Saturday, July 08, 2006

Toxic Friendships

Definition: A toxic friendship is one that is detrimental to your happiness and well-being.

I'm a great believer in having your Circle of Life, friends that you know have your back 24/7 as you have theirs. The friends that honor the code as well as all the precepts laid down for the Sisterhood.

Every relationship you have in your life (except the bonds of blood, for we cannot choose our relatives), should enrich your life as you enrich theirs. That is the premise that most friendships are based on---but not alot fulfill.

As with any relationship, the effort put forth to keep a friendship should be reciprocal. However, in this day and age, it's getting harder to find and stay close to your best friends, the ones that have been time-tested and mother-approved. A shift has appeared in most because of distance, change in life phases, or a life altering-crises. So we've moved on to finding replacements, friends that we know for this phase of our life, for this new move, for this job. These are all good friends in their own right, but few fit the mold of our best friend.

The reasons a friendship could become toxic are varied but usually all stem from the same place---selfishness. When she starts putting her needs as a constant first instead of the friendship first, this affects your relationship. Selfishness tends to yield other notable characteristics like frienvy, jealousy, cock-blocking, or one of you breaking the Code.

How do you know if your friendship is toxic?

• You start making up excuses why you can't see her or talk to her on the phone.
• You get upset whenever you are around her for an extended period of time.
• You have alot of things that you don't bother telling her---secrets and personal details that she used to be privy to back in the day.
• You find yourself always doing things for her and helping her out, but when you are in need, she is no where to be found.
• One or both of you is always mad at the other, having fights seemingly every week or so.
• She does things you don't agree with.
  

The problem with holding on to a toxic relationship is mainly that you are surrounding yourself with all that negative energy. Especially if you are the sort (like me) who doesn't say exactly how she feels right then and there but holds on to it. The feelings and emotions sit and fester in you, making you moody, upset, irascible, irritable, easily hurt and difficult for no outward reason. The energy eventually spills over to other areas/people in your life and affects those relationships as well.

Sure, it's difficult to let go of a friend that you've known for several months/years/decades, but sometimes, it's better in the long run. Life is hard enough without adding toxic friendships to the mix.

And who knows---perhaps after a period of time without you, she will realise what a great friend you are and make amends, improving the friendship in the future.

Your thoughts?

Labels: Girl Talk

Posted by Vixen @ 2:21 AM :: 6 trainees letting it rip!

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