Bad Girl's Guide

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Celibacy

These are what I think the different levels of celibacy are.

Swearing off Men: This usually occurs when we've been burned severely in relationships over and over again. We want to heal emotionally, to get rid of the baggage and to learn to love ourselves again. So we re-connect with our circle of life, the sisterhood, our family and all our good friends and bond with them. We bypass mild flirtations and even go to the extent of not giving any man our number. We actually 'stop looking' and focus on other outlets, sports, hobbies, careers etc---anything to get us over the hump.

Swearing off Dating: It's a period where you recharge your batteries and find your romantic inclinations again. Usually suggested after a serial dating few months to no avail or when you find yourself becoming jaded & cynical even before you've met your first date. Or when you've become addicted to the thrill of dating and keep going on first/second dates but never have the ability to take it any further---even with a guy that's worthy. Or when every man you meet seems to be a rough draft of the last loser you dated. When you feel that you've dated every eligible man your city has to offer to no avail---perhaps it's time to take a break from dating. You can return again in a few weeks with a new perspective, and maybe there might be some new fish in the pond.


Swearing off Relationships: For those that tend to jump from one relationship to another, this is highly recommended. It's easy to want to instantly feel those wonderful romantic feelings and assuage your loneliness post-breakup by jumping into another relationship instantly but I always think that a mourning period should be observed. This is when you think about your ex, get over him and realise what happened in the relationship that was an error on both your parts. You focus on your mistakes and learn from them so that you won't do the same thing over in your next relationship.


Swearing off Sex: Yowza! After a while, even casual sex is no longer appealing. You wake up the next morning and realise that you don't feel any better or less lonely than you did before that drunken hookup. You realise that you have been using sex to get what you want from men, and have been using it to manipulate them. You've started equating sex as a bargaining chip. Perhaps you are in a relationship and have started taking sex with your partner for granted. You might believe that he's with you just because of your sexual prowess. You might have lost the zing---sex has become routine and humdrum, monotonous and boring. You have lost the real meaning of sexual intimacy and you have to take a break to be able to savor the novelty of it again.


Swearing off Love: For those of us who are in love with the idea of being in love, this might be hard to do. Remember, there is no such thing as love at first sight. It's lust/infatuation at first sight...love comes more gradually. You fall in and out of love so quickly that love has become a revolving word in your dictionary. You no longer get a flutter in your heart when you hear those magical 3 words. So hold your horses for a bit sweets, tamp those words in. Before you jump into mentioning the L-word, think about the emotion behind the feelings. Do you really feel that special feeling when you think about him? Would you really give him half your liver?

Your thoughts?

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