Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Phone Etiquette for Dummies

I was cleaning out my hard drive and came across this article that I had written when Baggage Reclaim first got started, so I never published it on here. Since this week we seem to be on the topic of phone calls I figured it was applicable. It's in the snarky vein that most of you seem to enjoy....I'm not mentioning any names but you know who you are!

Calling a perfect stranger for the first time is quite difficult, and takes guts and finesse on both parts. Having been dating both online and in real life for several years now, I’ve realized some things that should enhance the situation and not make it worse. First of all, bear in mind that I gave you my number, which means there must be something that I liked about you. However, you can still blow it just as easily if you don’t call with prudence. Before you pick up the phone to call me for the first time, before you dial the digits, you have to keep these tips in your mind. Failure to proceed with utmost caution and respect will never get you a date or future conversations. Consider the first discussion as an interview. It’s a first impression that can never be changed. And despite contrary opinions, first impressions do last forever.

1. Do not call me after 8pm. I don’t know how things are in your neck of the woods, but I’m a busy girl and have a life, usually plans around this time. If you have the audacity to interrupt these plans, you better have a damn good reason. Also bear in mind that calling before 10am is rude. You might be waking me up, and that would just annoy me as well.

2. If you do call, and I don’t answer, leave a brief message with your name and number. Do not keep calling me over and over again. No Bugaboos allowed. I didn’t answer the first time, so what makes you think that I’m going to suddenly pick up on the 3rd, 4th or 10th time you called? Caller ID was invented for a reason, and this sassy diva knows how to use it.

3. If you decide to call me back later on, give specific time and day that you will be calling back and honor that time. You have a 30 minute window, so if you say that you will call around 9 pm, which means that at 931, you late.

4. If I’m interested and decide to call you back or pick up when you call, after the first round of pleasantries, get straight to the point. Ask me out right then and there. That way, neither of us has to sit on the phone with sweaty palms and bated breath, and I can get back to my fantastically fun life. However, if the conversation proceeds, we can be more at ease having gotten the reason you are calling out of the way.

5. When you do ask me out, suggest drinks, coffee or a lunch. In a very public place with lots of people!!! Do not try to finagle a meeting at your place or mine. Remember, I don’t know you that well, or trust you at all, so don’t set yourself up for a flat-out no.

6. If I don’t want to date you, I will tell you that I’m not interested. I don’t want you to keep trying. I’m NOT playing hard to get, I’m just not that into you. Do not try to change my mind, cajole, beg or plead. This will only piss me off and land you in the category of a whiner. End the phone call politely and hang up. After all, not every job you interview for will land you a position. Don’t take it personal, you are just not my type.

7. If you do manage to keep me on the phone after we have confirmed date information, please do not talk about your mother, your ex, your baby mama or any sexual innuendos. The conversation should be a polite discourse of the things we have in common. If you need some topics, try movies, music and art. Stay away from politics, religion and past relationships unless asked. Even then, keep it brief and non-confrontational. Be yourself and don’t lie because my sixth sense will pick it up immediately. If I ask you a question that you can’t answer without breaking one of the commandments, lying or making yourself look bad; just reply that you would rather go into details about it. I will respect your right to privacy and expect you to do the same.

8. If you do happen to be a great conversationalist and we actually have good phone chemistry, don’t think you should sit back, relax and assume you’re in like Flynn – because you’re not! You are still on probation until notified otherwise, so don’t equate stimulating phone conversation with the fact that we will have a great date. Life isn’t perfect like that.

9. The standard first phone call should last no more than 10 minutes. Twenty if I like you and we hit it off, but that is a remote possibility. Do not try to turn this into a talking marathon; I do not want to connect with you on the phone for hours and hours. This just builds up unnecessary expectations that you will crush on the first date. Let’s not build castles in the sky, we haven’t even met yet, so don’t start naming our firstborn.

10. As soon as you see me trying to wind up the chat, surrender gracefully and we might talk again. Feel free to hint that you would love to spend time talking to me again and you may get your wish. However, do not try to keep me on the phone too long or you might get a message on your phone saying something came up. Don’t be too intense, it will scare me away.

All in all, follow these rules and you will be assured future discourse and consideration in your application process.

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Are there any rules that you feel should be on this list? Are there any that you think aren't applicable? Leave your comment after the jump.

Labels: Dating

Posted by Vixen @ 1:48 AM :: 4 trainees letting it rip!

Talk to Me!

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