Bad Girl's Guide

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Baby Mama Drama

Definition: A Baby's Mama is a woman who has a kid(s) for the guy she had intimate relations with. For one reason or another, there is no other committment on the guy's part and she has been demoted from "possible girlfriend material" to "Baby Mama". This demotion doesn't sit well with her and she tries to keep other women away from her man by using scare tactics on them in the hope that once they are gone, he will want her back.

To those who know me well, you know that I'm not a baby lover. There is no way in God's green earth that I would end up experiencing a la Britney, 'the closest thing to God'. At least not in the near future. But that is besides the point.

Now, this guide would not be complete if I didn't warn you ladies about the dangers of dealing with a Baby Mama. There is the rare occasion where a Baby Mama is actually nice and quite amicable to deal with, but you have a better shot of being struck by lightening than coming across this instance.

If the guy you are dating tells you that he has a Baby Mama and they are on good terms, he's probably wildly exaggerating or flat out lying. Baby Mamas are scorned by the men that they were at one time in love with, or had feelings for. And you know that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. As long as she has a living child for him, she has ties with him forever and ever that can never be severed. She has her claws in your man; emotionally, financially and physically and Mama Bear isn't letting go.

He had the audacity to sleep with her, get her with child, then abandon her for the next pretty, sexy thing (you) that came along. It's not your fault but Mama Bear doesn't care, she just wants to hurt him as much as he hurts her. She also knows that she can hurt you to get to him. She will do anything, key your car, break your windows, call at odd times of the night and hang up, ANYTHING that can satisfy her vindictive streak.

You are just an innocent victim, got caught in the crossfire between your man and his Baby Mama.

My advice...DUCK! I know it may sound chicken but it may save your life. You have to take a step back and re-evalute the relationship. Is he worth it? Is the guy really worth all the damage, tears, strife and pain? If you decide he is worth it, then you have to deal with the fact that she is going to be in your life for a while, maybe even longer than he is. Then go watch Stepmom. Rewind and repeat.

Once your tears are dry, keep in mind that in dealing with any ex, it's a good policy to try and maintain a cool head and act as mature and logically as possible. You have to take the high road, cause she probably won't. You have to be respectful when you are in her home and on her turf. You also have to be nice to the kid(s)....sorry, that's an iron-clad rule. (See why I don't mess with guys with kids?) You have to be prepared for the fact that you probably won't be #1 or 2 and sometimes not even 3, his offspring usurps you from that spot. No calling her names, or saying anything that might cause his children to be upset or tattle to their mama. Try not to interfere with the raising of their kid, I know this might be hard, but you will cause more friction by trying to help raise their kid. Oh, and no making out or having sex with your man while the kid is around...that just causes more drama. Make sure he sends in his child support correct to the last cent and on time. He has to be on his ps and qs, cos anything wrong that he does, will more than likely get taken out on you.

One of my girls Sherry, had drama when she started dealing with this new guy. He was a great father, and she thought he was worth the hassle, so she actually had a little talk with Mama Bear. Sherry told her in no uncertain terms that she was not trying to replace Baby Mama in the guy's life or come between the guy and his kid. She also emphatically stated that she wanted no trouble from her and was prepared to seek higher authority, aka the Law if things got out of hand. Needless to say, there was less bloodshed coming Sherry's way and they ended up in a platonic peace of sorts.

Now I'm not saying that having a sit down with Baby Mama might yield the same results but it's worth a shot. Have some back-up and do it in a public place (that way she can't kill you and get away with it). It's also nice to try and steer clear of her as much as possible, stay in the car when he comes to drop or pick them up, and use the tactics mentioned in Bugaboo.

Don't make yourself out to be a glutton for punishment. If the drama is getting to you, just bail. No man is worth your peace of mind and ultimate happiness and well-being. Like the saying goes, there are other fish in the sea...some without schools of little fish around them.

A Baaaad Girl handles adversity with class, dignity, a cool head and charms her way into Baby Mama's good graces.


Posted by Vixen @ 4:44 PM :: 16 trainees letting it rip!

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