Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Getting Over Love: Meet Brad

I got this question from a reader last week and want you ladies to pitch in with this one. He's a 20 year old guy that just got dumped by his girlfriend of 4.5 months. They were pretty close, had the same circle of friends and enjoyed alot of the same activities.

"She was the first girl I loved so much that I would sacrifice my well being for her love and for something that precious to fall out of your hands is just something of a feeling hard to describe. She was the kind of person you always look forward to see whenever you're happy, sad, lonely or just need someone to talk to. She wasn't just a gf... she was a friend and someone you could talk comfortably to, without leaving out any details to save your pride.

It's been 3 about 7 weeks since the break up and I thought I got over her but everything I do reminds me of her. Everyplace I go I think to myself, "she would of loved to have seen this or been here". I can't get her out of my head. There's still a part of me that wants to hold on to her and I don't like it. I WANT to move on but can't. I've tried everything from telling my self that she's a bitch, she'll regret it, I'm better off without her... everything people have recommended and they just can't seem to work. Her love has put a dent in my heart that I can't fix. And ever since the breakup I feal insecure about love, the way I look and everything about my personality.

Maybe I just feel lonely, or maybe I feel lost but I can't look at a girl the same way anymore. I just feel tangled in my heart, as if I have nothing to look forward to in life anymore. Please get back to me and tell me what you think I should do."

Brad hon, breakups are hard. There is no simple solution to getting over someone. There is no way to go around it, you just have to go through it. The emotions you have are valid, and the hurt is there to tell you something...You are still alive. You are still breathing. You are still here, and you aren't going to let her leaving you break you. Even though your life and relationship was closely tangled up with hers, you have to do alot of severance. Remember, you had a life before she saucily walked into it---so claim it back!

You have to start being more proactive in your future. The less time you have that you are doing nothing, the less time you have to think and mourn Miss Heartbreaker. Join social groups, make new friends, get involved in the community, volunteer, adopt a little brother, try new hangouts and restaurants, start new hobbies and build new memories. Sweets, you are going to be an aviator!! How cool is that? Why aren't you excited about that?

I'm all about wallowing in the pain for a few weeks, but dude---according to your blog, it's been almost 2 months. I have a theory that you should only wallow in the misery of a breakup for no more than half the time you guys were together. Which would give you just one more week of wallowing. After that you are just creating a shrine to lost love and preventing yourself from moving on to a bigger and better love.

Yes, she took your heart and trampled on it but that doesn't mean that she owns you. She's gone and it's up to you to pick up the pieces and move on. Yes, nostalgia hits at random times, even when you think you are over her, some song, word or thought will trigger memories that will bring up all those vivid emotions again. Don't be freaked out by it, it's just a natural part of letting go.

We've all been there the pain of heartbreak...falling in love should come with a large 'CAUTION: May cause Heartbreak' sign. But it doesn't. However that doesn't mean that you give up on love. The beauty of love is that each time you fall in love, you will feel all those wonderfully intense feelings of euphoria again. (It's a biological certainty.) I know that you think she was the best thing since Prometheus gave man fire, but honestly---her sh*t still stinks. Reading over your blog, she sounds like a spoiled little princess that always got her way. Not the kind of person that you should create a shrine of everlasting love to. Just my 2 cents.

It's not expected that you jump right in the saddle with a new chick, but eventually, one day in the not too distant future, you will realise that you haven't thought about her in days, in weeks, in months...! And who knows, by then you might have met a woman that wants to be with you as deeply and as much as you want to be with her.

Your thoughts?

Labels: Ask Vixen, Break Ups

Posted by Vixen @ 2:49 AM :: 5 trainees letting it rip!

Talk to Me!

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