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Thursday, July 26, 2007

1. Be Sure: You have to be mentally 100% sure that you want to do this. You have to take the plunge not just for your boo, but because YOU want to do it. If you are feeling like you should do it because he's pressuring you or because everyone is doing it, then you aren't ready. The reasoning should be because you are ready to unleash the wild vixen that is you and discover a whole new plateau of womanhood. The reasons should be about you.
2. Pick the Right Guy: From all the women I've talked to, majority of them all agree that if they would have picked a different guy, their first time would have been better. He should be patient, kind, considerate and gentle. And it helps if he doesn't have a huge cock. ;) Oh, and if he loves you genuinely, that's a huge bonus.
   
3. Set It Up: I'm not saying it should be a grand orchestrated event but it should be something sweet and romantic. Music, flowers, candles, bubble bath, lingerie all optional but add a little zing to the affair. The back of his truck won't do, neither will a park bench. It has to be somewhere that you feel safe, not afraid that his moms is going to come barging in the next minute or the cops are going to arrest you. Have protection & birth control covered so you don't have to worry about it. The only thing on your mind should be the intimacy and romance you are about to encounter, so don't let anything detract you from that.
   
4. Mentally Be There: Your mind is a huge factor in this journey. Your mind has the power to make or break the experience. Use the laws of attraction to your benefit and attract the positive energy of the universe all into your pussy. Your body will follow where your mind leads, so it will tense up and prevent him from entering if your mind is screaming 'Hell fuckin' no.' In addition, keep in mind that you still have control and the option to stop whenever you desire. You aren't obligated to do anything besides what you are comfortable with, and shouldn't feel pressure to do more. The ball is really in your court.
   
5. Prep: Try to relax with a massage, bubble bath, champagne and reading erotica to each other. This eliminates the intensity and stress of the moment. Remember, it's all about you!
   
6. Foreplay: You two should be pros at foreplay, but if not, this is the time to engage in it. Try going for at least 30 minutes. He has to make you orgasm at least once BEFORE he penetrates. Orgasming gives you lots of lubrication as well as helping to soften up the pussy and open it up some. It also relaxes you by releasing wonderful hormones into your bloodstream that will make you all happy and shizz.
   
7. Lubricate: Use that lube like it's on sale. For your first time, you can never have too much lube. Put some on both your pussy and his member, especially if he's wearing a condom. You can never have too much lube. Try holding your outer labia lips apart as he's going in, this will also cut down on the friction.
   
8. Penetration: Slow and steady wins the race. The best position for the first time is missionary. Homeboy needs to inch in slowly like he's going through a traffic jam. When he reaches the hymen, he'll be tempted to just plunge through, but you need to have a pact with him to go extra slow, one infinitesimal inch at a time. During foreplay, his fingers should have loosened up your vajayjay enough that he will be able to at least reach the hymen. After that, moving should be at your discretion. The hymen is very elastic, so when he does get more in, he will think it's broken but it still isn't. You should be taking deep breaths and relaxing your pubes. He will feel a slight pop when he's all the way through, and this shouldn't give him jackrabbit rights yet. Oh no...he still needs to go slow, ease all the way out, then all the way back in. Do this repeatedly until you are comfortable with it. Then you can increase the pace if you feel up to it.
9. Blood: As Mistress pointed out, you should be expecting blood. Some people bleed more than others, while some it's only a few drops that you won't even notice. You might wanna not use your white bedsheets for this, unless in your culture, y'all wave those white bloodstained sheets around. Go with something that is bleach-able and dark colored. Or get a hotel;)
   
10. Orgasm: Because you are so tight, he's probably going to cum quick, like in the first 10 minutes. Don't just lie under him like a slab of salmon, get into the groove, rub his shoulders, pull his hair, scratch his back etc. Your body should be in a fluid motion, allowing you to savor each part of the experience and at the same time participate fully in it. Remember that only 40% of women are able to orgasm with penetration, so if you don't, you can always try for next time. When he's done, tell him to be a good boy and finish you off as well. In addition, he knows it's his job to get you the ice/cold towel right? Good.
    
11. Cuddle: Every first time needs a lovely session of afterplay to round it off. It's just the ice cream on top of a very delicious cherry pie.
    

Labels: All About Sex

Posted by Vixen @ 12:21 AM :: 8 trainees letting it rip!

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Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Getting Trust Back

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 1/2 years and at the beginning of our relationship I cheated on him with his friend and he hasn't gotten over it. He recently, about two months ago, started talking to his friend again. My boyfriend says that he forgives me for what happen and he's forgiven his friend also. But in a recent argument he revealed that he didn't trust me and it would take a long time to regain his trust. So basically more than two years has gone by and it hasn't been enough time to regain his trust. This is a big road block in our relationship that I truly want to get past.

Truthfully? You're screwed, there's not getting past this. Sorry sweets, but you can give him your right kidney on a silver platter but he's never, ever going to be able to trust you again. Trust is a fragile thing, like fine china, and once it's broken, you can glue the pieces back together again but it will never be whole, true and unvarnished the way that it was. He might be able to trust you to a certain extent--but not wholeheartedly and never 100% like it used to be.

Put yourself in his shoes...would you have stayed in a relationship with him after finding out he slept with one of your girls? And if you did---would you ever be able to trust him? Now that the shoe is on the other foot, do you realize that maybe you might be asking ALOT from him? Are you still justifying, rationalizing and making excuses for cheating on him even years after the fact?

Try reading NOT "Just Friends" by Shirley P. Glass. Its a really solid book based on the premise of rebuilding trust and recovering after infidelity. That will also give you insight to what's going on in his mind, and why he's finding it so hard to trust you again. Perhaps with this insight, you can find new ways to restore the intimacy and trust you once had.

In addition, his friend returning to his life will definitely bring up the same feelings that he's experienced at the height of your betrayal, mainly because he now associates his friend with the whole incidence. It might also be nagging him at the back of his mind that now that Homeboy is back in the picture, you might do the same thing over again. Also there is the premise that 'once a cheater, always a cheater'. Years later, he will be able to still recount every single memory of this catastro-fuck and how it deeply affected him no matter how far you two have come.

I don't know how soon he forgave you, but it might be too quick in the grander picture. Some people forgive just to be 'good' people or because it's expected of them and if this is the case, then he might even still be harboring resentment, grief and depressive feelings about the fact that he's 'forgiven' you, feeling that you got off too lightly and don't deserve him. You need to also take this into consideration and have realistic expectations.

The sacrifice is now on your end if you want to make this relationship work. You have to step up to the plate, every single moment of every day and actually prove yourself to him that you are now and ever will be faithful. You have to be above blame, above blemish, and prove that you really have changed, deep down on the inside. Only through constant validation, a deep commitment and true inner transformation on your part can you two make it through. Get as much help from outside sources aka couples counseling, therapy, books, etc. as you can because you are going to need it.

Very few relationships make it past infidelity, but those that do find out that the victory is worth more than the hurdle. If you two make it through you will discover a deeper, more mature love, one that takes into consideration the most intimate aspects of your partner's joy and happiness. You will grow and bond together through the experience and by dissecting the relationship, taking it apart and building it up again, you will create a stronger foundation.

Good luck.

Labels: Ask Vixen, Cheating, Girl Talk, Relationship issues

Posted by Vixen @ 6:39 PM :: 1 trainees letting it rip!

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Monday, July 23, 2007

On Being a Nympho

Definition: A nymphomaniac is a person (usually used for women) that is a BIG ASS FREAK in the bedroom. She's a vixen with no problem expressing herself sexually, is very comfortable with her sexuality and has a thirst for adventure in the boudoir and beyond. She loves everything to do with sex and about sex, learns all that she can and is a huge participant in the sexual freak show. Usually a cock sucking fiend with sex moves out of this galaxy, a nymphomaniac is the epitome of what every woman wishes she could be in the bedroom, and what every man wishes he could have.

There are several different levels of nymphomaniacs and Vix the OEN has so eloquently put out a quiz HERE that you can take to see what level your are on;)

The thing about being a nympho is that in some cultures/countries, it's still considered taboo for a woman to be that into sex. It's considered a sin in some religions, with labels from whore and slut flying fast and furious whenever you are merely exhibiting your sensual nature. Even in the United States, there is still a huge group of people that label, judge and deride a lover of sex. On Sex & the City, the most sexually provocative show of our generation, it was the nympho that got cancer...the sex lover got "punished" for loving sex.

So to the young lady asking if being a Nympho is bad? Hell fucking no! As my other big ass nymphos will tell you, it's taking your essence and chi to a whole new level. There is much to be said about loving your body and all the sensual delights that it can bring. It's liberating and free, allowing yourself to ultimately focus on infinite joy. Being a nympho is not just loving yourself, but being a lover of pleasure. The elemental cultivation of pleasure on a moment to moment basis, whether it's the feel of velvet against your skin, the adoration of any nude form, the provocation of the five senses, the loss of all inhibitions and the joie de vivre that can be found in every moment; being a nympho is liberating, satisfying and deeply exhilirating.

A nympho doesn't need a man to satisfy her, she's quite capable of bringing herself to multiple orgasms all by her fine self. However, when she does choose a guy to share in the bliss he will count his lucky stars (if he doesn't, he's still repressed.) There was a reason that Cleopatra in all her plainness was able to snag those hotties, and it wasn't just because she was a queen.

Most men adore nymphos, they will secretly love the fact that you love sex. Especially if you happen to be the "grab him, suck him, ride him" type, or the nymph variety that wants to do it everywhere and anywhere, all the time. However, there still exists the myth that a man will not marry a nympho. Take it from one nympho to another...he will. The right guy for you will recognize that a fabulous nymph like you doesn't come by everyday and he will do his best to hold onto you. Now if he can keep up with you? That's a different story altogether.

So next time someone tries to mess with your head by calling you a nympho, be sure to reply, "Hells fuckin' yeah, I'm a Nympho, and damn proud of it!"

Labels: All About Sex

Posted by Vixen @ 12:25 AM :: 5 trainees letting it rip!

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Thursday, July 19, 2007

Okay guys, the big day starts in 4 hours. I'm so excited! I probably won't be around until Friday, so if you are wondering, I'm doing everything on that list I posted up on Monday. See you later!

Happy Birthday to the Fiance!

May you live long & thrive. J'taime.

Labels: Announcements

Posted by Vixen @ 4:52 AM :: 1 trainees letting it rip!

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Tuesday, July 17, 2007

On Being a Doormat

Definition: A doormat is a pushover, a person with very little backbone who doesn't stand up for his/herself. They are constantly pushed around and stepped on by others and they have a innate fear and inability to just say no.

I just finished watching the season finale of the Ex-Wives Club, and I must say, the dude on this episode was such a fucking doormat. Here's the scenario. He met a girl, dated her for a while and they got into a more serious relationship eventually getting married. Because rent is really expensive in California, girl ends up moving into his parents house. (I don't know if he was already living there with his parents).

Here's where it gets sticky. She cheats on him, then breaks up with him via instant messenger. On top of that, she has the audacity to still live in the house with him and his parents for several months after dating other men who come to pick her up while he waits for her to come home. The cast of Ex Wives Club ended up giving him an apartment fully furnished with the rent paid for a year. The choices are to move in by himself, give it to the Ex or move in with the Ex into the new crib.

What does this guy choose?

You guessed it. He fucking gave the apartment to the Ex. So now not only did she cheat on him, dump via the computer, break his heart and then date other men in his presence---she gets a fully furnished one year rent free apartment. I guess being a bitch does have it's perks.

Dumbass.

Epilogue: She's still living in the apartment 6 months later and her new boyfriend/sperminator is expecting her bundle of joy in a few more months. Man, she does give the Sisterhood such a bad rep.

Grrrrrr!

Doormat.

Labels: Girl Talk, Relationship issues

Posted by Vixen @ 5:24 AM :: 3 trainees letting it rip!

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Saturday, July 14, 2007

How Do You Know If You're a Couple?

Is there a halo of light surrounding you signaling to the world that you are a couple? Does it occur with the first kiss…or the first shag? If your man never really has articulated it, how do you know that you are a couple?

• Are you dating/sleeping with anyone else?: You do know not to totally stop dating once you meet a guy that you think is the right one for you right? We all do it, still date other people, until we are sure that this is the person you wish to be committed to.
• Is he dating/sleeping with anyone else? It’s been my experience that men generally lead the way in this regard. He usually stops dating/sleeping with other people weeks before he even articulates it to me. By the time he does tell you, recognize that he is stating that he is interested in you…and only you.
• Has he referred to you as ‘my girl’? When you get introduced to people, if he isn’t ready for couplehood he will keep this boundary. He will introduce you as Vixen, the lady he is dating/seeing versus My Girl. Once he says my girl, my boo, my honey…MY anything, then take this as another flag towards couple-dom.
• Does he help you with other things like defragging your hard drive, getting your car fixed etc? Guys tend to express their emotions in other ways too, that might not be seen by the casual observer as a romantic expression. If he offers to help you do stuff on a regular basis, he is investing his time and energy into you. Take that as a plus.
• Has he significantly inconvenienced himself in some way to see to your comfort? For example, dropping you off at the airport at 5am on a weekday morning, staying up late to wake you up for work/class on time. This is another big sign. If you were just a casual fling, he wouldn’t go out of his way in any direction. Inconveniencing himself puts him further out there. How many signs do you need woman?
• Have you met his friends? As addressed in When You Should Meet His Friends, you have to recognize this for the landmark that it is. He would only bring you to meet his friends if he was serious about you. Sharing what is important to him is a declaration of intent.
• Has he met your friends? You know for us chicks, this is a bigger question. Has he met your friends…and do they like him?
• Has he spent more than three nights over your place or you at his? Are these sleepovers getting more and more frequent?
• Have you talked to any of his relatives? Even if it’s just on the phone or via email, once again this should be considered a milepost. Think about how much your family harasses you that you are single…chances are his family does the same. So by bringing you/talking about you/introducing you to his relatives aka his Mom, he is setting himself up for years of holidays hearing, “Whatever happened to that good girl Vixen you brought home? She was such a nice thing! You let another great gal slip away!”

If most of these are yes, then chances are you have already become a couple. When you morph from that sexy single into the Conjoined Twosome, it isn’t a sudden process. It’s a gradual transformation where you begin consistently putting each other first, where you start running plans by each other, and where you spend a lot of free time together. Eventually, your lives become enmeshed and you have become a true duo.

Labels: Relationship issues

Posted by Vixen @ 7:09 PM :: 3 trainees letting it rip!

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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

When He Loses His Erection

I recently started dating a 35 yo man who is awesome and I love to pieces, but turns out is a virgin. It's all fine and good except for the fact that we can't seem to get to the end of things. Everything else he does do is great, the boy loves to make sure I have a wonderful time, and will give me what ever I need to get off. I am able to give him a bj or hand job to completion with no problems. Problem is we get to the point of needing a condom and his erection leaves. After that nothing will get it back. We have tried me putting it on and him putting it on, I've tried giving a bj while putting it on but nothing works. I'm not sure if it is the anxiety of doing it the first time or not since the mere mention of a condom starts the wilting. This is driving me crazy! I don't have the option of going with out it right now since I am not on BC. Any ideas?

Okay hun, I really want to help you here, but honestly this has never happened to me. I can give a few ideas though...

From the stories I've heard though, most erectile issues are mental/emotional hangups. The blockage isn't in his cock...it's in his head and he needs to work on relaxation techniques, deep breathing techniques and several minutes of foreplay to get him fully hard. If the problem persists, I would suggest him talking to a sex therapist. They can probe into this together.

Question for you...does he still remain hard when he's in your pussy without a condom? If he does, then it is an association about condoms. If he doesn't...well then, perhaps you should delve more on why he hadn't had sex for so many years by choice.

Another thing that occurred to me is that he might be batting for the wrong team. There might also be a history of sexual molestation or abuse, or negative upbringings and feelings surrounding sex. Personally I know that I was given a huge guilt complex about sex outside of marriage, and this carried over into my freedom and abilities in the bedroom.

Have him try masturbating, putting the condom on himself and jacking off in your presence. This might harden him up. Also remember that guys that masturbate alot tend to be de-sensitized eventually. So if he jacked off all through his 'virgin hood', it will definitely take alot more to keep him aroused.

If this still persists, you have to remember to PROTECT YOURSELF regardless of what you choose to do. You might have to abstain from sex until you find a suitable protection method. If you are in an exclusive monogamous relationship and you've both been tested for HIV & STDs (remember even virgins can get STDs), with conclusive results, and you just can't stop yourself from wanting to be intimate with him it's totally up to you if you want to go bare or not.

I'm opening this question up to the floor...what do you do with a shrinking cock?

Labels: All About Sex, Girl Talk

Posted by Vixen @ 8:41 PM :: 5 trainees letting it rip!

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Monday, July 09, 2007

When He Talks to His Ex, pt. 2

I have been dating my man for 3 years now. Recently while out on a date his ex called questioning him about why he hasn't returned her phone calls...he went into detail of his weekly schedule and was apologizing for being busy. He stated to me he hasn't seen her in 3 years, she's probably depressed because she broke up with her boyfriend. He wouldn't have had this conversation in front of me if something was going on. We have not spoken to each other in 3 days. Need help I love this man and want to marry him.

Okay sweets, here's the breakdown. He can't control how his ex acts---the only thing he has control over is how he is acting with her and around her, whether or not you are present. It sounds to me that even though you were there while conversing with her, he was still trying to maintain his untarnished image of a good guy in her eyes. That's why he apologized. Now going into detail about his life---that is just waaaaaay too much information to be sharing with an ex of over 3 years ago.

Unless they have a child together, I still stand by my view of exes maintaining their separate lives in their separate universes. Co-parenting aside, there should be no reason to hang out and chill with your ex.

I'm sure by now he's realized the error of his ways and is apologizing to YOU, trying to get back into your good graces. Unless this is a holding pattern or something that happens often, my advice is to just let it slide with a slap on the wrist. Something along the lines of, "It bugs me when you share TMI with your _____ (insert appropriate name here) ex." His response would be to ask why, and this is when you can share all your nitty gritty reasons ranging from the purely emotional to the purely instinctual.

Oh---heads up with the ex. She might be depressed and everything but for the fact that she's upset and your man is the first one she calls? Hmmm, sounds like a prime man stealer right there. Follow your instincts, but at the same time, have a level of trust for your man. Good luck!

Labels: Break Ups, Relationship issues

Posted by Vixen @ 6:12 PM :: 5 trainees letting it rip!

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Saturday, July 07, 2007

Damn!

I just noticed I barely wrote on here at all last week. Blame it on the new job, working nights and trying to get things ready for the Fiance going out of town in a few weeks and I've been a whirlwind of activity. I"ll do better...this week.

Oh...and happy 7/7/07.

Posted by Vixen @ 6:27 PM :: 0 trainees letting it rip!

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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Deep Throating

Definition: This is a verb describing taking your man's cock all the way down your throat as far as it can go and somehow managing to magically keep from gagging and still consistently give an amazing blow job.

I have a confession to make. I want to be a deep throating goddess. I want to be like this chick swallow that banana whole without tearing up, struggling through a gagging fit or choking. Actually my plan is to swallow the cock whole. Before the Fiance, I thought I could hang a little bit with the deep throating thing...until he presented me with his 9 inch cock. Ever since then, I had to resign my position and make him quite happy with all the other additives of a fabulous blowjob.

There has got to be a way that she did it. Why isn't she sharing her secrets dangnabit!!! I've watched the video dozens of times and still haven't been able to succeed at going anything past 5 inches. I've read the advice, tried relaxing, exhaled with it going down and even thought about numbing my tonsils to make it work.

So...does anyone have any ideas or tips? I'm determined that this will be one of his birthday gifts....grrrrr!

Labels: All About Sex

Posted by Vixen @ 7:05 AM :: 18 trainees letting it rip!

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