Sunday, April 05, 2009
Introducing Your Man to Your Family
I've had all kinds of episodes with meeting families or introducing a guy I was dating to my family. Here are some tips that will help steer you in the right direction.
- Don't bring him to a funeral...or wedding without meeting your family first. If it's a funeral, everyone will be sad and mournful, and it's not a conducive place for a meet. At a wedding, everyone will attach a greater significance to the relationship, and the WHOLE family will always ask about "that lovely young man you brought to Matt & Elsa's wedding", even years after you've broken up.
- Talk him up first. Talk to your family about this guy, things he's done, why he's sweet, how he courted you, why you like him, etc. so that they are used to hearing about him. It will make them curious to see him in the flesh and they might actually arrange the meet.Avoid telling them about the problems in your relationship, anything you say will color their view, so color him lovely.
- Don't introduce him to your family in an attempt to get him to marry you: Now that's awkward! Remember all those family dinners on the Bachelor, how farced they are...stay away. Just stay away.
- Have him meet close friends/siblings/other relatives first. That way he will have a support system when he does meet your parents. Remember though, good news travels fast, but bad news even faster. If he belches/farts at Aunt Helena's table, your parents will hear of it and think he's a pig before even meeting them!
- Introduce him as "the man I'm with". This suggests a level of committment and yet is broad enough that you can get away without going into the details of your relationship or your family asking him his intentions.
- Dress him right. Presentation is key. I'm not saying go all out with a suit, but an nice button up shirt, tucked in and a clean pair of jeans goes a long way. Remember, your parents are from the 'old school' so ass-level jeans, flashy jewelry, tattoos on display and studs all over his face will do more harm than good.
- Let him be himself. Do tell him what topics to stay away from, who the major players at the table are, and family undercurrents; but don't sit at his elbow whispering to him what to say. You're with a smart, honest, intelligent, funny guy--- just sit back after introductions and watch him shine. Remember, he's trying to impress you as well as your family, so watch how he interacts with everyone from Grandma Jane to household pets.
- Be helpful: Even if your mom is not going to take him up on it, offering to set up, clear up, get drinks or do the dishes give him a nice shine. I have a mother of an ex that is still haranguing him for not marrying, "that wonderful girl that washed all the dishes on Thanksgiving."
- Keep it short and sweet: The first visit is not supposed to be a long drawn out Inquisition party. It's just a formal introduction. I met Norio's dad for tea one evening, and that only took a couple of hours. The longer you are there, the more time you have for someone to say something wrong, someone to get drunk or some skeletons to jump out of the closet.
- Don't makeout: Pecks are fine but please, no PDA in front of the parentals. This includes anything that should be best left to your bedroom including ass slapping/pinching, French kissing, sex and grabbing of genitalia.
Labels: Relationship issues
Posted by Vixen @ 1:20 AM ::
4 trainees letting it rip!
Talk to Me!