Bad Girl's Guide

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Men & Porn, pt 2

Ok, I'm going to respond to a few of the comments here. First of all, let me apologize for the earlier confusion---for some reason, I was thinking snuff & porn were the same thing. Don't ask me why, let's just chalk it up to a dumb moment. Didn't mean to scare y'all like that, I'm sure there might be some guys into snuff but I highly doubt it's a serious trend. So...let's snuff the snuff side of things, shall we? Secondly, thanks for everyone that responded. It was nice to see what the general feel was and how everyone thought.

Before I did further research on trends and read your comments, my view was always that I didn't see any problem with porn as long as it's once in a while and not a constant habit or an addiction, you still managed to rock my socks off in bed and it didn't affect our sexual relationship in any way. In fact, I've viewed it more as a provocative stimulant, knowing that men are highly visual beings and have found some porn to be erotic and sexy. If you are crossing lines of watching "weird" porn like under-age children, animals or violent stuff, or substituting porn for sex, making it a regular course in the menu, needing porn to have sex etc. then---and only then would I start getting alarmed.

Moving right along, a male reader Jay, left me a few interesting thoughts that I'd like to post on here.
"I think dudes watch porn that depicts what they don't get. I think lesbian porn is the most watched, followed by anal then oral then threesomes; then 1 on 1. If your man wants anal and you don't want to give it then he will desire anal porn."
This would support the theory that there is something in porn that attracts a guy that he's not getting at home. However, what if he is getting everything he wants/fantasizes in bed and still is stuck on pornography? What's the excuse then? It could also be what Teri called the 'Forbidden Fruit' syndrome. Remember how you would buy cigarettes to smoke with your friends as soon as you left home because it was forbidden at home even though you weren't really a smoker? Unhealthy habits become more attractive when it's always been banned from you or seen as wrong.

Christine also gave what I would classify as a wonderful rebuttal. She eloquently said, "Where is the line between innocent titillation and depravity? And I definitely think that one exists. I don't think a man viewing some pretty gals in the buff or even watching a video a couple of times a year is a problem to any relationship. The problems come in when the guy sits on the Internet each night pleasuring himself to strangers and then wonders why he can't get the same excitement out of his partner. The woman feels rejected and the relationship turns to shit. All because of strangers in g-strings, bikini waxed and having their ass cracks bleached. Does this behavior degrade women? Naaa. I don't think most men think of these gals as someone they want in their lives, just in their beds."

Stephen also responded with a very firm rebuttal. "Pornography and prostitution effects the way men view women as an entire gender. And the men who say that all men watch and enjoy pornography are simply trying to justify their own depravity and fear of women. Pornography, in general, is about men, as a gender, owning and controlling women and their sexuality, as a gender."

Now that is an interesting concept. As women, we do have such a strong power and molding force in the world. We have such inner strength and will that has been found to intimidate most men. Could it be a way for them to channel that power and bind it? It is easier to treat your partner badly when you see such negative portrayals on a regular basis. And most of the poses in pornography do suggest strong elements of subjugation and submissiveness on the part of women.

There are a few sassy ladies that have actually been burned by this route before. The closest I've ever come to being burned wasn't really anything to write home about compared to the experiences I heard from you. However, the Porn Survivor Anon as I'd like to call them made me realise that this is actually a deeper problem than I originally thought. It shouldn't be classified as 'what men do' and excused as a by-product of having balls. It should be seen as abnormal, and then maybe it wouldn't be such a booming industry. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you that you have a hot vixen in your bed and you have to get your rocks on a plasma screen?
As Kay said, "In actuality, porn is degrading to human relationships in general...Porn is not reality, it is fantasy. In unhealthy minds, fantasy is the only thing acceptable, or fantasy is desired above reality. The reality is, a lot more women would be more sexually receptive if men weren't so obsessed with sex in general... and that includes porn."
Teri went on to state that if your man idolized/idealized porn stars, "It would make me feel like he's a fucking idiot. I think people who idolize "the ideal" of any kind (including movie stars) are exhibiting emotional and sexual immaturity." Well said sweets.

Guys, here's a word to the wise, no self-respecting woman would encourage your porn addiction. If it's once in a while (as in once in a blue moon, very rarely and we watch it together), the more adventurous of us might go for it. But--if you do plan to have a long term relationship, please, grow up, toss the porn and come to bed. We'll show you how real women, real flesh and blood women tear it up in the boudoir. Some of you might argue that not every woman is highly sexual and so you need other outlets but keep this in mind....Women, ALL Women, have the potential to be big ass freaks in the bedroom. You just have to learn how to untap that part of her sexuality.

Don't forget to visit Annie's blog to leave your comments as to what you would like to see on the Porn survey. I'll let you know when it goes live. Thanks for all your contributions and thoughts---keep 'em coming.
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Posted by Vixen @ 9:36 PM :: 4 trainees letting it rip!

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