Bad Girl's Guide

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Letting Go of Toxic Women.

I'm all about the Sisterhood, but not everyone in the Sisterhood is a true member and not every woman should be your friend. I got a question from a reader the other day that just verified that belief.

I've just cut my 'girlfriends' out of my life. Part of me misses the good times I had with "the girls" but I just can't see being involved anymore with women who have this many issues...there has to be other women I can hang out with. The issues range from divorce, fidelity, cheating, sleeping with another man and office gossip. We rarely if ever talk about anything positive or progressive.

So lately I don't really talk to them on non-work related issues, and if so it's very limited. I make my own weekend plans, and I do not spend every lunch break eating with them. I've noticed they won't go out of their way to make plans with me, and all of the attention goes to the one that has the most drama that day/week. I really would like to introduce them to new things and people but it doesn't seem to happen and I don't want the whole world in my business.

Is it cool to handle it like this? Or am I just being too standoffish to my old "girls"? Should I kill these "friendships"?

You followed your gut and your intuition on this---and it's a very good thing. These women are too caught up in their own drama to even realize that they are sabotaging the very relationships that they are bitching about. There is a saying that goes, "Show me your friends and I will show you who you are," and from what I know about you, it doesn't sound like this is the type of woman you are.

You have a man that adores you and you love him as well. Instead of sitting with these women as they spread their toxicity to you and your relationship, follow your heart and step back from them. There is no way that some of that won't wash over you.

My mom back in the day loved watching soap operas. She never missed an episode of General Hospital and Young & the Restless. It wasn't until she started talking to her friends flipping out that maybe my dad was cheating because he came home late one day that she realized how far her obsession with stories had infiltrated into her relationship. She had to cut that out of her life instantly and realize what a great guy she had.

You do get influenced by your friends, and it sounds like they are a wannabe Sex & the City bunch. I would talk to them and let them know that you can't be friends anymore. Although as dramatic as they are---they would probably create a whole segue around you. You did the right thing hun, go find friends that love life and edify you. Find the ones without the constant foolish drama. It's okay to cut toxic people out of your life. In fact, it's good self care.

Other reading: Toxic Friendships

Good luck!

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Posted by Vixen @ 12:49 AM :: 5 trainees letting it rip!

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