Sunday, June 15, 2008
When Your Guy is Stingy
I have a boyfriend, who I have been dating for a few months. He is 26 and I'm 23. Once upon a time he use to be a 'player'. He hopped from chick to chick. He also use to trick money. He used to spend a ton of money on chicks. He'd take them shopping, out to dinners, on trips the works. Now that he's with me, he hardly spends any money. He hasn't bought me a gift at all. We go out and I feel like its my duty to pay for a dinner or pay some of it. And I don't mind paying for stuff, but not all the time. He has a job and makes a ton of cash. I don't make hardly anything compared to him. But in addition to all the other stuff, I cook for him. I have taken him out to lunch on his lunch breaks. I bought him a few thinking of you gifts- cds, books. Little things like that.
I feel maybe because I am so giving that I give out a flaming red flag to be taken advantage of or what? But its like, I want to be treated like I treat him. I don't want to change my generous nature because he's so cheap. Hope this helps. Seriously some advice is so necessary. Thanks!!!! Also, my parents have a lot of money and they help me out. Maybe he assumes that i just have tons of cash from them that i need nothing from him. I'm just trying to get him to stop being so stingy and be more generous. I'd like a few gifts every now and then. That's all. I don't want to sound like a gold digger by far, but if I do then I'm sorry. I'm just trying to get him to come off the cash a little.
Wow. Just wow. After sorting through all that, I figure that this guy is not as into you as you are into him. I don't know if you are missing the obvious clues or leaving them out, but he's not courting you at all. You are the only one making all the effort, you take him out, buy him presents and pay on dates. It's like you have switched roles in this whole thing and he's enjoying the status quo. You set the tone however, so this is your shit to clean up.
It's not about the money. It really isn't. It's about the lack of foresight he's taking into garnering your attention and affection. He doesn't have to do anything at all but show up and you are treating him like he's a prince among men. Which isn't wrong, it's just that you are too intense for his level of committment. Your attentions must match his level of committment or you are just setting yourself up for heartbreak.
You are waaaaay too into this guy, I get that. I also get the sense from you that since he used to be a player, you are doing everything in your power to get him in your corner and away from other girls. You are bending over backwards trying to keep him from straying. This is a huge glaring error on your part, because if a guy is going to cheat, he will cheat, regardless of how good you treat him.
Also there is a level of insecurity and desperation in your actions, and by throwing all this cash around (THAT YOU DON'T HAVE!!!) you are trying to buy his affection. The truth is that he's not that into you. He loves the presents and attention, but he doesn't have feelings for you. The women that he has feelings for---those are the ones getting the presents and dates, those are the ones that he's making an effort to see and get to know better. With you he's just coasting by and taking advantage. You aren't the only person been here, so don't feel so bad. Even I've been through a similar scenario in my youth, which is why I know the clues so well.
My advice, move on. You are young, pretty and have it going on, so stop settling for this guy that isn't all about you. And stop spending your parent's money (which they are giving you for your education) on some stupid guy. He's not worth it. It's okay to put your heart there and go for the guy you want, but when the guy you want is giving you clues that you aren't the girl he wants, then stack your chips and get the hell out.
Labels: Dating, Girl Talk
Posted by Vixen @ 6:05 AM ::
4 trainees letting it rip!
Talk to Me!