Thursday, October 05, 2006

Bye Bye Love

I got a question from one of our guy readers the other day. He outlined the course of his 3 month relationship to a lovely girl, a long distance relationship that entailed a date every 2-3 weeks to which they hung out, had a good time, and lots of amazing sex. Here's the question:

She's also known, from the beginning, that in approximately a year I'll be selling my house, quitting my job, and traveling solo around the world for at least a year. She also knows that when I return, I may not even come back to the same city or state.

That said, we've met many of each others' friends, we walk down the street holding hands, we're monogamous, and we do a sundry of other "standard" relationship-type things. I don't have any problem with any of this. So where's the question? Last weekend, amidst the throes of passion, she snuck out a little "I love you" in between, well, other sounds. She's never said it to me before, in or our of the bedroom, and her vocalizations during the act are typically ...ah, less well-formed, to put it politely. I didn't give any indication that I heard it (although it surprised me a bit), and I don't even know if she remembers saying it.

I'm curious as to what other girls think of this, given the picture I've painted. Does it sound likely it was just a reference to the activities at hand? Or perhaps that she's suppressing some growing affection, and it just slipped out? The only other times I've ever heard "I love you" during sex was in more serious, and longer-lived, relationships -- is "I love you" in the general sex-grunt-lexicon for you, dear reader, or is it does it retain a reserved station even then?

I believe communication is the best policy, but I'm interested to get some third-party perspectives before I broach the subject with her. I just don't want her to have any unrealistic expectations: I love what we have right now, but after two years and one round-the-world trip, I'm certainly not going to be the same person I am today.

Oh boy. No matter which way you slice this---Jenny is in for a heartbreak. And you are going to hand deliver it to her on a silver platter. You've been seeing her for 3 months now, and she's invested into this relationship. Especially when you started having sex with her. Great sex at that. Remember no matter how casual we ladies plan to be, once sex is introduced in the relationship, our hearts eventually follow along. The relationship has grown beyond a casual 'friends with benefits' situation the moment you guys started acting all 'couple-y'.

I feel her slipping it out during sex was a purposeful move on her part. She is testing the waters, trying to get your feelings of her, and knowing that she could always deny or blame slipping the phrase out during the heat of the moment. Her feelings are slowly growing for you, no matter how hard she's trying to fight them.

You might feel that you telling her upfront that you were going to travel for a year should be enough to absolve you of guilt and curtail her feelings but obviously that didn't work out. However, you have laid all your cards on the table from the very beginning of the relationship. She knew that you were leaving from the onset, and I don't see her trying to hold you back.

When you talk to her, be sure to tell her that the ball is in her court. You enjoy spending time with her, and like her, but you are still going to travel the world and follow your dreams as planned. It's not up to you to break up with her---it's up to her to end things if she thinks that it will hurt worse down the road when she's totally head over heels in love with you and you get on that international flight.

Noone knows how they are going to feel about someone years down the road. You can't promise her that. You can't promise her that when you come back you'll even have any feelings for her. You can't promise her anything except the here and now (and maybe a postcard along the way). If that is not enough for her, or she can't deal with it, then she has to do what is best for her.

Ladies, chime in on this one....what's a guy gotta do?

Labels: Ask Vixen

Posted by Vixen @ 11:49 PM :: 3 trainees letting it rip!

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