Bad Girl's Guide

Friday, April 27, 2007

The Thinking Blogger Award

Wow....I've been doubly nominated for the Thinking Blogger Award. It's an award given out by bloggers to bloggers that "Make Them Think." I don't really think that I am such a great thinker...I just write the first thing that pops into my head but I'm glad that those ramblings have made sense to some people...

Here's what delightful Virginia Belle had to say:
Yes. Vixen writes fantastic columns (posts? I dunno, they read like columns) about all things relationship-oriented. And she's always spot-on in her advice. Her topics are timely, she's not afraid to bring up taboo topics (which really appeals to the pervert in me) and she just reeks of womanly confidence and power. She shoots from the hip and is very fair in her views. *sigh* Women like her make me proud to be in the same gender.
Awwwww. If I were lighter you could see my blush. Thanks VB, you rock! And the Overeducated Nympho, who actually is my blog inspiration (Shhhh, she doesn't know this), said this as well:
".....because she’s smart about love in a way that I would like to be..."
AND...I just found out the Vics had nominated me for this as well (why she didn't tell me I have no idea!) She said:
Newly engaged and over the moon, (so head over and offer congratulations even if you don’t get sucked into the archives.) She offers dating advice and insights into the often complicated aspects of a loving relationship, I want to copy this lasses archives and save them for my kids (assuming I ever have any) reading this is the best advice I could ever give ‘em. (Though some posts may be password protected until they were of a ’suitable’ age)
Now I'm blushing hard core! You guys are so sweeeeet!

Here's where I come in. I'm supposed to pass this award along to five bloggers that make me think. So here we go....
  1. Smart at Love, because she really has a degree in this 'relationship' stuff and knows hardcore what she's talking about. Annie is all about identifying and examining the issues in ourselves before leaping into another doomed relationship, and I value her candid approach and she's helped countless women solve their dating dilemmas.
  2. D Unspoken, because her poetry rakes my soul and expresses such depth that my heart recognizes the essence and beauty of her dialogue. When I read anything she writes, I'm either nodding in understanding, perplexed and trying to figure out what's going on or shaken because she's expressed something that I've been unable to say.
  3. Sex & Moxie, even though I know she probably won't have time to do this, I have to hotlink her anyway. I adore reading her blog because she tells it like it is in a frank & honest manner. She doesn't sugarcoat or play nice, if you are being stupid, she will say you are being stupid. I love the fact that she encourages women to take control of their lives and accept the blame when they are in the wrong. Too often us ladies try to play the Victim card and Moxie is the first to say, 'Girl grow the fuck up!'
  4. Mistress Lounge, even though SHE DOESN'T POST AS MUCH AS I LIKE!!! I still have to say that she is a sexy, confident woman who knows what she wants from life, men and her career. She isn't afraid to talk about anything---and I mean anything from limp dicks to porn stars, Mistress truly has a voice in the blogosphere. I feel like she's my soul sista from another mother. The first day I read her blog...we ended up simultaneously reading our archives...at the same time. Now that is synchronicity. If I ever come to AZ, I'll definitely be looking you up Missy.
  5. Overwhelmed Naija Babe, because she's the first Nigerian blogger that I met who blogs as real live actual person. She lays it all out on her blog...so much of her life and past that you feel like you actually *know* her. She goes into details about her history, her relationships and her sex life in a way that makes you feel like you are peeking into her soul. She's so honest and gritty...and most Naijas can't roll with that. She's taken ALOT of heat in the last few months but she's remained herself through everything. I admire that so much.
  6. The Overeducated Nympho, I know we aren't supposed to nominate someone that nominated us (which is why she isn't in the top 5)...but she really does make me think like crazy. Whether it's new sex tips, frank talk about boys or how to love yourself and be yourself in spite of yourself, OEN makes me think in every single post she writes.
Okay that's my final list. It took a great deal to actually select a few because there are soooo many awesome blogs I read on a consistent basis. But these are the women that every time they post...they make me think. Congratulations!! Your turn.

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Posted by Vixen @ 12:21 AM :: 9 trainees letting it rip!

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Thursday, April 26, 2007

The Gotta Get Goals Challenge

Life has no limitations, except the ones you make. Life takes on meaning when you become motivated, set goals and charge after them in an unstoppable manner. ~ Les Brown

Marjie recently tagged me on her blog for this great meme including goals. Being an avid list maker, I thought this would be no problem for me, but here I am pondering what goals to actually put down. It's a meme taking over the blogosphere, and the instructions are to hotlink the origin, so I present you the blog where it all began~ Gotta Get Goals.

The quest is to list 5-10 goals with equal explanations. That's the purpose. Okay, enough chitchat---let's go.
  1. Become the best version of me. I want to grow into the best person that I can be. I want to share my gifts with the world, fulfill my purpose on this earth and leave something for future generations. I want my daughter to respect me and want to learn from me the way I look up to my mother. I want to make less mistakes, learn from the past, and grow into a wonderful person. I want to become the one and only, unique woman that God intended for me to be.
  2. Vixen, Wife & Mother. I never thought I had a maternal or domestic bone in my body, but the last year has proven to me that I do have great stores of love that I am fully capable of sharing. I'm not as selfish as I used to be/thought I was, and actually more responsible. I want to maintain a lovely household with good energy and wonderful children. I want to be a fabulous wife, one that my hubby is proud of, one that epitomizes the virtues of character. I want to surpass the expectations of what 'love' is and further develop a full and deeper connection with my man. I want our relationship to be one that keeps on sizzling and growing day after day, year after year.
  3. Vixen, Author. To be more specific, a New York Times Bestselling author. I want to get published and be one of the voices of our generation. I want the words to flow as fluidly as they do in my head unto paper and for someone to see my work and go...oh yeah, she's really helped me see this differently. I want to write something that brings about some sort of change in people's lives.
  4. Vixen, World Traveller. I'm sure this is on most peoples list, but I'm actually going to do it. The world and all it's cultures is fascinating to me and my ideal life would be to travel all over the world and write my memoirs. I want to become an expert expat and live outside of my country of origin/naturalization. I want to settle for a few years here and there, exploring different parts of the world from Australia to Asia to the Fuji Isles...I want to see it all.
  5. Vixen, Cunning Linguist. I want to be quinti-lingual or more. In each country I travel to, I want to be able to speak and understand the national language. Thankfully the Rosetta Stone thing will help out alot.
  6. Vixen, Millionaire. I want to make enough money doing what I love, and what I do well that I can eventually invest and make my money start to work for me. That way I can have the money, energy and time to focus on more important things, like the different foundations that I plan to start/help run, raising money for sickle cell research and becoming a UN Ambassador.
  7. Vixen, Octogenarian. I want to live. I want to live far longer than the average mortality rate of people with sickle cell . I want to celebrate my 50th birthday, and see my 60th as well. I want to watch my children/grand kids grow up. I want to be one of those super cool old ladies that life is still peachy sipping on margaritas at 85. I want to live.
Okay, those are the top 7 things. Now...here's the fun part, I get to tag five people to do this. I think I'll just tag the last few people that commented on my blog. Even if I don't tag you, please do it anyway if you have a moment, it's a great way to view your future success and also look back and see where you have come from.

The five people tagged here are the last five people that commented on the blog. That would be Teri, Mistress, Black Venom, Vics and since RL Drama Queen was on the last list, I'm going to have to throw in at random...the Overeducated Nympho. I can't wait to see your lists.

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Posted by Vixen @ 12:05 AM :: 8 trainees letting it rip!

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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

His & Her Diary

HER DIARY:
Friday night, I thought he was acting weird.
We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee.
I was shopping with my friends all day long,
so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet
so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.
I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing."
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too."
When we got home I felt as if I ad lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant and absent.
Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed.
I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation
but he had fallen asleep.
I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.
I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY:
Today Tigers lost the football game. DAMN IT.

Posted by Vixen @ 11:16 PM :: 5 trainees letting it rip!

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Hot Seat Tuesday

Okay, I'm going to be at work all day today so I leave the blog into your capable hands. Speaking of which, I should probably go to bed. Before I do, here is a cool personality test that I took today that was so interesting that I just had to share with you guys.

According to the test, I'm a faithful woman who likes nasty, wet sex (totally true). My life priorities are love, family, career, pride and money...exactly in that order. It's a cool test supposedly by the Dalai Lama, that gauges the answers based on what you respond.

The gist is just to be honest, type the first things that come to your mind and then read the results. And if you are brave enough, you can post the results over here for us all to laugh at.

Work it out here.

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Posted by Vixen @ 1:11 AM :: 9 trainees letting it rip!

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Monday, April 23, 2007

When He Acts Differently

My boyfriend and I for the most part have a great relationship. Our roles are kinda backwards, he's the one whose a little more sensitive and I'm the one who can be insensitive and a little cold. But my boyfriend goes through phases. For the most part that's how we are, but then there are times where all of a sudden he feels like becoming "more manly" and leaves the little things such as a good morning texts or calling up to me. I hate it because when he becomes like that, I turn into a huge emotional sensitive wreck. Basically we switch roles. Why do you think he does that and what should I do because i take it kinda offensively when he acts really manly because I'm not used to it from him.

Your guy actually sounds nice, sweet and thoughtful--and you are right, you do sound like the alpha dog in the relationship. I honestly think he backs off once in a while because he's starting to feel taken for granted and he wants you to put more effort into the relationship and show to him that you do care. Calling him and texting him when you don't hear from him is a sign that you are concerned enough about him to check if he's still breathing. Even though to you might seem like a little thing...to him it proves you level of adoration.

I think that the routine of your calling/texting dynamic has been set as you being the receiver of his admiration/attention. This is quite flattering and you probably have come to enjoy it alot. You should take initiative and be the giver, set a reciprocal standard and call him 'just to hear the sound of his voice,' to see how his day is going, and to tell him what naughty underthings you are/aren't wearing.

I'm sure that if I was the only one calling my man all the time with no obvious show of his admiration I would back off too. Not only as a pride issue, but because I would start feeling more emotionally invested in the relationship than he is and of course that would hurt my feelings. Truthfully though, it would make me annoyed enough to verbalize what my underlying issues are knowing that he will fix the problem once he knows what it is. But that's just me.

As for him acting manly, consider this---he's a man first a foremost. He might be a sweet guy, even a sensitive guy; but he's still a man. The manly thing will always be there...perhaps in a dilute state when he's around you...but it will ALWAYS be there. Have you noticed a pattern in the macho attitude? Like maybe it's after he's been hanging out with his guy buds, talking to you in their presence or around them while he's with you? He might just be showing off in front of his friends that you don't have him so whipped and wrapped around your finger.

You have to consider this---one of the faces is an act and one is the real him. Now figuring out which is real is the dicey part. You can do this just by talking to him, after all, communication is the benchmark of an ideal relationship. Express to him that you aren't sure what the Macho Attitude is about and that you don't know if that's his mask or his real face and you just want to know what you're dealing with.

Okay Alpha Babe, go call your man right now and put in the effort. He sounds like he's worth it, and the benefits you will reap by going the extra mile are definitely worth the few minutes it takes to check up on him.

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Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Why are Women So Complicated?

I'm sure that this is one of those questions that has many a guy confused and wondering in sheer frustration how to deal with this enigma wrapped up in a conundrum called Woman.

She is bestowed with all the ASSets and virtues and form that would make you fall in love with her, and all the idiosyncrasies that you find so cute. She's adorable, gorgeous, intelligent and at times you feel like she can read your mind. She's amazing in bed, treats you like a king and throws down like in a boss in the kitchen. She's the perfect woman for you. She's the perfect lady.

But she drives you absolutely crazy! And you have no idea why or what to do. It seems like when everything is rosy, something makes her totally ballistic and she morphs from sweet and nice to fire and spice. Allow me and the Bad Girls to help...here's a short list of the possible reasons that she is flipping the script and making you almost pull out your hair in utter defeat.
  1. You said something that pissed her off: Solution~As soon as you realise that you put your foot in your mouth...apologize. Telling her that she's delusional or trying to defend your position will only further prick her ire.
  2. You forgot something...very important: Perhaps an anniversary, even if it is the anniversary of your first smooch, kiss and tumble, we usually have it down to the day. Forgetting once in a while is not bad, but we've gotten pretty good at dropping HUGE hints. So after getting hints, if you still forget...you are usually in for it. Solution: Make every day special...even if you aren't sure of when it is...make it special by bringing your A game to the table. She'll be so bowled over by your random acts of sweetness that when you do forget something, you won't get so reamed for it. (You'll still get it...but not as much).
  3. She feels underappreciated: Some of the time when we kick a fit, it's because we aren't feeling validated and appreciated. There are so many things behind the scenes that we do that you guys don't even notice...and after a while we start to feel taken for granted. So the fit is just an expression of look at me, pay attention to me! Solution: Express your gratitude everyday...it might have to be a conscious effort at first---but eventually it will become a part of you. We go googoogaga when you manage to open that bottle with your big, strong arms, so throwing a little appreciation our way won't go amiss.
  4. She's hormonal: I know you guys think we use this as an excuse for EVERYTHING...but graciousness, you really don't want to go through the hormones that we endure every freakin' month! It's a constant swing of estrogen today and oxytocin overload the next day. Biology shows that the hormonal changes actually happen for approximately 14 days out of the month (almost half the month man ugh!). I'm not even going to go through the 7 Dwarves of PMS but stock up on snacky foods, ice-cream and chocolate and we'll try to keep the bitchy element under control.
  5. Intuition: We know deep down that you are not the one, and we aren't listening to our inner voice, instead, we punish ourselves by continuing the relationship with you and you will bear the brunt of our inner fight. Subconsciously, we push you away because we know that you are not the one, but on another level, we bring you in...we aren't ready to face the real Mr. Right.---This point was sent to me via email...get a load of that...what do you think?
Okay I'm leaving the rest up to you fabulous ladies...clue them in will ya? I'll amend the list as the comments roll in.

Posted by Vixen @ 2:11 PM :: 7 trainees letting it rip!

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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Hot Seat Tuesday

I'm slightly under the weather this week so I'll keep this short and sweet.

What is the nicest thing a member of the opposite sex has ever said to you?

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Monday, April 16, 2007

Re: 100 Reasons I Hate My Husband....

Okay everyone, I know that there are like 100 hits a week for people looking for vanishing Christine. She deleted her blog by accident, lost the domain name and everything so had to start fresh with a brand new blog. The flavor isn't as distinctive as when John was stinking up the place, but it's still the same Christine that we've grown to adore. So, without further ado....*drumroll please*,

The new link to Christine's blog, formerly of 100 Reasons I Hate my Husband is...

http://whostolemypeanutbutter.blogspot.com/

I have no idea what's behind the new name...I'm just the messenger. Enjoy.

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Blowjob Tips of the Week

As sex kittens, we are always trying to find new things to spice up our sex life. Well, courtesy of yours truly, I found 2 great moves that are guaranteed to add a little zing to your blowjobs. Some of you might have read about this somewhere, but both came to me this week out of sheer inspiration---with much success.

The Naughty Vixen Graze: Instead of giving your normal deep and hard blowjob, try going softer for the whole blowjob. Normally us girls go soft in the beginning and get harder with our lips and motions as he gets more into it. This move totally flips the script however, keeping it soft for the whole blowjob. The key to this is to just graze your lips softly over his penis as if you were barely touching it. The softer you go, the more sensitized his nerves become trying to fully embrace your touch. Science proves that hard pressure de-sensitizes the nerve-endings and you end up having to go harder and harder just to get him off. This naughty move takes it to a whole new level using the alternate principle. Your lips are to feel like a soft cocoon, butterfly kisses and barely imperceptible, like you are barely touching him. The warm air will circulate better in your mouth and around his shaft adding more sensations as well. No matter how much he tries to get you to go harder...resist. The longer you hold out, the more amped up he will be. As usual, try to go as far as you can go down his shaft and maintain your rhythm but keep your motions delicate, like butterfly wings. Keep this motion up for the duration of the blowjob and he will beg you to remember this move.

To amp up this move: Place your fingers lightly over his shaft as well, gently touching him as if you were playing the piano. Every motion has to be soft...like you are delicately stroking a baby. With your tongue, flick slowly up and down the bottom side of his cock as your tongue softly flicks the top. The dual motion will drive him quite close to an orgasm within minutes.

The Mini Double Blowjob: You've probably kissed his big toe before, and some of you have probably lathed it...but have you ever given his toe a blowjob? There is a direct neural pathway from a man's big toe straight to his penis...one that sizzles with fire but is rarely utilized. Hopefully your guy has nice feet...and clean feet to do this on. The key to this saucy move is to maintain eye contact while sucking off his toe. Then aka trail your mouth, tongue and lips on it as if it was a real penis. Pay special attention to the pad of the toe, as well as the crease between the other toes. Change feet after a few minutes and he'll get the same wonderful rush all over again. After that...you can head directly to his cock and he'll be more than ready.

To amp up this move: Shift your body so that your ass is in his full view. You could just lay either 90 degrees or right on top of him in an opposite direction. For your visual man, it's a sight from heaven, especially if you are in sexy underwear.

If any of you ladies try this..ask your guy to rate it and please report back:)
Does anyone else have great blowjob tips to share? Leave after the jump and I'll add it on later. Have a lovely Monday.

Posted by Vixen @ 4:32 AM :: 4 trainees letting it rip!

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Friday, April 13, 2007

Hola!

Okay okay...I'm still in a romance induced haze/excitable high. It's hard enough to float back to earth, let alone come up with a nice post for today. Cut me some slack will ya?

Posted by Vixen @ 2:20 AM :: 7 trainees letting it rip!

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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Why Get Married, part 3

I must ask though, how did you know that this is what you want to do with your life? Maybe I'm a little young but I've been wondering about the whole marriage concept, why do people do it and why do most people (not just women) have this general desire to be married? I have talked to a few people about it and the general answer is because they don't want to be lonely, but when did we/society become so dependant on the companionship of someone else?

Hey babe, did you read this and this post from last year? We discussed the whole getting married thing from both sides of the aisle and alot of solid points were raised that you might find interesting.

I think it's our human frailty and biological makeup to search for companionship. We want to believe that in this world of pain, grief, chaos and wars, there is one person that totally 'gets' us and will stand by us through thick and thin. As idealistic as it sounds, many of us were raised believing that the marital state is the end all and be all of every relationship. Most religious faiths are based on the unity of family, and growing up we saw examples of marital bliss. Our peers, families, media and society all send us the message that once we reach a certain stage in our life, we should settle down in marriage.

The tide has turned in the last decade however, with many prominent couples choosing to stay together and not get married, ex. Oprah & Steadman, Goldie & Kurt, Angie & Brad etc; in addition to the multitudes of couples who led the way.

Not only that, but recent polling proves that 51% of American women are happily single, fabulous and loving it. Part of this equation is the successful and fantastic 70% of African-American women who claim that they don't 'need a man' to complete them and are living independent lives with or without men.

Our generation has proved that we can be all and do everything we set our mind on as women, even surpassing previous records set by the guys themselves. We excel in the work place, in outer space, in the kitchen as well as the bedroom, and manage to multi-task and juggle a full life complete with responsibilities, children and bills. There are millions of single mothers out there who are proving that raising good children is attainable without a male figure.

However, every single one of these women will agree that nothing beats having the warm embrace of your man to settle into after a long, hard day. There is a biological connection between men and women, and as much as we fight it, at the end of the day it magnetically calls us like a siren to a sailor.

Mother Nature wants the Earth fully populated. And she is going to do whatever it takes to get you there, including filling us up with hormones & pheromones, making us both equally attracted to each other no matter how hard we fight it. Companionship is universally sought by all, it's an instinctual thing that has been prevalent since the dawn of time. It's always been there sweetie, as humans we crave that closeness and understanding...perhaps you just haven't noticed it.

Personally, I was raised believing in the sanctity of marriage, yet scoffed at the idea of getting married before I had done everything on my 30 things to do before I'm 30 list. In addition to that, I never thought I would find the right guy for me, so I decided to live life without the bonds of matrimony as happily and fantastically as I could.

However, as cheesy as it might sound, meeting the Boyfriend, the Fiance, getting to know him, realising our true connection and the depths of our love against all odds just further opened my eyes to the fact that it was a viable possibility within my grasp. If you had asked me 2 years ago, I probably would have been like you, more on the declaration of independence tip, than on the realisation that living single was great, but couple-hood is so much better. Getting married is just the icing on top of an already delicious red velvet cake.

To the happily single, what do you think of this? Do you plan to be married? Do you see yourself married eventually?

To the happily married, what made you decide to commit to this one person till death do you part? What makes you stay with them year after year? What makes marriage so frickin' great?

To the happily divorced, did you think your ex was the One when you married him? What are your thoughts about marriage? Do you think that you'll ever get married again? Knowing what you know now, if you could do it all over, would you have gotten married in the first place?

Further Reading:
Why Get Married?
Why Get Married, part 2

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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Hot Seat Tuesday

Champagne all around!!! I'm very, very giddy right now. The pictures speak for themselves. What you want to ask, is totally up to you....

YAY!!! *doing cartwheels*

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Monday, April 09, 2007

Nursing Program with Free Tuition


The nursing scarcity is projected to go on for several more years. If you've ever thought of getting into nursing, now is the time to do it.

If you know of anyone between 18-28 years old, interested in the Nursing field, University of the District of Columbia (UDC) is offering FREE tuition, FREE books, a $250 monthly stipend, and guaranteed job placement as a nurse at Providence Hospital upon graduation (it's a 3 year program) with a starting salary of $40,000. The program is recruiting new students now!!
Please contact Ms. Beshon Smith (202) 266-5481 or email Bsmith@urbanalliance.org

More information can be found HERE. Unfortch, I found out it's only for DC residents or those who can show 3 months of documented residency in DC...

Please share with others whether they can use info or not. They might know someone who can!

Posted by Vixen @ 11:11 PM :: 2 trainees letting it rip!

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Saturday, April 07, 2007

When She's Being a Bitch

Mercy! I go away for a day and get slammed with all these questions. I'm not going to re-post the entire question here because it's too long, so head over to yesterday's post and read the comments section. Basically, an Anonymous guy wanted to know if 'being yourself' gives you a license for wrongful behavior, and if you aren't a nice person, shouldn't you see that as a flaw and try to work on it?

It is quite catastrophic when a woman pretends to be something she's not. Especially when she's hiding her true self, be it ugly, nasty, moody and bitchy; you should show this to your man so he knows what he's in for. Contrary to popular opinion, you don't lose someone by being honest with them, they actually get more respect for you no matter what skeletons you end up revealing.

Unless her moodiness is caused by the onset of a medical condition, mental illness or external factors like grief and mourning, there is no excuse for her constantly being 'moody'. We can't even attribute this to her star sign. She has issues. Deep, deep issues.

I'm a great believer in not changing for anyone, however when you are making a positive change then I'm all for it. Being constantly moody isn't a good thing, so asking her to work on it for the sake of your relationship isn't asking for too much. Having negative energy around you doesn't help you feel good about life, so I can understand taking a break when she gets particularly nasty.

It seems to me that there might be alot of stuff going on in her life that she's doesn't have control over hence the downward spiral of her emotions. Remind her that only she can make herself happy. As much as you have feelings for her, the moodiness does affect you and puts a negative slant on your relationship.

Explain to her that you deeply care her and enjoy her company, but you are really upset and affected by her constant complaining, nagging and moodiness. This is why to protect yourself you try to stay away, but obviously she doesn't appreciate this. Let her know that you don't want to be a doormat for her to walk all over whenever she's upset. Be sure to tell her that you are there for her, and want to talk to her about whatever her problems are and that you would like to help her. "But I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong." Explain that you can deal with some of the mood swings, but your thresh hold is rapidly approaching overflow. Tell her pretty much what you just told us.

Be firm, emphatic and direct. Sometimes when we are being extremely moody us girls do want a man to balls up and tell us how it is. Try to broach this discussion while she's in a good mood, if that ever happens! You might have to bribe the good mood forward with a pint of her favorite ice cream or chocolate.

At the end of the day you have to evaluate if the relationship is worth all the drama, mood swings and bitchiness you have to put up with. Is she worth it? It looks like she's getting lax and not even putting much of an effort into the relationship anymore. Perhaps a wake up call like this talk will be just what she needs.

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Friday, April 06, 2007

Being Yourself

Dwacon had a question on Wednesday's post that I simply had to answer. Why is it that being yourself is the last thing some girls want to be?

For starters, a woman has to know herself before she can even be herself. Most of our character, personality traits and habits are formed from our childhood, but they are garnered from our peers, family and role models. We don't start shaping into our true selves until we hit mid-20s, which is when most people discard the roles that they don't agree with, learn more truths about life and choose their path. The 20s is the generational period of self-awareness and growth. We find ourselves here and solidly discover who we are and what we are capable of.

Teri actually stated something that makes total sense and so I'm going to add it on in here.
"I think that's it a bit optimistic to think a woman knows herself by the time she's in her mid to late twenties. It is a life long journey and often a case of two steps forward, one step back (one hopes). I'd say a large beginning growth spurt happens in your twenties, then a huge leap in your thirties, then the realization in your forties that the only thing you've really discovered is that you really don't know anything at all! I can't wait to see what the fifties have to offer!"
So, if you are dating a woman in her early 20s, chances are she still doesn't know much about the person she is yet. She is most probably still in that growth period and will conform to expectations because she doesn't want to disappoint you. We like to please our men, and so we become more flexible and yield to his idea of what he wants in a woman.

Our inner core of resolve and knowing ourselves comes through our own life experiences that will eventually shape us into the person we become. Although sometimes it's a bitter pill to swallow, every experience holds a lesson that will help us eventually reach self-actualization.

Another reason women aren't themselves is because of fear and insecurity. We might know who we are, but are afraid to reveal the full depths of our person due to rejection in the past, hurt, baggage or fear of you not liking us the way we are. So we keep up the mask, the front that is agreeable and non-confrontational knowing that if you reject the mask, it won't hurt as much because that's not the real us.

The thing about the mask is that after a while, it becomes easier and easier to slip into it until eventually we find ourselves never taking it off. The fakeness and forced hilarity becomes second nature to us and rarely does the genuine real person ever shine through. This is the worst part of not being yourself, because now not only are you lying to everyone else, you are also lying to yourself.

Ultimately I know that we all reach a stage when we are done being people pleasers and just don't give a fuck anymore. Apparently it's usually in our mid to late 20s. We've learned enough and finally realise that bending over backwards doesn't solve the problem, instead just adds to it. This is the thresh hold that actually leads to us becoming our true selves and we cling to our own beliefs, character traits, habits and personality that we have come to love with ardent devotion.

Your thoughts?


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Posted by Vixen @ 1:52 PM :: 11 trainees letting it rip!

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Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Being Yourself in a Relationship

I had a girlfriend over this weekend, and we were talking about...what else...? Our wonderful, fantastic, amazing and adorable men. A comment she made about her beau had me thinking. "With Lloyd, I can be myself at all times. I don't have to put on a happy face or pretend."

It wasn't until she said that that I realised that in all my previous relationships, I had been pretending. Not with the basic things about myself but staying mostly in that "Good Girlfriend" zone and not letting the real me come out.

See the real me, is the ultimate Libra. Libras are two forces combined into one person. We're like the ying & yang, id & ego constantly battling each other for supremacy, swinging extremely from one side of the spectrum to the other. The quest of a Libran is balanced and it's only when we are in the middle that we are our happiest. Every single thing you've heard about a Libra---the good and bad, that's the real me. When I'm good, I'm charming, sociable, kind and generous. The other side can be selfish, self-absorbed, mean, confused, insecure and have wildly swinging emotions that even I don't understand. I've been keeping the good side up, but no one ever, ever saw the bad side in it's full glory. Sometimes of course, elements of the bad side would come out, but never in a sufficient amount to counteract the good side.

This probably makes utterly no sense at all, but I actually have put it all on the line and let it ALL hang out, more than I ever have before. It's liberating that I don't have to hold up a visage or a front. I can just be myself...ALL THE TIME. He's man enough to handle me in all my dizzying array of emotions, actions and thoughts.

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Posted by Vixen @ 2:59 PM :: 9 trainees letting it rip!

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Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Kissy Kissy =Sicky Sicky

Hey everyone,

I've been battling a cold/sore throat that a certain someone aka the Boyfriend, saw fit to pass through a series of very hot and stimulating kisses. Truthfully, he didn't want me kissing him but I couldn't help myself---so I guess I shouldn't complain right?

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Posted by Vixen @ 9:14 PM :: 3 trainees letting it rip!

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