftt... pffttttt...." and we'd both laugh, knowing exactly what he meant.
Thanks for the submission!

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Posted by Vixen @ 5:33 PM :: 2 trainees letting it rip!

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Friday, October 20, 2006

Like But No Lust: Meet Jade

I got a letter from a reader the other day, Jade; who is in a relationship with a guy at her part-time holiday job. She goes to the city every week to visit with friends but is in school about an hour from the city. To cut the long story short, they've flirted on the job on and off for several months as well as developed a pretty close friendship (he helped her through her breakup and vice versa).
Last Easter he told me that he was really into me and wanted to be my boyfriend. I freaked out and went cold for a couple weeks but then this summer when I went back I admitted to him that I was feeling him too and have been for a while now. His baby mama still kinda in the picture but that's not the issue. We're tryna work on something real. We get on like a house on fire, really complement one another. Anyway, we been on a couple dates and we are in touch all the time, talk on the phone more than once a day, emails, etc.

The problem is that I am finding it very hard to be affectionate or intimate with him. I remember the first time he kissed me, I burst out laughing, and I did that a couple times after as well and he played hurt and made a joke out of it. I apologized and he said that when I am ready he'll be there waiting. We've discussed it and he thinks that maybe I'm scared of committing or getting hurt again or that I still don't trust him because he's still dealing with his baby mama but I just DONT KNOW WHAT MY PROBLEM IS! We're stuck in limbo and he is being such a patient... gentleman bout it! I am very pissed off at myself because it's not what I am like usually and its quite the opposite of what I wana do to him.
I read a relationship book a few months ago that stated that it takes about 5 seconds of meeting someone to know whether or not you are attracted to them. Attraction cannot be forced, no matter how much you want to be attracted to someone, if the sparks aren't there, they just aren't there.

Jade, are you attracted to him? He sounds like an okay guy and everything but it doesn't sound to me like you are that attracted to him. Something is holding you from getting intimate with him on any level and you should pay attention to that.

Yes, it could be reservations based on his baby mama situation and the fact that you don't want to get burned again so soon. Regardless of that fact however, if you are attracted to him, you would have kissed him already. We equate kisses as a sign of affection, and it sounds to me like you respect and admire him. But are not attracted to him.

Remember the letter you wrote me a few months ago? That guy in the club...you were attracted to him. You wanted to kiss him and make out with him despite everything that your friends and family were saying. Despite the objections your mind was issuing, you still wanted him. That you were sure of.

It sounds to me that although you want Mr. Coworker to be in the picture, you aren't attracted to him physically. Your laughter could be a subconscious form of nervousness or anxiety. It could be your sixth sense kicking in telling you that something is still off. What's the rush anyway? Listen to your heart, mind as well as your pussy.

Why don't you give him some more time to sort out his issues? Baby mamas don't just disappear, they will always be around until the child hits majority. That way, at least you won't wonder if that's the problem.

Meanwhile, focus less on getting intimate with him and more on developing your friendship and deciphering what your sixth sense is telling you. Don't rush into anything that you aren't ready for just because he's pressuring you or just because he wants it. Remember, as a woman, once you start sleeping with a guy, most of the time our hearts fall into the picture as well. Sex clouds your judgement so listen to the Triad and slow it down.

Your thoughts?

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Posted by Vixen @ 3:17 AM :: 3 trainees letting it rip!

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Thursday, October 19, 2006

The Distortion of Beauty

I just saw the new Dove commercial and I have to give a headsup to the wonderful people at Dove for once again proving to us that a normal woman does not have to be the face/body that we see in magazines, television and ads on a daily basis.

Every woman is beautiful each in her own special and unique way. We come in all colors, shapes and sizes, and yet, we all have elements that make us each beautiful. Claim your beauty, remember inner radiance begins from within.

For those of you that haven't seen it yet...here it is. Enjoy.



Your thoughts?

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Posted by Vixen @ 1:43 AM :: 5 trainees letting it rip!

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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Elexa Contest

The Challenge: Write an email to me detailing a funny experience you've had in bed with your lover that you wouldn't mind sharing. It could be a story of a rendezvous gone wrong, one of you asserting yourself in the boudoir or a tale of bringing out your Inner Vixen.

This contest closes on Friday, 12MN on October 20 PST. We will also have another challenge next week for those of you that don't make this one. The articles will be posted up here anonymously over the weekend and all readers will have a chance to vote on the favorite one using an online poll.

On Monday, I'll announce the winner. The one with the most votes wins. I'll email you to request your contact information & mailing address.

The Prize: A package delivered to your address that has a box of 12 condoms in each of the 3 Elexa brand condoms---Natural Feel, Stimulating & Ultra Sensitive Condoms. This also includes 2 Vibrating Rings;) That's 38 condoms in all!

The good people from Elexa will mail it directly to your address. Good luck and enjoy!

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Posted by Vixen @ 12:10 AM :: 2 trainees letting it rip!

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Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Getting Over Love: Meet Brad

I got this question from a reader last week and want you ladies to pitch in with this one. He's a 20 year old guy that just got dumped by his girlfriend of 4.5 months. They were pretty close, had the same circle of friends and enjoyed alot of the same activities.
"She was the first girl I loved so much that I would sacrifice my well being for her love and for something that precious to fall out of your hands is just something of a feeling hard to describe. She was the kind of person you always look forward to see whenever you're happy, sad, lonely or just need someone to talk to. She wasn't just a gf... she was a friend and someone you could talk comfortably to, without leaving out any details to save your pride.

It's been 3 about 7 weeks since the break up and I thought I got over her but everything I do reminds me of her. Everyplace I go I think to myself, "she would of loved to have seen this or been here". I can't get her out of my head. There's still a part of me that wants to hold on to her and I don't like it. I WANT to move on but can't. I've tried everything from telling my self that she's a bitch, she'll regret it, I'm better off without her... everything people have recommended and they just can't seem to work. Her love has put a dent in my heart that I can't fix. And ever since the breakup I feal insecure about love, the way I look and everything about my personality.

Maybe I just feel lonely, or maybe I feel lost but I can't look at a girl the same way anymore. I just feel tangled in my heart, as if I have nothing to look forward to in life anymore. Please get back to me and tell me what you think I should do."
Brad hon, breakups are hard. There is no simple solution to getting over someone. There is no way to go around it, you just have to go through it. The emotions you have are valid, and the hurt is there to tell you something...You are still alive. You are still breathing. You are still here, and you aren't going to let her leaving you break you. Even though your life and relationship was closely tangled up with hers, you have to do alot of severance. Remember, you had a life before she saucily walked into it---so claim it back!

You have to start being more proactive in your future. The less time you have that you are doing nothing, the less time you have to think and mourn Miss Heartbreaker. Join social groups, make new friends, get involved in the community, volunteer, adopt a little brother, try new hangouts and restaurants, start new hobbies and build new memories. Sweets, you are going to be an aviator!! How cool is that? Why aren't you excited about that?

I'm all about wallowing in the pain for a few weeks, but dude---according to your blog, it's been almost 2 months. I have a theory that you should only wallow in the misery of a breakup for no more than half the time you guys were together. Which would give you just one more week of wallowing. After that you are just creating a shrine to lost love and preventing yourself from moving on to a bigger and better love.

Yes, she took your heart and trampled on it but that doesn't mean that she owns you. She's gone and it's up to you to pick up the pieces and move on. Yes, nostalgia hits at random times, even when you think you are over her, some song, word or thought will trigger memories that will bring up all those vivid emotions again. Don't be freaked out by it, it's just a natural part of letting go.

We've all been there the pain of heartbreak...falling in love should come with a large 'CAUTION: May cause Heartbreak' sign. But it doesn't. However that doesn't mean that you give up on love. The beauty of love is that each time you fall in love, you will feel all those wonderfully intense feelings of euphoria again. (It's a biological certainty.) I know that you think she was the best thing since Prometheus gave man fire, but honestly---her sh*t still stinks. Reading over your blog, she sounds like a spoiled little princess that always got her way. Not the kind of person that you should create a shrine of everlasting love to. Just my 2 cents.

It's not expected that you jump right in the saddle with a new chick, but eventually, one day in the not too distant future, you will realise that you haven't thought about her in days, in weeks, in months...! And who knows, by then you might have met a woman that wants to be with you as deeply and as much as you want to be with her.

Your thoughts?

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Posted by Vixen @ 2:49 AM :: 5 trainees letting it rip!

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A review of "Save the Last Dance 2"

Save the Last Dance 2
by David Petrarca

Continuing the story of the original film, Sara (Izabella Miko) follows her dream and becomes a student at Juilliard. As she is excels and becomes a star pupil, Sara becomes torn between her love for traditional ballet and her passion for the urban street rhythms of hip-hop, complicated further by her new love, hip-hop musician Miles (Columbus Short). When pushed to make a choice, will she follow the path of the tried and true or will she take a risk and dance into uncharted territory?

I absolutely loved this movie. I didn’t think I would, being that it was a low budget sequel and none of the original characters from the first movie were even in it, however the director filled all the holes with an interesting plot that is strong enough to stand on it’s own. You can actually watch this movie without having even seen the first one…there was a short scene that had enough background information to build up the main character Sara. The movie picks up a few months after the first one left off, with Sara moving to Juilliard to study ballet and become a prima ballerina.

The dance scenes were HOT! There is so much music and dancing here from classical ballet to urban hip hop dance. Sara danced her ass off! She rocked both types of dance hardcore, I found myself actually believing that Isabella Miko could succeed in true life in both. Music flowed through the whole movie with a beautiful tapestry of hip hop woven into every prominent scene. The intergration of ballet with hip hop was amazing---a fusion of moves that I never would have expected. The conflicts between the characters were predictable enough, however there was a plot twist that left me actually surprised.

The main characters were pretty well-developed and secondary characters had enough color to bring something more to the film. Ne-Yo had a small role (thankfully he didn’t ruin it.) Her roomie is a riot! There were some moments in the movie that were contrived/destroyed by bad acting but overall the actors pretty much nailed their parts. Miles’ apartment was off the chain, I want that apartment!

The extra stuff in the DVD was pretty tight too. There’s an interview with the actors/principals I found out that filming was done in 21 days…21 days people! Considering everything that was done, they did an amazing job. If you are a fan of the original, or movies like Take the Lead, Honey or Step Up, then this is another one for you. The DVD came out October 10 so snag a copy!

See more about Save the Last Dance 2

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Friday, October 13, 2006

Elexa Condoms

I just got a question from a reader asking me if Elexa condoms were female condoms. It was then I realised that even though I talk about Elexa I haven't really gone into detail about it with you guys. Here's the gist....

Elexa are Men condoms designed for women's bodies. I guess their marketing is just off because so many people ask the same question! They are like Trojans but contoured more dynamically from a woman's perspective looking at how a female's body relates to a condom. There are 3 main brands: Natural Feel, Stimulating (my fav!) and Ultra Sensitive. They have lighter yet stronger polyutherane (sp) which is a type of latex that actually lets you feel his cock better even though he's wearing a condom. In addition, they are lubricated with a water based lubricant (less risk of getting a yeast infection, hell yeah!)

These are the only condoms I use and has the best track record of never breaking even with vigorous and rousing sex play. There is no nasty latex-y taste so you can give blowjobs with them or after using them! It's actually slightly sweet (the things I do for you guys!) The base is ribbed and smaller than the rest of the condom, so it doesn't slide off his cock during the most energetic and forceful sex. It's one size fits all, and I've used them on different size/thickness of cocks ranging from the average 4-6 to even as big as a 9 erect. From the male point of view, it might feel different at first, because of the ribbed base but you can assure him that it's not cutting off his circulation and his penis won't fall off!

They are stocked in the feminine products aisle as well as the regular condom aisle. In addition, they have this Vibrating Ring product that it's like getting fucked and masturbating at the same time! You have got to try this! The ring is placed on the base of the guys penis before sex and then he gets in you. It starts vibrating as soon as you turn it on and comes pre-installed with a battery. It vibrates for up to 20 minutes (for some reason mine worked for waaaaay longer!), massaging your clitoris while he's in you. It's like using the Rabbit but your man is the one doing it! However it does have the complaint of making some guys come quicker, (the lame-ones ) because the constant buzz doesn't stop until you take it off or shut it off.

In addition they have Freshening Cloths (that smell pretty nice!) and Intimacy Gel (which I haven't tried yet but will let you know when I do.

Inside the box there is a coupon for $1.00 off your next Elexa purchase. In addition, if you go to the Elexa Sexy Smart blog you can find a coupon to print off your computer that gets you $2.00 off your purchase. If that doesn't pique your interest, remember, every box you buy until Dec. 31st gets a comparative box sent by Trojan to less fortunate women all around the world that need to protect themselves as well. They've already donated one million dollars worth of condoms and plan to do more before the year is out.

Please tell all your friends about Elexa and try them out. You will be surprised how much you like them.

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Thursday, October 12, 2006

Me Time

Every woman needs a night at home with just herself, recharging her batteries and catching up on things that are important to her. It's very easy to get caught up in the constant social whirl that is our free time, maintaining our friendships, catering to hobbies, learning new tasks and balancing work and family. However, on a regular basis, every woman should just have a night in, all to herself.

This article is inspired by NML and her evening in boudoir knickers. There are several elements that I need to have a proper night in. I've made it a regular thing every single Friday night. I plan no events, schedule no plans and do everything and anything I want to my hearts content.

For starters, I take a nice, long shower. Not the 5 minute showers we manage during a busy week but a decent, looooong shower where I wash and condition my hair, shave and stay under the rivulets until my skin feels baby soft. I use nice smelling shower gel and shampoo (the good stuff, that I normally save for special occasions). Most women prefer having nice long baths, but I'll pick a shower over a bath any day.

Moving right along, once out of the shower, I dry off and stand in front of the mirror, admiring my body from every angle. I love every inch, the curves, the stretch marks, the tiny imperfections that others may think are flaws but I think are unique. I look at my body in the mirror for a while, just admiring everything I see. I dance naked and watch myself jiggle and bounce, smiling as I trail my fingers over everything, applying my ridiculously expensive and utterly decadent lotion from Frederick's.

I slip into my boudoir knickers and a cotton T. My CD player is usually emitting my favorite songs of the week, mostly R&B with some oldies thrown in. Make your own mix CD or put the radio on to a cool blues station.

After drying my hair, I tend to my nails. I do my own everything, polishing, buffing and shaping. To me, it's as therapeutic as getting it done at the salon and way cheaper. Usually, while I'm painting I am either on the phone with a close friend or flipping through the latest issue of Cosmopolitan. By the time my nails are dry, I'm in a super mellow mood.

Enter the Moscato, a sweet wine that warms my insides. It feels like a massage from the inside out. I lay in bed, working on my photo album, writing in my journal or reading a book. My best friend likes to sketch and draw during her night in. Choose your hobby, something that lets you express yourself and focus on that.

A night in is all about YOU, what YOU want to do it, when YOU want to do it. Don't let external pressures intrude on your time alone, just enjoy and savor every minute of it. You learn so much about yourself just by being introspective and reflective.

Learn to love yourself. It's only then that you can love another.
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Monday, October 09, 2006

Spread the Power

As most of you know, I write for the Elexa Sexy Smart blog. There's a new campaign that just launched today that I think is an admirable one to help increase sexual safety in women. If you click on the links to the Elexa blog, you will find a coupon for $2.00 towards your purchase of an Elexa brand of condoms. So what's not to love? Help other women stay safe AND get high quality condoms at a reduced rate. There's good karma in here for everyone!


Being SexySmart means being responsible about your sexual health and enjoying a more intimate and pleasurable sexual experience on your own terms. As women are twice as likely as men to contract an STD, the makers of Trojan condoms want women to protect themselves and help protect others.

Beginning in October, when women (or men!) buy a box of Elexa condoms, we will give a box to women’s shelters and clinics, because no woman can afford to go uninformed and unprotected.

For every box of Elexa condoms purchased from now until December, the makers of Trojan will donate a box of Elexa condoms to Gifts In Kind - a minimum of 1 million condoms – to help protect women in need. Gifts in Kind, the leader in the field of product philanthropy, will distribute these condoms to women across the United States who are at risk of STDs and unintended pregnancy and who may not have access to or the means for which to buy condoms.

Keeping Women SexySmart

In the U.S. alone, seven out of ten sex acts happen without a condom. As a result, the transmission of STDs is growing every year. The Elexa brand, from the makers of Trojan condoms, is focused on not only supplying women with the necessary tools, but also with educating them and encouraging sexually active women at risk of STDs and unintended pregnancy to use condoms more frequently.

To stay SexySmart, we encourage women (and men!) to log online to communicate with a variety of sexual advisors and their peers, ask questions and educate themselves about their sexual health:


Join our Cause to help stop the spread of STDs in women.

Together we can make a difference. By protecting ourselves, we can also protect each other- uniting to eradicate STDs in women.

www.ElexaSexySmart.com

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Sunday, October 08, 2006

What Not to Do When You Get Dumped

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned. ~ William Congreve

After going through all the stages of grief, wallowing in self-pity, heartbreak, pain and disillusionment, naturally the first thing that pops to your head is revenge. The guy that you had all your hopes and dreams pinned on has shattered them into a million little pieces. You want him to feel the same pain you feel, all the hurt, all the torture and all the heartbreak. In your head you imagine that he has already moved on, and you drive by his house to check up on him. There is a piece of you that doesn't want to let him go, and it's that part that drives you to revenge.

There are some sure fire ways to get back at your ex, however, none of them are fool proof. You could have a roasting party ala Angela Basset in Waiting to Exhale, igniting all his possessions into a beautiful bonfire and toasting marshmallows over the flames. However, this is a sure fire way to also get yourself sued for damage to property...and you might end up paying HIM out the nose the full cost of his crap.

You could physically try to beat the crap out of him, like Jennifer Lopez in Enough. The drawback here is that you might injure yourself in the process, kill him by accident (or on purpose if you are strong enough) and once again Go to Jail without passing Go or collecting $200.

Bear in mind that you going to prison is not going to help the situation any. Can you imagine pleading your case in court for 'Temporary Insanity' or any other possible reasons why you caused him physical pain? Courts these days are not even as lenient as you might think. Besides the aggravation of going to court, count the cost before you decide to enact on your revenge.

A quote that comes to my mind is "Revenge is a dish best served cold." You could wait for a few weeks, a few months and then decide to take out your revenge, so that he doesn't automatically suspect you. One of my friends had all his mail re-routed to the Statue of Liberty.

Through most of my breakups, one of the best books that I read was by Alison James entitled, "I Used to Miss Him but Now my Aim is Improving." It is a sassy, confidant book that helps you all through the breakup process and shows you ways to get your ego back. It's not crazy for you to have thoughts of murdering your ex, and the author shows you through humorous ideas how to channel that energy and help you move on. She gives wonderful tips of revenge that aren't liable to get you arrested or injured; you can learn how to make a voodoo doll of your ex, take a road trip cross country and leave his number in all the gay bars you come across and get in good with his mom and sister so that they will constantly remind him how great you are and how well you are doing.

He already has the upper hand by breaking up with you...your best revenge would be to live the rest of your life well, find a better man that he ever could be and keep believing in true love and romance.

Your thoughts?

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Posted by Vixen @ 12:49 AM :: 7 trainees letting it rip!

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Thursday, October 05, 2006

Bye Bye Love

I got a question from one of our guy readers the other day. He outlined the course of his 3 month relationship to a lovely girl, a long distance relationship that entailed a date every 2-3 weeks to which they hung out, had a good time, and lots of amazing sex. Here's the question:
She's also known, from the beginning, that in approximately a year I'll be selling my house, quitting my job, and traveling solo around the world for at least a year. She also knows that when I return, I may not even come back to the same city or state.

That said, we've met many of each others' friends, we walk down the street holding hands, we're monogamous, and we do a sundry of other "standard" relationship-type things. I don't have any problem with any of this. So where's the question? Last weekend, amidst the throes of passion, she snuck out a little "I love you" in between, well, other sounds. She's never said it to me before, in or our of the bedroom, and her vocalizations during the act are typically ...ah, less well-formed, to put it politely. I didn't give any indication that I heard it (although it surprised me a bit), and I don't even know if she remembers saying it.

I'm curious as to what other girls think of this, given the picture I've painted. Does it sound likely it was just a reference to the activities at hand? Or perhaps that she's suppressing some growing affection, and it just slipped out? The only other times I've ever heard "I love you" during sex was in more serious, and longer-lived, relationships -- is "I love you" in the general sex-grunt-lexicon for you, dear reader, or is it does it retain a reserved station even then?

I believe communication is the best policy, but I'm interested to get some third-party perspectives before I broach the subject with her. I just don't want her to have any unrealistic expectations: I love what we have right now, but after two years and one round-the-world trip, I'm certainly not going to be the same person I am today.
Oh boy. No matter which way you slice this---Jenny is in for a heartbreak. And you are going to hand deliver it to her on a silver platter. You've been seeing her for 3 months now, and she's invested into this relationship. Especially when you started having sex with her. Great sex at that. Remember no matter how casual we ladies plan to be, once sex is introduced in the relationship, our hearts eventually follow along. The relationship has grown beyond a casual 'friends with benefits' situation the moment you guys started acting all 'couple-y'.

I feel her slipping it out during sex was a purposeful move on her part. She is testing the waters, trying to get your feelings of her, and knowing that she could always deny or blame slipping the phrase out during the heat of the moment. Her feelings are slowly growing for you, no matter how hard she's trying to fight them.

You might feel that you telling her upfront that you were going to travel for a year should be enough to absolve you of guilt and curtail her feelings but obviously that didn't work out. However, you have laid all your cards on the table from the very beginning of the relationship. She knew that you were leaving from the onset, and I don't see her trying to hold you back.

When you talk to her, be sure to tell her that the ball is in her court. You enjoy spending time with her, and like her, but you are still going to travel the world and follow your dreams as planned. It's not up to you to break up with her---it's up to her to end things if she thinks that it will hurt worse down the road when she's totally head over heels in love with you and you get on that international flight.

Noone knows how they are going to feel about someone years down the road. You can't promise her that. You can't promise her that when you come back you'll even have any feelings for her. You can't promise her anything except the here and now (and maybe a postcard along the way). If that is not enough for her, or she can't deal with it, then she has to do what is best for her.

Ladies, chime in on this one....what's a guy gotta do?

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Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Saying I Love You

Of all the relationship milestones, this is one that brings a thrill to my heart. It signifies (especially if it's mutual), that the relationship has gone past the lower stages of infatuation, lust and chemistry and developed into something more. It signals a strong attachment to the guy and has the hope of a bright, loving future.

However, once this milestone has been crossed, sometimes, saying I Love You becomes too nonchalant. Our society has trivialised the phrase to cutesy Valentine day cards and incentive for hidden agendas. Using it as an excuse or reason for one's actions frustrates me. Using it as a sign-off phrase or greeting tarnishes the important of those three words. Using it in the heat of a sexual moment diminishes the great capabilities that the phrase has. Using it to soothe me in the midst of an argument fires up my ire.

I'm a firm believer that every single time that I say I love you, I mean it, from the bottom of my heart. I actually do get that warm feeling and flutter and I strongly do feel the love brimming over. I strongly advocate that every single time he says it---he means it as well. This to me retains the power of the phrase, and the strength of it. I know that every single time he tells me he loves me---he means it.

Keep the power and emotion in your words. Don't be part of the society that diminishes love into less than it is. Don't use it to manipulate him into do what you want. Don't let it become routine and mundane. Don't use it as a reason for doing things that you know are inconceivable. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Say I Love You...when you honestly, truly do.

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Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Interracial Dating Survey Results!

Thanks to everyone for the well-wishes yesterday, I had such a total blast! Methinks I have the best friends/family in the world. And I'm posting a correction here as Mistress eloquently said, 26 isn't late 20s yet...hehehe.

Dr. Annie over at Smart at Love has collated the results of the inter-racial survey we took a few months ago. By the way, she's featured in October's issue of Cosmopolitan magazine illustriously on page 70 so be sure to check it out!

When I posted the “Interracial Dating and Relationships Survey” on my blog, Vixen encouraged the readers here to go take it. And I promised that when I got enough responses, I’d come back here FIRST and share the results!

Well, over 100 people (ages 16-58, 85% women, 15% men) have participated in the survey so far. The majority of participants (48%) described themselves as “Caucasian/White,” followed by “African/Caribbean/Black” (26.8%), and “Asian” (18%). All other races were represented at 5% and less.

Now, depending on what you personally think of people from different races getting together, the results of the survey so far could sound like good news……or bad news.

What’s clear is that the majority of people who have taken the survey have had some interracial dating and mating experience. In fact, 90% have been out on a date with a person from a different race, and 62% have been in a serious relationship with a person from a different race.

What’s so tempting to people about the idea of interracial dating?

While way over half of the participants in the survey reported that they didn’t even notice race -- and it was just about being attracted to an individual -- a majority of people agreed that the following is a major reason for being open to looking for love outside their own race:

“Finding love is hard enough without limiting my dating pool to people from my own race.”

Speaking of what’s tempting to people about the idea of interracial dating, how about alleged differences in sexual prowess based on race? On the survey, more than 20% of people said they believed that when it comes to being good at sex, certain races have a “definite advantage” over others.

That 20% was a bit higher than I expected, and I wish now that I had asked WHICH races they believe have that advantage…….and why!

And then, as one woman candidly described in her write-in answer:

“I get bored and sometimes men outside my race are most interesting and adventurous.”

So, how about the reasons that would stop people from getting involved with someone outside their race?

Although 41% of the survey participants reported that nothing would stop them from getting into an interracial relationship, two of the most common concerns were disapproval from family/friends, and being used by the other person simply for an “interracial experience.”

I was also interested in one woman’s write-in response to the question, “What might stop you from getting into an interracial relationship?” Here’s what she wrote:

“Relationships are hard enough as it is -- why add to it? But maybe that’s an excuse…”

So…….what do you think. Is that an excuse?

And thanks again to Vixen for promoting this survey, and for those of you who expressed your opinions on it already! It’s still available for people to take at SmartatLove.com.

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Monday, October 02, 2006

Happy Birthday to Me!

Yep, it's official, I'm now in my late 20s...no matter how hard I try to cling to the young 20s. It's a good thing I guess, living a whole whopping 'nother year. Thanks to everyone that has been such an invaluable source of encouragement and support this year both in real life and on the blogosphere.

If you are up for some reading, on my other blog HERE, I wrote an open letter to myself on the eve of my birthday. It is introspective and might shed some more insight to what makes me tick...

I'm off to LA for the week to hang out party hard in celebration with my friends out there but I will keep posting regularly---have no fear.

Happy Birthday to Me!!!! WOOHOO!!!!

Drinks for everyone:)

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Sunday, October 01, 2006

Sexual Safety

Liz wrote an excellent article on the Elexa blog on being a caretaker of your sexual safety.

How do I take responsibility for my sexual safety? I lock my door behind me. Every time. Laundry, run to the mailbox - every time. I work on clear communication about sexual situations. And let's face it, anyone trying to say that I picked them up in a bar and had consensual sex is going to have a hell of a time selling it because of who I am. That works for me.

If I'm meeting someone I don't know personally and a friend can't vouch, then I meet them somewhere. I don't get into cars, and I don't take men home from bars. I certainly don't put up personal ads to "hook up" with strange people in strange places. I've never even met a potential roommate or sold someone a piece of furniture without having someone else present, and if I had to I would at least send all available information to a friend and schedule a safety call.

If someone gets violent with you - and I certainly hope that never happens - absolutely, they are at fault.

But me, I make it my business to lessen the odds in my favor.

For each of us, our tendencies might be quite similar, more rigid or perhaps more lenient. But if anything, please ladies, let's just be AWARE at all times. Keep your sixth sense on and alert. You can never, ever be too safe when it comes to sexual predators, rape & assault. Always have a friend to watch your back if you know you are going to be excessively drinking that night and put your safety first at all times.

We've heard stories upon stories of girls who were abducted in parking lots and parties, never to be seen or heard from again. Don't become a statistic.

Stay safe. Stay smart.

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