Bad Girl's Guide

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Oh Hell No!

I met a man in his 50's mind you (and no, I am not that old or interested) however, we'd met months earlier at a networking function and he called me. He is "in the business". Anyway, in our discussions, I tried desperately to keep our discussion on the straight and narrow, but he was DETERMINED to make it all sexual. Yes, he's 50 and he's a very sexy 50, but honestly, I wasn't that interested. He told me that he wanted to put his "tongue in my ass" and then he wanted me to "shit in his mouth" and he wanted a golden shower. OK. This is so far out of my league that I honestly didn't know what to do or how to answer. What gives? Is this real? Are there people out there who wouldn't mind a little human excrement in their systems? And how would he feel if I never, ever, wanted to kiss him based on his *ahem* meals?

From the tone of your email, I can already tell that you totally aren't feeling the whole "human excrement" vibe. As freaky as I consider myself, there is no way that I could even feel comfortable with a proposal like that. So let's just file this in the "Hell to the NO!" category and move on to the rest of your question.

Based on a quick internet search, yes unfortunately I have to let you know that it is real. In fact, there are alot of people that partake in this kind of encounters and most even confess to alot of visceral enjoyment from it. The scientific term, courtesty of Wikipedia is Urolagnia & Coprophagia...and the names sound quite daunting by themselves. There isn't that much danger with the golden shower thing because urine is sterile. However it might kick up one's sodium & mineral levels to unhealthy levels. It's suggested to do it in the shower and rinse afterwards. However, with feces, that's a whole kettle of worms (emphasis on the worms part.)
"Coprophagia is extremely uncommon in humans. It is generally thought to be the result of the paraphilia known as coprophilia, although it is only diagnosable in extreme cases where it disturbs one's functioning. Consuming other people's feces carries the risk of contracting diseases spread through fecal matter, such as hepatitis. Consuming one's own feces potentially involves risk, as the bowel bacteria and eggs of parasitic worms are not safe to ingest. Similar risk can apply to related sexual practices, such as anilingus or inserting an object into the mouth that has recently been in the anus (see ass to mouth).
Frankly, I think homeboy is hella nasty to even bring this up. Especially when it's a relatively new relationship and you two haven't even had any sexual relations yet. Utterly presumptuous, wouldn't you say? If you were even remotely interested, this probably nipped it in the bud. As for you not wanting to kiss him---that's totally understandable. Besides, he can still pass stuff to you from kissing, his mouth is probably swimming with all kinds of bacteria from all the feces he's been ingesting.

So what do you tell him? "Oh hell fuckin' no" should get the point across quite emphatically. Hopefully he will lose your number shortly thereafter. Ok, I'm going to take a long, scouring shower right now. I feel so dirty!

Please chime in with your thoughts. If there is anyone out there that has tried this and sees the other side of the fence, feel free to leave an anonymous comment with insight. We promise not to bash you....too hard;)
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