Thursday, April 17, 2008
Why is He With His Mistress?
It's stories like this that make my eyes water and my head feel like it's about to blow up.
Here's my story, I'm an African single mother 27 yrs,my son is 7 yrs old. I have a pretty decent lifestyle; running my own event management business. I've been dating a 38yr old African gentleman (he's married to a white woman) race is only being emphasized because part of my question lies in it.
We've been dating for 3 yrs to date, he's always been supportive in every way....he's helped me greatly to start up the business I'm running right now. He takes care of my family's well being.....but it's never been about sex either, we hardly have it; we talk a lot we have a great friendship. Lately I have made a mental decision to keep myself away from him....why you ask? Because when you rock the boat a little, I feel a man wakes up...I think he tends to get comfortable with me. It's not a bad thing it's just I feel I stop being that special someone to him. He cares about me, although he's not so good when it comes to expressing emotions and stuff so the few times he verbalizes it but I wonder is there something more he's not telling me.
Over the the 3yrs we've been together I have had 2 confrontations with his wife (in which I never & never will confirm the relationship). Everytime she's called me all the vile names under the sun I've just not responded. First because.... I'm not looking to replace her. Secondly getting in I knew he was married and never expected him to leave her. Most importantly, he's never promised me anything along those lines even though there have been well known ruffles in his marriage. I just wanna stay far from the ruffles...and he's aware of that.
Still in these 3yrs I have mentally taken advantage about the various opportunities I have being with him, in turn I have upgraded myself/my family and our life style; I continuously put finances I get from him away for safe keeping...(u know, for my future) its just I actually do regard him as my partner, my man. Look I know I'm his mistress & will continue to be....but I am human and just want some authentic reason why he's down with me the way he is. Do u think it has to do with the interracial marriage, his age, my age, his ego, our culture?
So I've kept myself busy for the last month, I guess he feels it because I don't call, text or e-mail like before I've mentally cut down on him, he's tried to arrange for a day out for us and unfortunately...'I've been busy'. I just want him to feel like he really needs me for specific reasons, that have more to do with us and not just his mood.
Okay mistress lady, I have to be brutally honest with you on this one. You are breaking the rules of the sisterhood by engaging in relations with a married man. Especially since you knew he was married when you started up with him. Before I get into the whole issue that you present, remember that marriage is a sacred vow between a man and woman and God (or whatever religious being) and you are invading that sacred vow. So you not only have to answer to her but some spiritual deity is waiting to hear your explanation as to why you would knowingly hurt another woman for your own pleasure and financial gain. Be that as it may, I am not judging you because everyone has their own level of morality and scruples, but I am stating that even I, with all my sexual freedom and enlightenment would never tangle with the higher powers.
It's surprisingly shocking to me that you sound actually proud of it. In addition to that you acknowledge that you've used and taken advantage of the situation by upgrading your family. Kudos to you for starting a business that helps take care of your son, but is this really the kind of example that you want to show him? That women use men to get ahead in life?
Jumping off the soap box, I really don't understand what your question is. He's with you because you are giving him something that his wife doesn't. It could be the intrigue, sex, excitement, attention or even someone to talk to. He comes to you when he wants to escape the reality of his existence. Perhaps it's even that you are black and his wife isn't. Maybe he likes that you are both from the same culture. I can't answer that question for him, but whatever it is, it's something that keeps him firmly entrenched at your side despite all the manipulative shenanigans you are pulling.
Reality check honey, you knew what you were getting into when you got involved. You need to stop thinking of him as your man and instead as your sugar daddy. You are a lesson in contradictions. You don't want to be his wife, but you want all the benefits of him being your husband. You want him only in the good times and when you feel like it. You need to understand that whatever his reasons are you are his mistress, so stop wanting to eat your cake and have it. You can't act like you don't want him but worry about his feelings for you. You need to sort through your confused feelings for him and understand that whatever that feeling is, you are still dealing with another man's wife and taking away from another woman's joy. And remember that karma can be a total bitch when she comes around to it.
You are acting like his part time wife, and then throwing a fit because he isn't fitting into your schedule. You are the mistress, the kept woman. You fit into his schedule and not the other way around. If you don't he will find another woman that will and all that money you've been stashing away will be used up pretty soon to pay up the bills. You are at his beck and call, that's what he's ponying up for.
He's getting to eat his cake and have it too. Unfortunately it's women like you that make men think that they can get away with doing whatever they want to with no repercussions for their selfish actions.
My advice is to invest in a real relationship that can truly substantiate your independence, your need to be loved, your womanhood and will be a better example to your child. Because, your son is the reason (or excuse) that you are using to justify your current actions and that is not the right thing to do.
Labels: Cheating, Girl Talk, Marriage
Posted by Vixen @ 4:13 PM ::
4 trainees letting it rip!
Talk to Me!