Bad Girl's Guide

Thursday, March 30, 2006

The Magic Number

Definition: The magic number is pretty much the number of people that you've slept with from the day you lost your virginity until this present moment.

Now according to American Pie, the magic number differs drastically between men and women. They said that guys tend to exaggerate their number (so divide whatever they tell you by 3), while women tend to downplay their number (so multiply by 3). However, in my experience, I've actually found this formula to be utterly flawed and totally irrelevant.

For starters, you could have been with only a few people and yet had tons more sex with those few than someone who has slept with more people. You could have had a coterie of activity in your boudoir and yet manage to pull off the wide-eyed naivete to a tee. He could have slept with over two dozen women, but still manages to suck badly in bed! Do one night stands even count?

Although some of you might be curious to know what the magic number for your significant other is, sometimes it's better not to know. Why does it even matter? Is it just a way for you to classify their 'sluttiness' or categorize them in your mind as an experienced lover? Is it going to change how you feel about him, his level of expertise? Is knowing the magic number going to amplify your antics in the bedroom in any way?

My response to that question would have to be, "Bad girls don't kiss and tell," with a mysterious smile and leave him wondering.

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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Enough is Enough

As women, we are strong, we are phenomenal, we are intelligent, we are beautiful, we are powerful. We harness the energy of Mother Nature, we are the ones who bring life into this world. We are the peace-bringers and joy-givers. And yet, despite all these traits, despite all this power and knowledge...we are still flawed.

Why are we flawed? It's really one simple reason--we ALLOW ourselves to be victimized. You see, we theoretically know that we deserve better, and yet we put up with all kinds of crap from men who aren't even worthy to kiss our feet.

We choose to put up with his lies, his bullshit, his flagrant cheating, his laziness, his ignorance and his stupidity. We choose to believe that we are better off with a no-good man than without one at all. We choose to keep the delusion that we truly can't do better.

We choose to stay with someone who isn't treating us right, the violent beater, the emotional abuser, the man who calls us names. We allow ourselves to be degraded and abused in the guise of 'hanging in there'. Some of us say that we put up with the abuse for the sake of our children, or some other reason--but really, we put up with it because we are afraid.

We are afraid of Mr. Right. As much as we claim we want him, we are afraid to step out and seize the dream because we feel that we aren't worthy, or that it's not time. We feel that we don't deserve happiness (for some crazy ass reason or another), or feel that we still have to pay our dues in the sewer. We see our friends happy with men who love and cherish them and yet we are willing to put up with these stupid-ass boys instead of seeking what we truly desire and deserve.

Every woman deserves to be loved and treated with respect at all times. Every woman deserves to be cherished and protected. Every woman deserves a man who is better for her beyond her wildest dreams.

We need to stop victimizing ourselves and allowing these no-good guys to prey on us. If we harness the energy and belief that we truly deserve better and refuse to put up with the bullshit, wasting time and our lives with the Mr. Wrongs; then that leaves the space in our hearts and lives for a truly great guy.

Ladies, let's stop victimizing ourselves. Enough of the bullshit.

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Sunday, March 26, 2006

The Other Woman

Definition: The Other Woman is the woman who doesn't have the wedding ring. The girl on the side, the booty call, the mistress-- call it what you will. The other woman is the lady that the stupid guy is messing with outside his 'real' marriage/relationship.

Being the other woman sucks as much ass if not worse as being the Rebound Girl. There is no way that you can ever get the attention and love that you deserve. The only person benefiting out of this relationship is the Cheat (I refuse to classify him as a man.) See he gets to eat his cake and have it back at home too. What's the fun here for you?

Bad girls will never fall into the category of the Other Woman. Sure, you might fall into it unsuspectingly but I trust that once you found out that you were the lady on the side you would kick him to the curb, no questions asked. Why accept crumbs from a guy when there are many men out there who take their vows of marriage/exclusivity seriously?

Besides, you are setting yourself up for bad karma if you keep messing with another woman's man. Sure, he might be all that and a bag of chips (Might being the operative word in this sentence), but if he can't commit to be yours truly then he's not yours at all.

Also bear in mind that if you are the Other Woman and manage to steal him from his wife/girlfriend, you are only setting yourself up for future heartbreak. If he can toss over someone he has such bonds with that easily, then he can also toss you over when the next pretty lil thing comes along. Plus, how could you ever trust him? I wouldn't.

This whole situation is rife with pitfalls and my personal solution is to run, run, run as fast as possible to the other direction. If a man has another woman in his life...his ex/girlfriend/wife or any other, then he isn't the right guy for me.

Bad girls don't settle for less.

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Saturday, March 25, 2006

Re: Nothing's Going to Change my World...

Iris updated her blog again. Just wanted to give a heads up to those of you who read it and haven't been back there in a while. I honestly thought that she had died or something...but turns out she's just been in a drug-induced state.

Here's a snippet.
It's been months since I've updated.

The reasons for this are embarrassing and difficult to open up about. I messed up so many things in my life. I can pretend that it all didn't happen, but the minute I write about it. It becomes real. I have to face it.

The past month and a half has been spent in a daze. A series of moments leaning over a mirror with Michael. Cutting white powder with a razor blade, and feeling like my heart was racing out of chest. Moments of dancing around the livingroom, leaning over the window sill thinking I could fly and a blur of laughter.
Read the rest of it HERE.

Posted by Vixen @ 8:56 AM :: 0 trainees letting it rip!

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Friday, March 24, 2006

The Psycho Stalker

Ok, even I know that I don't need to define this one. This seems the natural segue from our last discussion. Bear in mind, I never stated that there was any justification for Psycho Stalking....there isn't. But not observing the mourning period might be a reason.

Moving right along I'm sure that we have come across tales of the Psycho Stalker. It's the female/guy that doesn't want to let you go even though it's obvious that the two of you are over. She/he drives by your house to check on you, calls you, hacks into your email, follows you everywhere and pretty much is pretty much just a royal pain in the arse.

With the advent of technology, Psycho Stalkers have actually gotten more and more advanced in their torture stalking. It's like once you have had an open relationship with someone, there is no end to where and when the levels of Stalkeration. In my experience, guys are more apt to simply move on, wheras it's us females that tend to turn to stalker mode.

Now I would be remiss in this phase if I didn't reiterate what has been said so many times before. A Baaad Girl is not a psycho stalker. There is no way that she can even become such. Even though she might be going through heartbreak, there is no way her pride would even let her stoop to such lows. She picks up the pieces of her heart and MOVES ON. This is the key here and the distinction between the a stalker and a Bad Girl. A Stalker cannot move on as easily as we can.

Why is it easier for a Bad Girl to move on? Because we recognize that our next guy is going to be infinitely better than the last and that the Loser ex obviously didn't recognize our magnificence enough to deserve us. It's just that simple.

Your thoughts?

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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

The Mourning Period

Definition: This is the few weeks post breakup when your Ex is barred from shacking up and dating a new woman. Theoretically, he's supposed to be mourning the loss of your relationship and eschewing other women.

Last night I was told an interesting dating tale. A certain gentleman, let's call him Danny, told me his dating history. It seems that of the last few years, every single woman that he had broken up with actually had problems letting him go. Some stalked him, some harassed the women he dated after the fact, some contacted his dates and told them sundry facts to try and break up his new relationships. His question to me was, "Why are all of you women crazy like that? Why can't you just let go?"

My response was simple. "Are you sure that you emphatically told each and every one of these ladies that the relationship was over? Well, uh, I told them that I was done with them. Or did you sugarcoat the BreakUp Speech and then try to look like the nice guy still accepting phone calls and such from them?Well, I had to talk to them to tell them to leave me alone. Did you slide directly into a new relationship without a significant 'mourning period' for the last one? Most of the time, I broke up with them because I met a new person.

And that my dear is your problem. You turned each and every one of these ladies into the Psycho Stalkers they became.

See, women need to feel special, even though you broke up with us. The Mourning Period is strictly that, you are mourning the loss of our presence and abstaining (at least in our eyes) from other liaisons because noone else can ever compare. It's a pride issue and one that alot of guys do not recognise.

All you have to do during the mourning period is hang out with your buds. Sure, you can have the occasional one-night stand and such, but if I see you immediately dating another woman post break-up, you are violating the mourning period.

Men who do not show the appropriate respect and mourning period often end up with exes that feel scorned and used. And what does a scorned woman do? She turns into a raving Psycho. Remember, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Now my question to you ladies is, how long do you think the mourning period should be? I think it should be between 2-4 weeks, but that's just me.

Your thoughts?

Posted by Vixen @ 12:51 PM :: 16 trainees letting it rip!

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Monday, March 20, 2006

Love the Sisterhood

Hi this is Vixen's sister, she is back in the hospital and bored out of mind, so she made me type this. I hope you guys enjoy it cause she tends to use all her big words and i don't even understand it.

Ok ladies, I have to tell it like it is. Although we know that there are a lot of crazy desperate women out there, I think that it's time to give ourselves a break.

We all have heard the skanky stories of women who just make us ashamed of our own race, we all have heard of women who put up with too much shit. We have heard of the women who took that no-good-cheat back or the woman who stole the cheat from you. And don't forget the woman who has no discriminatory taste when it comes to men, who have sex with everything that has a penis. We have heard of women who give up too much of her life for a man, we have also heard of women who can't function without a man in her life. Some of us may have even been there a time or two. Which is why I think we should also empathize with these women.

We should put ourselves in her 4-inch Nine West pumps, we should try seeing her life from the inside looking out instead of outside looking in. Let's not belittle, insult, criticizing or belaguer each other, let the abuse, scandalizing, villifying stop. Let's stop calling each other names; sluts, whores, and bitches; let's leave the name calling to those who have no class.

As Maya Angelou would say "We are phenomenal women.. Each and every one" We are unique strong and special and we all deserved to be loved. Afterall only a woman could put up with nine months of agonizing body changes, give life to the world and then later be able to say "hell yeah, I would do it again." Afterall only a woman could look through the prison bars and still love the man on the other side. Afterall only a women can put up with these trifling men and still believe in love.

We are all phenomenal women and should not degrade each other but lift each other up. Love the sisterhood.

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Time Out

Hello darlings,

I've been really under the weather the past week. Not on the verge of death or anything, but sick enough that even I wasn't able to make it to a computer! (Not that there were any at the hospital that those nurses were willing to share--even if I could have asked!)

Anyway, I'm back home, getting some much needed R&R. I do have alot of catching up and reading to do, as well as some writing, but first I wanted to say hello and let you all know that I'm still breathing and didn't drop off entirely off the face of the earth!

I hope you all were Bad Girls in my absence:)

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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Controlled Giving

Definition: This is the gift given to you by someone that is spurred predominantly by feelings and thoughts of gaining or maintaining control in your life.

Now classic giving doesn't fall under this domain. A controlled gift is one that comes with strings attached. It's not coming from that nice, fuzzy place where you just want to give your partner a present just because, or even for their birthday or anniversary.

A controlled gift is one that stems from you wanting to have a string or connection to the receiver. You want something in return, or are giving mainly so that you can hold it back over the receivers head. "Look at all I have done for you, I have bought you yadayadayada." He/she will always be indebted to you (in your mind), because of what you have done for them. It might even be a standard scenario of bribing you buying your affection.

For example, a friend of mine was recently offered a free gym membership from one of his Exes. You might say that this could just be a gift of a friend to another, but bear in mind that she went out of her way to gift him with this. She signed him up, on her gym account and he doesn't have to pay a single dime. Controlled gift? Yes.

Most people aren't gracious receivers and feel that any present given to them must be repaid in one shape or another. That is not true. Gifts are that...simply gifts. They should not be turned into chains to leash you to any action besides a heartfelt thank you. Just because a guy buys you a nice bracelet doesn't mean that you should throw caution to the wind and let him treat you like crap. Just because he paid for dinner doesn't mean that you should serve yourself up as dessert, (unless you want to).

Alot of people give because it makes THEM feel good to give to you. They just like the look of absolute pleasure on your face when they present you with something they know you will like. It has nothing to do with how they want to be viewed by you or what they want you to do for them. Although not fully altruistic--it is a human, and more realistic motive.

It's all about the intent. If the gift is coming from a genuine desire to please you and make you happy, then hey, I'm all about receiving graciously. However, if it's a gift disguised as an expensive way for them to keep you in their corner, have you at their beck and call or throw back in your face at some distant future I'm going to have to say "Thanks but no thanks," to your subtle form of control.

Posted by Vixen @ 4:23 AM :: 12 trainees letting it rip!

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Monday, March 06, 2006

Electronic Dating

Definition: Electronic dating is when the majority of your communications with a certain person you are 'dating' are via text messages and emails, and you barely--if ever have spoken on the telephone.

In this day and age, the advancement of technology is a beautiful thing to behold. However, it has also taking a lot of the personalization out of relationships, be it business, personal or social. It's so much easier to send a mass Evite to all your friends telling them about your upcoming party than it is to call each and every one. It is also less nerve wracking to drop an email to the person you are seeing confirming details of your date and such than to talk on the phone.

However, the ease of this communication has seriously broken down the dating sphere as we know it. You can email a guy you met online for several weeks, talk via instant messenger for several days and then text each other with your date confirmation...all this and you still don't even have a real feel of what the person is about. We all know that online we only show facets of ourselves, and it's actually very easy to be witty and sound intelligent via email. I mean, facts and figures are all Google-lable, and you can think and analyse your responses before the person even gets them. E-dating allows for a certain editing...you can always hit the delete button if you don't like what you typed. It is easy to get attached with people you don't know via the internet, and it's wierd that you can have a huge crush on someone that you don't even know what his voice sounds like!

Because of the ease of the whole electronic dating, guys have become lazier and lazier when it comes to the simple courtesy of dialing your digits to make plans. They would rather spend several minutes going back and forth with text messages than actually getting all the necessary information with one less than 5 minute phone call. My friend used to date a guy that never, ever talked on the phone, even after they had met. He would rather email her to make plans back and forth or send IMs or text messages. How hard is it to pick up the phone and call?

I don't like e-dating simply for this reason. I believe in making heartfelt connections, and it's hard for me to develop a genuine connection with your computer, pager, cell phone or sidekick in the middle.

Add to the fact that the connection developed is very casual and it's very easy to get dropped easily. After all, all he has to do is send you a break up text message (C u l8r), block your emails, IMs and disappear all together.

There is something about the personalization of the phone and intimate conversations that beckons me every single time. I would get attached more readily to a guy that I talk to and physically date than one that I just e-date. If the e-date doesn't proceed at a normal pace into phone calls and actually meeting...then I'm hitting the delete button.

Your thoughts?

Posted by Vixen @ 2:48 AM :: 17 trainees letting it rip!

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Friday, March 03, 2006

My Sexual Evolution

I dabbled in a little guest blog expose on Mitesh's blog, Forty+six-two. There is a post there that was written by me on me which further expostulates my inner leanings.

The title...Vixen's Sexual Evolution.

TGIF!! Have a great weekend everyone.

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Thursday, March 02, 2006

Breaking Points

In my studies on pain, I have come to realize that everyone has a different threshold for pain. For some, a pain level of 6 might be bearable, while for another person, 6 is excruciating enough that they want meds instantly to put them out of their misery.

Keeping this in mind, as women we also have different levels that we can take. Some of us will internalize and bear alot more, put up with ALOT more bullshit that other women wouldn't even stand for. This doesn't mean that we are weaker or stronger, it just means that our thresh-hold is different.

At times, you and your lady friends may not even have the same Dealbreakers. So if she is okay with the guy acting a certain way that you think is utterly distasteful, ultimately, it is her dog man and you might have to back down.

I've seen relationships where the lady has borne so much pain and humiliation in the guise of love and steadfastness, and the first thought that comes to my mind is Hell no, that can never be me! This doesn't mean that I'm better or smarter than her, it just means that my thresh-hold is different. Eventually, even the more stalwart and stoic ladies will reach a point when they crack and say enough is enough.

You have to bear in mind that your friend must come to on her own to the decision that this wanksta is not worthy of her affection.

Now I'm not saying that you should allow your friend to stay in shark infested waters without trying to rescue her, but I think that if she is not ready to leave the dirtbag --she is not going to leave him no matter how much pressure you exert. In this case, you would just have to back down and hope for the best.

Your thoughts?

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