Friday, August 10, 2007

Re: Cheating & Fidelity

Thanks for all the comments on the last hot topic! My definition of cheating actually varies much from the one in the last post---but the conversational definition was that verbatim. I believe that with that definition of 100%, it's an unrealistic expectation that leads to disappointment from the one that expects it.

Figleaf said something that struck a chord with me,

"For that matter I'll go one step further: I think it's kind of irresponsible to demand this sort of "100% faithfulness" of one's partner, male or female, because it makes "cheating" inevitable, "fidelity" impossible, and therefore makes what would otherwise be perfectly mutual, loving, and durable relationships either hypocritical or unsustainable. The energy two people would spend policing their own and each other's every thought might be better spent maintaining real love, respect, trust, and fidelity for each other instead."

In addition, communication between partners is key. I read somewhere that most times before a person cheats, they have a genuinely deep sense of dissatisfaction that they've tried to work/talk out with you to no avail. For them, cheating is an outlet of the frustration, a way to gain some semblance of control. (Okay, I agree it sounds like baloney). However, if there is some truth to that, and your partner has been practically jumping up and down trying to get you to listen to them, and you've been too immersed in your own mind or world to give them the attention they crave, then the result more often than not is cheating on some level.

A friend of mine told me that her guy emotionally cheated on her...he caught strong feelings for another woman. He never physically crossed any bounds, but emotionally, he breached her trust. To her, this was the worst form of cheating, because something physical can be more easily forgiven, but when it's emotional---that's deeper and hard to get rid of. How can you be sure he's over the other lady anyway?

I think the definition of cheating varies from person to person and from one relationship to another. At times, we are also quick to slap on the term 'cheating' when it doesn't even apply re: some of the examples of yesterday. However, I agree that if you are in a monogamous, exclusive committed relationship, then certain expectations of fidelity are expected and should be lived by.

I don't remember where I heard this, but there was a social/scientific experiment conducted that deemed that men (and sorry to keep focusing on y'all) are actually biologically wired to spread their seed around. It's the theory of propagating the Earth, marking their turf and other cavemen ideologies. Men are biologically hardwired not to be monogamous. Of course majority of women being biologically wired to possess maternal instincts and actually hormonally crave being pregnant, it's Nature's way of keeping the species alive.

I'm not bandying excuses for the other side, but I feel like there is something deeper than the act of cheating itself. It's a dissonance with your spirit, and a red alert that you are trying to seek happiness from the outside, when the source of true happiness comes from within you.

"Nothing is more noble, nothing more venerable than fidelity. Faithfulness and truth are the most sacred excellences and endowments of the human mind."~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

Labels: Cheating, Relationship issues

Posted by Vixen @ 11:14 AM :: 3 trainees letting it rip!

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