Monday, February 20, 2006

Why Don't We Want the RIGHT Guys?

Most of us know the type of men to stay away from. The Bad Boys, the Mr. Unavailables, the Players, the Momma's Boys and the like. These are the ones that come to us with an automatic grade A heartbreak label and yet we choose to consort with them anyway. Why is it that we constantly do this to ourselves?

I mean, there are tons of super cool guys out there, however, we will prefer to bypass them and choose the most disreputable of the bunch. What's up with that? Well, here are some of my reasons why I think we want Mr. Wrong each and every single time.

1. We like the Drama: Yeah, you might say that you are drama free and want no drama, however, humans have a thirst for adventure and action on a consistent basis in order to stimulate their humdrum lives. Mayhap seeking out the wrong guys helps alleviate this thirst. My suggestion....take up bungee jumping or some other thrill seeking sport and give up the man drama.
2. We like to Fix Stuff: There is nothing greater than the sense of accomplishment one gets from taking care of a problem or fixing something. Or someone. We seek the emotionally unavailable man, the bad boy, or the one with a broken heart in the hope that we might be the one to reform and fix him. Imagine what a coup it will be to be the one lady who tamed the prowling, philandering tiger! This ideology does have it's merit, however...not every tiger is ready to be tamed. Also, did you consider the ramifications if you didn't tame him and he turned around a took a huge chunk of your heart? In our quest to setting the world to rights, sometimes you have to overlook the men that need babying, nurturing and mothering. Let's stop playing nurse/mommy and deal with mature men. Ok?
3. We Need to be Fixed: Sometimes, we start dating while still having unresolved emotional issues of our own. As said in previous posts, you really aren't ready for love until you truly love yourself. We search and seek for love in all the wrong places and wrong men in an attempt to punish ourselves for some real or imagined slight in our lives. We feel that we don't deserve a good man and so pick the wrong ones on purpose. Look, you have to be able to move past your guilt and FORGIVE yourself for what happened those many years ago. Let's stop the self-inflicted punishment here and now. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have true love. You are human, and made mistakes, but it's your right to have a happy future. Only you can forgive yourself. And until you do that, you won't be ready for Mr. Right. Also bear in mind that continually dating Mr. Wrongs just adds more grief, pain and turmoil to the heavy load of guilt you bear. Let. It. Go.
   
4. We Don't Know What We Want: You cannot get the man you are looking for if you have no idea what you are looking for. You have to be honest with yourself...painfully honest. Do you want a boyfriend, or do you just want a guy to sleep with? Do you want to get married, or do you just want someone to 'chill with'? Sure, everyone thinks that the kosher response is to say,"I just want to be friends with a guy and get to know him first." That is a load of hogwash. A guy knows that he just wants to have sex with you in less than two minutes of your company and puts all his energies to doing that. So why can't we just make up our minds about what we want and work towards that? Let's stop being polite and politically correct. Be real. Affirm what your true desire is, and if a guy doesn't make the cut, cut him from the running. Enough with the 'working on him' and 'trying to make it work'. Enough with taking scraps and crumbs of affection when what we really want is love. Enough of the bullshit ladies, let's be real.
   
5. We Look in the Crappiest Places: Ok, so you might be ready for Mr. Right...but do you honestly believe that your dream guy is hanging out in a club or bar? Sure, he might go there for drinks and a party once in a while, but why are you frequenting the dung pit to find your true jewel? In order to get better men, you have to be at the places where the better men hang out. Keep your eyes peeled, for all you know, he might live across the street from you and drops off drycleaning the same time you do. The most relationships that I've seen last, the couples met at some social event, randomly on the street/park or were introduced by friends. So please, start broadening your horizons beyond the internet and the bars.
   
6. We Aren't Ready: This is really where a lot of ladies will fall into. There is so much that we have planned, so much in our lives that we still want to attain before we 'settle down' with a passel of kids and the American dream. We still want to hit that promotion, buy our house, travel around the world, learn a new language and scratch off items on our '30 Things to Do Before We Hit 30' list. We think that marriage is the natural conclusion of our life as we know it and the end of our dreams. So we want to reach all those dreams before we even start looking for Mr. Right. Therefore we keep dating Mr. Wrongs knowing that these relationships aren't going to work out and we can still live our fabulous lives of Singletons. Ok, I agree with the idea that we might not be ready for marriage and all that it entails, but we have to stop thinking that getting married is the end of the world. Our generation has the power to change the image of the Married Couple. Enough with the play dates, Sunday BBQ dinners, poking fun at single friends, popping out kids the every year and dedicating ourselves to fostering the Stepford Wife image. We can still live our fabulously fun lives, travel, pursue our dreams and what not, only we have the support of our loving spouse. We just have to readjust our status from Bad Girls to Bad Girls Who are Married. What's so wrong with that?
   
7. We Are Scared Shitless: We refuse to claim Mr. Right because we are scared that it's not going to work out. We've been through numerous heart breaks, Mr. Almost Right, Mr. NotQuiteRight, Mr. RightNow and other types of men and yet haven't really succeeded in the quest to find true, lasting love. So we've become scared and cynical deciding that all the good ones are taken or not yet born; deeming ourselves to eternal spinsterhood. What's worse, we are scared of taking the plunge only to end up like our parents (very few of them being good role models for the ideal marriage) or divorced. There is no guarantee that meeting Mr. Right will last forever and ever. Even I can't promise that. Love is the biggest gamble of all, but when it pays...it pays BIG time. The only way that I've found to bypass the fear is to actually be with Mr. Right. He is the one that will open your eyes to the deepest levels of intimacy, commitment and love that you have ever known and make you realize that the gamble is well worth it.

Ok, this is my top 7. What's left ladies?

Labels: Girl Talk

Posted by Vixen @ 3:54 AM :: 7 trainees letting it rip!

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