Friday, March 28, 2008

When You Think You Aren't Good Enough

One of my male readers sent me a question that details his feelings for a fabulous, amazing girl that he's totally growing feelings for. Everything in their relationship is quite wonderful, they are in sync and she's totally great. The only pitfall so far is that he has feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. He's afraid that he will wake up one day and she'll no longer be into him.

How do you tell your self that you deserve someone when you have such low self esteem? How do you raise your self esteem when all you're life you've been told that you're not good enough to have this or that...

She's just been with so many guys, better looking that I am that I fail to grasp what she wants from me. She tells me that I'm her first ever "real" relationship and that she's never felt like how she felt before but i don't know... I still feel undeserving.

She means everything to me and I may not have much to offer her but I'm willing to give her what I have... but the thing is... These thoughts... these self inflicting thoughts.. they hinder me. I don't want her to be just another girl in my life... I want her to be the girl of my life.

First of all, you have to know you aren't alone. Even the most confidant person suffers from moments of insecurity. The problem starts when you let these feelings over-ride your every thought, action and decision.

You have to keep one thing in mind at all times SHE'S WITH YOU! She chose you for a reason---there is something about you that has her totally caught up in getting to know you. You are right, she could be with anyone else in the universe, someone that in your esteem deserves her better. But she Chose You! There are hundreds of hot, confidant people that she must have come across, but only one version of you. You are unique, and the compilation of your soul, spirit and character is intoxicating to her. You don't have to do anything or be anything other than yourself, because that is who she really wants.

Here is a list of some of the things that she sees in you (in case you were wondering). You treat her so well. You are kind, compassionate and romantic. You keep your word. You don't lie to her. You aren't cheating on her. You are funny and fun to be around. You make her feel like she's the best thing that ever happened to you. You bolster her emotions. You are attuned to her needs and emotions. You care. These are all your attributes, just some of the many reasons that she's falling for you.

Those other guys that you are so sure she should be with haven't proven to her that they have the care and consideration to guard her heart. That's why she isn't with any of them. In fact, all those relationships you described, if you ask her why they ended, she will tell you in detail that each of those guys betrayed her feelings or broke her heart.

She recognizes the beautiful qualities that you have and thinks you are a Real Man. In fact, at this moment, she might even be thinking that you are quite possibly her dream guy. She is adoring you from the inside out---just the same way that you adore her. And just because you don't think you are fine doesn't mean that you aren't! For all you know, she sees you as totally hot! Remember, attraction and chemistry is subjective, that means that what I find as sexy might not be the same that someone else would. It sounds like she's digging the fine appeal that you have. You probably don't even know what it is, the quirk of your nose, the glint in your eye, the smell of your body, the way she feels safe and protected around you, the beautiful long eyelashes, the joyful smile...the list is endless. These are all things that make up her attraction for you that you don't even realize.

I know that you've had moments of rejection in the past from other people in your life, but you have to realize that just because some dumb chick doesn't recognize how cool you are doesn't negate the fact that you are really a good person. Don't carry the damaged baggage of your past to tarnish this beautiful relationship that you now have.

It's natural to fear the future or fear the outcome of giving your heart to her. But fear at the end of the day is just going to keep holding you back. In fact, fear is powerful enough to make you ruin the great vibe you two have going right now. When I first met Norio, I was jaded and cynical--unbelieving that it was even possible to meet someone that was so right for me. The struggle against allowing myself to fall in love with him was a huge one for me; because I was dealing with all the emotions you are describing right now.

But it's much better to let yourself fall in love with this wonderful girl than to keep holding back until you turn into Mr. Unavailable. That is what all those other guys before you were to her, they were unavailable emotionally---and that's why they didn't deserve or end up with her. Don't fall into the same hole. Remember, you want her to be the girl of your life.

Please Steve, stop wallowing is this state. Remember, confidence is sexy---totally sexy. If you keep sending out vibes of needy insecurity, you are telling her that you aren't the man that she thinks you are, she's making a bad choice and then turning your fears into a self fulfilling prophecy.

SHE IS WITH YOU! SHE CHOSE YOU! So let go and savor every single moment in it's entirety. Love her---that is all she wants in return, love her fully and unconditionally; the same way that she's loving you.

Good luck.

Labels: Ask Vixen, Dating, Relationship issues

Posted by Vixen @ 3:39 AM :: 5 trainees letting it rip!

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