Wednesday, May 07, 2008

On Being the Perfect Girlfriend/Boyfriend

Years ago I had a boyfriend that fit the classic role of every single romanticized version of 'boyfriend' that a girl could think of. He was attentive, brought gifts, showered praises and compliments, listened and let me orgasm first. I was so caught up in the new stages of the relationship that it took several months for me to figure out that something was 'off'.

See my intuition was screaming that there was something wrong with this guy, that there was a mask that he wore around me and that he wasn't his true self. It took a lot of reflection for me to look past the romantic walks on the beach and flowers to even see that he was pretending. And when I peeled back the layers, I saw more than he was letting on. Sure he did like me, but he was also caught up in performing a role that he left out the part about being himself. His real self was still in love with his ex-fiancee and 'forcing himself' to move on because he felt that he should. *Cue rebound girl music*

I used to be so caught up in being the 'perfect girlfriend' that I didn't realise until much later that I wasn't being myself. I was being the image of the girlfriend that I thought my exes wanted denying my true identity and morphing into a Barbie prototype girlfriend. This of course had to backfire a few times before I realised what the problem was.

Every relationship is unique because it's two different people with different personalities connecting and trying to keep their identities intact yet meshed. It's also a power struggle because as humans we like to exert our superiority over others---even people we profess to care about and love.

The beauty of a mature relationship is that both partners are over the honeymoon phase, and still fully committed to each other. It's like you let your hair down, can use the bathroom at his house and both of you let your feelings fly without coating anything with saccharine sweetness. You both can honestly let your emotions out about anything and everything under the sun and having an argument doesn't break the relationship---it just makes it stronger.

Alot of people are afraid to drop the act and step out of the comfort zone, but once you let those shields down and let your true self out to play, then you are telling him/her that you trust them and in their ability to love you just the way you are.

And isn't that what you want anyway? To be loved for who you are and not the mask you are protraying?

Labels: Girl Talk, Relationship issues

Posted by Vixen @ 12:17 PM :: 1 trainees letting it rip!

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