Bad Girl's Guide

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

What Vixen Disagrees On....

The Seeker emailed me urging an open discussion on the questions that were answered. To encourage this, I'm going to add my responses to some more of his, the one's that I actually have something to say;) just so that we can see where the difference is. Everyone and anyone is free to chime in of course. The question is in bold, Seeker's answers are in regular font, and my responses are in italics.

If you buy me dinner and drinks....does this mean I have to come up with dessert? I'm going to answer this with another question. Is it fair to have a guy take you out and spend a lot of hard earned money on dinner and drinks if you don't intend to go somewhere with it? The woman that does this is known as a Meal Digger. She is a loathsome animal.

If you buy me dinner and drinks, I should not feel obligated to do anything for you. You asked me out, sought out the pleasure of my company, and traditional roles should apply. Would you say then that every woman since the Dawn of Time has been a Meal Digger? The essence of feminine behavior is receving, while the male essence has been to provide. Receiving acknowledges that I expect to be treated thoughtfully and sets the tone for the rest of the relationship.

So therefore, my view on a classic date is that the man escorts me, handles the bills, sees to my comfort, opens doors and I simply receive. Rejecting the gift of his masculinity is also rejecting the giver. It sends him the message that you are not interested in having a romance with him, and just want to be friends. Most of the men I've dated see it as emasculating that I would even think to pay. Good guys don't offer things if they don't want to give them. All I have to do is receive graciously.

I know that some of you are going to argue that you are independent women and don't need a guy to pay your way, however, keep in mind that a date is not a staff meeting or job interview. Noone is judging you on your capability to provide for yourself, that is not even in question.

Don't think for once that this isn't a reciprocal thing, because he is on the receiving end as well, he's receiving my attention, my presence, warmth, graciousness, my smiles and company. Some of these guys have the unspoken expectation that if they give you something, you should owe them something in return. Don't fall for that load of BS, you don't owe a debt just because he buys you a drink.

Now if I want to wholeheartedly delve into intimacies with you, then that should be considered a bonus. Don't assume that just because you pick up the check you are getting some action tonight. It's not gonna happen. Ladies, let's not take this too far, you picking up the check a few times is not going to break into your shoe savings and you know it. However, on the first three dates...I don't even reach for my purse, I just smile prettily and say thank you.

Wow, this should have been a whole blog post!:) I'll try to keep the rest brief.

Why do men say they will call and not? I so believe in telling the truth and if it isn't there say so.This isn't purely a male issue. Women are known to give wrong numbers on purpose. (I'll deal with that subject later.) To be honest, the phrase is a lot like, "let's do lunch". Neither party really expects it to happen, it's something you say to end a conversation. Perhaps I'll Call just slips out....

I feel that guys say that because they think that is the expected phrase to end a conversation. Once again, they are just feeding into what they THINK we want to hear. If he says he will call and doesn't, most probably it either totally slipped his mind (which I don't believe), or he had no intention of calling you in the first place. He just wanted to exit the scenario as quickly as possible. Plus him saying that does leave the door open in case he wants to pick you up a few weeks later. Remember, a guy that is interested in you will call you. If I catch you sitting by the fuckin phone I will so kick your ass! You should have a life that doesn't comprise you waiting for some dude to call. Strap your heels on and get to stepping.

When a guy says "I think you deserve more", Is that a nice guys way of bailing out of the relationship? I had a woman do this to me last year. She really didn't deserve me. Later we were talking on the phone and travel came up and I asked if she wanted to see where I wanted to get married. Yes. OK. Gave her the URL and she pronounced 30 seconds later that she was crying. She had told me that she wasn't in love with me and never would be. Other times she also used the phrase that I deserved better. (I did and do.) If a man says this, he's likely cheating on you anyway. He feels shitty about something he did and you can believe it when he says 'you deserve more'. He's not the one that will treat you as you should be treated. He knows it and he's telling you he knows it. Walk away before you get burned.

Yes hun, he is breaking up with you, though trying to be nice so he doesn't come off looking like a jackass. The underlying meaning is supposed to be "I'm not good enough for you", but it's actually a subterfuge for, "You aren't what I'm looking for." I think that phrase is just a total copout and has no relevance to the reason you are breaking up with that person. Being the direct soul that I am, I feel that if you are breaking up with me, you should be able to come up with better reasons than that.

C'mon people, let's hear what you think!

Posted by Vixen @ 1:41 AM :: 10 trainees letting it rip!

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