Monday, November 26, 2007

When He Wants to Cum on Your Face

Question: My new boyfriend keeps asking to cum on my face. I try putting him off but he's persistent. I haven't tried it before, but just thinking about the icky, slimy gooey-ness all over my face makes me want to throw up. How do I get him to get over it?

This is on the shit list of alot of women. Despite being nymphomaniacs in every category, for some reason getting a cum facial is akin to lying in a pit full of snakes. For men it seems to be an added elation, some kind of power trip and a fantasy showing our total 'submission' to their manhood. Whatever.

I'm actually surprised your guy brought it up. Most of the guys I questioned about this actually have that fantasy but know better than to bring it up. Most stay away from that topic, knowing that it is prone to turn a lady off rather than get her off. When questioned where they got it from, surprisingly it wasn't from the locker room talk, it was from pornography and they rarely talk to their 'boys' about it. So I guess it's one of those things that falls in the gray taboo zone.

For the fact he's comfortable enough to bring it up to you shows a certain level of trust in your relationship. Kudos to you for not laughing in his face or throwing a huge "OH HELL FUCKIN' NO!", right back at him. However if you don't want to go there, you have to step up to the plate and let him know what your objections are. For me, I feel that you should try everything at least once before you give it the ax...you never know, you might get your rocks off too and totally love the experience.

Whichever way you decide, you have to speak up. Changing the topic or distracting him is not going to resolve the issue, it's only going to put it off for another day. It sounds like it's a huge fantasy for him and if you are sure it's not the road for you, it will end up being deal breaker if one of you doesn't back down. "I know you like it but cum on my face makes me wanna puke," would be a good place to start.

Maybe you can compromise with allowing him to cum on say, your ass or tits or some other body part. Perhaps then he can still get his rush and you can keep your boundaries.

Good luck.

Labels: All About Sex, Ask Vixen

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Tuesday, November 20, 2007

TMI Tuesday

1. What's the sexiest gesture a woman can make? Licking her lips while maintaining eye contact with the object of her desire.
2. What are 3 inevitable things about you? Success, Sickness & Death
3. What do you want . . . . now? To go to sleep, I'm so tired, but my insomniac tendencies are in full blown mode.
4. What asset do you have besides the physical and the material? Duh...my brains! And who said brains weren't sexy?
5. Describe a sexy mind. Ripoff. A sexy mind is one that is constantly intrigued with absorbing knowledge, uses and understands multi-syllabic or less often used words and is capable of communicating what you learn to others. Norio totally has a sexy mind.

Bonus (as in optional):What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? That I can go to work and get paid 2.5 overtime baby! Hells yeah!

Labels: Hot Seat Tuesday

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Monday, November 19, 2007

When He Doesn't Make a Move, part 2

Question: First (and maybe last) date last night...GREAT conversation, GREAT dancing at a fun club, asked me back for a final drink and said I could stay over to sleep and drive the 30 minute drive home the next morning (I'm thinking ...yeah right...I wasn't born yesterday) and since he had hardly even touched me the whole night (except for rubbing my hair after dancing...which was sweaty and not the greatest time for that)...I figured here it comes.

But NO...We had the drinks and I stayed over, but woke up fully clothed and he hadn't kissed me, or even attempted to do anything...and we were in the same bed! however a condom STILL in the wrapper was under the sheets with us and he had his pants off when I woke up...But I've not been touched! Conversation is still going good...but even when I was leaving ....he made NO ATTEMPT to even touch my shoulder AND he didn't say anything about getting together again...just "okay have a good day", but also said just 10 minutes earlier that I should take him to my hometown sometime which is 6 hours away (he loves to travel and I had told him about it during our dinner).

Now here's something you may want to also know about him...He's drop dead gorgeous and knows it...even said during dinner that he gets more offers than he makes to others (I know this should be a red flag but he's also interesting and fun). Also he's 26 ...I'm 40 (but look 30 and am "hot" I'm told by other males who are in their 20's and 30's...I take great care of myself). We're also from different cultures...he's latino and I'm white, but he's traveled the world and had every kind of girlfriend. So what's up with this guy... or is he just not that into me?

---

Why is it that when guys are all over us, we become turned off and label them as jerks only to wonder when they do play nice if they are into us. We are sending confusing messages ladies. Although you expected him to try to sleep with you, when he didn't, you should take this as a sign that he's not looking for a quick lay but actually something more.

I don't even get the question here, because it's not like he didn't call you or flat out disappear on you, sounds like he's still in the picture. The only thing that seems to be an obstacle here is your over-analytical mind. So what if he's 'drop dead gorgeous'? So what if you are older? So what if you are from different cultures? So was Cleopatra and she still rocked Marc Antony's ass to epic proportions.

Instead of wondering why he didn't make a move on you the first night, you should be flattered he didn't. It shows restraint on his part, decent manners and foresight. It also shows that he's more interested in you, was concerned for your safety and well being and didn't pester or push for sex on the first date. He should be getting brownie points for that.

It's too soon to tell where this first date guy is going to end up, but if I were you I would stop throwing up roadblocks in your mind of why this isn't going to work and instead focus on how great it is right now. We often tend to rush things heading to the next goal, the next date, the next level of relationship. When your brain starts playing "should he, could he, why won't he", just take a deep breath and savor the fact that it was a great first date and revisit those moments.

The only thing that stops you from reaching your full potential in life and love is yourself. So take a step back, a deep breath and let the chips fall were they may. You will be surprised and find out that everything you think is an obstacle doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Enjoy the connection you have with him and stay in the moment.

Good luck.

Labels: All About Sex, Ask Vixen, Dating

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Saturday, November 17, 2007

When He's on the Down Low

Question: I've been seeing this guy for almost a year now and this morning I woke up early and was being a snoop and checked his email( he gave me his password in the past to check some stuff for him) I know it wasn't right but something just told me to check his email what I found was something I never in a million years would think I'd find! His outbox showed messages to someone named Wanda...

hi i seen your pics on ( some website) and I liked your pics.

Oh man I was pissed hell I was beyond pissed. The next one read:

I just want to let you know I've never been with a man before...

WTF????? Ok now I'm crying my eyes out and confused as hell it's not clicking in my head yet.
3rd email ...

no I don't cross-dress BUT I do like to wear womens panties.

OK I lost it there I wanted to scream to the top of my lungs but my daughters were still sleeping and my son was watching tv in my room. Even in hind sight I don't see any signs that he was attracted to men! I don't know what the hell to do. How do I say something to him about it? Do I say anything? I can't be with him anymore and that sucks b/c he's the best sex I've ever had. I am pissed and confused and angry and sad and I don't even know what else I am. So any advice is much needed. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

---

Hot damn, I don't even know where to start with this one. For starters, snooping is a double edged sword; you invade the privacy of your partner, show your insecurities and at the same time point out that you don't trust them. However, what's done is done and you can't take that back (although I'm sure you wish you hadn't snooped).

Sounds to me like your guy is on the down-low. It also sounds like he's still in the curious, explorative stage, so he might not be getting action from the other side of the fence yet. Oh--and Wanda sounds like a tranny. There is no evidence to suggest that he's actually cheated on you with a guy, however it could be argued that there is an intent. So what do you do?

Exactly what you don't want to do. You have to bring it up and talk to him about it. Your mind and sixth sense was screaming that there is something wrong with that picture. For me, no man, no matter how good he is in bed, is worth the drama, emotional pain and hurt that him double dipping is going to cost you. Especially if he's really adamant about this new sexual preference.

When you do talk to him, pay attention to the signs that he might be 'telling you just want you want to hear' to manipulate you in order to sweep it under the wrong. If he's already crossed the boundary in his mind to desiring men, and that is not something you are comfortable with, take your kids and get the hell out of Dodge. Let him explore his fantasies and lingerie without putting the innocent children in the thick of it.

A cross dresser that wants to sleep with men? Oh hell fuckin' no!

Count your lucky stars that you found out sooner rather than later, when you are years down the road wondering how you got some funky STD or he up and disappears on you leaving you wondering why he left. At least this way you know exactly what you're dealing with, and with knowledge comes power.

Good luck.

Labels: Ask Vixen, Cheating

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Tuesday, November 13, 2007

TMI Tuesday

1. Have you ever met a fellow blogger in person? Yes! I've met Teri!!! Of course, I know I can't count the people that I knew in real life and cajoled them into blogging like my sisters, best friend and college buddy.
2. Did you ever play an innocent game of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours"? It was more like I wanna see yours and no you can't see mine! ;P How old where you? Prolly 12.
3. When did you get your first not so innocent kiss? I was 16.
4. Have you ever awoke with someone who's name you did not remember? Oh hell fuckin' no!
5. Have you ever let someone else wash you while you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself? Yes! I love getting washed...lol

Bonus (as in optional): What makes a great first date for you? Chemistry, good laughs and a connection.

As always, answer in comments or link us to your blog. Feel free to expand on your answers past "yes" and "no." Happy TMI everyone

Labels: Hot Seat Tuesday

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Sunday, November 11, 2007

Is Baby Mama Drama Worth It?

I got a question today from a young lady contemplating delving further into a committed relationship with a man that has the baby mama from hell. I know Mistress and a few other Bad Girls are on the side of the fence that no man is worth baby mama drama, turmoil and emotional roller coaster that dealing with a kid from his ex gives...but let me stand on the other side of the fence for a moment.

Personally...I don't do kids. I've never been one to run and coddle any woman with a baby, I don't go googoo gaga over children, I don't remark that your brat is cute, I honestly don't care. I don't think I have a maternal bone in my body. I'm not saying I'm a child hater...I just don't do kids. I've had to interact with kids more times in my life than I'd like to count, from working in a daycare to being a school nurse. So I've been able to grin and bear it if I had to, but I still ultimately, don't do kids.

Then we go back in time to when Norio told me about the Kid. I was surprised that he was a dad, and skeptical when he claimed his son was so great. (Don't all parents say that?) I didn't meet the Kid until about 7 or 8 months into the relationship, and when I did, the little boy stole my heart. He's not like a kid, he's like an adult in a small person's body. I loved watching him laugh, smile and play, and even his 293 questions in a row didn't drive me up a wall.

Did that turn me into a child lover? Hell no. But knowing him made me fall in love with him as a person, as this wonderfully inquisitive and intelligent bundle of energy, wide eyed and wanting to learn everything about the world. The whole innocence and guilelessness,...man, I adore that. I sometimes wish adults were more like children, but no, we grow up and learn how to stab each other in the back.

But, I digress.

Is baby mama drama worth it? It depends, usually only if the guy is worth it. This should really be your question. Does he exceed all the expectations you have for a connection with someone? Do you feel like you are one of the most important people in his life? Are you in a loving and respectful relationship? Does the drama over weigh the relationship and the good times? If so, then hang on, it's going to be rocky ride but totally worth it. It really is up to the guy, his attributes have to outweigh the baby mama and all her drama.

If he's not treating you well, prioritizing your needs and loving you as you deserve to be loved, then it's not worth it. Cut your losses soon and scrap dating sperminators off your list.

Good luck.

Labels: Ask Vixen, Baby Mama Drama

Posted by Vixen @ 4:09 AM :: 3 trainees letting it rip!

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Thursday, November 08, 2007

When He's a Virgin

I have been reading your blog for a long while and I thought you could help with a little problem of mine... I have been seeing this guy for nearly 6 months now. He is 26, I am 25. We seem to get along great- he is wonderful, kind and considerate except for one little detail- we haven't had sex. My boy is apparently a virgin and so every time we get any near sex he backs off really quick. Is it possible to have a relationship with someone you haven't had sex with? Is sex really that important? Or is this something we can get over with time?

Hmmm, am I even the person to ask about this?

Yes, it's possible to have a relationship with someone you haven't had sex with. My sister was a virgin and they didn't have sex until they were married some 5 years after they met. Somehow they managed to develop a relationship without sex..but for me, that's not something I would sign on for.

If sex is important to you, and he's not giving up his virginity---then this will eventually be a deal-breaker. However, if you feel like you can wait on when he's ready...then it's doable. It just depends on you and your ideas and views around sex and how much you need it. It's rare that a woman does the waiting game (it's usually the other way around), however I feel that if you do want to give him his sexual space then stock up on some sex toys and batteries. Mistress can attest to the fabulousness of the Wanachi Vibe. You will be sexually frustrated more often times than not, especially since you are so attracted to him.

I don't feel like you should engage or pressure him into sex if he doesn't want to or isn't ready for it yet. There is a reason he's still a virgin at 26, so perhaps you should delve into his emotional state and reasoning before you try to push it. The relationship will have to grow at a slower pace in the intimacy and sexual department, but you two might be able to grow in leaps and bounds in other areas.

It's a gamble that might be worth it, if he really is all that ---but I do know that it's going to be harder for you not to rip his pants off and throw him down on the bed the more time you spend with him and the more you fall in love with him.

Good luck.

Labels: All About Sex, Ask Vixen

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Tuesday, November 06, 2007

TMI Tuesday

1. Do you believe in ghosts? No. I do believe in spirits though. But I don't believe they have form or shape. If so have you every seen one? Nope, but I've felt connected to some spirits of loved ones lost.
2. What’s the scariest movie you ever saw? Sixth Sense...awful, I know!
3. If you were given a house that was free would you accept it if it was haunted? Yes, but I would turn it into an attraction and make money off that shizz.
4. If you were given a house that was free would you accept it if the last person had been murdered in it? Hell yeah, and make money off that shizz!
5. What was your most favorite costume you wore for Halloween? A pretty Ballerina

Bonus (as in optional): What’s your most memorable Halloween memory? I actually haven't had any remarkable Halloweens...I don't generally do anything on Halloween.

As always, answer in comments or link us to your blog. Feel free to expand on your answers past "yes" and "no." Happy TMI everyone

Labels: Hot Seat Tuesday

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Monday, November 05, 2007

Smooches!

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger..., this was a litany that was running through my head during the last grueling 2 weeks. Much love to the fam for all the love poured my way, my lil' sis Kafo for keeping me in touch and handling the finances, Teri for all her wonderful cheery visits, presents (AND FOOD!) and especially Norio for keeping me sane. I won't even begin to lament all the woes and stuff encountered on here, but I'll be shouting that on my other blog in due time.

So much to say, so little time.

What's the news darlings? I've been cruising though the blogs, but you guys have blogged up a storm while I was gone! I've got 646 blogs on my Reader, so if you get a comment, consider yourself hugged by me. What have you all been up to? Who got a new job, new shoes, shopping spree or fab present? Who got married, who got laid, who kicked his ass to the curb? Leave a comment to catch me up, I feel so out of the loop!

Labels: Announcements

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