Sunday, August 05, 2007

Baby Mama Drama: When She's a Trainwreck

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he has a 6 year old son from his previous relationship. He is great and so is his son. We have plans to marry within a year or two. The problem I am confronted with is the baby mama. She is a complete mess. The baby doesn't even live with her, my boyfriend takes care of the baby full time. The baby mama has been in and out of jail this year and kick out of at least five places she has lived at. She disrespects me (calls me names) and makes her kid feel bad for liking me. She doesn't have a car or a stable place to live. Just recently she has been asking my boyfriend for favors. She asked my boyfriend if he could ask his family if they would shelter her. Also, she asked him to sale her his mother's car in payments. She has even been calling him for rides. I feel like this is disrespectful to me. My boyfriend feels like he needs to help her for their son sake. I don't want to be heartless but I feel that he doesn't owe her anything. He has taken full responsibility of their son and I think thats more than enough help. I am I over reacting? Should I have a talk with the baby mama?

I don't think it's up to you to talk with her. Your man should be the one talking to her. He's not setting firm boundaries in this relationship with his baby mama and she's taking advantage of that and running rough shod all over him. Asking him for rides if she's taking their son to get his immunizations is one thing---asking for rides for her to get her hair done is another. One is a necessity as well as a responsibility while the other just reeks of a baby mama taking full advantage of her sperminator.

She sounds like a total nutjob, and if I were you I would stay as far away from her as I possibly could. If your man hasn't already, encourage him to pursue full custody, because for the sake of his child, he needs to be in a nurturing, loving & stable environment and it sounds like his mama is incapable of providing that with her constant evictions and imprisonments.

You are right, he's taken full responsibility of his son and doesn't owe her anything, however obviously your man doesn't believe that. He's the one you need to talk to, he's the one giving her the nerve to ask for all this help. If he shut her down a few times and let her know that she's a grown woman and should take care of herself, she would quickly realise that he's not the one to call when she needs something. However, on some level, I sense he feels responsible for her as well as the kid, and this is what drives him to bend over backwards trying to help her. Which is a futile effort, because you really can't help someone that has no intention of breaking out of the corner they currently exist in.

Talking to her would just fuel her anger towards you and give her the validation that her antics are bothering you. Take the high road and keep doing your thing, ignoring her and not letting her get to you. She's not half the woman you are and eventually for the sake of her son I hope she comes to her senses and cleans up her act.

Good luck.

Labels: Baby Mama Drama

Posted by Vixen @ 5:40 PM :: 4 trainees letting it rip!

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