Monday, September 10, 2007

On Staying With a Loser

I recently came across a lady that had been in a relationship with a guy for 10 years. They live together. She's not happy with him, both inside the bedroom and out---and he doesn't seem to care. He's never given her an orgasm with penetration, and in bed it seems like she's servicing him while he doesn't even try to reciprocate. He just fucks her for his own pleasure and she'll be lucky if she gets any pleasure from it. She told me that she's talked to him til she's blue in the face, and still he continues with his illicit affairs, I don't care attitude, and watching porn, jacking off while 'smoking weed' all day. She the only one that works, is holding the relationship together as tight as she can and they have no children together. And yet---she can't leave him.

My question to her was why? Why is she irretrievably stuck to a man that doesn't make her happy and isn't trying to? Why is she being the sole provider for his lazy, no orgasm-producing ass?

Her answer---she loves him.

I know it's a deeply prevalent paradigm and she's not the only one stuck in it. Women are slaves to love...we will do anything for it, put up with anything for it and suffer for it. But when do you look in the mirror and realize that sometimes, love isn't enough? There is nothing holding her to him other than 'love', the fear of change and the fear of being alone. She's used to him, and figures that the next guy she ends up with will be worse. To this I gave her a droll look---really? How worse can it get from Mr. Cheating, Porn Addicted, Weed Smoking, No Job Having, Slacker? He is the bottom of the barrel honey...move on up!

She told me that when they first got together, he wasn't like this, but over the years he started taking her for granted and that's when the down slide began. She was even angling to marry him in the hopes that things will get better---I almost hit my head on the wall in frustration at that point. I talked to her for close to an hour, but even though she knows she's not happy, for some reason, she's unable to take the bold stance and seize her happiness and future with both hands.

She's gorgeous, guys ask her out regularly and yet she turns them down to go home to him. I know there is a deep level of insecurity also probably in the mix, but I wish there was a way to break the chains one at a time. The sad part is that she doesn't realize that being alone is better than staying with a man that insidiously drains every ounce of radiance, energy and self worth from her.

A Baaaaad Girl has to know when to stay---and when to leave.

Labels: Ask Vixen, Break Ups, Relationship issues

Posted by Vixen @ 1:56 PM :: 7 trainees letting it rip!

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