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Monday, February 20, 2006

1. We like the Drama: Yeah, you might say that you are drama free and want no drama, however, humans have a thirst for adventure and action on a consistent basis in order to stimulate their humdrum lives. Mayhap seeking out the wrong guys helps alleviate this thirst. My suggestion....take up bungee jumping or some other thrill seeking sport and give up the man drama.
2. We like to Fix Stuff: There is nothing greater than the sense of accomplishment one gets from taking care of a problem or fixing something. Or someone. We seek the emotionally unavailable man, the bad boy, or the one with a broken heart in the hope that we might be the one to reform and fix him. Imagine what a coup it will be to be the one lady who tamed the prowling, philandering tiger! This ideology does have it's merit, however...not every tiger is ready to be tamed. Also, did you consider the ramifications if you didn't tame him and he turned around a took a huge chunk of your heart? In our quest to setting the world to rights, sometimes you have to overlook the men that need babying, nurturing and mothering. Let's stop playing nurse/mommy and deal with mature men. Ok?
3. We Need to be Fixed: Sometimes, we start dating while still having unresolved emotional issues of our own. As said in previous posts, you really aren't ready for love until you truly love yourself. We search and seek for love in all the wrong places and wrong men in an attempt to punish ourselves for some real or imagined slight in our lives. We feel that we don't deserve a good man and so pick the wrong ones on purpose. Look, you have to be able to move past your guilt and FORGIVE yourself for what happened those many years ago. Let's stop the self-inflicted punishment here and now. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have true love. You are human, and made mistakes, but it's your right to have a happy future. Only you can forgive yourself. And until you do that, you won't be ready for Mr. Right. Also bear in mind that continually dating Mr. Wrongs just adds more grief, pain and turmoil to the heavy load of guilt you bear. Let. It. Go.
   
4. We Don't Know What We Want: You cannot get the man you are looking for if you have no idea what you are looking for. You have to be honest with yourself...painfully honest. Do you want a boyfriend, or do you just want a guy to sleep with? Do you want to get married, or do you just want someone to 'chill with'? Sure, everyone thinks that the kosher response is to say,"I just want to be friends with a guy and get to know him first." That is a load of hogwash. A guy knows that he just wants to have sex with you in less than two minutes of your company and puts all his energies to doing that. So why can't we just make up our minds about what we want and work towards that? Let's stop being polite and politically correct. Be real. Affirm what your true desire is, and if a guy doesn't make the cut, cut him from the running. Enough with the 'working on him' and 'trying to make it work'. Enough with taking scraps and crumbs of affection when what we really want is love. Enough of the bullshit ladies, let's be real.
   
5. We Look in the Crappiest Places: Ok, so you might be ready for Mr. Right...but do you honestly believe that your dream guy is hanging out in a club or bar? Sure, he might go there for drinks and a party once in a while, but why are you frequenting the dung pit to find your true jewel? In order to get better men, you have to be at the places where the better men hang out. Keep your eyes peeled, for all you know, he might live across the street from you and drops off drycleaning the same time you do. The most relationships that I've seen last, the couples met at some social event, randomly on the street/park or were introduced by friends. So please, start broadening your horizons beyond the internet and the bars.
   
6. We Aren't Ready: This is really where a lot of ladies will fall into. There is so much that we have planned, so much in our lives that we still want to attain before we 'settle down' with a passel of kids and the American dream. We still want to hit that promotion, buy our house, travel around the world, learn a new language and scratch off items on our '30 Things to Do Before We Hit 30' list. We think that marriage is the natural conclusion of our life as we know it and the end of our dreams. So we want to reach all those dreams before we even start looking for Mr. Right. Therefore we keep dating Mr. Wrongs knowing that these relationships aren't going to work out and we can still live our fabulous lives of Singletons. Ok, I agree with the idea that we might not be ready for marriage and all that it entails, but we have to stop thinking that getting married is the end of the world. Our generation has the power to change the image of the Married Couple. Enough with the play dates, Sunday BBQ dinners, poking fun at single friends, popping out kids the every year and dedicating ourselves to fostering the Stepford Wife image. We can still live our fabulously fun lives, travel, pursue our dreams and what not, only we have the support of our loving spouse. We just have to readjust our status from Bad Girls to Bad Girls Who are Married. What's so wrong with that?
   
7. We Are Scared Shitless: We refuse to claim Mr. Right because we are scared that it's not going to work out. We've been through numerous heart breaks, Mr. Almost Right, Mr. NotQuiteRight, Mr. RightNow and other types of men and yet haven't really succeeded in the quest to find true, lasting love. So we've become scared and cynical deciding that all the good ones are taken or not yet born; deeming ourselves to eternal spinsterhood. What's worse, we are scared of taking the plunge only to end up like our parents (very few of them being good role models for the ideal marriage) or divorced. There is no guarantee that meeting Mr. Right will last forever and ever. Even I can't promise that. Love is the biggest gamble of all, but when it pays...it pays BIG time. The only way that I've found to bypass the fear is to actually be with Mr. Right. He is the one that will open your eyes to the deepest levels of intimacy, commitment and love that you have ever known and make you realize that the gamble is well worth it.

Labels: Girl Talk

Posted by Vixen @ 3:54 AM :: 7 trainees letting it rip!

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Friday, February 17, 2006

Orgasm: Is it Possible to Have Great Sex Without One?

Up until a few days ago, I had never heard of Orgasmless Sex. My friend coined the phrase when she was describing to me an encounter that she had with a certain gentleman. "It was the best orgasmless sex I have ever had!" she exclaimed.

Orgasmless sex? What the hell? Is it truly possible that in this day and age that there are women that have sex on a consistent basis and don't manage to orgasm? If so, what is the drive for having sex in the first place? I asked her all these questions, and my friend was kind enough to reply.

Orgasmless sex is pretty much what we think it is; having a sexual encounter without reaching the big O. She told me that she is not one of those women who can orgasm pretty easily, it takes a while for her. She has to feel comfortable in the relationship and many other factors applies. As well as it being the right guy, her head has to be in the game, and he has to be used to her body. This has never been achieved with one night stands or friends with benefits. But she still wants to have sex...and enjoy it.

So she is used to having orgasmless sex. She says that when achieving an orgasm is not all that you are focused on, you can really enjoy the moment, every nuance, every subtle touch, and just really enjoy the whole experience. She gets to savour his body while he does the same with hers. It also takes less pressure off the guy to perform or to make you come, and so he enjoys the experience far better too. She tends to focus more on pleasing the guy, and just the service in turn pleases her.

Looking back, I realise that I have had orgasmless sex a few times. But it's never been a regular habit of mine, and probably never will be. I love the breathless anticipation and the dizzy exultation that accompanies the Big O, and I know that I could never give that up. If I found a guy that couldn't make me orgasm (even with sufficient teaching), well then he has simply had to go.

Orgasmless sex can be good, but I'll still settle for having a Big O, any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

Culled from Baggage Reclaim

Labels: All About Sex

Posted by Vixen @ 3:33 AM :: 8 trainees letting it rip!

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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Q&A: Why Don't We Care?

Why do women not care if men consider them bad in bed? I have many female friends who openly admit to many characteristics that would be considered "bad" my most guys. I have informed them of this but they don't much care. Men get very hung up on this, but why don't women? Like anything else in a relationship, sex is a 2-way street.

The short answer: We don't care because we know that even though you might consider us 'bad in bed' and possessing other sundry habits, you would still rather have sex with us than not at all. If we wanted to sleep with you right then and there, you would oblige, regardless of the fact that we shave our pubic hair or let it grow au naturale.

Women tend to be more selective than guys when it comes to discriminatory antics in the bedroom. I guess it's because the Male Prowess and Ego are always up for assassination if he doesn't live up to his end of the bargain. Do you want to be known in your group of friends as a '1-minute man', 'small dick' or 'limp dick'? No siree. However, if you labeled a girl as 'bad in bed' the rest of us frankly don't really care. We don't constantly strive in competition in the bedroom the way you guys do and so getting a label doesn't faze us.

It's the same way how you men don't really care if you have huge thighs or a pot-belly. You don't look around the locker room comparing man-boobs, thighs and bums with your mates now do you? No, we all know that you are secretly looking at chest girth and penile size. However, if you told a girl that she had huge thighs (for your life's sake I actually don't recommend this); or compared her body to any other woman in a negative way...then you would get a solid kick in the family jewels reaction that you weren't expecting.

If a guy tells me that I suck in bed, I would just chalk it up to him not being 'worthy' of me and move on. Notice the transference here? We know that we are the bomb diggity, and you guys foster that feeling on a consistent basis because you will always want to have sex with us. Always.

You might say that I have an over-inflated opinion of myself and should try to improve my technique rather than chalk it up as his loss - however, why should I get all upset because some guy thinks I suck? Puhlease, there are oodles gazillions of other men that will want to have sex with me in spite of whatever habits that you/your friends despise.

I don't think that it will ever be a two-way street in this arena because men will always need/want us ladies no matter what we do. The crux of the matter is that women can live quite happily without sex. Men cannot. Therefore we are holding all the aces.

So why should we care?

Labels: Ask Vixen, Girl Talk

Posted by Vixen @ 4:13 AM :: 9 trainees letting it rip!

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Monday, February 13, 2006

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Posted by Vixen @ 8:48 PM :: 0 trainees letting it rip!

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---------------oOo--------------- Q&A: Back Door Entry

Definition: Back Door Entry is pretty much the nickname for anal sex. Also known as tossing the salad, driving the dirt track, corndigging and I'm sure 20 other names that have to do with eeerrr, it.

Ok, there was a long question posted last week on the merits of anal sex and why guys like it so much. Rumor has it that guys like anal sex because it is tighter, in a more circular, tunnelly way than the vagina; which is still tight but not as tight, but in a more florally petal, fisty way. Apparently the vagina expands around their penises too quickly and the bum is always tight. They like it because it's different from the norm, not on the menu that much, used to be a taboo, some kind of dominant/submissive thing and they get the classic view of your butt.

We hate it because it friggin hurts, don't believe that stuff should go in through the exit door and we feel like we are going to crap all over your penis. Added to that, it isn't that fun, nor as comfortable, and the only person orgasming is you. Why would I want to feel like I'm about to go to the bathroom during sex? That's not a feeling that I would like to associate with anything sexual. Uuugh. Why don't you let me stick a dildo in your ass just for the fun of it? Yeah, betcha wouldn't like that, and if you did, then maybe you should start batting for the other team.

You might argue that with lube, it doesn't hurt as much, and we are "resisting having fun with your body", especially the fact that the nerve endings around the anus are interconnected with the pelvic muscles and it is possible to orgasm if you "let yourself go" but that still doesn't offset the fact that your thick 4-9 incher is not going to fit into my little bum hole without pain no matter how much you try to cajole me it will. It defies the laws of physics. Even Newton knew that!

Perchance, with much pain and suffering on my part, you manage to get it in, there are bodily side effects AFTER the sexual encounter that we have to deal with, embarrassing farts, messed up digestive cycles, hemmorhoids, bleeding, cuts, and expanded butt hole and sundry other effects that you won't even have to experience. Please tell me where the joy is there?

Our bodies were created a certain way for a reason. The sign clearly says EXIT ONLY, no entry. So no thank you. I'm an accommodating and a big ass freak in the bedroom, yet I make it a firm policy not to allow anything in my bum. It is just not going to friggin happen. End of story.

PS: If you are a woman that enjoys anal sex (apparently 39% of us do), feel free to expansiate in the comments section.

Labels: All About Sex, Ask Vixen

Posted by Vixen @ 3:40 AM :: 16 trainees letting it rip!

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Saturday, February 11, 2006

New Look

What do you guys think? I feel it satisfies my thirst for pink and doesn't make the guys throw up. If there are any problems with the template, please let me know so that I can fix it. I will be working on all the questions this weekend, and answers will be up by Monday morning latest.

Have a great weekend everyone.

PS: If you still have a question, let it rip:)

Labels: Girl Talk

Posted by Vixen @ 3:56 AM :: 10 trainees letting it rip!

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Friday, February 10, 2006

Q&A: Inner Radiance

One of the saddest things I've noticed as I've gotten old (and dare I say, wiser?) is women become more and more closed as they age. There's this almost naive radiance when a woman is young and has a story about what her 'man' should be. As a man, that glow to a woman is very inviting. But the naivete is something I could do with out. What I really want in a woman is one who can glow with me when the situation is right. What do you think women have to do in order to retain their radiance as they learn how not to be taken advantage of?

I think that the inner glow/radiance does actually come from within. It's the essence of a woman, her joie de vivre, if you will. It is the way that her life experiences and attitudes have shaped her.

The reason that this fades with age is because the older ladies get, the more responsibilities they get heaped on them...family, kids, work etc. With these responsibilities, they become focused on the more mundane aspects of life and rarely have time or take time to 'stop and smell the roses'.
I also think that with age and responsibilities, they tend to compromise more and give up more pieces of themselves to others. When you give up your dreams, your hopes and your aspirations, you eventually end up a shell of yourself.

It is your dreams and aspirations that keep the glow burning. It is the attainment of those dreams that keep you happy.

Also, they do not practice good self care. Oh sure, they spend time with their loved ones, but if you do not have a consistent time set apart for YOURSELF, doing only things that YOU want to do, without any rules or others weighing in on it, well then, you are seriously shortchanging themselves.

Guys rarely if ever give up their time with their buddies, clubs, video games, sports, hobbies and such and so manage to retain a healthy and balanced life.

But because women are nurturers, givers and more flexible, they accept the demands placed upon them until they have no time for themselves.

My mom still has that glow. And I've noticed that she wakes up early 2 hours just to have time by herself doing things that she likes before the day starts. Plus, she pursued the career that she wanted, and still keeps all her hobbies and spends one on one time with her girlfriends.

It is hard to find a balance between good self care and a stable family life...but it's not impossible. Those that do achieve the balance, retain their Joy of Life...and those who allow everything else to overwhelm and swamp them turn out to be shells of their former selves.

More questions Vixen, why should a woman value her radiance? How is it different from being naive? What type of men does a radiant woman attract? How can a radiant woman serve a deserving man? What is sex like between a radiant woman and deserving man? (I have to say that when I've earned a radiant woman, I happily glow as well) How does a radiant woman share her radiance with other women? Does exercise help her radiance? Anything on a woman's darkside or her animal side?

A woman should value her radiance because it's an important and crucial element of her well-being as well as a vital component of her character. I feel that everyone is born with radiance, and you either allow the experiences in your life to increase the flames or diminish it.

You can still have Joie de vivre and not be naive, by definition, naivete is "The state or quality of being inexperienced or unsophisticated, especially in being artless, credulous, or uncritical." As you can see, none of these adjectives even aptly describe inner radiance. Therefore, it is quite possible to have inner radiance and street smarts (especially in this day and age). In fact, it is highly recommended that you acquire street smarts as soon as possible. I feel that people do confuse radiance with innocence, but it is not the same thing.

A radiant woman will attract all kinds of men from every single walk of life. They will be drawn to her radiance, like moth to a flame, and she just has to pick and choose which man she feels is right for her.

How can she serve a deserving man? Without reverting to the Stepford Wife archetype, I think that in this day and age it is quite possible to make your guy feel loved and appreciated on a consistent basis. There is a saying that "It's the little things that counts" and I've found out that in relationships it truly is. Simple things like giving him a massage after a long day of work, getting tickets to a game he is wanting to see, leaving messages on his phone telling him how much you appreciate him...yeah, all that mushy romantic stuff that people don't seem to want to do anymore really do count. Yes, cooking dinner a couple of times a week, stocking your fridge with his favorite beer even though you don't like it, count as well. Do NOT however go to his house and clean it up, do his laundry, dust his bookshelves and other stupid wifey things like that. You are not his mother. He's a grown ass man and can take care of himself. Further reading...Reciprocity

Sex between a radiant woman and a deserving man...what do you think hun? It's all that and a bag of chips. I feel that it's actually deeper and more intimate that most sex we know and talk about. It's more than the motions and the technique and more about emotions, feelings, thoughts and connectedness. It's a deeper connection on all planes, and I guess it would be pretty much out of this world.

How does a radiant woman share her radiance? She starts a blog:) It's kind of like the light on a hill, it can't be hidden, it will naturally emanate among her peers and counterparts. Usually, when I see a radiant woman...all her gal pals glow as well. It's got to be an osmotic effect or something.

Does exercise help the radiance? Yes. As Elle Woods would say, "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't kill people." I think exercise is integral to every woman. Not just for keeping fit and staying healthy, but for increasing your sense of accomplishment and making you love your body more.

Yes, radiant people can have a dark side. In fact, if you are a balanced person, you are connected to all the elements and facets of yourself. She can be moody, angry, emotional, vengeful and run the full gamut of the human emotion. She will explore everything about herself, to the furthest domain, and in this exploration become more fully self aware. As for the animal side...well she will be a fierce she-bear protecting her loved ones, a tigress in the bedroom and a fish underwater.

I feel that a radiant woman has it all. Because she knows herself, loves herself and is happy with herself.

Labels: Ask Vixen, Girl Talk

Posted by Vixen @ 3:47 PM :: 1 trainees letting it rip!

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Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Fire Away

This week I'm opening the floor for anyone who has any questions for me. I promise to answer every single one. I'll even go further and state that you can ask me absolutely anything that you wish about any topic under the sun, and I will answer to the best of my ability. You can either leave a question in the comments section or if it's personal drop me an email.

Posted by Vixen @ 2:13 AM :: 4 trainees letting it rip!

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Monday, February 06, 2006

Signs He Will be Bad in Bed

I was going to write this article about the signs to look out for to tell you that a guy will be good in bed, however, you know how uncooperative those men can be. For decades, we have heard the myth that men with big feet or hands are sporting huge penises. To our utter dismay and chagrin, this myth has been utterly dispelled.

Along with the myth that the bigger he is, the better it is for you. And the myth that if he's a good kisser he automatically knows how to properly go downtown. And the myth that guys with big penises know what to do with it, and the myth that....the list is practically endless as they are shattering our illusions on a daily basis by their pitiful attempts.

Bear in mind that there are alot of reasons that a guy could be bad in bed. He could be tired, cranky, moody, angry, emotional etc. I'm not saying that having one or a couple of bad sack sessions should cause you to give him the boot, but if on a consistent basis he is exhibiting any of these symptoms, you might need to get a bulk of batteries from Costco or kick his ass to the curb take more stringent action.

Also, alot of their attempts can be stifled by your responses. If you lay there like a cold fish, and don't participate in the sexual play, chances are there will be no passionate romp. Without any further ado, this is my list of reasons I wouldn't want to sleep with a guy because I know he will be a total waste of my time.

1. He constantly talks about how good he is in bed or how large his penis is. Empty barrels make the most noise.
2. His last girlfriend, or 2 became a lesbian. Something is wrong with this picture.
3. He has a few drinks in his system before the act. It will stagnant his abilities. Especially his penile abilities.
4. He thinks that foreplay is a sloppy kiss, a squeeze to your boob and a quick dipstick test to see if you are wet. 'Nuff said.
5. He has to watch porn to get hard before even attempting anything with you.
6. He has BO/MO/PO (yeah, penises can smell too!). I'm not saying smelly guys can't be good in bed, but if you have a sensitive nose, chances are you will be turned off.
7. When you make out with him, he is stingy with his caresses and touches. This is a red flag that homeboy is a selfish lover...and we all know that selfish lovers don't make good shags.
8. During a makeout session, he directs you to please him as quickly as possible then falls asleep immediately after the fact. I'm not impressed.

Did I leave anything out?

Culled from Baggage Reclaim.

Labels: All About Sex

Posted by Vixen @ 3:48 AM :: 8 trainees letting it rip!

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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

What Vixen Disagrees On....

The Seeker emailed me urging an open discussion on the questions that were answered. To encourage this, I'm going to add my responses to some more of his, the one's that I actually have something to say;) just so that we can see where the difference is. Everyone and anyone is free to chime in of course. The question is in bold, Seeker's answers are in regular font, and my responses are in italics.

If you buy me dinner and drinks....does this mean I have to come up with dessert? I'm going to answer this with another question. Is it fair to have a guy take you out and spend a lot of hard earned money on dinner and drinks if you don't intend to go somewhere with it? The woman that does this is known as a Meal Digger. She is a loathsome animal.

If you buy me dinner and drinks, I should not feel obligated to do anything for you. You asked me out, sought out the pleasure of my company, and traditional roles should apply. Would you say then that every woman since the Dawn of Time has been a Meal Digger? The essence of feminine behavior is receving, while the male essence has been to provide. Receiving acknowledges that I expect to be treated thoughtfully and sets the tone for the rest of the relationship.

So therefore, my view on a classic date is that the man escorts me, handles the bills, sees to my comfort, opens doors and I simply receive. Rejecting the gift of his masculinity is also rejecting the giver. It sends him the message that you are not interested in having a romance with him, and just want to be friends. Most of the men I've dated see it as emasculating that I would even think to pay. Good guys don't offer things if they don't want to give them. All I have to do is receive graciously.

I know that some of you are going to argue that you are independent women and don't need a guy to pay your way, however, keep in mind that a date is not a staff meeting or job interview. Noone is judging you on your capability to provide for yourself, that is not even in question.

Don't think for once that this isn't a reciprocal thing, because he is on the receiving end as well, he's receiving my attention, my presence, warmth, graciousness, my smiles and company. Some of these guys have the unspoken expectation that if they give you something, you should owe them something in return. Don't fall for that load of BS, you don't owe a debt just because he buys you a drink.

Now if I want to wholeheartedly delve into intimacies with you, then that should be considered a bonus. Don't assume that just because you pick up the check you are getting some action tonight. It's not gonna happen. Ladies, let's not take this too far, you picking up the check a few times is not going to break into your shoe savings and you know it. However, on the first three dates...I don't even reach for my purse, I just smile prettily and say thank you.

Wow, this should have been a whole blog post!:) I'll try to keep the rest brief.

Why do men say they will call and not? I so believe in telling the truth and if it isn't there say so.This isn't purely a male issue. Women are known to give wrong numbers on purpose. (I'll deal with that subject later.) To be honest, the phrase is a lot like, "let's do lunch". Neither party really expects it to happen, it's something you say to end a conversation. Perhaps I'll Call just slips out....

I feel that guys say that because they think that is the expected phrase to end a conversation. Once again, they are just feeding into what they THINK we want to hear. If he says he will call and doesn't, most probably it either totally slipped his mind (which I don't believe), or he had no intention of calling you in the first place. He just wanted to exit the scenario as quickly as possible. Plus him saying that does leave the door open in case he wants to pick you up a few weeks later. Remember, a guy that is interested in you will call you. If I catch you sitting by the fuckin phone I will so kick your ass! You should have a life that doesn't comprise you waiting for some dude to call. Strap your heels on and get to stepping.

When a guy says "I think you deserve more", Is that a nice guys way of bailing out of the relationship? I had a woman do this to me last year. She really didn't deserve me. Later we were talking on the phone and travel came up and I asked if she wanted to see where I wanted to get married. Yes. OK. Gave her the URL and she pronounced 30 seconds later that she was crying. She had told me that she wasn't in love with me and never would be. Other times she also used the phrase that I deserved better. (I did and do.) If a man says this, he's likely cheating on you anyway. He feels shitty about something he did and you can believe it when he says 'you deserve more'. He's not the one that will treat you as you should be treated. He knows it and he's telling you he knows it. Walk away before you get burned.

Yes hun, he is breaking up with you, though trying to be nice so he doesn't come off looking like a jackass. The underlying meaning is supposed to be "I'm not good enough for you", but it's actually a subterfuge for, "You aren't what I'm looking for." I think that phrase is just a total copout and has no relevance to the reason you are breaking up with that person. Being the direct soul that I am, I feel that if you are breaking up with me, you should be able to come up with better reasons than that.

C'mon people, let's hear what you think!

Posted by Vixen @ 1:41 AM :: 9 trainees letting it rip!

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