Bad Girl's Guide

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Dating Several Men at the Same Time: Meet Lina

I'm a huge fan of your blog -- I am navigating dating at university and it's a brand new world. I've read your posts about how to date different men at the same time many times but don't have a clue how to put it in practice (and I honestly have been reading them way too many times). I have been seeing a guy for three months and he insists I not date others. I have told him many times that I am uncomfortable with this arrangement but we are intellectually and emotionally compatible and I think I am falling for him sometimes. However, I think I'd really like to be seeing some other just as nice (if not equally so) guys because it seems too soon for me to be able to decide anything. I appreciate your more expert advice as all my friends (obviously I showed them your post:) don't know. Thanks for your time and the great dating advice!

Okay, I'm going to address your question from different sides. If you are in an exclusive relationship with someone, then the proper thing is to not see other people. Serial dating is a useful tool when you are just dating to have fun, meet people and learn new things. It's upfront and honest, so there are no hurt feelings involved. From the onset of your relationship, between when you first meet and the end of the first couple of dates, you should have already stated that you are, "not looking for anything serious right now and do date other people." This sets the boundaries early and so he knows up front what he's dealing with.

Usually when deciding to serial date, the guy in the wings that wants to be exclusive with you is not going to accept you seeing other people when he wants to date only you. I can understand his position, especially since you've been dating him for 3 months, but if you aren't ready for a serious relationship---COMMUNICATE. "Jim, we have a great connection and I really do enjoy our time together but I'm not ready for a serious committed relationship right now. I'm still finding my way in both college, love and life and need the freedom to stretch my wings and go with the wind. I respect you and admire you enough that I want you to be happy in your choice of how you spend your time, so I don't have an expectation of exclusivity from you." Or you can just say, "Jim, I'm dating other people. And if you can't roll with this, I understand."

I think you are still kinda confused about your feelings for Jim. Although you really like him, you don't want strings. Jim also sounds like he's not listening. I don't know if you are being vague or something, but be direct, upfront and honest. "I can't get serious right now, it's just not right for me." Be prepared to understand his reticence if he decides he can't see you anymore. Sometimes you might click with someone, but not be in the same phase of your life. That doesn't mean that you two won't work out in the future however.

Now the Serial Dating's really not that complicated. Make yourself available to date, accept invitations/dates given 2-3 days in advance only, spend more time with the guys you really like and less time with the ones that you aren't that giddy about yet and wait for your feelings to develop. Let them all know that you are dating other people and then let the chips fall where they may. When you feel that Bachelor #3 is the right one, wait for him to make your relationship exclusive (or bring it up.) Acknowledge your feelings, and he must verbally state that he wants to date only you. Then---after a 'thinking over period' in which you've talked to your other suitors and let them know you "like them but want to explore the depths of the relationship with this other guy that you've been seeing", let Bachelor #3 know the deal and if it does work out...great! If it doesn't, you still have the other guys in your rotation that might probably still be kicking themselves that they lost out on you and angling to date you again.

The main thing is just to have fun, be your flirty fabulous self and be gracious and charming to all of them. Don't have sex with all of them (unless you are working on your Nympho Vixen title). Ummmm, besides that I don't know what else to add. It's been years since I even did this, but if you have any more questions, I'd love to answer you or I'm sure one of the lovely ladies on here would do the same.


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Posted by Vixen @ 4:00 AM :: 3 trainees letting it rip!

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