Bad Girl's Guide

Friday, April 06, 2007

Being Yourself

Dwacon had a question on Wednesday's post that I simply had to answer. Why is it that being yourself is the last thing some girls want to be?

For starters, a woman has to know herself before she can even be herself. Most of our character, personality traits and habits are formed from our childhood, but they are garnered from our peers, family and role models. We don't start shaping into our true selves until we hit mid-20s, which is when most people discard the roles that they don't agree with, learn more truths about life and choose their path. The 20s is the generational period of self-awareness and growth. We find ourselves here and solidly discover who we are and what we are capable of.

Teri actually stated something that makes total sense and so I'm going to add it on in here.
"I think that's it a bit optimistic to think a woman knows herself by the time she's in her mid to late twenties. It is a life long journey and often a case of two steps forward, one step back (one hopes). I'd say a large beginning growth spurt happens in your twenties, then a huge leap in your thirties, then the realization in your forties that the only thing you've really discovered is that you really don't know anything at all! I can't wait to see what the fifties have to offer!"
So, if you are dating a woman in her early 20s, chances are she still doesn't know much about the person she is yet. She is most probably still in that growth period and will conform to expectations because she doesn't want to disappoint you. We like to please our men, and so we become more flexible and yield to his idea of what he wants in a woman.

Our inner core of resolve and knowing ourselves comes through our own life experiences that will eventually shape us into the person we become. Although sometimes it's a bitter pill to swallow, every experience holds a lesson that will help us eventually reach self-actualization.

Another reason women aren't themselves is because of fear and insecurity. We might know who we are, but are afraid to reveal the full depths of our person due to rejection in the past, hurt, baggage or fear of you not liking us the way we are. So we keep up the mask, the front that is agreeable and non-confrontational knowing that if you reject the mask, it won't hurt as much because that's not the real us.

The thing about the mask is that after a while, it becomes easier and easier to slip into it until eventually we find ourselves never taking it off. The fakeness and forced hilarity becomes second nature to us and rarely does the genuine real person ever shine through. This is the worst part of not being yourself, because now not only are you lying to everyone else, you are also lying to yourself.

Ultimately I know that we all reach a stage when we are done being people pleasers and just don't give a fuck anymore. Apparently it's usually in our mid to late 20s. We've learned enough and finally realise that bending over backwards doesn't solve the problem, instead just adds to it. This is the thresh hold that actually leads to us becoming our true selves and we cling to our own beliefs, character traits, habits and personality that we have come to love with ardent devotion.

Your thoughts?

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