Monday, October 22, 2007

When His Ex Goes Psycho Bitch Around You...

I got a question from one of my new readers. To paraphrase, she had recently started dating guy that had broken up with his former fiance a little over a month ago. Karen and the guy were really hitting it off.

Okay, he tells me that his ex still calls him once in awhile...makes excuses of why she needs to stop by his house, etc... He ALWAYS has been extremely honest with me and I respect him so much for that. He also told me that he informed her that we were now together.

While I was driving him home we talked about our relationship, and he told me how happy he was, and that he had definitely made the right decision calling off the wedding because if he hadn't...we would not be together now. We got to his house around 3 a.m., he invited me inside, he went to the bathroom, and I let his dog outside. Not even a minute later, I saw something out of the corner of my eye, and it was his ex-fiance charging up the porch!! She had been waiting for us. I ran to tell him that she was outside the front door, and then I just kept myself hidden for their five-minute screaming session on the front porch. When he came back in, he was genuinely upset at the fact that she had come over, and he was constantly apologizing for her actions. I reassured him that it was not his fault she came over, and that he cannot control what she does.

So, I guess what I am trying to ask is, what would you have done in that situation...or in future situations? I could have easily followed him outside, but I do not want to sink to her level. She is older than me, but is acting much more immature than I have ever acted in my life. I am not sure if this will happen again, but my sixth sense is telling me that it probably will. I really like him, and he has treated me better than anyone that I have dated in the past. If you have any other questions about this situation, or if I have been unclear, please let me know and I will try to explain further. Thanks Vixen!!

Wow, talk about awkward. Nothing beats getting caught up in the drama between a guy and his ex. As someone who has been on both ends of the spectrum, staying out of it was the right thing to do. You see, if you had gotten right in her face, it would have been blown more out of proportion with her turning the ire of the whole situation firmly on you. I can understand why she would be upset...and even why she's stalking her ex. However, for your sake, I would keep my distance for a while to let things to cool off. Why?

They just broke up. The wounds are still fresh and although the reasons for breaking up on his part might be valid, I really don't feel sufficient time has passed to not place you as the Rebound Girl. The Rebound girl gets all the drama, all the emotions, and rarely ever gets the man. So, tread softly.

He sounds like he's into you, and you're definitely into him, but I would really step into this with a degree of caution. He's got waaaay too much going on with the ex right now, and he needs to end all that before you get caught in the crossfire. Her beef isn't really with you, but for some reason, the fixation of her anger will turn to you. She'll think you are the reason they aren't getting back together (she obviously wants him back), and then you get caught in the fray. It's illogical, but when has love ever made sense?

She's not through with him yet and I don't think he's through with her yet. He hasn't been able to firmly set boundaries for her for the fact that she's still calling him, and over at his place. Be careful honey, I would definitely give him some space to deal with his 'ex-issues.'

Good luck.

Labels: Ask Vixen, Break Ups

Posted by Vixen @ 4:51 PM :: 4 trainees letting it rip!

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