Monday, November 19, 2007

When He Doesn't Make a Move, part 2

Question: First (and maybe last) date last night...GREAT conversation, GREAT dancing at a fun club, asked me back for a final drink and said I could stay over to sleep and drive the 30 minute drive home the next morning (I'm thinking ...yeah right...I wasn't born yesterday) and since he had hardly even touched me the whole night (except for rubbing my hair after dancing...which was sweaty and not the greatest time for that)...I figured here it comes.

But NO...We had the drinks and I stayed over, but woke up fully clothed and he hadn't kissed me, or even attempted to do anything...and we were in the same bed! however a condom STILL in the wrapper was under the sheets with us and he had his pants off when I woke up...But I've not been touched! Conversation is still going good...but even when I was leaving ....he made NO ATTEMPT to even touch my shoulder AND he didn't say anything about getting together again...just "okay have a good day", but also said just 10 minutes earlier that I should take him to my hometown sometime which is 6 hours away (he loves to travel and I had told him about it during our dinner).

Now here's something you may want to also know about him...He's drop dead gorgeous and knows it...even said during dinner that he gets more offers than he makes to others (I know this should be a red flag but he's also interesting and fun). Also he's 26 ...I'm 40 (but look 30 and am "hot" I'm told by other males who are in their 20's and 30's...I take great care of myself). We're also from different cultures...he's latino and I'm white, but he's traveled the world and had every kind of girlfriend. So what's up with this guy... or is he just not that into me?

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Why is it that when guys are all over us, we become turned off and label them as jerks only to wonder when they do play nice if they are into us. We are sending confusing messages ladies. Although you expected him to try to sleep with you, when he didn't, you should take this as a sign that he's not looking for a quick lay but actually something more.

I don't even get the question here, because it's not like he didn't call you or flat out disappear on you, sounds like he's still in the picture. The only thing that seems to be an obstacle here is your over-analytical mind. So what if he's 'drop dead gorgeous'? So what if you are older? So what if you are from different cultures? So was Cleopatra and she still rocked Marc Antony's ass to epic proportions.

Instead of wondering why he didn't make a move on you the first night, you should be flattered he didn't. It shows restraint on his part, decent manners and foresight. It also shows that he's more interested in you, was concerned for your safety and well being and didn't pester or push for sex on the first date. He should be getting brownie points for that.

It's too soon to tell where this first date guy is going to end up, but if I were you I would stop throwing up roadblocks in your mind of why this isn't going to work and instead focus on how great it is right now. We often tend to rush things heading to the next goal, the next date, the next level of relationship. When your brain starts playing "should he, could he, why won't he", just take a deep breath and savor the fact that it was a great first date and revisit those moments.

The only thing that stops you from reaching your full potential in life and love is yourself. So take a step back, a deep breath and let the chips fall were they may. You will be surprised and find out that everything you think is an obstacle doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Enjoy the connection you have with him and stay in the moment.

Good luck.

Labels: All About Sex, Ask Vixen, Dating

Posted by Vixen @ 12:51 AM :: 3 trainees letting it rip!

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