Bad Girl's Guide

Saturday, January 17, 2009

When You are the Other Woman...and Don't Even Know it

This is a question I got from one of my readers. Your thoughts are welcome. Last Sunday I found out some information that tore my world apart. (or at least ruffled my feathers- a lot) Lately, my boyfriend had been pulling "disappearing acts" on me and I was fed up. Over the holidays he disappeared for two weeks straight, and on the weekends he disappears" also. I'm very much a "let me know whats going on so I can move on with my life" kinda girl. Nothing bugs me more than someone not communicating with me or attempting to play me for a fool! It's really not that serious to me!

Anyways, after another weekend of "disappearing with no contact" I came across some info that allowed me to take matters into my own hands and investigate. He happened to leave his email password in plan sight written on the back of a business card on my desk in my apartment. So naturally, I logged in! And surprise, surprise- guess who's married and/or talking to a few other women on the side?! My "boyfriend"! The man I've faithfully committed mind, body, soul, finances, emotions, everything to for the past 20 months had the audacity to be a liar! I have not even looked at another man since he's been in my life, since I was so head over heals!

So of course, without revealing how I got my info I immediately contact him and start asking questions/presenting the facts of what I read and he acts like a deer in headlights, confused like he doesn't know what I'm talking about then has the audacity to shoot back at me "well I'm not divorced yet!" Wow. He also has the nerve to be mad because I wouldn't reveal my source to him. When I met this man, the first thing out of his mouth regarding his status was "I'm divorced". Why lie?

The content in the email was a lot of arguing back and forth between he and his wife especially in the period of time after he and I got together... I also noticed that he has moved out of their house, and she started to use her maiden name again. There was one email from her late last summer asking for reconciliation, but he never responded. Also, in recent email to a perspective employer, he says that he's "separated". He also emailed other women saying very inappropriate things for a man trying to work out a marriage. I don't get it. All the days and nights we spent together even some on weekends, hanging around his friends, my friends, the gifts, the "I love yous" gave me no reason to believe there was a wife at home. I knew they had a daughter together...but all the arguing and short conversations he has on the phone with her when he's in my presence had me to believe he was strictly parenting with this woman. He even introduced me to his son, and his sister. Why embarrass me like that knowing that you have a marriage?

Since this "busting" I've asked him to please come and get his things from my house and be done. I've even offered to drop them off to him somewhere and I've requested my things back. He also owes me some cash. Whenever I bring this up, he gets really mad and avoids making an appt with me. He keeps saying that "we'll sit down and talk about everything face to face", yet he won't actually do it. His excuse this past week was that he was in the hospital with bronchitis. The week before I busted him he was all up in my house spending 2-3 nights not able to keep his hands off me. Where was wifey? Waiting for him to bring my germs home to her? I noticed that if I even mention anything about sex, wanting sex, etc... he comes running like a runaway slave... yet you won't be a man let me go? It's not he really wants me right?

I'm confused, I really like this guy but the situations is F'd up! I don't understand, I'm a young single professional who has her own with no children and would do almost anything for this man...I've spent a lot of money, time and heartache on him... why sh*t on me? Please shed some light....

Response in the following post...this is too long. Feel free to chime in the meantime ladies, a fellow Bad Girl needs your help!

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Posted by Vixen @ 9:37 AM :: 4 trainees letting it rip!

Talk to Me!