Bad Girl's Guide

Monday, June 18, 2007

Dealing with a Joy Stealer

Definition: A joy stealer is a person that derives pleasure and entertainment from making other people miserable. Known in sexual circles as a masochist, a joy stealer is only content when they are embroiled in a battle of wills, wits, emotions, hissy fits, screaming matches, bullying, fighting and making other people miserable.

I really don't know the etiology of a joy stealer, but she is also known under other broader terms of drama queen, hater, sociopath and psycho bitch. I haven't really had that much experience with male JS's so I'll just pretend for the sake of this post that they don't exist.

A JS is the heifer that when you tell her about your new promotion immediately launches into the downfalls of taking the position. You tell her about your fabulous new guy and she reminds you that you date losers so therefore by virtue of dating you he's automatically a loser. It irritates her to see anyone happier or more successful than she is and the only way to bring the world in her estimation back to normal is to pull you down.

You might be blissfully happy but the moment you enter her presence it's all doom and gloom like the world is coming to an end. She's a master manipulator and quite adept at pushing your buttons. Your feelings are constantly in an upheaval in her presence, raging from one extreme emotion to the next like a swinging pendulum. A JS feeds off the misery and sadness of others like a vampire, taking satisfaction in seeing you fly into a rage, emotional outburst or tears.

My mom always said, (and I'm sure many of you have heard this), "Don't let the devil steal your joy." So how do you handle a Joy Stealer?

The same way that you handle a Drama Queen or Attention Whore. Don't engage her. As Chrys would say, maintaining an icy cool exterior even when you are seething on the inside will serve to confuse and intimidate her. She won't be able to figure you out, what your motives are or how to deal with you. This pretty much nullifies the attraction to attacking you and she'll move on to other prey.

I know that the visceral reaction is to either wanna bitch slap her, drag her by the hair and unto the street for a bonafide cat-fight or kick the living daylights out of her, push her off a cliff, into oncoming traffic, run her over...etc. etc. but bear in mind that any reaction is really what she's looking for. So responding even in a minute way is just the ammunition she needs.

In my estimate, having a joy stealer in your life is like begging to get the happiness and joy sucked out of you. This is a toxic relationship in it's finest form and it's best for you to get out as fast as you can and run in the opposite direction.

Have you ever come across a Joy Stealer? How did you deal with her?


Posted by Vixen @ 1:32 AM :: 6 trainees letting it rip!

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