Sunday, January 20, 2008
When He's More Sexually Active Than You Were...
My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly a year and we are doing very well. Just the other day he pulled out his yearbook and we looked through pictures and read his friends comments and such, and I began to learn more about his sexual past. He told me stories before about him and other females and admits he used to be "wild" but for some reason when we looked through the year book I began to feel uncomfortable. When he was a teenager in a small town in Alabama it seemed like sex was the thing to do... And its pretty opposite for me. How do I come to terms with his sexual history? How do I deal with this need to measure up or compare...? I've had a lot of sex but with far less partners, because I was typically in long term relationships. Please let me know what you think.
Okay, talking about past sexual encounters usually is like opening up Pandora's box. No matter how 'cool' you think you are or the other person is, thinking about someone you care about screwing someone else is bound to yield one emotion or another. I always say it's better to leave the past in the past....what's done is done and rehashing it doesn't take the relationship anywhere.
At the same time, I have this avid curiousity to know EVERYTHING I possibly can about my partner. So I ask and question and present an open front to hear all the sordid little stories. And boy did Norio have them. First of all, I'm sexually liberated, but even I haven't amassed close to 10% of his conquests. I think most males go through that wild phase, society practically expects them to sow their oats. It's considered cool to be a player, have notches on your bed post, act like a horn dog and fuck anything with a pussy. But I digress.
Not only did Norio have sordid stories to tell me, he also had *gasp* photos and videos. So I had to deal with putting a visual on the stories, and ladies, never EVER watch your man with another girl---it's liable to make you hurl.
After this show and tell session I did what any girl would do in my position. I solidified my conquest of him by fucking the daylights out of him. It didn't put me off, in fact, it made me realise that I'm so much better in the sack than all the chicks I saw combined. That realisation also quickly brought another one---that he's with me now. He's with me.
It means that although your guy has had all these experiences it doesn't diminish your worth to him in any way. He's with you---only you and he is with you for a reason. Most men tend to grow out of their wildness and want someone on a deeper level. Sex is great but it's not the whole enchilada. And just because he had alot of freaky dicky doesn't mean that you aren't a full bad ass in your own right. The amount of partners you have had doesn't directly correlate to the level of your experience. Conversely the lack of experience doesn't directly correlate to the satisfaction of your partner in bed. There is something about you Mary that homeboy is digging. If he wasn't digging you, he wouldn't be around.
There is nothing that you should have to compare. So what if his ex had a bigger booty? You have bigger brains. So what if some girl he used to fuck knew how to do the Brazilian corkscrew? You come in a special package all on your own, with your own skills, personality, character, smarts and beauty. What's not to love?
So please, for the love of all things sexy, throw those insecurities out the window. You are better than all his previous women and pussy combined. You have got to believe in yourself because your lack of confidence will be what erodes the relationship---and not the amount of sex he's had in the past.
If you feel like your sex life isn't as freaky as it could be, then deal with that as a seperate issue, and not as a spring of insecurity from his past. Add erotic messages, dirty talk, lingerie and fantasies. Amp it up, sex it up and do it like the nympho you are. If all else fails, a bomb ass blow job does the trick everytime.
Chill out honey, he's with you now. Good luck.
Labels: Ask Vixen
Posted by Vixen @ 5:10 AM ::
2 trainees letting it rip!
Talk to Me!